


Because It's You

by dreamingwitheyesclosed



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-08-31 07:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 97,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8569435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingwitheyesclosed/pseuds/dreamingwitheyesclosed
Summary: Vanitas only goes along with it because it's Ventus. He'd do anything for him. Why? He's not sure. But for once in his life, nothing hurts.





	1. Agreement

The moment it all ended, he was quick to bolt. As the Warriors of Light turned to him, he vanished in the comfort of darkness, more than ready to preserve his life, even if it meant running. He had lost his life once before, even if it was by choice. Oh, how he regretted it. No, even if living hurt every _inch_ of his being, he'd rather be alive. Death would not be a sweet release for him. He would become prisoner _again_ , even if the cage was different.

When he finally found his solace, it was in a world one would not think a creature of darkness would like to be anywhere near. It was a small, backwater world surrounded by a vast ocean. The heart of this world was so very bright… so blinding, it kept away even the Heartless. The boy allowed himself to keep refuge on this small world. For how long he would stay, he wasn't sure. What he _was_ sure of was that he would never be found here.

He wasn't dumb. He knew he needed to look the part. Like he was someone who had been here all along, even if he tried to hide. The less people that knew he was here, the better. He stole some clothes and set up a base in one of the tree houses on the smaller islet. Kids played there, but for most of the day it was empty. A good place to hide.

It was perfect. His own little paradise.

He liked this world. His Master was born here and left due to how small it was. He found his own way off the islands, never to return. How he could leave such a peaceful place, the boy wasn't sure. It was the only place he could feel some semblance of _peace_. It hurt just a little less to be here. He could keep the darkness raging within him under control. The sound of the waves soothed him, the clear night sky shone brightly under a blanket of stars; the warm sun bathed him in a wondrous embrace.

Maybe he could keep people off this island somehow and claim it as his own. Maybe he should use his own monsters to scare them off.

But that would draw far too much attention to himself.

He was able to stay on the small island without incident for weeks. The locals left him alone for the most part (some tried to talk to him, to which he promptly walked away from. He wasn't about to start getting friendly with the people of this world.), he hadn't summoned a monster since his first night here (he was overwhelmed with anger and hopelessness at their loss—what was he going to do without Master Xehanort to tell him what to do? What was his purpose anymore? How could he just _stop the hurt_?!), and not a single Keyblade in sight (besides his own, which he used to acquire food such as fish and coconuts).

It was a sunset when he was finally found. It happened much quicker than he anticipated. The boy sat where he usually did when the sun began to set—on the smaller islet, on a tree with weird star-shaped fruit. He tried it once—it tasted awful. No wonder the locals tended to stick to the coconuts or mushrooms for a snack. He heard footsteps on the wooden bridge behind him. It was hard to mask any sort of presence with the rickety old structure. It was amazing that it still stood, to be honest. He assumed it was just a local and pulled the hood of his shirt up. He didn't like his face, but it was hard to walk around with a helmet. It stood out. He didn't want to stand out. The hood would have to do.

He hoped the local would realize this islet was taken and they should move on—go find their own spot to watch the sunset. He would be ready to chase them away if he had to. But the footsteps only moved closer, now in the hardened stand behind him.

"Vanitas?"

He stiffened. That voice. He knew it. He slowly turned, ready to draw his weapon. He would _not_ go down against his Light if he could help it. But the blonde did not seem ready for a fight. Yes, his Keyblade was drawn, but it hung loosely in his grip as he surveyed his Darkness. Vanitas stood on the curved tree to swiftly drop to the ground, ready to face Ventus. The hood fell back. He scowled.

"Here to finish me off?" he scoffed. Fat chance. He would give Ventus everything he had and more to ensure his survival.

"No," Ventus shook his head, dismissing his Keyblade. He turned to the other end of the bridge, where stood three other Warriors of Light. The one in the middle with _his_ _face_ brought a flare of rage through Vanitas. But Ventus waved to them, shooing them off. The three exchanged uncertain glances before heading back through the door.

"Sure you don't want back up?" Vanitas urged. "You might need it."

"You don't want to fight," Ventus shrugged, like he knew without a single doubt that was what Vanitas wanted. "And neither do I."

"What _do_ you want, then?" Vanitas crossed his arms. There had to be something, or else Ventus would not be here, standing in front of him completely at ease like Vanitas wasn't his biggest threat. Vanitas could completely undo the both of them. So what was it his Other wanted that brought him here to see him?

"I don't know," Ventus sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "To understand, I guess."

The Darkness laughed. It was a loud laugh of absolute disbelief. This was too good! He wanted to _understand_? Like he could understand _anything_! Ventus was an idiot. He was childish and ignorant and there was _no_ way he'd be able to understand anything Vanitas told him. But, he might as well humor him. And then end him.

"What exactly do you want to understand?" Vanitas leaned against the tree, smirking. Stars began to twinkle above them as navy blended with orange.

Ventus took a moment to think. He shuffled uncertainly between his feet, shoving his hands into his pocket, his shoulders curled into an indefinite shrug. Vanitas rose his eyebrow impatiently. His peace was disturbed by _this_?

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why… everything?"

"Very specific, Ventus." Vanitas, rolled his eyes. "Now, if you're done wasting my time, maybe you and your… _friends_ ," he spit the word like a curse, "could… I don't know… _leave_." He pushed himself off the tree, still scowling. "Or, we could end this once and for all."

Ventus took a defensive stance, still not quite summoning his blade. But he was ready if he needed to. "I'll be leaving soon. _They_ won't." Ventus snorted. "This is their home, Vanitas."

So… that's how they found them. He had the _luck_ to find comfort in their home. Now… he really did have nowhere to go. He couldn't stay here, not with those three being as close as they were. Everything was gone. His shoulders slumped involuntarily. All he wanted was somewhere to stay. Somewhere with a little bit of… _something_ to make him stop feeling all this _pain_. With them here… it would just make it worse.

"What were _you_ doing here?" Vanitas tried to recover. He hoped with the shadows cast by the nearly sunken sun had hid his brief moment of loss.

"Sora… Sora wanted to show me around." Ventus frowned. "I asked him to. I wanted to see his world." Vanitas could see him reach for his pocket subconsciously. That must have been where he kept that stupid trinket. He wondered if there was a connection or if it was because he wanted to see where it all started. If this was Sora's world, this was where Ventus and Sora connected.

Vanitas should have seen the signs. They were bright and flashing and yet, he still missed them. Or rather… he ignored them. The brutal feeling of finally being _home_. The intense familiarity of knowing where everything was and what purpose it served, like he had been there a thousand and one times and used the object even more. Being in Sora's heart meant being in Sora's home.

The decade of his prison sentence was nothing but a blur. He could remember bits and pieces, but otherwise… no time had really passed for him. One moment, he was reaching for a shattered χ-blade and the next, he was finally coming back into being. The muddled memories from the prison that housed him were fragmented and full of rage. He remembered being trapped. He remembered others. He remembered telling Sora that his heart was a prison, even if he wasn't the prisoner. He remembered a desperate vie for escape.

He remembered this boy in front of him. And he remembered… a sort of companionship. The others that Vanitas barely recalled were barely a thought then and were barely a thought now. Only Ventus stood out to him. Only Ventus… only Ventus what? He couldn't remember. He couldn't remember why he didn't just strike Ventus down the moment he laid eyes on him. He couldn't remember why Ventus, right now, stood before him with open arms, trying to understand… whatever it was he was trying to understand.

"You… you don't have anywhere to go, do you?" Ventus asked, stepping closer.

Vanitas turned away from him. He would never admit to the boy his lost he felt. He would never admit that he needed a purpose or a place to go or a thing to do to keep himself busy. To keep distracted from the constant agony. That this place that he was no longer welcome to was the closest place he could have ever had the chance to call _home_.

Vanitas hadn't noticed how close Ventus had gotten. A hand was outstretched, a gentle smile crossing those kind features… The stars were the only illumination upon the two of them; yet, Vanitas could see Ventus so clearly. Vanitas glanced to the beach below where Sora and his friends sat, waiting for Ventus and keeping a close eye on Vanitas. He could feel their eyes on the two of them, making sure Vanitas didn't try anything.

Vanitas turned back to Ventus's hand. The blonde waited patiently. Vanitas wasn't sure what he wanted. "What?"

"Come with me," Ventus urged. "You don't have anywhere to go, right? Come home with me."

Vanitas barked a laugh. His eyes burned. It was hilarious. How could this little ray of light be so kind to this creature of darkness and chaos? How could he even think to offer such a kind gesture to the boy who tore his life apart? Why did Vanitas's eyes burn? It _hurt_. The pain was coming at him in full force.

"Don't patronize me." Vanitas growled.

Ventus lowered his hand, his smile falling. How little he knew… how could he hope to understand Vanitas? "I'm not… I'm being serious."

"Why?"

Ventus lifted his hand again, this time a more serious expression crossing his brow, making him look much more like that other Ventus—the one who rarely smiled who carried a lot of anger within him. Their cellmate.

"No one deserves to be alone."

If anyone else had offered, he would have spat at them. He might have ended them where they stood. He might have just… walked away. But this was Ventus. This was a boy he would forever share a connection with. A boy who could never lie to him because he could _feel_ what Ventus felt. Ventus was serious. He wanted to take Vanitas home with him. He wanted so desperately to understand Vanitas's motives and pain. He wanted to learn more about the boy made up of his darkness.

Ventus felt a strong connection as well brought on only after they had been merged.

He knocked Ventus's hand out of the way as he stepped closer. He couldn't look at him as he nodded in agreement. He resigned to whatever Ventus offered to him. Ventus was the first person to show him any kindness. This kindness _hurt so terribly_ , he didn't know what to do. If there was such a thing as a good hurt, this was it.

Because this was Ventus, he went with him.


	2. Connection

Vanitas counted the moments from his acceptance of Ventus's offer to the very second Ventus realized what a mistake it had been. It wasn't long, to be honest but it was much longer than Vanitas anticipated. It wasn't until they stood in the warmly lit entrance hall of the transformed castle rebuilt in the Land of Departure that Ventus seemed to understand. When faced with the friends he lived with verses the enemy he was bringing home, he finally seemed to grasp what a terrible situation he had gotten himself into.

In the training hall that resembled a humble throne room, they met Aqua. Vanitas was only just beginning to relish in Ventus's discomfort when things got even better. Aqua, upon seeing Vanitas, was ready for battle. She was much more jumpy than she had been all those years ago when their journey began. Her time in the Realm of Darkness must not have been kind to her. She hadn't aged a day, yet her tired eyes had seen centuries.

She seemed to have learned her biggest flaw. Back then, she would not have heard him out as Ventus explained the situation. She would have insisted Ventus did not know any better and would have made an attempt to end Vanitas once and for all. She could not believe Ventus was capable of handling himself. And, perhaps, that was not yielded due to her time in the Darkness. It was clearly a very recent discovery, her condescending nature. Being surrounded by those younger and those who were self-taught Masters and seeing Ventus had grown had to have opened her eyes. Had to have helped her realize she needed to hold back on the reigns and let Ventus do what he felt he needed. If he made a mistake, well, nothing was bigger than the mistake of not listening to Master Eraqus or Master Aqua and _going home_. Not heeding their warnings brought on the worst for Ventus.

She listened to Ventus's case. She considered Vanitas, eyeing him up scrupulously. She couldn't trust him. Instead, she rang the bell, which chimed sweetly, to call for Terra. When he joined them, he was less kind than Aqua. He didn't want to hear Ventus out. He didn't want to listen to a word of it.

"You _don't_ know what he did," Terra insisted, pointing a finger at Vanitas in accusation. "I remember. I remember what Xehanort knew. What that Heartless and that Nobody knew. What he had to do to prepare for the final battle."

"Like you're any more innocent than I am," Vanitas scoffed.

" _It wasn't me_!"

"Oh, no, of course not," Vanitas mocked. "It was all Xehanort. You know, even the searching for the Chamber of Waking endlessly and what was held in the Chamber of Repose. All Xehanort, right Terra?"

Terra's jaw clenched. He had aged, unlike the friends that stood beside him. Having a body that aged while another controlled it did not change when torn apart. The other two seemed like children, standing next to him. Yet, while his body changed, his mind had not. He was still Terra. Even now with the guilt of everything weighing heavily in his heart.

Vanitas turned, waving at Ventus. "This was a bad idea," he said as he began to walk away. He stopped, turning back to the three. "I'll make you a deal. If you don't bother me, I won't bother you. Got it?"

Ventus rushed for him, reaching out to grab him. Vanitas stepped just out of his reach, scowling at the blonde. "You don't have anywhere to go."

"I'll find someplace."

"You can have a place _here_."

" _Master Aqua,_ " he spat the title, as if it were a difficult one to accept. This was her world now, he understood. "Doesn't want me to dirty her perfect home."

"You know," Aqua crossed her arms, frowning. "I think I'd prefer if you stayed here." Terra and Ventus whirled to face her, Terra's eyes widening incredulously and Ventus's mouth forming a broad grin. "That way we can keep an eye on you and make sure you don't try anything."

"Try _what_?"

Aqua shrugged. "Perhaps to pick up where Xehanort left off."

"… Whatever."

Ventus turned back to Vanitas, his already large grin stretching. "Please stay."

Vanitas couldn't look Ventus in the eye. His lips turned downward as he averted his gaze. Ventus was just so damn _bright_. He was blinding. How could he stay here? This was a place he would be under constant watch. He would have no freedoms here. He would have no space of his own. He would have to follow their rules and their laws and he'd have to watch his every step and word in order to appease them. Did he really want to stay here?

Catching Ventus's anxious glance, Vanitas resigned _again_. "Fine."

They set rules for him. He would have to treat them with respect (he'd see how long that would last—he barely had respect for Xehanort and he promised Vanitas _everything_ ). He would have to help out around the castle (chores? Really? A creature of darkness washing dishes was almost laughable). He wouldn't be permitted to interrupt training (Aqua had taken up the role of Ventus's Master—he still aspired to be a Keyblade Master, so who else would train him?). He would not be allowed off-world without express permission and someone to go with him (was this a prison? He was so sick of being _trapped_ ). And absolutely under no circumstance was he to summon his monsters (like he had any control over that—not that he told them. That would only show how weak he really was).

He was to share a room with Ventus, since he was the one that offered a place for him. Once he earned their trust, he'd be able to have a room of his own. There was always to be eyes on him. This really was just another prison.

Going from the peace of Destiny Island to the prison of the Land of Departure did nothing to put him at ease. He was constantly on his toes, constantly having to tone down his biting remarks and sarcasm, constantly under close scrutiny. His only reprieve was during the nights, when he and Ventus would lay in their respective beds, staring into the darkness. Ventus would often lay at the foot of his bed to better see out the window and watch the stars. Ventus would talk. He would talk and talk until his voice became raw and his eyes drooped from exhaustion and he would mumble until he fell asleep.

It helped. It kept Vanitas's mind off of his position and it helped him feel less alone in this world. He would listen to Ventus, every so often chiming in with some sort of retort and off-color remark—more often than not causing Ventus to throw his pillow at him. Ventus talked about everything and nothing all at once and it was a decent distraction. He shared what he wanted with the boy, which was everything.

One night, about a week after the move-in, Vanitas started Ventus with a question. He rarely said anything to keep Ventus talking or move the conversation along—if you called it a conversation. This time… it would be. "Why do you tell me all this, Ventus?" he asked, watching lightning dance across the ceiling. It was raining that night, much to Ventus's chagrin. He loved to stargaze. "How can you trust me with all this?"

Ventus took a moment to consider the question. It seemed Vanitas had stumped him. What if bringing this up made him realize what a mistake it had been to take him in? Vanitas had been welcomed by Ventus and, while it wasn't exactly a place he wanted to be, it was a place to go. Without this, Vanitas had nothing.

"Do you remember… when we were in Sora's heart?" Ventus asked.

Vanitas heaved a sigh. "Not really. Just… blurs. You… the two others… I think a man. There was a lot of light. And I felt trapped."

"Well, I don't remember the man." Ventus turned on his side to face Vanitas. Vanitas turned his head to show he was interested as the other continued. "But I remember feeling… home. Safe. I remember Roxas and Xion. I remember you. I remember being scared that you were there, that you might have a negative affect on him."

Vanitas laughed, "He didn't need me. He had his own darkness to battle."

"Yeah," Ventus sighed listlessly. He was less amused by the idea of Sora's darkness. How powerful it was and how easily it took over, despite Sora's valiant efforts. "I don't remember much, either. But I know… when we finally got out, when we… I don't know… When we were all _us_ again and out of Sora's heart, it was great. I got to finally _really_ meet him. Meet Roxas and Xion. See Aqua and rescue Terra and I thought for a moment _I have all of my friends back!_ But… when things finally calmed down… I felt like I lost a friend. Someone was missing and I just couldn't shake the feeling. It was there before… before everything. I thought it was because of Terra. But then he was _there_ and the feeling didn't go away."

"So, you thought it was me?" Vanitas mused with a snort. How could he even think the boy that had been vying for both of their destruction had been a friend he lost?

"Not at first," Ventus confessed. "When I saw you on Destiny Islands, there was a sort of… relief. It felt like a reunion. A good one. Something… something must have happened to us in Sora's heart. Something that brought us together. Helped us become friends." Vanitas could see a smile growing on that stupid face of his. Vanitas scowled.

"You really think we were _friends_?"

"You feel it, don't you?" Ventus urged. "You felt like something that was missing just… fell into place, don't you? Please don't tell me it's just me."

It wasn't just him. For once, he felt the same hint of peace Destiny Islands offered. It was only with Ventus, only when the two of them were together. Something happened during the last twelve years during that prison sentence and… possibly they had grown close. Maybe.

"I think it's just you." Vanitas rolled over, turning his back to Ventus. The moment those words left his mouth, he tasted the lie on his tongue. Ventus put the feeling into words and he didn't like it. He didn't like that perhaps he'd grown some sort of relationship with the boy that made this life possible.

"You're lying!" Ventus nearly shouted, his bed squeaking as he sat up. "You feel it too! We _were_ friends!"

Vanitas jumped, quickly pulling himself up. "Shut _up_." He hissed.

"Admit it!" Ventus, still raising his voice, sat on his knees. "You _know_ we… got along… got close… go _something_. Why else would you come here with me? Why else would you stop trying to fight me? You were _pretty_ adamant about trying to kill me a few weeks ago. Now look! You're here! And you haven't even threatened me or my friends once!"

"Because I'm living with them, Ventus," Vanitas continued to hiss, insisting Ventus kept his voice down. "It's against the rules to threaten you." He added sarcastically. "Now _shut up_. Do you want Aqua or Terra to hear us?" Vanitas certainly didn't. The less attention he drew to himself, the better. With the blonde shouting like he was… could he just quiet down?

Ventus smirked, settling back under the covers. "But you didn't _have_ to stay with us," he said in a much softer tone. "Once Terra and Aqua trust you, you'll like it here. I promise."

"Doubt it."

"You will. Maybe we can get Aqua to train you, too. Hey! Maybe we can take our Mastery exam together!"

At that, Vanitas stopped. Whoah. What? No, no, no. "Have have _no_ interest in becoming a Keyblade Master."

"What?"

"That might be your plan, but it's not mine." Vanitas yawned, laying his head back on the pillow. He'd never admit to anyone, but this was the most comfortable place he'd ever slept. He was used to the ground or the cot Xehanort provided which was less comfortable than the dirt. Thinking now, there were many things he would never admit to anyone. "I don't need Master Aqua to train me and I don't need a title to prove myself."

"Oh," the blonde leaned against his headboard. "So… if being a Keyblade Master isn't your dream, then what is?"

"Dream?" the term confused him. "I don't exactly have those… you know… pictures when you sleep. What does that have to do with being a Keyblade Master?"

"No, no." Ventus shook his head. "No, it's like… something you want with all of your heart. It's something you'd do anything to achieve. Like… how I wanna be a Keyblade Master. How Cinderella wanted to go to the ball. How Stitch wanted friends. Stuff like that."

"Oh," Vanitas chuckled. "Yeah, I don't want anything as ridiculous as friends or a ball or even to be a Keyblade Master."

"What _do_ you want?"

Vanitas shrugged. "Dunno. I _wanted_ …" The pain to stop. To end this miserable existence. To create the χ-blade. "What I wanted… isn't possible. I don't have a purpose anymore. Which is better for you, so maybe you shouldn't question it."

It was the first conversation they had. It was the first time Vanitas began to connect with Ventus and it wouldn't be the last. He didn't mind talking to Ventus. He didn't mind that the blonde would prattle on for hours or when he tried to get to know Vanitas better. Vanitas didn't want to tell him anything. But Ventus was patient. Ventus was kind. He knew the only thing to bridge that chasm was time.

He couldn't find this sort of connect with anyone. He didn't want to. He never cared for friends or companionship. There wasn't a place in his life for petty relationships. They were a waste of time to him. It was something Ventus did, not him.

Because it was Ventus, he allowed himself to get closer.


	3. Lesson

He didn't like to be _touched_. He thought he made it pretty clear when Ventus tried to get close enough to grab his arm or touch his shoulder or tap his back and he'd step just out of his reach. He would stay close enough to convey that he wasn't a threat, but would move where he'd have his own space. It was all he had in this damned world where he felt trapped and he'd hang on to it for dear life.

He liked to be alone. He rarely got the opportunity. Someone needed to stay by his side day in and day out and it drove him insane. As much as he really didn't mind Ventus prattling on, it began to wear on him. He needed silence. He needed peace. And those occasional moments when he did find it, it was soon disturbed by one of those three.

He'd go sit by the cliff side to watch the mix of emptiness and mountains with streaming waterfalls. It was both beautiful and terrifying. It was all Aqua could piece together from what was left of the home she transformed. Vanitas considered it a marked improvement, which he'd often tell her when strolling through the castle.

The castle was vastly empty. There were white hallways that led nowhere and rooms that made no sense. Beautiful pillars held up ceilings and pristine pots with white flowers lined those hallways. In various places, the entire décor changed. Black hallways with glowing blue stones embedded in the walls. Statues of strong beasts, not quite menacing would stare back if you took them in for too long. Her magic was powerful, but at war with itself due to her mind state. It seemed quite different after her sentence in the Realm of Darkness. Vanitas would like that a lot more, too, if she hadn't turned the worst parts of it against him.

When she had brought him along with her, she was stiff. Quite. Like she was well aware a powerful enemy was close by so she constantly had to be on her toes. If he stopped for too long or sat the wrong way or so much as let out a sigh, she would quickly turn to him to make sure he wasn't trying to get the jump on her. To play nice, he would glare and occasionally snap, _"What?"_ She would slowly go back to what she was working on. It might have sounded pleasant, having the ability to keep someone on edge with nothing more than your presence, and it did amuse him for the first couple of months. He used to laugh when she jumped, ready to draw her weapon and strike. Now, it was just annoying.

Vanitas hadn't done a _damn_ thing to garner her distrust. Sure, he shirked on chores because… for _real?_ Vanitas? Doing laundry? As if. They were lucky he put his dirty dishes in the sink (not that he really _needed_ to eat, being an entity of darkness, but he had become strangely hungry since he had come back into being). He didn't have much on "his side" of the room so it was kept fairly clear aside from strewn about dirty clothes (Ventus had been given his own room in the creation of the castle—to his liking as she remembered it—and Vanitas never really had anything to call his own anyway, so a bed was all he really needed).

But still… chores were not enough to keep this up. Terra was no better. He kept him within arms reach. He was cold, which seemed to be his neutral stance anymore. He reminded Vanitas terribly of Xemnas, who he had the displeasure of sticking by. Very passionate for a man without a heart—who wasn't supposed to _feel_ things. He talked a lot, which was very un-Terra-like. So, really, the cold shoulder was all they had in common.

With Vanitas, he was cold. Unmoving and strong. He was silent and would barely even look at him. When he did, every once in a while his eyes would soften, like he was seeing someone else in Vanitas. But once Vanitas opened his mouth, those eyes hardened once again and he'd turn away. He'd only ever looked at him like that when Ventus was trying to engage him in conversation over dinner. Vanitas usually responded with short replies and shrugs, not wanting to give in around Terra and Aqua. With his smartass remarks, they usually elicited laughs from Ventus and a reluctant snort from Aqua. Those were the ones tame enough for the adults. Most of them didn't get such a positive reaction, so he learned to keep his mouth shut.

He stayed in his lane. He didn't talk to them. He didn't try to get on their bad side. So, after almost half a year of them breathing down his neck with barely a moment to himself, he was going insane. Why did he stay here where the only one that gave him the time of day was beginning to drive him up a wall?

He watched Ventus in the training yard, with Aqua and Terra giving him instructions. Mostly Aqua, who had been technically a Keyblade Master the longest. This being her world and her school now, she guided Ventus how he needed, showed him all of his potential, making sure he was ready for the title. He worked hard, until exhausted. He was struggling with a technique that Vanitas had long since mastered: teleportation.

Aqua was adept at it. Vanitas remembered the silver-haired Warrior of Light that vaguely reminded him of Xehanort was just as good as Aqua. Like she had trained him despite her displeasure at the use of darkness. He utilized magic just as much as she had and was just as competent. He was apparently a new Keyblade Master, so this didn't surprise Vanitas that be became a formidable foe. Sora was not. Terra… Vanitas wasn't sure. Maybe now he was, after being Xehanort. Who knew what he learned during the possession. Vanitas wasn't eager to find out, knowing he'd probably be on the receiving end.

But Ventus was not understanding. He couldn't draw the power Aqua described to him and he was becoming frustrated. He stood in the middle of the field, trying to visualize his destination only a few meters away and transfer his presence to that spot. He would thrust himself in that direction, throwing himself to the ground every once in a while by accident. The last attempt had him laying on his stomach, face in the ground, frustration leaving him unmoving. Aqua crouched beside him, hand on his head, promising him he'd grasp it in time. Terra stood above him, encouraging him to get back up and try again.

Vanitas rolled his eyes. The way Aqua was trying to get him to perform teleportation wasn't going to work. The power she described was using the light to manipulate the darkness in you to move you through the shadows. The darkness would pull apart your particles and the light would guide them in an instant where they needed to go. But that wasn't going to work for Ventus.

"He's not going to get it," Vanitas shouted from his place on the wall. As she stood, he moved his presence up to them, an after image still pulling itself away from the wall. He stood over a frowning Aqua and beside Terra who folded his arms, scowling. "It's not going to work for him because he's _incomplete_."

Aqua was swift to stand up. Terra took a stance, hands itching for his weapon. Vanitas eyed on, then the other before turning his gaze to Ventus who slowly got to his knees. His head quirked to the side, curious… not angry like this friends. "Master Aqua doesn't know what she's talking about. She doesn't understand your limitations or capabilities because of what you are. What works for her doesn't work for you."

"How dare you—"

Vanitas laughed, pulling his chest up, looking Aqua directly in the eye. "You'll never understand, as much as you try. You won't know what kind of struggles he will endure because of what he is."

"Don't _talk_ about Ven like that," Terra pushed Vanitas back. "He put his trust in you and this is how you repay him?"

"By telling the truth?" Vanitas sneered, getting his face as close to Terra's as he could. Terra was tall and this form was small. Why couldn't Ventus be taller? Why couldn't _Sora_ be taller? If either were bigger, he might have found a nice middle ground. "Ventus is incomplete and it hinders him and you _won't_ understand. You never will because you're whole. You might have been torn apart, but never in the same way he has been. But, that's _not_ what you should be angry about. That's not _your_ fault. You know you can't help him and you still care about him, no matter what." Vanitas snickered. "He's still your little brother, right?

"What you _should_ be mad about is that only one other person could help him understand what you can't."

"You?" Terra's scowl deepened.

Vanitas smirked. "Damn right."

He could see in Terra's eyes. He could see the rage flaring behind that blue. The man that still burned with nothing but hate and rage because that was all he could remember. He waited for it. He waited for him to build and build until he broke. Maybe he was poking the sleeping dragon, but he didn't care. He was sick of this. Sick of them.

"If you wanted to help, you could have just said so." Ventus chimed in. The three of them turned to his wide smile. He got to his feet, brushing himself off. "If you think there's a better way, then teach me."

Vanitas eyed the sweaty blonde for a moment, glancing back at Terra and Aqua. He stepped back, turning away from the three to face the path to the cliff side. "Pass." He shrugged. "It's against the _rules_ to interfere with training, isn't it?"

"Where are you going?" Terra asked, not kindly, as Vanitas began a leisurely stride towards his favorite spot.

"Not far," was the answer he offered. He couldn't be near them. He needed a chance to breathe. He needed to have a moment alone, where he could let his unbridled emotions free. He couldn't hold back anymore. He couldn't handle the tense atmosphere his mere presence brought on with those three. Ventus might have not noticed it or chose pointedly to ignore it, but it made Vanitas very uncomfortable. The hostility of his landlords outweighed the kindness of his roommate.

He stood at the edge of the cliff, allowing the negativity to overwhelm him. He was out of sight and the space was large enough to allow the negativity to roam. The monsters stayed within the parameters he set for them. He didn't have complete control over them, so who knew what they would do if he were intruded upon, but they were fairly low level. Just enough to release some built up anger. Enough to not _feel_ it internally. Once they were returned to him, it would come back one hundred fold. He was _not_ looking forward to that.

The release allowed a weight off of his chest. The fresh air he breathed into his lungs cleared his head. He wasn't going to apologize. He'd keep the hostility mutual if they felt better that way. If they couldn't even make an attempt to trust him, why should he try?

It barely took half an hour for someone to come find him. He was lucky it was Ventus. A Flood scampered towards the blonde who yelped as the creature startled him. Vanitas summoned his Keyblade, still watching the vast emptiness of this world. He heard Ventus struggle to push the monster back. He knew the other would have no trouble vanquishing it. One, two hits and it was gone and the rage that created it returned to him. The ache throbbed within his chest, a small physical pain making itself known.

"Vanitas?" Ventus called as a Hareraiser came at him. "Could you… uh… maybe call them off?"

"Move aside." Vanitas took a breath. It took only a few moments to rid the area of the underlings. When he was done, the ache shook his whole body. He sat in the grass, dismissing his blade to let the pain wash over him. He could sense Ventus drawing closer. He couldn't look at him. Not right now. Not when the rage and frustration were consuming him.

Ventus sat next to him. Vanitas turned his face away, trying to hide the pain. For once, the blonde was silent. His eyes were on the sky above them, the strange swirl of blue and darkness. Vanitas breathed to calm himself. It was only the small ones. It was okay. He didn't summon more in their destruction and it could have been worse.

"Let's go." Ventus finally said.

"What? Dinner already?" Vanitas huffed, rubbing his nose.

"No, I mean… let's go." Ventus stood up, pressing the button on his shoulder guard, engulfing him in armor. "Come on."

Vanitas laughed, holding a hand over his eyes. "What? Getting rid of me?"

"No, no!" Ventus shook his head, waving his hands. "No, I just thought… you might want to go somewhere. You know… to calm down?"

"So… Master Aqua and Terra are alright with it?"

"Er…" Ventus rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I said it's okay. So, it's okay. I'm going with you. You're not going alone."

"You know, not listening to Master Aqua always seems to end very badly for you."

It was clear how Vanitas felt about Aqua from the way he said _Master_. Like the title was a slur rather than an honor. He refused to take her seriously when she spoke down to him, when she didn't believe in Ventus's strength, when she still babied Terra. She was still condescending. Still thought Ventus as a child. Still worried Terra might find solace in the darkness again. And still thought Vanitas was going to try to continue Xehanort's work.

He could _not_ take her seriously.

"It won't this time," Ventus assured him. He offered his hand to Vanitas who could sense that stupid grin behind the helmet. Vanitas sighed, ignoring the hand offered and pulling himself to his feet. Darkness swirled around him, pulling back his black organic suit and his sleek helmet. He missed it, if he were being honest. He missed this. He missed the comfort of the suit and the anonymity of the helmet.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Ventus led him through the lanes between. They weaved through the ocean of the worlds, passing familiar and unfamiliar ones. The ocean was always so peaceful. It soothed the churning waters in his heart, one of the little comforts he sought when working with Xehanort. He liked to travel. It meant seeing _this_ and being a part of it. It helped him accept how small he was in the scheme of things.

When they landed, somehow Vanitas wasn't surprised. They stood in the sands of Destiny Island, the sun hanging low in the sky just where Vanitas liked it. He bathed in the light behind his mask, a little more of the ache ebbing away. Ventus released his armor, folding his hands behind his head.

When Vanitas turned to head to the smaller islet, he noticed three figures, one standing on the ledge closest to them waving. Great. The golden trio were here. There was less a chance of being alone than before.

"Hey, look." Ventus chirped, waving a frantic arm. "It's Sora, Riku, and Kairi."

"Awesome." The first time he left that miserable world and he was surrounded by _more_ people who couldn't trust him.

"I'm gonna go say hi," Ventus walked backward, still facing Vanitas with that stupid grin. "You just stay here, okay?"

"… Yeah."

Ventus rushed off, leaving him to his own devices. Sure, he wasn't _truly_ alone. But he was left to be by himself with his thoughts. This was what he wanted. This was what he _needed_ and Ventus… somehow knew. He knew this was the medicine he had been craving. To be alone by the sea with nothing but the sound and the waves.

Vanitas made himself comfortable in the sands as Ventus reunited with Sora and his friends. He watched the sun set, by himself. The crashing of the waves muffled everything around him. He closed his eyes, allowing the waters to wash away the negativity. Slowly, as the sun set beyond the waters and darkness spread across the sand, he lost his will to hold on to those feelings. He didn't need them. The peace that embraced him reminded him he didn't _need_ the negativity anymore. It made up who he was but without a purpose, it was just a waste of energy.

When the sun had sunk, Vanitas laid back to watch the stars. He heard the footsteps, knowing his time alone was up. It was nice while it lasted. Above him, Ventus's grinning face was joined by Sora as they both leaned over him. It was unnerving how alike they were. Vanitas scowled at the boy whose face he shared. He had undone everything they worked hard for. Vanitas lost his purpose because of him. Why should he owe the boy any courtesy?

"Ven told us how much you changed."

"I haven't."

"Well… you're still welcome here anytime." Sora offered a hand to help him up. Vanitas had no plans of standing up nor making nice with Sora.

"I didn't need your blessing in the first place."

"You know," the silver-haired mini-Xehanort shoved his hands in his pockets as he drew attention to himself. "You weren't the only one manipulated by Xehanort. It's okay. Everyone deserves a redemption."

Vanitas sat up, his eyes trained on the waters. "Fuck off."

They didn't know him. They didn't understand. They wanted to, and they were trying. But he didn't want them to. He didn't want to make nice with these three. They had nothing for him and he had nothing for them. He didn't want to be their friends. The anger began to bubble under the surface once more.

"Vanitas—"

"No, Ven, it's okay," Riku assured him. "He's angry. I was too. For too long. I was mad at everything and everyone, including myself. Especially myself."

Vanitas rolled to his feet. He didn't like this Riku telling him how he _felt_. "You see, there's one difference between you and me, _Master_ Riku." He spoke the title with a similar annotation to Aqua's. "You fell into Xehanort's hands. He played you. But me?" Vanitas turned to him, feeling a smirk cross his lips. "He created me."

Riku exchanged glances with Sora and the girl. She shook her head, heaving a sigh with a slight smile that looked like amusement. "It's okay. You're not ready yet. We'll go ahead."

"See ya around," Sora held out a fist to Ventus who met it with his own. Ventus followed them to the docks to see them off. Vanitas… was ready to go back. He wanted something to eat. He wanted his bed. He... wanted the routine of the evening with the two of them settling in their sheets, laying at the foot of their beds and watching the stars as Ventus talked.

When Ventus returned, he shoved his hands in his pockets to survey him, his blue eyes penetrating every inch of Vanitas. It began to scare him how Ventus could see _right_ through him. Whatever Ventus saw, he must not have found a need to comment on it. He stepped closer, that goofy smile spreading across those lips.

"So… why can't I teleport?"

Vanitas snorted. Avoiding what they needed to talk about. Ventus spoiled him and he really didn't know why. He was nasty to his friends, hostile to his caretakers, and only gave Ventus a chance to get close. Why was he so… so… Vanitas shook his head. "You _can_. It's just more difficult for you because you don't have the balance that Aqua or Riku have."

"So, how do you do it?"

"I become darkness. I use it to travel through the shadows. It's a little bit easier for me because… there's always darkness. You can't have light without shadows. You'll have to _become_ light in order to move through space. So, you won't _always_ be able to do it. Not at first." Vanitas circled Ventus, crossing his arms as he spoke, "When you get better, you'll be able to use what you can. Like the light of the moon and stars. The light filtering through the crack under the door. If this is a technique you want to learn…" Vanitas pulled himself through space to stand in front of Ventus. "It's not going to be an easy road."

Ventus didn't so much as flinch. "Was it hard for you?"

Vanitas shrugged. "Took me a year to perfect it."

Ventus reached forward, seizing Vanitas's hands before Vanitas could pull back. "Teach me." He insisted, clutching tightly. Vanitas's gaze fell to the tangle of fingers. His hands were gentle… warm. His fingers involuntarily wrapped around Ventus's as he met his pleading gaze.

He agreed. Because Ventus asked him to, he agreed to help Ventus with his training and teach him what Aqua could not. Nobody would understand but Vanitas because he, too, was incomplete. He struggled to perform certain tasks because of the lack of light in his heart just as Ventus would because of the lack of darkness.

As he held Ventus's hands in his own, grip tightening into the warmth, he agreed because this was Ventus and Ventus had given him a chance when no one else wanted to. Ventus kept him up late with his stories. Ventus got him a bed to sleep in. Ventus and his warm hands that were always there for him and always had his back. Because it was Ventus, he let him hold on as long as he needed.


	4. Warmth

He woke up at the usual alarm with the bell that rang through the castle. There was snoozing here, no slacking, and no sleeping in. There never really had been a time like that for him aside from the few weeks he spent on his own. He dressed mechanically and glanced back at his roommate that hadn't so much as stirred when the bell rang. It happened every once in a while and Vanitas would have to shake him up to get him to move.

Sighing, he crossed over to the boy that kept him up half the night by coughing. Needless to say, he was annoyed by the coughing that began to drive him crazy. At one point, he threw his pillow at the other, telling him to shut up. Ventus didn't even seem acknowledge it and Vanitas went without a pillow, being far too exhausted to get up and get it. He conceded to pulling the blanket over head, trying to tune him out.

The dark-haired boy shook the blonde, growling, "Get up. You don't get to sleep in after keeping me up all night."

The blonde rolled onto his back to look up at Vanitas who quickly retreated with wide eyes. The color had drained from Ventus's face, bloodshot, foggy eyes gazed back up at him. Ventus, shaking, slowly sat up. His breaths were short and shallow. He struggled… and then heaved. Quickly leaning over the side of the bed, vomit spilled. Vanitas jumped back to avoid the splash back.

Vanitas bolted. Panic rose in his chest as he ran through the hall as fast as his legs could carry him. Ahead, he pulled himself through space, vanishing and reappearing at intervals of a few feet. No, no, no, no. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't do this. He couldn't let this happen. What was going on with Ventus? What was happening to _him_? _Why_ was it happening?

Skidding to a halt, he threw himself at a door, rapping it as hard as he could. "Aqua!" Vanitas shouted. "Aqua, open the damn door!"

He knocked until the door opened, distress evident in those blue eyes as she took him in. For some reason, she was blurry… so blurry. "Ventus is dying!" he cried, his voice cracking. "Help him!"

Aqua was already on the move. Her quick pace was difficult to keep up with. She was light on her toes, her dressing robes billowing behind her. She didn't ask questions. Her face was unreadable. Why didn't she ask him what happened? Why didn't she blame him? Why didn't she just _say something_?

"I think he's been poisoned," Vanitas offered quickly. "He shows all the symptoms…"

She still said nothing as she turned into their room, crossing quickly to Ventus's bedside. He groaned as he leaned over the puddle of puke. Aqua, standing on the clear side of the bed, pressed a hand on his back, rubbing between his shoulders gently, her worried eyes softening. What was she doing? Why wasn't she doing anything?

She tapped his shoulder, urging him to turn on his back. He reluctantly rolled over to let her press her hand against his face. Aqua brushed his sweat-drenched hair away from his forehead to press her hand firmly against it. She hummed thoughtfully, offering Ventus a playful smile.

"What are you doing?" Vanitas snapped. "Save him! Where's your panacea? _Why aren't you doing anything_?"

"Wha...?" Ventus looked from Vanitas to Aqua, confused and spent for all he had. The dark circles under his eyes only accentuated the color, his blue popping vibrantly against his white skin.

"Vanitas…" Aqua slowly stood up, her gaze still gentle as she held his. Her tone held the same as that of an adult explaining something simple to a child. "Ven isn't dying. He's just sick."

"… Sick?"

"It's just the flu."

"… Flu?" The stench of the vomit was getting to him. What the hell was a flu? Nothing she said made any sense. Of course Ventus was sick. Something was killing him, wasn't it? He didn't understand. He could feel the stress growing more tense within him. Any more and he just might lose it.

Ventus laughed through a cough, trying his best to smile at him. "You thought I was dying?"

"Ran to my room to get you help and everything." Aqua mused, helping Ventus sit upright. "I think he was actually worried about you."

Ventus reached for Vanitas. Vanitas humored him, reaching forward to take his hand. It was so clammy… cold and slick with sweat. This wasn't Ventus's hand. Yet, he held on tightly, his grip only strengthening as he coughed into his arm. Vanitas couldn't let go, even if he wanted to. When he finished, his voice strained as he spoke. "Sorry to worry you."

"I wasn't worried."

He was terrified. If he lost Ventus, he'd lose what little he had. He's lose the bed, the food, the little bit of freedom he had. He'd lose the person that gave him a chance. When had this happened? Slowly, the anxiety began to ebb away. Ventus's tired smile put him at ease. He was close… he almost couldn't contain them. But Ventus had a way of drawing him back.

"Come on, you," Aqua helped Ventus to his feet, his grip slowly pulling away from Vanitas's. "To the infirmary you go."

"My favorite place."

"I know," Aqua stroked his hair as he began to shiver. "You know the drill. If you feel better tomorrow, you can come back here."

This was a regular thing. How had Vanitas not known? All those times he could feel what Ventus felt, know what Ventus knew, see him in his dreams. How had he not felt this terrible… flu thing… that he experienced more than once? He hadn't felt it. When and how often did this happen?

Vanitas followed Aqua and Ventus to the infirmary. He leaned on her as she held him up. He struggled to stay up, walk along the hallways with Aqua, his bare feet tripping him up. So weak. Were they sure he wasn't dying? How could Aqua let him walk? Vanitas jogged ahead of them, grabbing Ventus's arms. Vanitas ducked under his arms, pulling him onto his back. Hitching him up comfortably, Ventus's head rolled on his shoulder as he grunted, allowing himself to be lifted. When they were situated, Vanitas walked in stride with Aqua.

"I'll try not to barf on you."

"How often does this happen?"

"Used to happen a lot more," Ventus muttered. "Got sick a lot when I first came here."

"Weak immune system." Aqua clarified. "That's what we believed anyway. We thought it was something from the… training accident. He grew out of it for the most part, but…" she ruffled his hair. "He still gets sick from time to time."

"So… you're not poisoned."

"Only by germs." Ventus coughed. "Haven't you ever been sick?"

"No," Vanitas replied shortly. "I'm… not technically human. Ailments don't affect me."

"Should have figured when Time and Gravity didn't work on you." His voice was raw, cracking as he spoke. It was a struggle for him to speak so Vanitas didn't ask any more questions. Ventus would be the first to answer them and he wouldn't let him waste his strength.

When they reached the infirmary Vanitas set the other in the bed that creaked under his weight (not that he weighed much, to be honest—he was shockingly light). When he adjusted himself comfortably, he looked between Vanitas and Aqua, his lips falling downward.

"I need a bucket."

Aqua was quick to react. She pulled out a plastic bin, setting it on his lap just as he heaved. Vanitas folded his arms, turning away. The sound made his stomach churn, the stench burned his nose, and it didn't help their "not dying" case. Vanitas glanced to Aqua who rubbed Ventus's back, giving him some comfort as the sickness wracked his body. She caught his glance, her lips turning into a thoughtful smile.

"You know, Vanitas… Ven isn't in any state to be with you all day. Terra's off-world with Riku. And I'm going to be taking care of Ven all day, so… You if you stay out of trouble, you're welcome to do whatever you like for the day. Just stay on world, you got me? You're both still grounded."

After their escape to Destiny Island, Terra and Aqua were predictably unhappy with them. Both declared that neither were allowed access off of the Land of Departure. That was two months ago and Vanitas was already going stir crazy. But now… here she was, allowing him to roam the world unsupervised. For the first time since he stepped foot on this world, he was free.

"Feel better, Ventus."

He spent most of the day outside, at his spot on the cliff side. More and more, it became _their_ spot and as the day wore on, it began to feel hollow. He spent the day, trying to occupy himself. It terribly reminded him of his time before the sleep. How there would often be days he was left in the Badlands on his own with nothing but his underlings for company. He didn't even have them here with him. Instead, he took up the training equipment to train with. It wasn't much and certainly became dull when he realized _this_ fighting wasn't doing anything for him—there wasn't a challenge.

He had lunch with Aqua, who had actually let her guard down. She was actually… very kind. She explained to him what the flu was, even though he didn't ask. She seemed to understand how very little he really knew about human limitations. She asked if he wanted to help her bake some cookies afterward, since she had free time and Ventus was sleeping. It might be a treat for the boy when he could finally keep food down.

He was going to turn her down. He really was. Vanitas didn't really like sweets and baking required actually doing something. But she actually _trusted_ him today. She smiled and treated him like he was Ventus. She asked him to help her do something for _him_. So, Vanitas agreed.

Which ended up being a wildly terrible idea.

He didn't like taking orders. He really had no idea how to measure anything. He never needed to learn how to make this stuff, so why make the effort? He had one purpose and that was to fight. Not bake. So, when he dropped the carton of eggs and knocked over the bag of flour, he realized this was not going to work out. But Aqua didn't yell. She wasn't angry in the slightest. She laughed, making an effort to wipe flour off of her nose, which only spread it more. When the cookies were finally in the oven the two of them looked at the very fine mess Vanitas had made.

"Would you please help me clean this up?" Aqua asked.

"No." Vanitas snapped. He tried kick egg slime off of his shoe, growing frustrated with its clingy nature. She gave a defeated sigh, pulling off her apron to fold over her arm. He rolled his eyes. The look on her face was one she had often around him. He wished he knew what it was. It wasn't hate. He could handle that. This… he couldn't.

"You got the vomit out of his room, right?" Her brows furrowed as she nodded. "Then I got this. I can handle a few eggs. I draw the line at vomit."

The look was wiped clean. Instead, a smile grew and she gave a short laugh. She gave him instructions for when the timer in the oven went off before she left to clean herself up. Vanitas turned back to the kitchen, surveying the scene. Why did he agree to do this? How could a _look_ convince him to take the responsibility on his own?

He supposed since he was left alone… it wouldn't hurt to try.

Ventus was cleaning up the training supplies the other day when he suggested it. Of course, when he did, he had no clue Vanitas had zero control over it. He still didn't. But maybe it was worth a shot. For the next hour, Vanitas attempted to clean the mess only taking a break to take the cookies out of the oven as Aqua instructed and put them on the platter with a lid to keep them moist. He had no luck, only making the mess worse and nearly knocking over the platter of cookies in the process. By the time Aqua had come to the kitchen to check up on Vanitas, he had given up. The effort left him leaning on the counter, frustration building within him, with flour coating him from head-to-toe.

It was a bad idea that he would never try again.

"Did you want to clean it up or play in it?" Aqua giggled as she crossed over to check on the cookies. They came out fine, not a single one burnt. If she didn't have enough faith to let him take them out on time, she should have just been here herself. "How about we clean it up together?"

"Sure you don't want me to just make scrambled eggs?" Vanitas asked, eyeing the egg spread across the floor.

"Well, if you're still hungry…"

When it came down to it, Vanitas had no cleaning skills. Aqua was fairly sufficient, having had to regularly clean up around the castle during training. He wondered how she hadn't lost any of her skills in the Realm of Darkness. She had been there for twelve years… He could see how strong she tried to be. She grew from her last fight against the darkness, though still held tight to that aversion.

When the two were done, Vanitas cleaned himself up and went back to his spot. Something about the solitude and the silence that pressed upon him from all sides made this day less enjoyable than it should have. He was bored out of his mind. Usually, on Ventus's days off, he'd keep both of them busy never letting them relax. There was no down time with him. He was constantly bursting with energy that needed to be expended and Vanitas had no trouble keeping up with him. When the day was done, they both rested easy.

Today, he didn't. After the longest day he ever had, Vanitas tried to sleep. The room was too quiet, even with the breeze that blew through the open window. He tossed and turned, constantly looking over to Ventus's bed to remind himself that the other wasn't here. This bed wasn't comfortable. The stars were too bright tonight. His pillow was too lumpy and the lamp in the corner was making a weird noise as it twisted. Usually the hum was a decent lullaby but not tonight.

He gave up trying to sleep. His routine had been thrown off and it messed everything up. When had he grown so accustomed to routine? Every day used to have something new in store for him. Every day had a new struggle to get past, a new technique to learn, a new scar to earn. But this was… safe. The safety net of routine seemed to have domesticated him and he wasn't sure how he felt out it.

He wondered if Ventus was awake.

Probably not.

Still, he slipped out of his bed and padded to the infirmary. Peering in, he could see a dim light cast upon the bed where Ventus laid, a few books sprawled across the sheets around him. Vanitas couldn't tell whether or not the boy was sleeping as he slipped in quietly, shutting the door behind him. The other stirred, blinking hazily up at Vanitas when he crossed over to the bedside. He smiled, taking Vanitas's hand in his, holding on tightly.

"You smell gross." Snot was dripping from his nose. His lips were chalk white. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. Ventus didn't look like he was getting any better.

"Hello to you, too, Vanitas." He pulled his hand away to grab a tissue from the table next to him. Slowly pulling himself up, he blew, wiped his nose clean, and tossed it.

"How are you feeling?"

"Worse than this morning," Ventus replied, pulling himself up to lean on the headboard. "But I'm not throwing up anymore."

"Did you eat anything?"

"Some crackers." Ventus shrugged. "Can't keep anything heavier than that down." He tapped the bed by his knee, pulling himself closer to the wall to make room. Vanitas took a seat, pulling his legs up beside Ventus's and leaned his back against the footboard. "Not hungry anyway… Just tired."

"Then sleep."

"I slept all day," Ventus gathered his books, setting them on the nightstand. "I wanna talk to you. What did you do all day?"

Vanitas sighed, tilting his head back as he recounted his day. "A whole lot of nothing. I guess I made cookies with Aqua, but she did most of the work. And then I tried cleaning it up, and then she had to do that too."

"You tried to _clean_?"

"Sort of. Not me per say," Vanitas ran his hands down his face. "I tried to get a Flood to clean it up, but… it didn't really work. Just made more of a mess."

Ventus coughed up a laugh, his chest sounding horrible. Like there was liquid in his lungs that he tried to pull up through a laugh. Then he stopped laughing, only coughing to clear his lungs. He rubbed his chest, his face reddened with effort. His watery eyes met Vanitas's as he breathed deep through his nose to catch his breath. When he finally did his smile fell, like he was realizing something. "You can't control them, can you?"

He nodded. Ventus could know the truth. He could know everything about Vanitas because Vanitas knew everything about _him_. Ventus was an open book and Vanitas had only shut him out. But he could know this one little piece that Vanitas kept so desperately hidden from these three.

"That explains a lot."

Ventus pulled the sheets up, shivering. Vanitas adjusted himself to allow him to gather the blankets closer. How was he cold when it was so warm in here? Vanitas brought himself up to Ventus, taking a grip on his biceps to make sure he would listen to him. "Don't _ever_ get sick again."

Ventus chuckled, wincing away from Vanitas. "I'll try. But I can't make any promises."

Vanitas withdrew his hands, looking from them to Ventus. "… Did I hurt you?"

"No," Ventus shook his head before holding it like he regretted the action. "Well, yeah, but no. Everything aches. My skin's on fire but I'm freezing and I can't stop shaking because I'm hungry."

"Are you sure you're not dying?"

"Pretty sure," Ventus chuckled again. "Feels like it, though."

Vanitas shifted to sit beside Ventus. The boy reeked of sick and sweat yet he pulled him close to have him lean into his shoulder. Ventus nestled close, wrapping his arms around Vanitas's waist. He could feel his fever against his neck, his damp hair making Vanitas's skin sticky. The shivering began to slow as the two sank under the blankets. He prayed it helped. He prayed the sickness would go away. Ventus didn't deserve this.

Then he realized… he'd do anything for Ventus. Ventus had always been there for him when he had no one. Well… he never had anyone. Xehanort was only a man who created him and used him for his own gain. He brought him into this miserable existence and because Ventus eased it just a little… he would do anything for him. He would ease his suffering if he could.

Because it was Ventus, he held him long after he fell asleep to keep him warm. When the first rays of sunlight filtered through the window, he quietly slipped out of the infirmary back to his bed. When the morning bell rang, he slept through it, long until after lunch. Because it was Ventus, instead of spending his second day of freedom alone, he stayed by Ventus's side, reading his books together and playing monotonous games.

And he enjoyed every second of it.


	5. Tame

When he had gained Aqua's trust, he gained Terra's, which helped make the world a little easier to live in. He was free to go where he pleased. Things were far less tense, now they learned not to take him seriously and how decrypt the anger in his tone. And he occasionally helped with the dishes, but only if Ventus was doing them with him. He supposed things could have been worse.

Even with Vanitas's freedom to roam, the leash having been severed but the collar still tied tight, he stayed close to Ventus. When Ventus was training, he'd watch—being allowed to assist when they focused on techniques Ventus needed to utilize his light for in order to make up for the lack of darkness, polarizing what Vanitas knew to accommodate him.

Vanitas wasn't exactly the kind of teacher that held his hand to guide him gently, like Aqua did and Terra had done from time to time. He was direct and ruthless, teaching Ventus in the only way he knew how without resorting to all of his own teacher's methods. He described in detail the steps Ventus needed to take, demonstrated them thoroughly, and walked with him through them. When Vanitas felt he understood the technique completely, he would make Ventus do it again and again until he got it perfect.

And then he would tell him to keep doing it until it was more natural than breathing.

This worked well enough. Aqua and Terra forced them to take breaks when they felt Ventus needed them, which Vanitas felt was only hindering him. Ventus had such great potential and these two idiots held him back. They were trying, Vanitas could see that clearly. But their methods weren't going to work if they wanted Ventus to become a Keyblade _Master_. That required mastery of all sorts of magic, especially those you held an affinity to. Terra's was earth, Aqua's was… well, everything to be honest. And Ventus carried both wind and light within him. So much that it burst from the seams and those two just couldn't see it.

"Hey," Ventus appeared before him, at the cliff's edge where he teetered on his toes. Vanitas barely blinked at his arrival, having seen the distortion in the light before the other's appearance. "Look!" Ventus said from his left, standing on the bench that served as a vantage point. "I think I got it!" Ventus called from atop the lamp by the mountain's edge that illuminated the area at night.

Vanitas turned when Ventus finally settled at his side, a wide grin splitting his cheeks. Vanitas snorted, shoving his hands in his pockets, his gold eyes glinting. Ventus had gotten this far in only a few months. He was a quick learner. "Good so far. Tonight, we can refine it."

Ventus's smile faded. "You mean… at night. When it's dark."

"Right." Vanitas nodded. "Limited light. Then, we'll move on to no light."

"But you said I needed light."

"You can't have light without darkness," Vanitas reminded him, rolling his neck. He slept funny on it and it had been sore all day. "Just like you can't have darkness without light." He chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. Then stopped, remembering how much he hated that tick he gained to help focus the pain. "Even if you can't see it… there's always light. And if there isn't…" Vanitas prodded his chest hard enough to push him back, "You _are_ light. Don't ever forget that."

"Right…" Ventus rubbed his chest. "So, I guess lessons are put off until later?"

"Aqua and Terra are done for the day?" Ventus nodded. "Then, yeah." He was going to be the one that pushed Ventus to work harder and do better. Those two were encouraging, but they weren't helping as much as they thought they were. Sometimes, a firm hand was needed. And the fact that Ventus kept coming back to Vanitas for advice was enough to prove his point.

"Okay, so, how about we start training _you_?" Ventus suggested. The incredulous look Vanitas gave in return was enough to send Ventus into a fit of laughter. What the hell could Vanitas stand to learn at this point? Home making skills? He had no interest in learning more about the Keyblade or follow Ventus in his journey of Mastery. Vanitas had no purpose, as it stood, so what kind of lessons would Ventus be able to give him?

Maybe people skills… he might need to work on those.

"You _could_ try to control the Unversed."

Vanitas paused, his fingers curling into fists so tight, his knuckles hurt. "Not gonna happen," he replied darkly.

Ventus did not waver. "Doesn't hurt to try."

"I _have_ been," Vanitas snapped. "My whole life, I've tried to control them, Ventus! Nothing I've done _works_! They don't attack me because I _am_ them and they are me, but that's as far as it goes. They aren't animals to domesticate, they're _monsters_."

Still, Ventus did not back down. Ventus stood tall, taking Vanitas's hand and intertwining their fingers. His anger didn't relinquish. He hated the idea of trying again. He knew it would fail, like it had so many times. Failure was always the worst. It always brought up the worst kind of monsters, the ones that hurt the most to vanquish. It reminded him of his shortcomings and what kind of existence he had. If he couldn't even control the monsters he created, how could he stand to control his negativity? How could he steer the direction of his own life?

Ventus waited for him to calm down before talking again. "You aren't a monster, Vanitas."

Vanitas pulled his fingers from Ventus's. How could he know what he was thinking? What he was trying so hard not to feel? When he tried to walk away, thin arms wrapped around him tightly, keeping him in place. Damn it, Ventus. Creatures began to crop up around them, small and skittish. Ventus needed to stop making him think about what he was feeling. It wasn't going to end well for either of them.

"You're not." Ventus insisted, resting his chin on Vanitas's shoulder. "If you were, you wouldn't care about me. You wouldn't care if I died. You wouldn't care if I was happy. You wouldn't care enough to teach me when I was struggling. I see the good in you, Vanitas. I know it. Besides… if you _were_ a monster, I'd be one, too." Vanitas twisted his head sharply to face him, remembering the crick in his neck as he did so. How _dare_ Ventus even think that? "We're both incomplete. We're two halves of the same whole. We're not so different, really."

"I hate you," Vanitas told him flatly, turning to face him. Ventus loosened his grip enough to allow him, still folding his arms around him, trapping him in his hold.

Ventus snickered, rubbing his forehead against Vanitas's. "I care about you, too."

"I wish you'd stop _touching me_."

Vanitas rested his forehead on Ventus's shoulder. He took several deep breaths, letting Ventus's embrace calm him. With every stroke of a hand through his hair, a calming wave washed over him. How did he get so damn lucky to have someone actually _caring_ for him? This was such a weird experience that he wanted to run far away from and hold onto for dear life at the same time.

"Why aren't they attacking me?" he finally asked.

"Because you're close enough for _me_ to attack." Vanitas explained, pulling himself out of his arms. "I've got first dibs."

"Oh…" Ventus inched a bit closer. "So… I think we should start with a Flood. I don't really like Mandrakes and Hareraisers are deceptively cute."

Vanitas snickered. "You aren't going to let this go, are you?"

"No, not really."

Vanitas rolled his eyes. He took a moment to prepare himself before disposing of the Unversed, leaving only one. They rarely ran or fought back when he attempted eradication… the lingering pain that came with their demise was enough punishment for him. When he was done, he dropped to a knee, letting the ache take it's course through him. Ventus place a hand on his shoulder, getting to his level. The gesture was a small comfort—one to remind him Ventus was there. When it was done, they turned to the monster that vied for an escape. Vanitas was quick to snatch it up before it ran into the training grounds.

The two of them sat on the ground, backs to the only escape route the Unversed could go to prevent it from running off. They allowed it to roam the area as Vanitas made an attempt to summon it. He called for it in every way he could, in every tone, all of which seemed to fall on deaf ears. The monster disregarded his orders to come to him, instead wandered the area without much purpose.

It didn't even take thirty minutes for Vanitas to become frustrated enough to destroy it in a ball of dark fire.

"… You're so impatient."

"They'll never listen to me."

"Not when you're trying to get them to do something like _that_. Would _you_ listen to you?"

"I don't take orders from anybody."

Ventus shrugged. "Maybe that's the problem. You're trying to order it. We need something for positive reinforcement. Like a biscuit."

"They feed on negativity, Ventus." Vanitas reminded him. "So, unless you have some anger or sadness to give it, I don't think the positive reinforcement thing is going to work."

Ventus stretched, "Summon another one."

"Are we going to keep at this?"

"Mmhmm."

Vanitas brought another Flood into being. Summoning them wasn't difficult. He knew which particular feelings and how much of it was needed to create which breeds. Floods were easy. They embodied the first emotion he ever experienced: Sadness. It didn't take much to create them, either. Simple creatures… Nothing but an embodiment of emotion that fractured within Vanitas when broken.

Vanitas tried again. And again. And again until his voice was raw. He didn't think he had spoken so much in his whole life as he did when trying to get the creature to come to him. Ventus was patient, adjusting his tone when he felt he was growing to malicious.

When the sun began to set, Vanitas cried out in frustration, falling back. It was almost time for dinner. He was hungry. The monster refused to even acknowledge him. Why did Ventus think this was a good idea? What made him so sure the Unversed were controllable?

"Hm… what kind of emotion is it?" Ventus asked.

"Sadness." Vanitas replied bitterly.

"Try… I dunno, being sad when you call it?"

"I don't think I can." Vanitas laughed. "I'm a little more _angry_ than sad."

"Maybe just—"

"You know what?" he growled, throwing a hand towards the Flood. "Why don't _you_ try it?! If you think it has the capability to be _trained_ why don't you try and get it to come to _you?_ "

Ventus considered the idea, rolling his shoulders back as he twisted to sit on his knees. He glanced from Vanitas who watched him expectantly to the Flood that scratched at the foot of the bench. His lips pursed thoughtfully as he hesitated. He was worried about looking foolish. Vanitas could sense it. He tried his best not to laugh at the other, knowing he wouldn't go through with it. Try to give orders to the kind of monster that tried its best to kill him in the past? Right. Good one. Brilliant idea.

He got up, moving closer to it, until he was only a few feet away from it. The monster turned its attention to him, still holding back on attacking. Vanitas was too close, still marking Ventus as _his_. Ventus crouched, folding his arms around his knees to steady himself as he reached a hand out. "Hey…" he started softly, turning his palm towards the sky. "Come here, little guy. I won't hurt you."

He waited as the Flood considered him. He beckoned the monster again in the same tone, motioning with his fingers to come to him. The creature didn't attack, but it didn't seem to want to listen to Ventus, either. As Vanitas began to even wonder if the monster could hear (where were their ears? Did they even have any?), the Flood took a hesitant step forward.

"That's it…" Ventus held out both hands slowly. "Come here." It slid up to him, nudging under his palms. Ventus grinned as he stroked the Flood's head. "Good boy!"

Vanitas sat in disbelief. The Unversed _listened_ to Ventus. It didn't attack him, even though it was in perfect range. They could be defensive, even if Vanitas was close by. He was technically the alpha, but that didn't mean he was in charge. So… if these monsters that came from him didn't listen to him… then why did they listen to _Ventus_?

A familiar jealousy flared within him. What made Ventus so special? What made him so powerful that a mindlessly creature would take orders from _him_? As Ventus lifted the monster into his arms, urging for it to stay calm and be good, Vanitas rose to his feet. When Ventus approached him with the monster, he had to resist the temptation to light the damned thing on fire.

The feeling ebbed away when Ventus took his hand, placing it on the Flood's head. "See, Vanitas?" Ventus's smile didn't do anything to ease the envy he carried. "All you need is a little compassion."

… That was it. Compassion. Something Vanitas could not comprehend and experience. The missing piece that allowed these monster to be tamed. Something Ventus carried within him. But maybe it wasn't that complicated. Maybe that wasn't it at all. _It might work if I tried_ , he thought. But this wasn't the case.

"… No." Vanitas shook his head, the jealousy falling away with realization. "No, they're pieces of me. Pieces of my emotion. And I don't listen to anybody." Vanitas interrupted before Ventus had a chance to protest. "I don't listen to anybody except you."

"… You listened to Xehanort." Ventus reminded him, scratching behind the Flood's antenna. It was so docile in his arms, happy to be given the attention. Now he was jealous of the damn monster. If a negative feeling could experience something so soothing, why couldn't he?

"Conditionally," Vanitas folded his arms, looking away. "He promised me peace. So I did what he said. Ultimately, he failed to deliver. So, good riddance."

Ventus's eyes turned down to the creature in his arms as he gave a low sigh. "You still hurt, though."

Vanitas plucked the creature from Ventus's hands, tightening his grip when it made an attempt to squirm away from him. He looked into the face that his own used to resemble, hatred boiling within him. "I'm in constant agony."

"… I can't stop it?" Ventus's voice was small. Those eyes carried a familiar sadness that Vanitas _hated_ seeing. Why did he let him in when all it would do was hurt him?

Vanitas took a step back, summoning Void Gear. "Nope." He dropped the monster that already resigned to its fate. "I tried to merge with you to stop it." Vanitas dropped the blade upon the monster that writhed as it vanished. He clutched his chest as the fragment of emotion shattered within him. "That didn't work because _I_ wanted to exist, too." Vanitas dismissed the blade. "Now I'm trapped again in this vicious cycle of hurt and negativity."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Vanitas waved him off. Once upon a time, he would have laughed at Ventus. He would have made him grovel and beg for forgiveness for having a privileged life. For not having to feel anything. For not being as miserable as Vanitas was. But he understood better now. The anger had long since faded, possibly before they even left Sora's heart.

A bell rang across the grounds, calling them for dinner. Vanitas and Ventus walked side by side in silence, Vanitas not being able to bring himself to look at Ventus. Ventus, on the other hand, kept stealing glances at him, trying to catch his gaze. Vanitas hated this. He hated that these feeling he had put aside were beginning to surface once more. Why did Ventus have to insist on trying to control his emotions? Why did Vanitas agree? He knew it would end in failure and he was right.

At the table, he leaned his chin into his palm as he pushed his food listlessly around his plate. The table was eerily quiet, Ventus not being able to bring himself to fill the silence like usual. Terra and Aqua asked them questions that Vanitas couldn't quite hear. Ventus was able to answer, not really giving complete answers. After a while, Vanitas shoved his plate away, deciding he couldn't eat.

"Not hungry," he said as he stood up. Aqua protested, urging for him to sit back down and try to eat something. He disregarded her attempts, moving at a brisk pace out of the hall and up the stairs. He needed somewhere he could find peace. He had been outside all day and did not want to revisit his spot this night. Instead, he closed himself inside the library, taking up space on the window seat.

He wasn't sure how long he sat alone. He did know his emotions had freed themselves and wandered the room. He made sure they stayed there, kept an ear out for Terra and Aqua. If they found him like this, that was it. He was done. Ventus might try and make a case for him, but there was no way he would tell them that he couldn't control them.

When the lights outside began to dim, allowing more starlight to shine in, there were footsteps outside of the door. It was Ventus. He always knew when it was Ventus. He allowed himself to relax as the other let himself in and then quickly closing the door behind him when he realized Vanitas wasn't alone. He ran up to Vanitas, his blue eyes nearly black in the dim light. Vanitas snorted, acknowledging the other, before turning his gaze back out the window.

He really liked the sky in this world.

Ventus stood, his unspoken words hanging in the air. Instead of speaking them, he slipped into the small space between Vanitas and the wall, making himself comfortable on the seat with his back against the inset. Vanitas huffed, making an attempt to move to the other side to face him when Ventus pulled him in, wrapping his arms around Vanitas's shoulders that rested against his chest. Vanitas glanced up at him. Ventus's returning smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"For being so clingly?"

"No," Ventus held on tighter. "For pushing you."

"I don't do anything I don't want to do," Vanitas reminded him, eyes set on the wall across from them. "You suggested it. I wanted to show you. It's futile."

"I still don't believe that," Ventus shook his head, his chin brushing across the top of Vanitas's head. "But… I think I brought up stuff you didn't want to think about. And I know it upset you." He gazed around the room. "It's a little hard for you to hide what you're feeling."

"Piss off," Vanitas said without making an effort to pull himself from Ventus's embrace. He liked where he was. It was comfortable. "You're just trying to get back on my good side so I can teach you more. Sorry, not in the mood for lessons tonight."

"No," he shook his head. "It's not like that... It might help to talk," Ventus shrugged. "… Talk to me. Please."

He was hesitant. Vanitas didn't want to think about what bothered him because it wasn't anything Ventus could _help_. It was Vanitas's whole existence that bothered him. Every moment of his life served as someone else's purpose and he still couldn't let go of it, even when given the chance. He had been given a fresh start… his own life to lead as he chose but he still couldn't find freedom.

So, Vanitas started from the beginning. He told Ventus about the moment he was born. How he didn't quite recognize Ventus for what he was at first. He felt sorry for the thing at his feet—felt sad. He didn't know why he felt sad, he just knew… the boy made him sad. And when Ventus was taken, when he was whisked away to a better place to die, Vanitas began to understand himself.

He was scared. So scared. That was when he learned about the Unversed. He knew what it was and where it came from. He was disgusted by them. It hurt to destroy them. When he struck one down, the pain brought two more.

He hurt. He was alone when his life had just begun. When he discarded his mask, he realized he didn't have a face. His was closer to those of the monsters that he created, featureless with shining red eyes. Like a doll.

He was realizing just what he was in that moment. A vessel of negative emotions. A heart of Darkness. And then there was darkness. And a light. And when he awoke, he had a face and Ventus had been saved. Xehanort didn't know of the interference. He assumed Ventus had been stronger than he realized.

When Xehanort returned with Ventus, Vanitas could barely take it. Ventus feared Vanitas the moment their eyes met. He cowered away from him, so Vanitas hurt him. He was pathetic and weak, even if he was strong enough to just barely stand.

He _hated_ Ventus.

He didn't know why. He couldn't stand to look at him. He wished he knew why he hated him… he was his other half so _why did he hate him so much?_

Xehanort irritated him. He thought his monsters were wonderful. He praised Vanitas for his abilities and his monsters that sprouted from his emotions. There really wasn't anything wonderful about them. They were ugly creatures…

Xehanort fully intended on keeping Ventus with them. When Vanitas made a comment that he would just end up hurting him more and probably end him for the simple crime of being weak, Xehanort took him away.

Xehanort actually seemed to care for Ventus. He wanted him to die somewhere peaceful. He wanted to bring him somewhere he would be safe, away from Vanitas. And Ventus used to respect Xehanort greatly as a master. Vanitas felt very differently about both of them.

When Xehanort left with Ventus… he began to question his situation. Xehanort had plans for them, that much he disclosed. Why did he create him? Why was he allowed to be born? Where did Ventus go? And what was going to happen to him in the future? He grew anxious.

From the anxiety, an Unversed was born. Through the irritation of that, a second came into being. He was embarrassed, seeing his own weaknesses before him, which only birthed more. The numbers grew and grew until he couldn't take it anymore. Summoning his Keyblade, he threw himself at them. The more he destroyed, the more he created. The pain didn't stop him. It didn't stop. Why wouldn't it just end? He hurt so, so much. He hated it.

Why was he the only one in pain? Why was he left to suffer alone? Was Ventus still sleeping? Where did he go? He was jealous of his other half. He'd never know this agony.

He wished Ventus stayed close. It might have been better. It might have been easier. But Xehanort took him away. All of this was Xehanort's fault. He hated Ventus and he envied him but he still wanted to be _with him_.

He was left alone… with nothing but the Unversed for company. He hated them, too. So, he destroyed them. With each bit of pain, his hatred grew. He hated Ventus. He hated everything. He hated the Unversed.

Day after day, Xehanort did nothing but watch. It was the same song and dance. Kill the Unversed until the pain left him unconscious. Wake up. Do it all over again.

When Xehanort finally approached him, praising him for being the terrible, awful being that he was, he confessed just how much he hated what he was. Hated the agony he was in. Hated _everything_. He just wanted it to stop.

That was when Xehanort told him how to make it stop.

"Become the χ-blade," the old man told him. "The χ-blade will release you… no… the world from all suffering."

And that became his purpose. His only goal in this miserable life… in order to end his own suffering. He needed to become the χ-blade to stop this. And… it didn't work.

So, this was where he was. Still suffering. Still in pain.

"I'm sorry," Ventus muttered, pressing his face into Vanitas's hair. "If I had been stronger… maybe he wouldn't have…"

"Created this miserable existence?" Vanitas leaned his head back against Ventus's shoulder, keeping his eyes trained upward. They burned. It hurt to breathe and something was caught in his throat. "Yeah, but then you would have been his shiny new vessel."

"I wish I could stop the hurt…" the other confessed, squeezing him.

"There's nothing you can do," Vanitas sighed. But talking about this… talking about why this life hurt so much, why he hated these creatures and why he hated Ventus for so long, it made him feel… lighter. "But… I guess I was right in wishing you stayed. Why did he listen to me…?" Vanitas clutched his fingers tightly into his pants. "It hurts a little less when you're around. I wish he kept you. I wish you had been there all along. I wish he was man enough to stop me. Why did he take orders from me? I was angry with everything. I had just been born."

He couldn't see. His voice choked him. He didn't _ask_ for any of this.

Ventus chuckled, nuzzling his nose into his scalp. "You're such a brat. You say you want one thing when you actually want another."

"I hate you," he croaked. His face was wet. Everything felt hot. He hated this, too.

He didn't hate the way Ventus pressed his lips onto the crown of his head. He didn't know what it was, but it sent warmth from the top of his head to his toes and a shiver down his spine. It had to have been some sort of healing magic. He felt better. He felt safer. He felt wanted.

"You're lucky I speak Vanitas," Ventus chuckled, lips still on his crown.

The two fell quiet, this time in a much more comfortable silence. The only sounds were the Unversed milling around the library, not once making an effort to wreck havoc. This was how they usually were when around Vanitas. Docile and occasionally playful. With the amount trapped in here, it left him uncomfortable. They needed to be taken care of. But he couldn't bring himself to leave Ventus's arms at this moment.

"How did we even get here?" Vanitas asked softly, rubbing his face. "When we went to sleep… I wouldn't have hesitated to destroy you. Now…"

"You really don't remember Sora's heart, do you?" Vanitas shook his head. "I mean, I don't remember a lot either. But… I remember we were close near the end." Ventus shrugged. "We had our differences… we had our views on our home. For you, it was a prison. For me, a sanctuary. But it's hard to be stuck together for a dozen years and not become friends."

"You didn't remember _any_ of that a month ago," Vanitas pointed out blandly. He would have said something otherwise.

"I mean… sometimes I have dreams of our time in Sora's heart. Roxas is there… Xion… and I think the man was Ansem. And I'm pretty sure I ran into Riku once. Oh, and tried to protect Sora from the darkness. That was really scary." Vanitas had _no_ clue who Ansem was. Did he mean Terra-Xehanort's Heartless? Or the man whose name he had stolen? "The dreams all come in fragments, so context is a little difficult."

Vanitas turned up to him with raised eyebrows. _"You're_ a little difficult."

Ventus laughed, rubbing their noses together. Again, he did the thing with his lips, this time against his forehead. The healing spell spread throughout his whole body, filling him with warmth. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling until Ventus released him. This must have been what that Flood felt like. Docile, calm. Content.

It was easy to sit with Ventus. He let Ventus stroke his hair and tell him the ridiculously outrageous fragments of memory he could remember. The two of them tried to put a context to them, swapping ideas. Vanitas's ideas were considerably darker, but that's just how it was.

You couldn't have light without darkness, just like you couldn't have darkness without light. In this world that was so torn by the two opposing forces, Vanitas was glad his light was Ventus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, a lot of the stuff from Vanitas's past is from the BBS novels. I found a translation that really helped when it came to writing this story. You really get to understand Vanitas. My poor baby!
> 
> I kinda feel like Ven's a little out of character? But you don't really see a lot of his tender side in Birth by Sleep because he's a kid who just wants to make friends. He's also a little shit, but that's besides the point. I know I have that nailed down. Oh well, I hope I have a good grip of his character in here.
> 
> Thanks for reading, guys! Please leave some feedback-it always helps me get this the next chapter out faster! THANK!


	6. Truth

The two of them landed in the sands of Destiny Island. In the Market Place in Radiant Garden. In the streets of Twilight Town. When they were allowed to leave the world in their free time, Ventus took every opportunity and Vanitas followed him. He followed him to have the chance to get off of the Land of Departure and to roam another world. Ventus allowed him that chance.

He wished he didn't. He wished Ventus was like Aqua and Terra and would want him within sight. He wished Ventus would keep him in arms length, like he did when they were alone together. But Ventus allowed Vanitas to do what he pleased. Ventus gave him freedom no one else did and Vanitas did _not_ want to see Ventus's friends.

He didn't want to see Sora, who reminded him that he could never truly be his own person—not when he bore the same face as the Hero of Light. He didn't was to see Lea and Isa, two friends who were on opposing sides—a horrible reminder of what this war has done. He didn't want to see Roxas, the boy with Ventus's face—he didn't know anything about him, but he was terrified to find out. What if he was just like Ventus? What if he wasn't?

Progressively, over the months, Vanitas began to decline Ventus's offers of escape. He had declined every now and again, sometimes choosing instead to follow Aqua and Terra on their excursions to the Mysterious Tower and Disney Castle. They kept him close and he still was able to leave the world. They were usually there for business, which was so _very_ boring but it was better than being alone.

But more and more, he chose to stay here… on the Land of Departure.

He was still debating on whether or not he was going to join Ventus the next day. He planned to visit Destiny Islands to see Sora and his friends and while Vanitas had no interest, he still found Destiny Islands to be his favorite place. At dinner, he mulled over his options as Ventus enthused over a new book series he had finished. Vanitas tuned him out as he chewed his food, not quite sure if he was liking the new recipe Terra was trying out. Aqua's cooking was much better.

Somewhere, the conversation turned. He wasn't paying attention until Aqua called his name, drawing his interest to her. She had pulled her hair back away from her face, letting him see her frank expression. Her eyes were softened, lips turned into a smile as she addressed him.

"So, Terra and I were thinking…" Never a good sign with these two. "We think you've proven yourself enough. We thought it was time for you to have your own room." Her gentle smile was wide, honest. She believed it was something he very much wanted, a room and space to call his own. "You can pick out any of the rooms here. We can set you up with anything you need."

 ** _I'm lonely._** He wasn't ready to be alone just yet. He wanted more time with him. He liked staying up late with him, just goofing off. He didn't want to go back to being alone. He didn't want to break the routine they built. He didn't want to be separated from his other half.

 ** _I'm selfish._** He knew the other might want something else entirely. He knew maybe a bit more freedom was what he needed. But it wasn't what _he_ wanted. He wanted to hold on. He wanted to keep him all to himself. He wanted those few precious hours at the end of the night just for them, away from the craziness of the day, surrounded by people that cared about him. And he did care about them, but this particular person was special.

 ** _It's embarrassing._** He knew how ridiculous he was being. He knew he shouldn't be thinking like this, but _he couldn't help it_! He'd grown used to this certain kind of lifestyle and he didn't want it to break. The worst part was that if he said anything, he would realize _just_ how awful these thoughts were. Just how childish and self-fulfilling he was being.

Vanitas glanced to Ventus. His eyes had grown wide as saucers and his jaw dropped, mortified. Quickly, the boy clamped his mouth shut, trying to hide his anxious expression. He might be able to fool the two that sat across from them, or at least change his disposition hastily before they noticed. But he was transparent to Vanitas.

"Any of the rooms, huh?" Vanitas forked his food, shoveling it into his mouth. "You know, Master Aqua. You were supposed to be a back up. In case Ventus didn't make the cut." The lightheartedness of the conversation dropped in an instant. He was unapologetically aware of the attention he was drawing to himself. He could cut the stillness in the air with a knife. "I doubt Terra told you because, well, he couldn't remember. That was pre-possession time." Vanitas swallowed hard and brought more food to his mouth. Terra needed to never cook again. "If Ventus wasn't enough, I was supposed to join with you to forge the χ-blade. You were supposed to be the spare."

"Vanitas…" Aqua set her utensils down, folding her hands patiently in front of her. "What are you doing?"

"Putting all of my cards on the table." Vanitas grabbed another roll of bread, deciding he needed something to clear his pallet. "You want to trust me. You should know everything I did, right? Think you can trust me after that?"

Gold eyes met blue. For a moment, the Keyblade Master stared him down, her face completely unreadable. She was a blank slate as she considered him, waiting and watching for him to make another move. He rose an eyebrow, a silent question asking if he should go on. Did she want to hear any more? Did it scare her to know an enemy was still so very close?

She smiled, her eyes softening as she giggled. "Vanitas, if you still wanted to share a room with Ven, you could have just said so."

That wasn't it, he told himself. Ventus's loss was just so pathetic, how could he even consider leaving him alone? Anything to make him feel stronger. Anything to remind him he really was independent and had been for a long time. Why should that change now? He was doing this for his weak other half who was lonely and selfish and embarrassed to admit it.

"We'll take the biggest room you got," Vanitas replied without missing a beat. Their small room felt a little cramped. In his free time, he began making stupid trinkets with things he found on his travels and he needed a place to put them. Ventus's room was just too small. "And your cooking sucks, Terra. You should just leave it to Aqua from now on."

 _"Vanitas!"_ Aqua scolded.

"Oh come on now," Terra huffed. "It's not that bad."

Ventus laughed. "Guys, relax." He elbowed Vanitas playfully; wearing that stupid grin he always did when something made him _really_ happy. "He's just trying to give you a compliment, Aqua. Terra, this is good. It is. But Aqua probably would have done it better."

"Oh, _thanks_ ," Terra laughed.

"Hey, at least he's still eating it," Ventus stuck his tongue out playfully.

"I don't need you to put words in my mouth," Vanitas snapped. Somehow, Ventus had this way of knowing exactly what it was he was trying to say. Terra's meal was edible. But Aqua was a better cook—it was a simple fact that nobody stated.

"Yeah, you do," Ventus made a face. "You're too abrasive."

Vanitas pulled him under his arm, rubbing his knuckles into his hair. "I'll show _you_ abrasive."

The adults across from them burst out laughing. Vanitas stopped, looking across the spread to see their heads leaned in close as they shared their amusement. What was so funny? He pulled away, pushing Ventus lightly back into his chair as the boy chuckled. This was weird. How would he describe this situation? It wasn't bad. It was… warm.

"Feeling jealous yet, Terra?" Aqua teased.

"Oh, yeah." Terra nodded. "You?"

"Only a little," she demonstrated with her fingers.

"Of what?" Ventus frowned, not understanding a word they were saying.

Vanitas looked between them skeptically as they burst out laughing again. He leaned back, furrowing his brows together. No… that couldn't be right... "You're… jealous of me?"

"Looks like Ven has a new brother." Terra snickered.

"Hey, I—" Ventus tried to defend himself. Vanitas barked out a laugh. Oh, this was priceless!

"You two really are idiots, aren't you?" Vanitas pushed his plate back, a gesture to show he was done eating. "No, no. I could never replace the brother he looks up to or the sister that takes care of him. That's cute that you think I could one-up you." He scratched his head. "I'm just the abomination that's been given a second chance."

"Vanitas…" Ventus touched his arm.

Vanitas jerked his arm back. It might have been funny to think these two were jealous of _him_ , but it still stung. He knew his place and they should remember theirs. "'An abomination beyond all hope of salvation.' Ventus proved them wrong." He shrugged. "But that doesn't mean I'm not what I am. I'm not a brother. I'm his other half. I'm his darkness. And you two are his family." Vanitas grabbed his plate and Ventus's empty one. "Don't go overboard, thinking I'd replace you."

"Vanitas," Aqua stopped him as he moved towards the kitchen. "You're family, too."

They'd forgotten what he was. They'd forgotten their distrust in him and what he was capable of. Why would they trust him when he was so sure that with one wrong move, and they would throw him away? He knew that… How could _they_ forget that? Family? Yeah, right. There was no way he was family.

He started the dishes while Ventus put away the leftovers. When he was done, he joined Vanitas by the sink, drying as Vanitas washed. Vanitas hated chores as much as he hated being lied to. With Ventus helping out, it wasn't so bad. They were both really bad at every chore they were assigned, but at least they got things done somewhat to Aqua's expectations. Ventus hummed while they worked, like what happened in the eating room didn't even happen.

It was good, just to listen to Ventus and sit in his thoughts, working with his hands. It helped him cool down and remember that someone would not give up on him, even if he messed up. Ventus turned to him with that stupid grin that made Vanitas's heart swell.

When Ventus put the last of the dry dishes away he wrapped his arms around Vanitas's neck, pressing his lips under his ear. A shiver went down his spine as he clutched the fabric of Ventus's shirt. He leaned into the other, breathing in his scent. This was what the wind smelled like, Vanitas thought. Fresh, crisp, and a little sweet.

"Aqua and Terra wanna talk," Ventus muttered into his skin.

"They can go fuck themselves," Vanitas said through gritted teeth.

"No, this is good," Ventus insisted, pulling himself closer. "I think this is a good time to tell them."

"Tell them what?"

"About the Unversed."

"You can go fuck yourself, too."

Ventus pulled back, taking Vanitas's face in his hands. Pressing their foreheads together, his eyes bore into Vanitas's, letting him know he wasn't going to back down an inch. "Come on. You were going to put all the cards on the table anyway. This is something they should know. They're ready to know."

"They'll throw me out."

"They won't," Ventus smiled. "I trust them. And they trust you." He snickered, taking a hold of Vanitas's hands. "They finally believe in you. They'll find out sooner or later and _then_ they'll get mad. But, if you tell them now… it'll be good. They'll understand."

Damn it, why did Ventus have to be right? Why did he _always_ have to listen to him? Why did Ventus always speak with reason? He was the kid who never thought anything through and dived in headfirst. He got himself put in a coma for over a decade and trapped himself in Sora's heart. What drove Vanitas to do what he asked?

So, he did. In the sitting room, where Aqua and Terra were unwinding after dinner, after a long day, where they were waiting for Ventus to bring Vanitas to them. They did want to talk, Ventus was telling the truth. But Vanitas wouldn't let them until they knew.

 _I'm anxious_. What if Ventus was wrong?

He summoned a Hareraiser, demonstrating just what kind of control he had over it. Or rather, lack there of. Of course, they were nervous at the sight of the monster. But when Ventus showed them how the Unversed took to him, like a puppy in a new home, they were taken aback, not quite sure what to make of it. But they were patient. They allowed Vanitas to explain what he knew, what he could, and when it came time to dismiss it he let Ventus take care of it. He needed to show them what kind of pain these monsters put him through.

When Vanitas was through, they finally understood. They finally accepted his capabilities and his weaknesses and understood why he was so reserved, why he was so vehemently trying not to _feel_ but that was all he did. He felt more, with a stronger intensity than most. He hurt constantly and the ache was never ending.

"So… if you see them don't attack," Vanitas requested. "Just let me know. I'll take care of it. I just…" he avoided eye contact, keeping his eyes trained on the burning fire in the grate. "I've been good about not letting them escape. But, sometimes they slip through. Ventus helps. It hurts… differently when I destroy them, so, just leave it to me, alright?"

He hated this. He was vulnerable and open with these two and it was the absolute worst. He vowed to never again let himself be this exposed. It was like his chest had been torn open and his heart was beating freely against his ribcage. Ventus placed a hand on his back, offering him a warm smile that encouraged him.

"I keep telling him we should train them, since they _can_ be docile." Ventus continued, turning his grin to Terra and Aqua. "We can get some sort of control. I think the three of us can help him."

Aqua stood up, "That's a very good idea." She nodded, her blue bangs falling into her eyes. "Starting Monday, bright and early, you're joining our training, Vanitas."

"What?!" Vanitas balked. "You're just as insane as him," he jerked his head towards Ventus. "It's not possible. Not going to happen."

"Not if you don't try."

"I've been trying for _five years_!"

"You also had a psychopath for a Master," Terra reminded him. "I'm sure that didn't help."

"He _never_ helped," Vanitas snapped. Oops. How could he be so careless to let his emotions get the best of him? To let that slip past his façade of anger and disinterest? He just wanted to go to their room. He just wanted to curl under his sheets, maybe with Ventus under his arms, and escape this world. Ventus was the only one he felt comfortable exposing himself to.

He decided this was never going to happen again.

Aqua approached him, her smile was kind and good, not unlike the ones she reserved for Ventus. He flinched as she placed a hand on his head, tracing the shape down to his shoulder. "It's okay, Vanitas." She assured him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry we didn't think we could trust you. We should have had more faith in Ventus. We should have had more faith in _you_. And I know… we all took a while to warm up to each other. But… you're family, now." She offered a small chuckled. "I really hope you feel the same."

Vanitas stared her down. She, of course, continued to smile unabashed, pulling her hand away. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to believe her, he didn't want to fall victim to attachment, he wanted to stay at arms length. If he were honest, he preferred this infinitely to the way things used to be. It was much more relaxed around here. He felt like he could finally breathe around these two. They gave him more and more freedoms with every cooperation, every sign that he wasn't going to harm anyone, every time he bit his tongue when he wanted to back talk.

Vanitas tore his gaze from hers. "You're tolerable."

That night, Ventus crawled into Vanitas's bed, praising him. He was proud of the steps Vanitas took that day as he opened up to Terra and Aqua. Ventus made a terrible habit of falling asleep with Vanitas when they laid together. He insisted he felt safest with Vanitas, even when there was nothing to fear. Vanitas thought he was just being a brat and just liked the warmth and attention.

Vanitas stroked his hair, as they lay intertwined, allowing Ventus's attention to wash over him. They fell asleep to the soft hum of the lamp, the gentle light of the stars, and the soft warmth of each other's bodies. It was Vanitas's favorite way of falling asleep. He would be lying if he said he didn't like to indulge himself in Ventus's embrace. His new favorite place was with Ventus, wrapped in him or around him and he'd be damned if he allowed himself to be taken from it.

He savored it while he could. The next day, he walked with Ventus to the courtyard, where he would leave for Destiny Islands. When Ventus activated his armor, he turned to Vanitas expectantly, waiting for him to do the same.

Vanitas shrugged. "I think I'll stay here today," he told the other. "I'll look at the rooms… pick one for us. Maybe start moving us in."

Ventus slowly lifted off his helmet, his smile having fallen away from those lips that _always_ smiled. A frown on that face was so foreign that Vanitas could have sworn Ventus became a different person entirely when the smile was gone. He turned away, sorry that he was disappointing the other. But he didn't want to be anywhere without Ventus and more than that, he didn't want to see the people responsible for making this entirely possible.

"What's up with you, lately?" Ventus asked. "You've been acting so weird."

"What are you talking about?" Vanitas snapped.

"Well, you don't want to go anywhere anymore," Ventus crossed his arms, his helmet dangling from his fingertips as he stepped closer. "You'd rather stay here by yourself if you can. And what you said yesterday… Are you mad at me?"

"What?" Vanitas pulled back, incredulous. "No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know…" Ventus looked down. "I just… I know something's wrong. I just don't know what." He glanced up through his yellow hair, his blue eyes filled with determination. "I'm not like you, Vanitas. I don't know how you're feeling or why, as much as I really want to. I need you to talk to me." He reached forward, snatching Vanitas's hand before he could pull away. "Please talk to me."

What could he say? What _should_ he say? He wasn't sure what to do in that moment and it frustrated him. Ripping himself from Ventus, he took a few steps back, needing the space to think and consider what he should say. What even was the problem? He couldn't do it.

He paced away from Ventus. "Nothing's wrong."

"Stop lying."

Vanitas heaved a sigh.

 _I'm lonely_. He hated being away from Ventus. But Ventus had other people in his life and there was no way Vanitas would get in the way of that. He had no right to. Not after everything he had done. Especially when those people made him so damn _happy_.

 _I'm selfish_. He hated this dependency. He didn't know when it started or how and it was driving him crazy. He wanted Ventus all for himself.

 _It's embarrassing_. He would never tell Ventus what he was feeling. How could he? He'd laugh, tell him he was being ridiculous and childish and he would only be gone for a few hours. He'd turn him away for being so very selfish.

"You really want to talk about this now?" He rubbed the back of his head. "Go see your friends. Seriously. I want to be left alone."

"What did I do?" Ventus begged. "I'm not leaving until you tell me."

He was still on about that? He seriously thought Vanitas was mad at him? How could Vanitas _possibly_ be mad at him? At this point, even if Ventus turned him away completely, Vanitas would not resent him. Ventus was all that was good in him. What could he say to make Ventus believe him?

" _Nothing_ , Ventus. Really," Vanitas paced away again, his anger beginning to boil. "Just go, okay?"

"Please," Ventus dropped his helmet.

Vanitas growled in frustration. Ventus was so _persistent_. The look in those blue eyes made Vanitas's insides twist painfully. He couldn't take it. "I'm not mad at _you_ , Ventus." He insisted. "I'm just… I'm mad at myself. I can't do for you what they can. And I just want you to be happy and… I don't want you to go, but at the same time I want you, because they _make_ you happy. And Terra and Aqua… I just… I'm selfish."

Ventus was silent as Vanitas's words fell away. His expression was completely unreadable. Why wasn't he saying anything? The gears were still turning. When realization finally seemed to dawn on him, the frown vanished, a smile Vanitas did _not_ like taking it's place. Was it… smug? Condescending? Whatever it was, Vanitas hated it. And there weren't many things Vanitas hated about Ventus.

Ventus laughed. "You're jealous."

"This is stupid," Vanitas turned to walk away. "Go see your stupid friends. I think I'll move into my own room."

"Wait!" Ventus desperately grabbed his arm. The threat of leaving was enough to sober him pretty quickly. "Wait, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. I'm sorry. I just… I don't get why you're jealous. You don't have any reason to be. You're my friend, too. And last night… you were wrong. I don't have favorites."

"Aqua and Terra—"

"They're…!" Ventus was hasty to interrupt—to defend himself. "They're… different… They're family."

He knew it. Terra and Aqua were everything to Ventus and there was no way he could possibly deny that. But Vanitas didn't understand why it made him _so damn angry_! He knew what Terra meant to him long ago, and he knew that would never change and even used it against him. Aqua was always there to take care of and protect him, so of course she would be looked to with the same amount of devotion.

"Vanitas… you _really_ have no idea what you mean to me, do you?" Vanitas pointedly stared at a spot on the mosaic. Grass was trying so hard to push through the tiles, making a fervent attempt to take over what was built. He didn't want to talk about this. He'd rather not know.

Ventus pulled Vanitas by the elbow, turning him to face the other. He grabbed Vanitas by the lapels, pulling him closer so their noses were almost touching. Close. Too close. Vanitas felt his face growing warm and didn't know _why_. Damn it, Ventus. Though… he _kind_ of liked that Ventus was asserting himself. It stirred something within him that _excited_ him. Maybe he should rile him up more.

"You're my other half, Vanitas." Ventus's gentle eyes brightened as he spoke. "How can you know how I feel about everything and everyone, but not how I feel about you?"

"Because… I…" He didn't know. He didn't know why the feelings Ventus had for him were out of his reach and he didn't _want_ to know. If he knew the truth, he wasn't sure he would be able to handle it.

He wasn't sure what happened next. Ventus pulled him in close, his fingers tangling into Vanitas's shirt as their lips met. Ventus pressed against him, hard, like Vanitas's mouth was giving him the oxygen he had so desperately needed. Whatever it was, the surge of emotion it caused slammed into him like a freight train. What was this? It was like the spells he would cast when held close, to put him at ease, but stronger.

It confused him. He didn't understand it, so he didn't want any part of it. He shoved Ventus away, covering his mouth. His lips still tingled as he watched Ventus, waiting for a reaction, an explanation, _anything_. Those blue eyes widened.

**_I'm anxious._ **

_I'm scared._

**_It hurts._ **

_Why is my heart pounding so fast?_

"What the hell was that?" Vanitas demanded. The overwhelming mixture of emotions almost brought him to his knees. Ventus couldn't handle his own feelings, and mixing those with Vanitas's did not do much to help. Unversed appeared, rising around their feet.

Ventus tried to keep eye contact. His fingers were fidgeting uncertainly with his armor. His emotions only continued to rise with his confusion and his… what was that? Disappointment? Embarrassment? He had a sense of being rejected and it _hurt_. "It was… a… a promise. A promise that you'll never have to feel lonely. That I won't ever do anything to hurt you. That I'll always put you first. Vanitas… I don't have favorites. But, if I did… you would be it. You would be the one person I'd pick over everyone else. Even over Terra and Aqua.

"It _hurts_ to be away from you, Vanitas. Even for a minute. I want to be by your side constantly and when you aren't, I'm lost. I forget who I was before you and I don't care. I don't want to go back to that.

"It's a promise… that no matter what, I'll always be there for you. No matter who walks in my life, you'll always come first. You'll always be my favorite."

Vanitas considered him and his words. They were exactly what he wanted to hear, what he _needed_ to hear. He couldn't stop himself when he grabbed Ventus roughly, pulling him in to press his lips against his to return the promise. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest when Ventus wrapped his hands around his face to hold him there. He could feel the smile against his lips.

Ventus pushed his forehead against Vanitas's, the relief that washed over the both of them was palpable. Ventus rubbed their noses together, chuckling. Vanitas could feel the smile spreading across his own lips. What was this? It felt… good. The hurt was… gone—almost entirely. He was… _happy_.

"Good," Ventus laughed. "You scared me for a moment. I almost didn't think you felt the same."

"You're an idiot, then."

Ventus brushed his lips against Vanitas's again. "I know."

"Everything I do is for you, you know that, right?"

"Mmhmm," Ventus nodded. "I think I'm going to do something for you now."

"Hm?"

"Drag you with me to Destiny Islands."

Vanitas wheeled back, his expression turning to that of disgust. "You're joking."

"No way!" Ventus clutched his hand. "Trust me. Okay? I know what you like and what you don't and… You know, I think you'll actually like Kairi if you give her a chance."

"I think you're insane."

"You might need some warming up to Sora and Riku. But, trust me. Kairi's… well, just please trust me."

He went because Ventus asked him to. For the first time since he began living with Ventus, he decided to hang out with his group of friends. Sora was just like him, which Vanitas couldn't handle. Their mannerisms and speech patterns and even their face was way too similar, so Vanitas made a point to not interact with him too much. It reminded him that neither were really their own person and they were only here because of this boy. Riku couldn't seem to find a way to connect with Vanitas, so neither really spoke to each other. Not that Vanitas had much in common with any of them besides Riku, but… Ventus was right.

Kairi was different. She never looked at him the way most of the others did. She didn't see the face of the boy that was her best friend, she didn't see a boy jaded by his situation, and she didn't see a monster. She saw a boy who didn't know how to be nice. She saw a boy who tried his best (even if it was only to make Ventus smile) and didn't always succeed, but was still able to be proud of that. She wasn't afraid to call him out when he stepped out of line or when he began to push the others away.

She wasn't horrible to hang out with.

"You know, I think you'll like Isa."

Vanitas never got why Ventus wanted to hang out with people older than him. But Ventus made a point to go to Radiant Garden to meet with Lea and Isa every now and again. Lea was a fool, but a cunning one. He was sly and Vanitas wasn't sure how much of what he said was true. Vanitas didn't like liars, but Isa would call him out and Ventus would laugh and Vanitas was always on the brink of punching that smug face of his ( _Keyblade Master my ass_ ).

But Isa was honest. He had his heart back and reveled in it, like he was trying to get its use until its breaking point. He was cold and reserved, but he made an effort to say it like it was.

Vanitas could respect that.

"You know, I think you'll like Roxas and Xion and Naminé."

This one, Vanitas wasn't so sure about. Roxas and Xion lived together in Twilight Town, living whatever kind of normal life they could piece together being the non-beings they were. … Were. Not anymore, he had been reminded. The two liked to hang out with the locals, growing close over the year that they lived there.

Naminé wandered. She never stayed in one place for too long, after spending her life cooped up in Castle Oblivion and the Mansion in Twilight Town. If you wanted to find her, she would either be with Roxas or Riku. More and more, she was seen with Riku. Vanitas found her gift fascinating, but that's as far as his feelings for her went. He didn't hate her, but he didn't really care about her, either.

But she was kind. She understood more than most. She was intelligent and gentle and soft spoken, like she was a porcelain doll trying to keep herself in one piece. She didn't play, often volunteering for referee. She sat on the sidelines, watching, which was where Vanitas found himself most of the time as well.

They didn't deserve the kindness given to them and they knew it.

Xion was brave and selfless. She stood up for her friends and never let anyone stand in the way of her goals. She was ruthless, but it was hard to dislike her because of it. That soft face made it easy to let her by that way. She got what she wanted and wasn't afraid to take it by force if necessary. Roxas swore she had always been that way, but most of the time it was because their whole existence was on the line. And it stuck for her.

Good thing most of the time, the things she wanted were always for the betterment of her and her friends.

Vanitas didn't want to like Roxas. He really didn't. Not when he was the spitting image of Ventus. His default expression was a frown, which wasn't seen often among most of Ventus's friends, and he was constantly inquisitive. He asked questions every time he opened his mouth. This whole new existence for him only gave him more questions, even after being his own person for a year. He wanted to experience the most out of this life, being as young as he was and Vanitas couldn't blame him for it.

He had just as many questions. He was just as angry about the situation as Roxas was. Roxas once expressed how very frustrating it was to learn about Ventus. Imagine knowing you weren't your own person. That you were a Nobody. Then you meet the person whose heart you housed for an entire year without even knowing it. Imagine finding you didn't even have your own face—you had _theirs_. Was there ever a chance for you to become your own person?

The one that hurt the most was Roxas. Because he was probably the only one who truly understood Vanitas's situation.

He _really_ didn't want to like him. But it was so easy to find camaraderie in him.

Ventus was right again and again and again. Ventus always seemed to know what Vanitas wanted or needed and these people helped bit by bit. He never expected to find companionship like this. He expected to be lonely for his entire existence and Ventus… he lived up to his promise. Even if Ventus was not by his side, he found it was easy to be with them in his place.

Even with these new friends, Ventus would _always_ be his favorite.


	7. Pastel

"I did it!" Ventus cried, throwing his arms up in celebration. "Did you see, Vanitas? I did it!"

Vanitas did see it. He saw Ventus finally master that technique he had been working on for weeks. One that he struggled to grasp due to the lack of darkness. With mixture of Vanitas and Aqua's guidance, he learned what he needed to in order to execute it perfectly.

Aqua and Terra applauded him, praised him for his hard work. He bathed in their attention, his radiance reaching all the way to where Vanitas sat, building whatever it was he was building. He liked to keep his hands busy. It helped clear his mind, hold the control he needed over his emotions, and was just… something he enjoyed.

Vanitas never had a hobby before. He kept busy, training and killing his own emotions. And in his free time, he slept or destroyed more Unversed. He wasn't sure when he picked this up, but the building was one of the things that helped keep him sane in this world. Soon, he would be keeping even more busy. Terra and Aqua had plans for him and he wasn't looking forward to them.

When Terra and Aqua were done with him, Ventus glided towards Vanitas, crouching to his level, grinning brightly. "I did it!"

"I saw," Vanitas said without looking up. "What do you want? A medal?"

"Yes."

"Sorry, fresh out." Vanitas chewed his lip as he tightened a part on the trinket in his hand.

"Darn it," Ventus huffed. "I guess a kiss will just have to do."

"A what?" Vanitas cursed as the part dug into his finger, slicing it.

"A kiss."

"What the hell is a kiss?"

Vanitas glanced up to catch Ventus's gaze when he brought his thumb to his lips, sucking away the blood. He watched Ventus's expression go from confusion to realization to disappointment in a flash. If he hadn't looked at him when he did, he never would have noticed. Ventus quickly slapped on a smile, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"Forget it. Don't worry about it." He stood up, turning back to join Terra and Aqua.

Vanitas couldn't _stand_ when Ventus was disappointed. Whatever it was that he wanted, Vanitas couldn't give it to him because he didn't know what the hell it was. It wasn't his fault, was it? _What a freaking brat._ "Hey!" Ventus turned back to him. "Good job."

That was enough for him. Ventus gave a genuine grin, pride beaming from his every pore. Good. If that was enough to lighten Ventus's mood, he wondered what would have happened if he had been able to give the boy what he wanted. Whatever a kiss was, Vanitas didn't care much. Maybe it was some sort of candy, he thought. But Ventus expected him to have it readily available. Like Vanitas carried kisses on his person.

He didn't give it much thought. He went back to work as Ventus continued to work on the technique, making sure he had it down perfectly. After the third perfect execution, Aqua was ready to wrap it up. Vanitas told him to do it again, without even looking up from his build. He did and messed up, which caused a surge of energy to course through Ventus uncomfortably, in turn bringing that discomfort to Vanitas.

"It's not perfect," Vanitas called to the Masters. "He has to do it again and again until it's second nature."

"You'll exhaust him," Terra tried to reason.

"Good," Vanitas bent a piece of metal into the shape he needed it to be. "It means he's working hard to achieve what he wants, right?"

He wasn't cruel. At least, he didn't think he was. He knew Ventus's limits and never pushed him beyond them. When Ventus could no longer handle the pressure or work put on him, Vanitas would allow him to be done for the day. Ventus didn't argue or complain because he knew Vanitas was taking care of him.

Ventus stretched his arms above his head. "I'll keep at it. Why don't you guys work with Vanitas now?"

"Good idea," Aqua ruffled Ventus's hair. "Don't push yourself, okay?"

The two of them approached him at his spot on the ground. He refused to move, only glaring up at them through his lashes. The two of them exchanged glances, laughed—Terra with a quick snort through the nose and Aqua gave a gentle chuckle—and sat in front of him to get to his level. For the past week since Aqua and Terra decided they wanted to help him train the Unversed, they insisted on trying to get him to cooperate. He pointedly refused. If he didn't summon them, he couldn't train them, right?

Vanitas was stubborn. There wasn't anything they hadn't already said or could possibly say to get him to work with them. They didn't understand just how futile this was going to be. The Unversed were just as they were named—unversed in their own existence as living beings. So much so, they were the complete opposite of living beings. They were nothing more than fragments of his own life.

None of them understood exactly what that meant.

"Didn't you used to have control over them?" Terra asked, getting comfortable. They knew trying to convince him was going to take a while.

"Sort of," Vanitas shrugged, turning his attention back to his parts. "I had a little bit. Enough that they would listen to me if my emotions were stronger than theirs. Then I could tell them what to do. Like, 'attack' or 'grab him' or stuff like that. Simple orders for simple creatures. But even that went away when our heart fragmented." Vanitas struggled to shove a piece into the opening he created for it. It was still too small… "Like he hit a big reset button for both of us." He raised his voice loud enough for the other to hear. "Thanks a _lot_ , Ventus."

"Anytime!"

"And I supposed you used negative emotions to control them," Aqua surmised.

"I'm _made_ of negativity," Vanitas reminded her. "Not sure if you noticed, but I don't exactly have a lot of positivity like Mr. Sunshine over there."

"Have you tried making any with… positive emotions?" Aqua suggested, leaning on her arm, not quite understanding how dumb she sounded. "They are _your_ emotions after all."

Vanitas only stared at her. He didn't say a word as he held eye contact with her until she grew uncomfortable. She _needed_ to know what a stupid idea that was. She had to get it. She was a freaking Keyblade Master after all, probably the smartest person on this damn world and she still had _no idea_ what she was talking about. Vanitas was starting to kind of tolerate her and now she was ruining it.

She didn't back down. She only stared back.

Terra, who wasn't even a part of the staring contest, was the first one to break. "Vanitas, just try it. Please."

Vanitas rolled his eyes. What the hell? They'd see it wasn't possible and give up, right? Because Vanitas sure has hell wasn't going to try controlling the negativity again. It took him so long get a hold of it the first time. They would see that Unversed were only created through negativity and leave him alone. He didn't like the idea of _training_ or being told what to do. He barely tolerated it when Xehanort was giving the orders and with these two, he was ready to punch their faces in.

Vanitas sighed, putting the trinket down. He was so focused and almost finished with it… he just wanted to complete it and start on the next project. They wouldn't let him, of course. They were so intent on _helping_ him that they didn't see the harm they were doing in interrupting his focus. But he humored them.

He closed his eyes and tried to summon feelings of positivity. It was frustrating when all he could bring himself to feel was… well, everything but. He couldn't feel good about this situation. He was annoyed. He was feeling pressured. He was uncomfortable with the eyes that were watching him. Ventus messed up again and there was that unpleasant surge of power that didn't hurt but didn't feel good either. He wished he could just _channel_ Ventus's positive energy through himself. He wondered if it was even possible for him to feel good.

"Try and think of a time you felt happy…" Aqua instructed soothingly.

Then he remembered he _had_ felt good and fairly recently, too. What Ventus told him last week. The promise he made. The promise that he reminded him of every day since when they woke up and before they went to sleep. The pleasantness of the gesture that sent tingles through his whole body and had his heart racing. He _did_ know a positive emotion.

Heat rose to his cheeks as he remembered. Now he was embarrassed and he didn't know why. But he was _happy_ because of the memory. _He_ was Ventus's favorite. Not these two.

With that, he tried to drag it out and give it form. He heard the twisting of space, signaling a creation of one of the Unversed. He slowly opened his eyes, gold meeting the red of the creature before him. He stared at it. It stared back. Something was severely… _off-putting_ about it.

"What the fuck is that?" He resisted the urge to kick it back.

"It cute!" Aqua practically cooed.

"Is it going to attack?" Terra asked.

Ventus got to his feet, glaring down at the Unversed. It watched him, slinking forward to keep eye contact. The monster with red eyes, not unlike its brethren, was very much _unlike_ its brethren. Painted in pastels, the creature certainly came across much less threatening compared to the harsher coloring of most of his monsters. It was fairly tiny, just small enough to be able to lift and carry comfortably. And yes, as Aqua said, it was _cute_. A name came to him: Plucked Luck.

He summoned his Keyblade. Aqua and Terra both cried out on protest as he brought the weapon down upon the Unversed. In one swing, it was gone. Weak—weaker than a Flood, that small creature had been. It was probably even benign. He wasn't sure if he could actually control a harmless monster. He'd never tried to summon one before and now that he had, his entire body and mind rebelled against the very thought of it. Its existence was a stain upon this world.

If he had known the consequences of its destruction, he would never have done it. He would have just let it roam free, let it do what it wanted, and never bother it again. He couldn't handle the return of those positive emotions. It was more than he could take as the feelings overwhelmed him, drowning him. He never felt like this before.

It brought him to a knee, gasping as the emotion held onto his heart with a vice grip, squeezing until he was about to burst. He laughed breathlessly, his eyes stinging. Hands were on him, assuring themselves of his safety. _They_ needed to know he was going to be okay. _They_ needed to try and remind themselves they were only trying to help him. He knew he would get hurt if they tried. But he never expected this.

"Vanitas!" Aqua took his shoulder in one hand and cupped his face with the other. "Are you alright? Come on. Talk to us."

"Fine," Vanitas gasped, still not sure what this _was_ exactly. He didn't know if he liked it or not. He turned up to face her, blinking away the blurriness in an attempt to see her clearly. It didn't work. As soon as the tears rolled away, more filled his vision. He glanced from Aqua to Terra, both expressing their shock. They knew that when he destroyed the Unversed, it brought him pain. But he was sure they weren't expecting _tears_. _He_ wasn't expecting tears. "I'm fine."

"Give us a minute?" Ventus appeared between Aqua and Terra. They nodded in agreement before walking out of earshot. They could still see both of them, but the two boys were given enough room to talk without being bothered. It wasn't enough for Vanitas. He wanted to be in their room, alone. Why was he so damn weak?

Vanitas dropped into a sitting position, rubbing his face. The feeling was beginning to ebb away as Ventus knelt in front of him, leaning close. He was concerned and as well as confused. Had he seen any of what transpired? Did he realize what exactly it was that overwhelmed him?

"What happened?"

Vanitas explained. By the time he finished, the grip on his heart finally slackened and the overwhelming positivity faded. He felt like his usual self, only a lot more embarrassed. He wasn't able to handle that much of a good thing and it got the best of him in front of the two people he needed to be strong in front of. So much for never showing them his weakness again.

"Happiness…" Ventus flexed his fingers, watching the joints bend, like it was a new and unexpected experience for him. "That's what it was…"

"What are you talking about?"

"I felt it," Ventus met his gaze with a bright grin. "I felt the happiness that returned to you with the Unversed."

There was no way that was possible. The connection only worked one way and Vanitas was the only one able to feel what his other half was feeling. Ventus was the original, so it made sense. Vanitas was ripped from him, a by-product, a different form of monster created when the heart was split. Ventus didn't get a Heartless or a Nobody, he got Vanitas. Like how Roxas had Sora's memories and not the other way around, _Vanitas_ was supposed to be the one with the direct connection to Ventus.

He had to be lying. **_I'm not_.** It had to be something else. **_It's not._** How was that even possible? **_I don't know,_ but I like it.**

Vanitas laughed, rubbing his forehead with his free hand. He still clutched his Keyblade desperately, needing to hold on to something real. "This is so dumb." It was overwhelming. "When I actually feel something… _good_ , you get it, too."

"Where'd it come from?" Ventus asked, pulling his legs under him. "Why now?"

"Don't know," Vanitas shrugged. "Maybe it's always been that way. I've never felt anything like that."

"Never?" Vanitas shook his head. "Well, don't worry. You'll be feeling it a lot more, now. I'll make sure of that."

"I'd rather _not_." He didn't like how powerful the feeling was. It was too much to handle.

"Too bad," Ventus grinned from ear to ear.

Vanitas groaned. Ventus beckoned Terra and Aqua back over now that Vanitas had calmed down. Ventus knew how he felt about appearing weak in front of the two of them and was kind to shoo them off, but the damage had been done. They had seen it all and there was no way of stopping it from happening again.

"I wanna see it!" Ventus exclaimed. "Do it again!"

"No way!"

"Pleeaaaase!"

"It might be a good thing," Aqua considered as she knelt beside Ventus. "We need to learn more about them. The kind that are borne from good feelings might be more containable. More of them, less of the negativity. It could be… therapeutic."

All of them were crazy. They didn't understand what this did to him. He didn't want to do this anymore. He was done humoring Terra and Aqua. He was done taking orders and trying to appease them. He was so ready to at that moment to leave and never return. Too much was happening and it was too much for him to handle.

"Not gonna happen," Vanitas grumbled. "Not feeling very _happy_."

He climbed to his feet, brushed himself off and grabbed his trinket and tools. He exchanged a glance with Ventus, whose pout made him almost want to give in. He needed to get away from these three. Ventus needed to get back to work. And Vanitas needed some time to himself.

He went to his spot on the Cliffside to overlook the valley as he worked. He really couldn't believe what just happened. Maybe it didn't _really_ happen. Maybe it was just a fluke, a one-time thing, a mistake that would never happen again. He hoped so, anyway. The Unversed terrified him. Just when he was starting to accept himself and his limitations, that stupid creature had been borne. Another manifestation of his weakness.

But how weak was he really? And what kind of weakness did that show? Was happiness really a weakness? It had to be. He wouldn't allow anyone to see him like that except for Ventus. But why did he allow himself to bare his soul to Ventus? Because he had done it before while trapped in Sora's heart? That was the only reason he came up with. He desperately wished he could remember that time. The bits and pieces Ventus remembered didn't build a whole picture, but it was enough to prove that the two of them grew so incredibly close while stuck alone together.

This feeling that Ventus gave him created his weakness. So, did that mean that this particular Unversed was the embodiment of how he felt towards his other half? This stupid, cute, _benign_ creature that only looked to him in adoration. He hated this one most. It proved just how far the two of them came in their relationship. From… hating one another to… whatever _this_ was. They favored each other so entirely they were content with just being _together_. He didn't know how to feel about it, to be honest. But he knew how that Unversed made him feel and maybe the resentment towards it was because he didn't want to believe that the two of them really changed.

The simple fact was that they had. You couldn't walk away from a shared experience like they had without becoming friends. How close they had become had to be something else. Perhaps it would have been like this if Ventus stayed beside him from the start. Because they were two halves of a whole, they needed each other desperately only Ventus didn't realize it until he… _adopted_ Vanitas.

The sun was going down when Ventus joined him on the cliff side. The blonde sat beside him, watching the sun as Vanitas finished working. Vanitas admired the trinket as the metal reflected the sunlight and the glass glistened with its rays. Vanitas promptly held the small item in front of Ventus, dropping it in the hand that raised to meet it. Ventus leaned against his shoulder as he took in the item.

Vanitas couldn't look at him. Ventus told him what he thought of the trinket (he loved it—like every other thing Vanitas created). The blonde reached over him, setting it on the bench that Vanitas vacated earlier (he couldn't sit on it for too long—his back was _aching_ ). As he did so, he brushed his lips against Vanitas's jaw-line, right under his ear. It was a weird place that always elicited an involuntary grunt from Vanitas. Ventus followed the motion, pulling himself onto Vanitas's lap, snaking his arm around his neck. Once settled, he pressed his forehead against Vanitas's, his blue eyes boring into gold.

"So, what was it like feeling what I felt?" Vanitas asked, his face warming with the close proximity.

"Weird," Ventus hummed, rubbing their noses. "But not terrible. One minute, I'm frustrated I can't get this thing down again, the next I'm _bursting_ with the warmest, most amazing feeling. It was… kinda like how it feels when I'm around you."

Vanitas broke eye contact, moving his head to Ventus's shoulder. "The Unversed that was created… was made from how _you_ make me feel." Alive, wanted, free.

Ventus pushed Vanitas back enough to cup his face in his hand. Without missing a beat, his lips were pressed against Vanitas's, inhaling as their noses pushed against each other. He pushed so hard, Vanitas almost fell back. He clutched onto the blonde tightly, leaning into him. Ventus pulled back, pressing again and again and again. He pressed his lips onto Vanitas's forehead and cheek, like he was sucking all of the bad away.

"What are you doing?" Vanitas gasped.

"Kissing you," Ventus mumbled into his skin as he moved down his throat. "It's how you show affection." He chuckled as he pressed into his collarbone. "I can't believe you don't know what a kiss is."

"I thought it was a promise." The sensation of the kiss sent chills down his spine and made his stomach flip. He didn't know if he liked it.

"It is," he brought his lips to Vanitas's once more, giving a much softer, gentler touch. "It's a kind of promise. For us it is anyway. Because whatever _this_ is… whatever this becomes, we need to remind each other of that promise. You'll always be my favorite. And I hope I'll always be yours." He rubbed their noses playfully again. "Don't you ever kiss anyone else, okay? I'll kick your ass."

"Like I'd want to," Vanitas wrapped his arms tightly around Ventus's waist, pulling him in tighter. "You're the only one I like."

Ventus kissed him hard again, causing the raven-haired boy to fall backwards. He grunted as he landed in the grass. Ventus's lips engulfed his lower lip, like he was trying to get closer than they already were. Like their touch wasn't nearly enough and he needed to blend right into the other. Vanitas pulled up to breathe.

"Don't like it?" Ventus pulled back, panting.

"Too much." Vanitas breathed. He couldn't handle that much. He couldn't take _that_ much attention and adoration. "I guess that's another way to join with me, huh?"

"I thought that was what you wanted," Ventus laughed. He gave him one last peck on the lips before pulling up. "It's fine if it makes you uncomfortable."

He didn't want to say _uncomfortable_ so much as confused and overwhelmed. He didn't understand what Ventus was trying to do, but he knew it was good. Too good. He had never felt _good_ before and he didn't know what to make of it, so it just _hurt_. As Ventus climbed off of him, Vanitas was left staring at the sky above. It was growing darker, the bell calling them for dinner tolling in from the castle.

Vanitas wanted Ventus back on top of him. He wanted his warmth against him, even if he didn't know if he liked the _kisses_ that made him melt. He would have to wait until they were ready to sleep, he supposed. He'd climb into bed with Ventus, whether the blonde wanted it or not. He didn't have a choice.

Vanitas sat up, twisting to get to his feet when he paused. Ventus's grin was growing broader as he reached out for a creature that hopped towards him. Vanitas scowled. Five of them had been formed when he wasn't watching. He needed to learn to get these bastards under control, like he did with the negativity.

"Looks like we have company," Ventus snickered, scooping the new breed of Unversed into his arms. "They're cute, Vanitas."

"I hate you."

 _He_ made them. It was because of _him_ these creatures were created. Vanitas didn't want to see them. He didn't want them anywhere near him. He hated what they were even more than he hated the negative ones. For a moment, he forgot about the pain. It seemed no matter what he felt, he would always be reminded of those emotions. The good and the bad. Now, just because he felt good, those monsters would never ever go away.

"Hey," Ventus leaned against Vanitas, holding out the creature. "Tell it to do something."

"Bite Ventus."

The monster blinked once. It turned its head, making an exaggerated gesture as it chomped down on Ventus. The blonde cried out, wincing. Vanitas gasped, not even considering that the creature would take his order. He grabbed the Unversed roughly from Ventus's hands, throwing it away from them.

"Hey!" Ventus scampered to grab the Unversed that tumbled away. "It didn't _hurt_." He came back to Vanitas, holding out his wrist. "See? Look. There isn't even a mark. It was just surprising, that's all." A grin spread across his face. "It listened to you! Try something else!"

Vanitas scowled. Ventus calmed the panicking Unversed, stroking between its ears. He sighed, knowing Ventus wouldn't back down. "Relax," he instructed it. "Raise your hand. Paw. Thing."

The creature slowly stopped shaking, looking up at Ventus asking for approval with its eyes. Ventus gave it an encouraging nod. The Unversed (this one was called Caninergetic) raised its paw, sinking into Ventus's arms. Vanitas frowned. These ones listened to him. That wasn't possible. There was no way.

"Come here."

It crawled out of Ventus's arms, pawing up to Vanitas. Not knowing what to do, he reached out to pat its head. That was what you did to encourage that sort of behavior, right? He sat in disbelief. Ventus threw his fist in the air, crying out in celebration. He reached over the Caninergetic to grab Vanitas's face and pressed a hard kiss into his lips.

How was Ventus able to do that? How was he able to make anything that caused Vanitas pain bearable? Everything he touched mended his hurt. And his kisses took it all away.

"We're not doing this in front of Terra and Aqua." Vanitas mumbled into his lips. Ventus pulled back, his blue eyes widening in question. "This is for you and me, got it?" Ventus tilted his head, even more confusion drawn in those eyebrows. "I don't want to show them that you're my weakness."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thanks for reading so far!
> 
> So, I know with how the last chapter ended, it was a bit confusing with where the timeline might be right now. Vanitas hasn't made any friends other than our Wayfinder trio at the moment. Eventually, he'll warm up to the others. But not right away. So, Ventus is the only one he likes.


	8. Skin

He was left alone with Roxas. Anxiety began to tickle at his throat when his situation dawned on him, leaving the two of them glancing awkwardly at each other. Ventus had left with Xion to get ice cream and their other friends from Twilight Town had yet to join them. What were their names again? He didn't bother—they were of zero consequence and they had to avoid talk of other worlds and Keyblades with them around. The three of them were considered more of a hindrance than companions to Vanitas, yet no one else saw them that way.

Roxas coughed as he rolled a stone that had been knocked loose from the ceiling off of the side table by the couch he sat on in the Usual Spot. Vanitas knew he didn't really talk that much, even with Ventus around. But then again, it might have been because Vanitas was in the vicinity. He vaguely remembered his cellmate when they were locked together in Sora's heart. Vanitas made a point to avoid him and Xion and what little interactions he had with the two of them weren't exactly friendly.

Vanitas didn't like looking at his face. The default frown was unsettling, making him sorely long to make him smile, even if this wasn't _Ventus_. That sort of yearning was reserved _only_ for Ventus and this look alike was really frustrating. He smiled, sure. But it was controlled and only reached his eyes when Xion or Lea were the ones invoking it. Especially Xion. The sort of atmosphere around those two was very reminiscent of what it was like being around Sora and Kairi, which Vanitas grew to dread so terribly. They were just _so_ … how could he describe Sora and Kairi? He could never quite find the words, and perhaps it was because he didn't have them.

The more time he spent with others, the more he realized just what little he knew of the human experience. There weren't just positive and negative feelings—it was mostly some sort of gray area for the majority of people. Vanitas was the weird one that usually always felt one or the other (mostly negative). The relationships people grew were rarely forced, like his felt like with Terra and Aqua through the sheer proximity they shared through the first year he lived with them. He pretty much gave up trying to understand people when he realized the complexity of them.

Ventus was simple. It was easier to understand someone when you knew what they felt and why they felt that way.

"So," Roxas started slowly, glancing back at him. Those blue eyes caught him, harder than Ventus's but just as bright. He could sense the hesitancy in him, knowing just how hard Vanitas was to talk to. He hated people. He stuck around them for Ventus's sake and Roxas and Xion were more tolerable than most of his other friends. So, Vanitas tried to relax to give the other a sense of ease to feel more comfortable to speak.

"Uh, I never really got to ask Ven because, well, I don't really like to talk about it…" Roxas scratched at the fabric of the couch, training his gaze on a loose thread. "But… do you two remember anything from being in Sora's heart?" Vanitas's eyebrow shot up, surprised. "Xion… Xion doesn't and I was curious if you guys did…."

"No," Vanitas shook his head. "Bits and pieces. Just sort of… of each other." Hating each other. Fighting. Holding hands. Noses touching. "You two." Their arrival. Ventus's welcome. Vanitas avoiding them. "Ventus said he remembered that man. Ansem? We don't talk about it much unless he has a dream or something." Vanitas's frown deepened when he considered Roxas's implications. "But you remember."

Roxas nodded. "Yeah. I guess… that kind of explains the one-eighty you guys took." Roxas snorted. "Looks like you're back on track, though."

Vanitas scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Roxas shrugged, rocking to his feet. "Just… in Sora's heart, you guys were kind of inseparable. And once we were released, you wanted to tear each other's throat's out." The corner of his lip turned upward towards Vanitas. The only smile he's ever received from the blonde. "You two are better off this way."

Vanitas wasn't so sure about that. Yes, he was in less pain than he ever had been in his life, yet, when he looked back at those two weeks alone, it seemed like heaven. Still, Ventus became his weakness. Ventus consumed him through every thought, every action, every breath he took. When did he become so weak? He had been conditioned to believe strength was everything he needed to obtain what he desired. All he ever wanted was the pain to stop. And here… here was this stupid boy, his other half, the very reason for his existence that helped to ease the ache. With every smile flashed his way, every touch that grazed his skin, every kiss that left him breathless and dizzy the hurt vanished.

Contrary to what he had known his whole life, his weakness was saving him. And damn it, if that didn't leave a blow to his ego, nothing would.

"It took you this long to ask one of us?" Vanitas leaned into his palm, snorting as he surveyed the former Nobody that shifted with discomfort.

"Like I said, I don't like talking about it."

Vanitas chewed the inside of his cheek, feeling the sore and swollen bit that he gnawed at earlier that day. Maybe Roxas wasn't so much like Ventus. "It was a prison for you, too."

Roxas scratched his head, heaving a sigh as he kept his eyes trained on a poster that fell to the floor. "It was at first," Roxas admitted. "Then… Axel… Lea died and I fought him. It was his fault he died. I was angry and sad. And he won. So, I figured he was ready to take on Xemnas. When he did and won, I… Well, that was what I set out to do when I left the Organization and he finished what I started. I guess I accepted my fate. Accepted that I was returning to someone who was worth returning to. I just… wanted to be my own person."

"I know the feeling," Vanitas grumbled. Every time he looked at Sora, he was reminded that he was a fragment of Ventus, held together by Sora. "Must have really sucked when you realized you didn't even have your own face."

Roxas… laughed. It was different from Ventus's light and hearty laugh. Roxas gave a low chortle, his eyes crinkling in the corners more than his lips turning up. "You weren't even there when Ventus introduced himself. I had a meltdown. I knew I was supposed to look like Sora, but I looked like someone else entirely. I _did_ have a heart and it wasn't even mine. I _was_ able to feel, but they weren't even my feelings. It was the absolute worst!"

Still, he laughed. He was able to look at Ventus now with a friendly smile and play with the same conviction as he would with Lea, Xion, and Naminé. He didn't resent either Sora nor Ventus. They had no control over all that had happened to them. And Vanitas didn't really blame either for his own strife—he had long since gotten over the fact that Ventus's weakness was the reason for his birth. He still was sore that these heroes took away what chance he had for peace, yet, it was slowly occurring to him that perhaps Xehanort would have been no help at all, even if he did succeed.

What he really needed was Ventus.

When Ventus returned with Xion, Vanitas took his ice cream, frowning. Ventus only grinned, "Don't worry. It's not sweet."

Ventus knew him so well. His dislike of sweets had been made known time and time again and still he was given them by Aqua or Kairi or whomever else was kind enough to present him with a gift. Their "birthday" was so strange. It day chosen by Aqua when Ventus was taken in by Eraqus, since nobody could tell her when it was. She chose the date he was given to them as a way to celebrate. Vanitas was well aware that his birth was the night before, but agreed to celebrate the same day as Ventus since he never had a celebration of it in any kind. Aqua baked a cake, all of Ventus's friends came over, gifts were exchanged. It was… nice. Everyone believed Vanitas was in a sour mood because he refused to eat his own birthday cake. He just didn't _like_ it.

Ventus left the celebration to whip him up a tart. For an hour, no one had any clue where he went. When he came back, Vanitas was told many times, "I didn't know you could smile like that." It must have been the first time he gave a genuine, non-malicious smile in front of most of those guests.

Ventus knew just what Vanitas liked. The ice cream was tart. A strong fruit flavor washed over his taste buds and stained his lips. He nodded a thanks to Ventus who sat on the barrel beside him. Ventus's grin made Vanitas's heart burst at the seems. Lately, that smile was all he needed to keep going and push away the negativity. Vanitas broke eye contact in fear that he might just cause an Unversed to appear with nothing but a look. Since the positivity had made their presence known, they were becoming more and more of a nuisance. Simple things like a smile or a wink sent warmth spreading through Vanitas which in turn gave birth to the positivity. They were harmless and it was fine to have them at home, but in a setting like this, he'd rather not have to explain himself. Terra and Aqua knew and that was more than enough.

Roxas received a text from Hayner, asking to meet at the clock tower. The four of them headed that way to meet up with the other three, though Vanitas wasn't sure why. The four of them were fine on their own. The sun hanging so low in the sky was an indicator that Ventus and Vanitas should head home soon anyway. Vanitas wondered if he should bring up Roxas's revelation while they were still with him. Maybe Ventus had questions about what happened, but the only thing Vanitas wanted to know about was too embarrassing to ask.

When and how did Ventus and he becoming friends? How close were they? Was he… _friendly_ to Roxas and Xion? He didn't remember having good or ill feelings towards them. He just remembered not exactly being kind, like he was trying to be more and more lately for Ventus's sake. Ventus wanted him around, no matter what. Vanitas supposed it would be better to try and get along with his friends if he were to be dragged with him everywhere. He supposed it didn't hurt to be kind to people. It was just something he wasn't use to doing. He never needed to be kind and if he was miserable, why shouldn't everyone else? It was easier now that he understood happiness, even if it was overwhelming.

Vanitas decided not to bring it up. Roxas and Xion walked a few paces ahead of them and he was giving her that smile Vanitas only saw with her. Maybe Roxas didn't want to talk about it now. Xion was playfully telling him something, her steps light as a dance. Her face was beaming and bright with a little of that blue ice cream on the corner of her lips.

"You… uh, have a little something on your face," Roxas snickered, scratching the area on his face where the spot was on hers.

"Oh yeah?" She leaned close to him, grinning. "Where? I can't see."

"Just a little," Roxas leaned closer, their paces matching each other as they bantered back and forth. "Right there."

The way they looked at each other brought a surge of disgust and jealousy. Something in Roxas's eyes reminded him strongly of the way Ventus looked only at him and Vanitas had to remind himself that Ventus was right next to him. Another something was the closeness of the Nobody and the Puppet were just like Sora and Kairi and he really didn't like to think about that. He wasn't sure what about their interactions disgusted him.

"Can you get it for me?"

Roxas snickered, taking her chin to press his lips against the corner with the fallen ice cream. He pulled back to kiss her lips, rubbing his thumb across what was left of the offending spot. "Brat."

Vanitas had never seen anyone share a kiss before. Was that what it was like? Suddenly, he understood exactly _why_ he was repulsed by affection. It was like something he shouldn't be watching. It was for behind closed doors, not to be seen by others. These two seemed more open about their feelings that others and perhaps it was because they were conditioned for most of their lives to know that they felt _nothing_. They wanted everyone to know whose favorite they were and they weren't afraid to show it.

Vanitas vowed to never be like these two with Ventus. He wouldn't subject this torture upon anyone.

"Gross," Vanitas sneered.

Xion laughed. "We know. Lea tells us all the time."

"Can't help it," Roxas pulled her close by the elbow, borrowing his nose into the crook of her neck.

Xion teasingly pushed him away as they reached the clock tower, their ice cream already gone. They climbed the long, winding staircase to the top. Vanitas wondered how the normal kids did it without getting winded. Halfway up, he was ready to take a corridor to the top. This as too much work. Roxas and Xion seemed to revel in normalcy, though. The two of them walked everywhere, rarely left world, even more rarely used their weapons or magic. How they did it, Vanitas really wanted to know. After about a week he was itching for a fight.

At the top, the three locals were already sitting with ice creams in hand. The blonde boy teased them for their lateness, the chubby one and the girl greeted them warmly. Roxas dropped a fist on the blonde's head, rubbing his knuckles into the scalp as he took his seat next to him. Xion sat beside Roxas, perhaps a little closer than usual. Ventus and Vanitas opted to stand behind them, the two of them just having stopped to say hello before heading out (why say hello to these guys, anyway?).

The seven watched as the sun sunk below the horizon before the two headed off. At home, Vanitas flopped into his bed, exhausted from the long day of interacting with people. A part of the reason he hated it all, to be honest. Even if they day wasn't too bad, being around people was incredibly tiresome. Ventus dropped on top of him, wrapping his arms around his torso, finally getting the chance to do that the first time all day.

"I've been dying for Vanitas hugs," Ventus mumbled into Vanitas's chest.

Vanitas scratched Ventus's back idly, humming in agreement. He tried to picture what the two of them might look like from an outsider's perspective. He tried to imagine that the two of them didn't seem too close or too friendly or too touchy but all he could picture was Roxas and Xion or Sora and Kairi.

"We don't look like them, do we?"

"Hm?" Ventus peered upward, his blue eyes curious.

"Like… how Roxas and Xion look. All close and gross."

Ventus shrugged. "I don't think so." He shook his head. "You don't like being touched and you don't like kissing in front of people, so…. We don't get affectionate. But I think we seem close."

"Roxas said we used to be inseparable." Vanitas sighed. Maybe Roxas would be the only one that knew just how close the two of them were if they were anything like this in Sora's prison. "You know, when were were all trapped together."

Ventus didn't like to think that they were "trapped," which read clearly on his face every time Vanitas mentioned what he thought of their time there. He didn't seem to understand just how awful it was for Vanitas—at least, what little he remembered of it. It was good to know he wasn't the only one, even if it lasted a short while.

"He remembers that part?"

"He remembers all of it," Vanitas confessed. "He just told me. Asked if I remembered anything." He shrugged. "I think it's because he's Sora's Nobody that he remembers it. We didn't talk about it too much."

"Does Xion?" Vanitas shook his head. "What else did he say?"

"Nothing really. Just that he freaked out when you two met."

"Really?" Ventus's eyes grew wide as saucers as he shot upright.

Vanitas laughed. "Imagine his situation," he pulled himself upright, resting his arm over his knee. "A kid who spent someone days living a false life joins up with some kid who he was told deserves to live more than he does and then walking into your double, who tells you what you had a heart all along but it wasn't really yours it was _his_."

"Oh," Ventus frowned, making himself look more and more like Roxas.

Vanitas needed to rectify that. "Hey, look at him now." He took Ventus's hand in both of his, tracing the lines of his bones from the wrist to his fingertips. "You guys are pretty close for you having caused him to have a meltdown. He's really happy living that stupidly mundane existence. He's living with a girl that makes him smile brighter than you do. I swear to God, today I thought he was you and got jealous. I think he's doing pretty well to be coming from that, don't you think?"

Ventus sighed, seeing his point clearly. He took a moment to consider everything, that wonderful smile returning to those lips. He caught Vanitas's gaze, those blue eyes brighter than all the stars in the sky. How could he even think Roxas looked like him when the pureness that was Ventus shone a thousand times more brightly?

"You too, you know." Ventus's hands cupped his chin as he brought himself to meet Vanitas's lips. It was short and sweet, leaving butterflies to dance around in his stomach and his head to soar in the clouds.

He was right. Vanitas was in a much better place than he had been for pretty much his entire life. With the touch of Ventus's kiss, he felt like there was no place he'd rather be. The goodness of this boy saved him in every way, even if he tried to deny it. He was once nothing but hate and anger and desperation. He never would have imagined at this moment he might be flying.

"So," Ventus settled back onto Vanitas's chest, a sly grin creeping across his features. "What exactly were you jealous of, hm?"

Why did Vanitas say that? Heat rose to his cheeks, cursing his lack of vocal filters. He couldn't meet Ventus's eye when he replied. "He just had that look," Vanitas grumbled. "He was giving her that look you give me."

The sweet sensation quickly faded as Ventus's mood changed drastically. A revelation that brought horror and anxiety into his heart and the quick change was enough to send Vanitas reeling. Feeling both of their positivity was quickly becoming addicting, a fix he needed more and more brought on by those kisses.

"What?" Vanitas asked sharply as Ventus's smile slowly as he sat onto his knees. He got a sinking feeling he wasn't going to like the answer.

"I… I suddenly get the feeling I'm taking advantage of you." Ventus confessed, worry creasing his brow with every shift of his swiftly tightening muscles that moved away from Vanitas.

He scowled. As much as he cared for this boy, his mood swings were _really_ annoying. They tended to get in the way of his fix for that good feeling he never thought he'd ever experience.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Get back here and kiss him again. Shut that irritating mouth of yours and _kiss me_. It will take away all of their ache and pain and anxieties and make everything good again. It will bring those annoying monsters of positivity and create more of an overwhelming feeling for both of them. Ventus didn't know what he was talking about.

"It's just… you don't… you don't get it," Ventus quickly tried to explain, tripping over his tongue. "You don't know. There's just so much you don't understand and I haven't explained any of it to you and here we are, kissing and cuddling and you don't even know the implications of what they mean for people or why I told you not to kiss anyone else and you just don't ask so I don't think to tell you and I never thought 'What if he doesn't know what to ask?'" he stopped to inhale, panic rising with every run-away thought. Vanitas could feel the lump tightening his throat as his heart raced. Ventus was being stupid with his emotions again, forgetting he wasn't the only one that would experience them.

"I'm so sorry!" Ventus gasped, his eyes becoming glossy.

Vanitas kept his expression controlled. He learned not to run with Ventus's high emotions, especially when they were negative. It would make things worse for him. He took a breath, telling himself there wasn't anything to panic about. That his worry wasn't his. "All this because I was jealous?"

Ventus shook his head fervently. "No!" he pushed himself further away from Vanitas. The raven-haired boy growled, needing a closer proximity. "It's just… Roxas gave Xion that look because they're in _love_."

Love? Oh. That made sense, he supposed. He never really knew the emotion or what kind of power it held. He knew people _fell_ in love, somehow, but he didn't know what it did to them. He didn't think he'd ever seen two people in love before and he didn't think he'd care to see it again. They were so gross.

"Are you saying you're in love with me?" Vanitas regretted asking the moment the words slipped past his lips. There was no taking it back, but he wasn't sure he wanted an answer.

Ventus hesitated, his eyes growing wide and his mouth dropping open. The panic heightened and the confusion rose and he really, _really_ didn't want to answer it. Maybe Vanitas could save them both the trouble. He roughly grabbed Ventus by the lapels, pushing his lips hard against the other's. Ventus, though happily surprised, pushed away, shaking his head.

"Th-That was…"

"Don't answer that."

"Ah…"

"So, they're in love?" Vanitas urged him to continue.

"R-Right. So, they're in love, so he gives her that look and she talks to him like she does and they kiss." Ventus explained, not looking at Vanitas. "And there's more to it than just kissing. There's a lot of other stuff people do to express how they feel towards one another."

"Do you _have_ to be in love to show that expression?" Vanitas leaned against the backboard, pulling a knee up. He felt like they might be here a long time. Ventus would try to explain something, Vanitas would ask for an elaboration, and for once Ventus seemed entirely uncertain about the whole thing.

"No necessarily…"

"Okay then," Vanitas nodded. "I don't see where you're heading with this, Ventus. If we're doing this stuff and you say it's not only for people in love, then what's this about?"

"It's because you _don't_ know!" Ventus nearly shouted, his face beat red. He quickly covered his mouth, eying the door. They didn't want Terra or Aqua showing up to see what was going on, especially since there were a three of Unversed scuttling around the room. Vanitas couldn't get rid of them until they were done talking—the distraction of their dismissal would only heighten all of the feelings they were made from and that wasn't always a good thing.

"You didn't even know what a kiss was…" Ventus said, his voice now in hushed tones. "And I feel terrible… I wanted to kiss you, so I did and… I'm sorry. I didn't even properly explain it; I was just so happy you wanted to kiss me back that I just rolled with it without even taking into account it might be taking advantage of your inexperience. I thought… I thought 'it's our promise' would be enough but what if we end up wanting _more_? What if we end up wanting something else and you go out there, not knowing anything? I just—"

Vanitas's eyes narrowed. "Why would I want something _else_?" he spat. "What _more_ could I ever want? This is the most I've ever had of… _anything_ and it's all because of _you_. I do everything for _you_ , Ventus and if you think for one moment I'd every do that for anyone else you don't know me _at all_."

Vanitas kicked a Plucked Luck away from him. It was the first Unversed that popped up when Ventus kissed him and would _not_ leave him alone. The Flood did a good job distracting it for a while, until the Hareraiser decided the Flood needed to pay attention to _it_. He was trying to prevent more from rising, especially with this _anger_ boiling within him. He thought Ventus knew him better than that. He thought Ventus understood that _he_ was all Vanitas needed. Sure, he never put it into so many words, but he tried his best to convey those feelings he hated talking about.

"I know," Ventus tried to reason. "I know, but—"

There was a knock at the door. Damn it, Ventus. Why did you raise you voice? He knew it would bring _one_ of them. From the polite, "Guys?" that sounded from the other side of the door, he recognized it as Terra. They weren't going to continue this until Terra was gone, Vanitas would make sure of that.

The door opened as the air stilled around them. Ventus keeps his eyes trained on the window behind Vanitas, avoiding looking at Terra. He didn't want the other to know he was upset. Vanitas wasn't afraid to show his frustration. "What?" he snapped.

"Is…" Terra glanced over the Unversed that were wrestling each other. "Is everything okay, here?" The Plucked Luck played it like a game, but the Hareraiser and Flood were clearly out for blood. Vanitas could care less if they destroyed each other to be honest, but the look Terra was giving them showed _he_ cared. About Vanitas's well being. It was still a weird concept to try and get used to.

His blue eyes furrowed with concern when he turned back to Vanitas. Vanitas huffed, rolling his eyes. "We're fine." He replied perhaps too shortly.

"Are you two fighting?" Terra asked, surprise clear in his tone. Terra meant well, but this was none of his damn business. He didn't know what was going on between them and he sure as hell wasn't going to learn anytime soon. He wouldn't be able to help them either way.

Vanitas scowled further. "What? We're not allowed to fight?" He took on a mocking tone, "Oh, don't worry. It's only verbal for now, but no promises."

As Terra opened his mouth to retort, Ventus quickly cut him off, still pointedly not looking at him. "It's fine, Terra." He said quietly. "I started it. We're trying to figure some stuff out so, could you…?"

Terra hesitated. He glanced over the wrestling Unversed once more, his brows furrowed in worry. "Are you sure you two are alright?"

"Get _out_ ," Vanitas growled, trying to keep his voice steady. Another Flood twisted into existence, his emotions getting away from him again. Why did everything hurt? Whose pain was whose anymore? Vanitas thought Ventus knew him better. He thought Ventus felt exactly as he did about the other. He hurt with Ventus's implications that someday _he might leave_.

Ventus hurt with a pain he brought on himself. He was frustrated with himself and confused and _hated_ this confrontation. It was the first time the two had a serious fight where both of them hurt with a dull throb that pulsed throughout their whole bodies.

Terra understood he couldn't help. He quickly shut the door on a Flood that made a bee-line for the opening, a sorry attempt at freedom that failed when it's head hit the door. Vanitas might need to take care of them sooner than he anticipated if they continued to form. Their new room was bigger than their last one, but that didn't mean there was much space. He turned his furious glare back to Ventus, pulling himself off the bed and onto his feet.

"Do you want me to leave?" Vanitas finally said after sorting through his anger.

"What?" Ventus breathed, his body stiffening. "N-No… No, of course not."

"Do you _want_ to move on?" he spat. "Do you _want_ more than just… me?" How could Ventus be so selfish? Then again, Vanitas knew he always had been. From the very beginning, Ventus only thought about himself and his friends. Vanitas thought he had been included in Ventus's world and led himself to believe he actually _cared_. Vanitas knew he wasn't enough good and too much bad in this boy's life.

Ventus's eyes glistened. Was he… going to cry? No. Ventus never cried. He always smiled and laughed and brushed off whatever was bothering him without even a second thought. _This_ was agitating him. _This_ was bringing him to the worst of his emotions to the surface, the one emotion he pushed down over every other negative emotion and it effected Vanitas unlike every other.

"No!" Ventus cried out. "I don't want to hurt you!"

Vanitas couldn't believe it. "Hurt me?"

"That's what this is all about!" Ventus insisted. "I want to show you how I feel, but I don't want you to do things you don't understand! I want you to know what everything we do means and what kind of people do them with each other and I want you to just… know what you're getting yourself into."

"You'll… you'll never leave me alone, right?" Vanitas suddenly felt very vulnerable. Everything he wanted sat right in front of him and he wasn't even sure if he felt the same. He wanted to stay beside Ventus forever, a boy who made him feel _happy_ for the first time in his short existence.

His face felt hot. How could he ever have asked that out loud? _Damn it_.

Another Flood came into existence.

"No," Ventus's expression softened as he reached to hold Vanitas's face. "No. I couldn't if I wanted to." The blonde pressed his forehead against Vanitas's. "I don't know if it's because of what we are or not, but… I can't stay away from you if I tried. You're my favorite, remember?"

"In that case," Vanitas couldn't meet Ventus's gaze. His face continued to burn and his ears felt like they were on fire. What was he going to do with him? Why did he put him through all of this? "I don't do anything I don't want to." The raven-haired boy said with finality. "I kiss you because I want to, even if I don't know what it means. I hold you because I want to, because you're warm and we fit perfectly into each other. I follow your lead because it's _you_ , Ventus. Whatever you want to do, I want to do.

"So… don't say that kind of shit, okay?" Vanitas released a slow breath. "You're the one that doesn't know anything."

Ventus gave an uncertain laugh. He leaned all of his weight onto Vanitas who was forced to hold him up. The hurt ebbed. Vanitas pulled them both onto the bed.

"I'm sorry," Ventus mumbled. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I do things without thinking. I'm sorry for taking advantage of you." Ventus held onto Vanitas's shirt tightly. "I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologizing for all that, idiot?" Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Apologize for being an idiot of you have to apologize for anything." For even starting this pointless argument. For even thinking for a second Vanitas might ever want to _move on_ or _want more_. For making Vanitas think even for a _moment_ that Ventus might someday leave him.

"I'm sorry for that, too," Ventus's voice cracked into the fabric. "I just don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to hate me."

"It's fine, even if you do." Vanitas heaved a sigh. "You're all I got, Ventus. And I've given you more than enough hurt to last a lifetime. We can call it payback if you ever hurt me."

"That's not how this works, dummy," Ventus snickered. "There's no revenge in friendship."

"But we're not friends," Vanitas mused, taking Ventus's hand away from his shirt. The blonde peered up at him curiously, his blue eyes curious and a little hurt. Vanitas felt a tiny smile crossing his lips as he linked their fingers. "We're two halves of a whole."

Ventus touched his cheek, pulling Vanitas to meet his eye. They surveyed each other for a moment, trying to decide what it was the other was looking for. Ventus was everything he was not. Good and light with a radiance that outshone the sun. He prayed his darkness would never consume an ounce of it. What Ventus saw in him, the little good that was left over from him when they were ripped apart, was the spark that ignited all of this. It gave Vanitas this chance and if Ventus hadn't seen that… he wondered where he'd be right now.

Vanitas kissed him. He rolled them over so that he could sit on Ventus's hips and kiss him stupid. Ventus allowed him, their lips roughly meeting as he lifted himself to push against him. The blonde clenched at Vanitas's shirt when their mouths opened to breathe each other's air. Their lips were quick to meet again, Ventus catching Vanitas's lower lip between his teeth. What was he doing? That was weird. And so were the fingers that slipped beneath his shirt, tugging at it.

As he pulled up to question, Ventus slipped Vanitas's shirt off with a swift motion. He raised an eyebrow when his other half pulled off his own shirt as he rose to meet him. Ventus's fingers traced across his stomach, feeling the contours of the muscle. His mouth met Vanitas's before trailing kisses up his jaw to nibble at his ear. The strange sensation that usually followed the gesture warmed his belly. He released a content sigh when Ventus traveled to his neck, his mouth opening to suck momentarily at the skin, his tongue swiping to leave a wet mark. What was Ventus doing? Why did it feel so strange? Why didn't he protest?

Was this what he meant by taking advantage of him?

Hands reached behind him, feeling the skin of his back. The gentle touch with the kisses left on his neck did something to him, making heat rise to his skin. He expanded into Ventus, wanting to feel every inch of him. That was when he noticed the trembling. Ventus's hands were shaking as they brushed over his skin. Vanitas sighed, pushing Ventus back tenderly, taking those shaking hands in his.

Ventus's blue eyes turned up to him meekly and curiously. "Sorry. Did I go to far?"

Vanitas felt the corner of his lips turn upward. His body was on fire, still craving the other's touch. He pressed his lips into the corner of the Ventus's, chuckling slightly. "Not for me," he murmured. "It's okay. Don't push yourself."

He pulled Ventus onto his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around the other. Why did he _need_ this contact? Why did he _need_ to be so close? He slipped his fingers between Ventus's, nuzzling into his neck. "Was that the ' _other_ ' stuff you were talking about?" he asked, snickering. "Is it that scary?"

"Sorry," Ventus mumbled again. "I just… I wanted to test your limit. You don't want to kiss me… like _really_ kiss me yet and that's okay. But… I wanted to see what else you would object to."

Vanitas rolled his eyes. What did he mean by _really_ kiss him? He thought the kisses they shared were real enough. "How about this? We just… go at each other's pace, okay? Nobody has to push themselves. We can get to that _other stuff_ when we're _both_ ready."

Ventus sighed, slumping into Vanitas. "It's been a year since we made that promise and neither of us are ready to go forward, it looks like. This is gonna be slow moving."

"Do we even need to move?" Vanitas asked, adjusting his legs underneath Ventus. "I kinda like where this is at." He didn't need any more than this. He was so content and happy with Ventus, the proof made itself known.

More known than he'd like. His grip around Ventus tightened as a Flood sliced through one of the Plucked Lucks. Happiness swelled within him, heat rising to his cheeks, heart pounding harder than usual. His deep sigh tickled Ventus's neck as the other twisted to place a kiss on his forehead, the emotions reaching him as well. Ventus handled it better. He was used to being happy. Vanitas was not. His vision blurred with the intensity of the positive emotion he so rarely felt.

He buried himself into Ventus's shoulder. "Get rid of the rest of them, will ya? They're distracting me." From you. Maybe the negativity and positivity would cancel each other out. The hurt and the salve all at once.

The blonde slowly pulled away, summoning his Keyblade. Vanitas watched as the other slashed down his underlings, the pain ripping through him viciously. Ventus made an effort to take down the negativity first, then the positivity. When he was done, Vanitas flopped onto his side, letting the positivity wash over him. Ventus curled up behind him, wrapping himself around Vanitas.

The two laid intertwined after a long day. Their first huge fight didn't last very long, but it still stung and left lingering thoughts that returned with the Unversed. The positivity and Ventus's embrace helped him put what other things he needed to say about the matter aside and allow himself to enjoy the moment. Oh, how those humans took these feelings for granted. He soaked them up, still uncertain if this would be his life now. He believed at any moment, this all would be ripped away from him.

"Thank you," Ventus hummed against his back.

"For what?"

"For dealing with me," Ventus sighed happily, "For accepting all of me."

"Of course I would, idiot." Vanitas's face burned as he buried it into the pillow. If he kept this up, he might make more positivity. He couldn't do it. He couldn't handle more of them.

With that, the stillness of Ventus's hesitant, unspoken words hung in the air above them. Vanitas didn't push him to speak them. He knew, whatever Ventus had to say, he would one day.

Vanitas just hoped they would be ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, like, two years of Vanitas living with our Wayfinder Trio


	9. Strawberry

A soft gasp escaped her lips as his mouth caught her perked nipple. She clenched at his hair, keeping him close to grind her hips up against his. He groaned into her flesh, his hands clenching into her skin, helping her movement along. It was slow, calculated, and quite agonizing for him. He bucked his hips to meet hers, causing her to throw her head back, her red hair drenched as it clung to her skin. He grabbed her roughly, pulling her to meet his lips. Their tongues met, exploring the warmth of the other's mouth. She pulled back as her breath quickened, leaning against an arm that braced against his thigh and holding herself up with another wrapped around his shoulder. Her pace grew faster, making him groan. Her breathing grew ragged with each pump.

"Ah… ahhh!" she whined in a voice he had never heard from her before. Finally, she pressed herself against him, threw her head back, and released a low, shaking moan.

Vanitas turned away from them. He had only seen what they were doing for perhaps a count of ten seconds before he realized he _shouldn't_ have seen it.

"Sorry!" he said loud enough for them to hear. There was a screech, a yell, and scrambling across creaking wood. The raven-haired boy kept his back to them. "I didn't see anything. Just… just meet us on the beach when you're… ready."

Before he either could say anything in retort, Vanitas leapt from the planks that paved the way to the tree house, landing in the hardened sand below. He didn't even give the small room a second glance before heading to the softer sands and the gently lapping waves. He tried to comprehend what he had seen. The more he tried, the hotter his face felt, and the more he just wanted to drown himself in the waters ahead of him.

Beside him, a Caninergetic begged for his attention. It playfully yapped, nudging at his legs to get him to acknowledge it. The ribbon wrapped around it's neck proved it to be _hers_. He couldn't let his frustrations out on it as much as he wanted to. He dreaded looking her in the face again. He was downright _terrified_ of what she might do to him because of his intrusion. He wished he could trade places with the little shit. He wanted to be a happy, infuriatingly annoying little monster that just wanted attention. When Ventus finally found them, he was seriously debating whether or not he had the ability to split himself from one monster into many lesser ones with no intelligence or memory of what he had witnessed.

"Hey!" Ventus panted, supporting himself on his knees, peeking up at Vanitas through his blonde fringe. "Did you find them? They weren't one the main island."

Vanitas nodded, barely giving Ventus a glance. He couldn't do it. He couldn't even face Ventus. What the hell was wrong with him? Ventus could make everything better without so much as a word. _Except this, clearly_.

Ventus seemed to catch on that something wasn't quite right. His grin faded as he pulled himself upright, tilting his head curiously. "Did… something happen?"

Vanitas's lips pressed tightly as he nodded. He released a growl of frustration, allowing himself to finally drop into a crouch, supporting himself with his knees. He could have sworn his head was smoking from how hot it felt. All of the blood rushed through his body, each synapse was sparking, his heart pounded wildly with sheer _embarrassment_. And the worst part? _He didn't even know WHY_.

"Kairi's gonna kill me," Vanitas finally said.

"What'd you do?"

"I don't…" he whined, not quite sure how to put it into words. Vanitas _never_ whined. He had never felt such a desire to bury himself in the wet sand as much as he did now. Around them, Unverse came into being unbidden which he swore he had gotten a handle on after so many years. "I didn't mean… I had no idea… they shouldn't have been somewhere so _open_ to begin with…"

"Vanitas… you're not making any sense."

_"_ _Vanitas!"_

Oh no. The red fury herself. Vanitas dropped to a knee, sweat pouring down his face in buckets. He wasn't scared of much. Really, the only two things he found he was terrified of was Ventus finally growing sick of him and being on the wrong end of Kairi's wrath. He had never experienced either personally, but he had been witness to one. Kairi, for being a pure Princess of Heart, was purely _wicked_ when her temper got the best of her.

He had to put on a brave face. He swallowed his pride, trembling as he climbed to his feet, slowing turned to face the girl and her boy. Her face was redder than her hair that had been pulled back and at least she was wearing _clothes_ now. Vanitas couldn't make eye contact. He held up his hands defensively, taking a step back as he tried to find the best words to say to ease her.

"I… I didn't… S-Sorry!" was the best he could come up with.

Nobody had the power to turn him into a bumbling idiot quite like Kairi could. Perhaps that was part of the reason he admired her. But never had she turned him this stupid because of _pure, unbridled rage_.

"What did you see?" She shot, finger under his nose accusingly. She wasn't afraid to catch his eye. She was also brave enough to hold it and keep him staring into those almost-violet irises that shimmered with embarrassment and anger.

"Nothing!"

"Liar!"

"I don't know!" he amended.

"How long were you there?" she took a step forward, which pushed him a step backward.

"N-Not long!" Vanitas shook his head. "I swear! I don't _know_ what I saw!" He quickly tried to get her to listen. He needed to her understand this clearly. "I just know it was something I shouldn't have and I'm sorry!"

And like that, her rage diminished. Her blue-violet eyes widened as the gears began to turn, working out what he was trying to say. Her red face became pink as she glanced back to Sora, his jaw slowly falling as the two of them came to an understanding. She took a step back, her voice barely above a whisper. "You… don't know?"

"No," Vanitas shook his head vehemently. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. I _don't know_."

The two of them were well aware of how ignorant Vanitas was. There were many things over the past four years that they discovered Vanitas hadn't the slightest idea about. Kairi had compared him to a child multiple times and questioned Xehanort's parenting (what parenting?) more times than he could count. He never left the Keyblade Graveyard the first four years of his life. Most of what he knew of what life should be like, he learned through Ventus's memories. Still, he didn't care to know. He knew he shouldn't last long, so he never bothered until Ventus picked him up.

Apparently, this was one of the things he should have inherently known.

Kairi covered her mouth, her eyes darting from Ventus to Vanitas. Ventus furrowed his brow, still very clearly unsure of what was going on. She slowly pulled her hands away from her mouth, her eyes trained on the blonde. "Do… do _you_ know what _it_ is?"

"What _what_ is?" Ventus huffed, blowing his overgrown bangs from his eyes.

"Sex."

Ventus's color soon rivaled Kairi's. "Of course I do!" he sputtered, his gaze darting from Sora to Kairi to Vanitas. "Wait… did he… did you… were you guys…?"

Sora slowly nodded. "Yeah… we didn't realize he was even… we didn't hear him or feel his presence…"

Kairi rounded on Ventus, her fury turning to him. Vanitas was relieved he was finally not the target. His ignorance probably saved his life. Now, Ventus's… Ventus had been scolded many times for not telling Vanitas about certain things. But, evidently, this was something big. Something very important that he should have known about for a long time. Something he should have been told about from day one, like his life depended on it.

"You didn't tell him?" Kairi's voice was low, which was worse than her screech.

Ventus gulped. "N-Not… not yet…"

"When _exactly_ were you going to tell him?" she demanded, stepping towards him, her eyes sharper than her Keyblade.

"I don't know… maybe… if he ever asked about it?" Ventus offered hesitantly. "It's embarrassing to talk about…"

"It's embarrassing."

"Uh."

"To talk about."

"Y-Yeah."

Something about Kairi made it hard to want to disappoint her. Ventus had clearly done so. He hung his head in shame, making himself as small as possible. He instantly realized his wrongs, knowing it was far too late to emend them. Vanitas, while he pitied Ventus, knew there was nothing he could say to make it any better for Kairi. She wouldn't ease up on him, no matter what anyone said. There was no excuse they could give to make her see her victim's side.

"I know…" Ventus said in a small voice. "I know I should have told him. I just… I get to nervous sometimes. I… I can't really explain it to you guys but…" He lifted his head to face Vanitas. The boy felt a lump in his throat, the hurt and shame the both of them felt for very different reasons. "But I promise I'll tell you everything, Vanitas. When we get home, I'll—"

"Oh, no," Kairi turned her back, her voice icier than Arendelle. "You had your chance, Ventus." Oh, boy. You knew he was in trouble when anyone _other_ than Vanitas called him by _Ventus_. Usually—strike that—Ventus was _always_ Ven.

She turned to Vanitas, her cheeks still tinted pink, but her usual kindness finally touched her eyes once more. Her voice was smooth as honey. "I'll tell you what you need to know, okay, Van?"

Vanitas was _only_ Van to Kairi. He wouldn't even let Ventus call him that. When she started, he loathed the nickname. He hated every sound of the word. He hated how _comfortable_ she felt saying it. He hated whenever someone tried to pick up on it. Kairi was the only one he let call him that because she was the only one he never corrected. He would hiss at anyone that attempted, _"Don't call me that!"_ Even if Kairi was in earshot. Kairi knew how much he hated it, and still called him by it anyway.

He grew kinda fond of it eventually. But only when Kairi used it.

"I'm… I'm going to get the Gummi ship ready," Sora said, breaking the tension. "Kairi, please don't kill Ven while I'm gone."

"No promises."

"But, I kinda see where—"

" _Don't_ ," she turned to him slowly, "say it."

"I love you."

"Get out of here, dork."

Kairi heaved a sigh. She looked like she _really_ didn't want the job she took upon herself. She gave Vanitas an uneasy glance, beckoning him to follow her. Vanitas shrugged at Ventus, knowing he was being taken by good hands. Ventus couldn't look at him. He was unsettled, hurt, and ashamed of himself. Vanitas frowned. He hated leaving Ventus like this. Kairi was already ahead of him, moving towards the islet.

Quickly, Vanitas took one of Ventus's hands, squeezing it with assurance. "I'm not mad."

"I know," Ventus said quietly, still very fascinated with his shoe. "But I am."

Vanitas was forced to leave him alone. He wanted to kiss him to make everything better, but with Kairi so close by, he didn't want to risk her seeing them. Then again, after what he saw her doing with Sora was probably much more than a kiss (which was something he'd seen the two of them doing pretty much several times in the span of a visit—the two were disgustingly open about how they felt about each other). Still… he didn't like the idea of sharing his weakness with others. He was certain they already knew he and Ventus were close, but just how close they really were… how much they depended upon each other… he'd never disclose that much.

So, he released Ventus's hand. He glanced at his underlings with disgust before turning back to Ventus. "Take care of them, okay?"

He couldn't trust them to wander this island on their own. Ventus nodded in agreement, summoning Wayward Wind. He left Ventus to it, surges of embarrassment and anger coursing through him with each Unversed. When he and Kairi reached the islet, the feelings were in full swing. He wanted to crawl under a rock once more, convinced becoming a hermit was the only way of life. She offered an understanding smile, only beginning once the emotions ebbed.

She sighed heavily, leaning back to look up at the sky. Her cheeks were still dusted with pink, accentuated by her usually almost-invisible freckles. As the years wore, Vanitas could no longer see her as a _girl_. She was definitely a woman. Age graced her fondly, only bringing out more of her already attractive looks. Her face thinned out and hardened in all the right ways, starting with the cheekbones. Her hair that she usually wore down had been pulled back into a messy ponytail, a tell-tale sign she felt rushed when getting ready. She was by no means vain, but she, like Aqua, took care when it came to their appearance. Practically won over everything, yet she still found clothing that fit her just so in all the right places.

Her slender legs kicked against the tree bark, frustration clear in her posture. Vanitas wasn't sure why she was frustrated, but he knew it wasn't because of any of the boys that angered her.

"You know," she huffed. "I knew I'd have to give The Talk one day, but I didn't think I'd be giving it to an adult. I always figured it would be my kids, y'know?"

 _The Talk_? What did that even mean? Was this a right of passage when growing up if she assumed she would be talking about this with her _children?_ Vanitas certainly missed this stage of growing up.

"Well," Vanitas frowned uncertainly, "if it makes you feel any better, I'm technically only eight years old. Not counting the years I was in Sora's prison."

Kairi laughed. "I guess that makes me feel a little better." She smiled kindly towards him. "That's usually the age kids get The Talk."

"Then I'm right on schedule."

The girl took a deep breath, slapping her hands against her cheeks to prepare herself. When she finally settled down, she took on this certain persona that she tended to have when telling Vanitas about things he should have known about. She was calm and patient, always willing to answer whatever questions he had without judgment. Maybe that helped when it came down to him learning to trust her. She was happy to help him without ever asking for anything in return.

Sometimes, he wondered if an idiot like Sora even deserved to have the affections of this amazing girl. It wasn't that _he_ desired her himself, not by any means. It was more like… he wanted her to have the absolute best. She deserved it more than anyone in this universe. If angels or gods existed, she would be one of them. She would be the one leading them.

And here she was, slumming it with some _moron_.

She first, she explained what sex was anatomically. It left them both flustered and Vanitas was beyond disgusted. _Seriously?_ Why would anyone even consider partaking in an action as gross as _that_? She explained it's purpose, why it felt _good_ , what it did for both partners, and even a variety of other species that did it just for the sake of pleasure. It was common for humans to fornicate, no matter the gender. It was only with men and women that it was possible to have children. She explained briefly that members of the same gender also partook in it, but shrugged when he asked how. She explained she never really looked into it because it wasn't her business. If that was what they wanted to do, it was their business. She didn't care whether or not who they were attracted to.

Then, she explained the emotions behind it. Why some people did it simply for the pleasure of it and other did it strictly as a means to connect with their partner. For her, it was to express to Sora just how much she loved him. She put her absolute trust into his hands when it came to it. It was the same for Sora. She believed this was how it should have been for most people, yet, it was the opposite.

"Why?" Vanitas questioned, glancing to Sora and Ventus who stood in the sands waiting for them. "Because of the whole procreation thing?"

"Well, partly," Kairi agreed. "But, I'm not even looking to have kids yet. So, I guess we're not much better. But… I don't know. Being with Sora, someone whom I've loved for as long as I can remember, makes it seem like our connection only strengthens when we do it. It's… warm is the best way I can describe it. Everything becomes _warm_ , and not because of the energy we're exerting. It's warming me to my very soul when I'm with him, wrapping me in the comfort that is _Sora_. We do it because we enjoy it, but also because it makes us _warm_."

"You're weird."

"I guess," Kairi shrugged. "When you fall in love, I think you'll know what I mean."

Vanitas furrowed his brows. _When he fell in love?_ Did she not realize what she had just said? The way she said it, with such earnest honesty and certainty made him realize _she had no freaking clue_. He thought she knew him enough after all those years to know the absurdity in that statement. He supposed she was just as ignorant as he was.

"Kairi… that's not possible."

"Hm?"

"I'm born from Ventus. I'm ripped from all of the darkness he carried. I took everything negative I could from him, which left him nearly empty." He explained slowly. "I'm a creature of darkness."

"So?"

"I don't have the capacity for love."

The look in her eyes flared his anger. She never looked at him like that. He'd seen it and knew when she gave that _look_ , something upset her beyond consolation. The worst part was that it wasn't for herself, not by any means. That specific look was reserved for _others_. She pitied them. She ached for them. She took everything she believed they would be feeling upon herself to feel _for_ them, even when they didn't feel it themselves.

"I think… I think you don't give yourself enough credit."

He ripped his gaze from hers. This entire hour, he hadn't looked away from her once. He braved through the embarrassment of _The Talk_ and _this_ was what drove him to tear away from her to focus on something other than _her_. She was beginning to piss him off. He didn't need her sympathy or her comforts. He was _fine_ not feeling love. What could you miss if you never had it? He trained his attention on Ventus, who was still beating himself up over this whole thing. Which was so _stupid_ of him.

"Let's go," Vanitas grunted. "They're waiting for us."

Vanitas wanted to take the Corridors alone or with Ventus. He didn't feel like being in a cramped space with these two after realizing just how intimate the action he happened upon was. He was right to think he shouldn't have seen it. He didn't want to speak of it any further and he didn't think he could handle the awkwardness of it all. He didn't want Kairi's disappointment for Ventus or sympathy for Vanitas to fill the cabin and suffocate all of them.

Yet, here they were. They boarded the Gummi Ship, heading for the Land of Departure where Aqua used Ventus and Vanitas to summon Sora and Kairi to. Vanitas sat back with Ventus while Sora and Kairi sat at the controls. Sora would steer, Kairi would blast enemies, and the two boys would sit back, trying to come up with another topic of conversation.

Kairi's Unversed slipped and slid across the floor, yipping with excitement. Vanitas was ready to return it back to him, but he wasn't about to face Kairi's anger for a second time that day. Vanitas grumbled, picking the pathetic creature up to prevent it from flying across the cabin.

"Why'd you even bring this thing?" he asked, staring into it's blue and yellow eyes. It barked, lunging to lick his face. Vanitas held it at a safe distance, snarling in disgust. "Couldn't you, I don't know, leave it with Naminé or Xion or whatever?"

"Ichigo can fight, too, you know!" she protested. "She's really helpful and strong and I don't like to leave her alone. She'll get lonely."

"They're _fine_ on their own, Kairi," Vanitas told her for the umpteenth time. He was still in disbelief how she could name it, gender it, and treat it like a _pet_. He rued the day he ever felt good enough to produce this abomination in front of her. She hated the idea of destroying it, the proof that Vanitas could _actually_ smile and have a good time (because he often pretended he _couldn't_ ). She took it upon herself to love it and take care of it. Well, it certainly had plenty of positivity to feed off of. It lived with Sora, Kairi, and Riku, two of the happiest people he knew and one of the more miserable ones (though, Riku was definitely in much better spirits around Sora and Kairi, much like how Vanitas was when he was with Ventus). "I doubt it'd even notice you were gone. Aside from the significant lack positivity."

"Ichigo loves us, don't you girl?"

Ichigo barked.

"See?!"

Vanitas had this argument with her so many times and he always lost. She was blind when it came to this monster. He'd never understand why she cared so much for it. He passed it off to Ventus, who smiled at it, scratching the top of it's head. Vanitas huffed, leaning against the arm rest. He couldn't wait until this day was over with. He'd finally understand what Terra and Riku were doing, what Aqua wanted with these two, and maybe _what_ that intense darkness was that he sensed every time they entered the lanes inbetween.

He noticed it about a year ago on the way to Twilight Town. It was faint, enough to brush it off. Eventually, it came to gnaw at him. Every time they left world, the darkness grew stronger. He made a comment to Aqua and Terra one day and the two of them left to investigate. Ever since, the Keyblade Masters were constantly coming and going, checking to see if they could discover its source.

They parked the Gummi ship, taking the Warp Pad to the courtyard, where Aqua allowed Sora to set one up. He was polite enough not to request one in the castle, seeing as how that was like barging through the doors without knocking (which they did anyways, since this seemed to have become their second home). They found Aqua in the main chamber, where the three thrones stood. They were rarely ever used, even by the masters. More often then not, when one of them wanted to take a breather while training, they'd kick back on one of them, forgetting the reverence they once held.

Aqua stood on the plinth where the thrones stood tall. She held her arms across herself, her expression grim. Her frown deepened when the four of them approached.

"Kairi, you decided to come to?" she asked, a touch of worry held in her voice. It was subtle, one that would most likely not be picked up by Sora or Kairi. Ventus probably had. Vanitas felt he knew her enough to know when she was truly concerned.

"Anywhere Sora and Riku go, I go too."

Aqua nodded. "I… understand." She cleared her throat. "Terra and Riku sent back word on the status of the anomaly. It's finally escaped its world."

"No way!" Sora stepped forward, his eyes widening. "But… the heroes of that world were doing so well."

"I know," Aqua nodded. "It's up to us now. We need to take care of it."

"When do we leave?" Ventus asked without so much as asking _what_ exactly it was. The two of them were not trusted with this information. Aqua and Terra reasoned it wasn't something the two of them needed to be concerned about. The Masters would handle it. And neither were yet a Master.

" _We_ leave immediately," Aqua replied, her tone implying her decision was final. Vanitas's frown hardened. Not that he really wanted to help. It was just if Ventus was going, he would follow. "You two will be staying here."

"What?!" Ventus ran forward, disbelief coloring his voice. "But… we trained so hard! We deserve to go! I mean… we both fought in the Keyblade War." No one would mention Vanitas was fighting for the opposite side. "We're both strong! We can help!"

"No."

"You know," Vanitas wasn't really one to voice his opinion to Aqua or Terra. He knew his limits and how much they could handle of him. But Ventus _really_ wanted to go. He wanted to prove himself. He wanted to be seen as equal to his friends and the little family he had. "This would be a great task to set for his Mastery Exam."

"I'm sorry," Aqua shook her head. "I need you both to stay here. Neither of you are to leave the Land of Departure until we return. Do you understand?" Aqua offered no explanation as to _why_ there were suddenly restrictions on their access off world or why Ventus wasn't allowed to help. "Train hard and when we do, we'll administer your Mastery Exam."

This should have sent Ventus over the moon. He was certain he had been ready to be called Master for some time now. Vanitas whole heartedly agreed. Ventus was older than Aqua was when she was deemed a Master. He knew more than she did then, as well. He had been training practically his whole life, fought in two wars, and went through hell to get where he was now. Ventus deserved to have his dream come to fruition.

"But—"

"Please, just listen to me." She pleaded. Vanitas had seen and orchestrated what happened when Ventus didn't listen to her. Bad things, usually. "Stay here and watch each other's backs."

Her eyes flickered from Ventus to Vanitas. In that moment, her gaze hesitated. Something in her eyes broke from her show of strength and fortitude. She weakened upon the sight of him. Her brows turned upward, her gaze softening, her jaw tightening. As quickly as it occurred, it vanished, leaving Vanitas unable to fight for Ventus.

What was that look for? Something about it sent his heart racing. A sudden sense of betrayal ripped through him. That couldn't be it… That wasn't right. He had been good for over four years, never once slipping up. He didn't give them any reason not to trust him. He did as they asked. He grew fond enough of them to think of them as his _family_.

He kept himself steady. He could barely hear what Aqua was talking about before she dismissed them with enough finality to silence Ventus. He couldn't get out of there fast enough. He briskly made his way to the courtyard, his anger growing to a boil. Ventus had to jog to keep up with his pace, only now becoming aware of how upset Vanitas was.

"Hey!" Ventus grabbed Vanitas by the elbow. "It's okay! We'll try again when Aqua comes to say goodbye."

Goodbye…. He wasn't even sure he could stand to be in the same room as her, let alone look at her again. He didn't know what to do. He just wanted to feel _better_. He needed to calm himself before he lost control and created more Unversed. Not knowing what else to do, he grabbed Ventus by the lapels, bringing him in for a kiss.

Ventus hummed in surprise, though not quite in protest. He wrapped his hands around Vanitas's, pushing himself against him as much as he could with their fists in the way. Vanitas broke away from Ventus's hands, wrapping one around his back and grabbing a fistful of his hair to bring him as close as possible. Closer… he needed to be closer.

With his tongue, he coaxed Ventus's mouth open. The other didn't hesitate to oblige, following his lead. Their tongues traced each other, growing familiar with the strange new intrusion. Vanitas tilted his head, recapturing Ventus's mouth to explore from a new angle.

Was this what Ventus wanted to do so many times? Why did this make him so nervous before? It was weird, learning the heat of Ventus's mouth. But it was intoxicating. He wanted more. It only pulled away when his lungs begged for more oxygen, releasing the dizzy and dazed boy that was still trapped in his arms.

"Not that I'm complaining," Ventus breathed, a languid smile drawing across those beautiful features. "But what was that about?"

"I wanted to see what it was like," he confessed, turning his gaze downward. It was definitely what he needed to salve his anger. "Before I left."

That quickly sobered him up. Ventus shoved away from Vanitas, hurt and disbelief mixed with confusion quickly taking place of the drunk look Vanitas was so proud to have put on him. This was a less pleasing appearance from the same benefactor. "What are you talking about?"

Vanitas drew himself up, allowing himself to meet Ventus's gaze. "You're going with them. I'm leaving. I don't know where, but… I'll figure it out."

"Why?" Ventus's voice was so small. Vanitas felt a lump growing in his throat. He wasn't going to make it easy, but there was no way he was backing down from this decision no matter how much Ventus begged, cried, or pleaded.

"Aqua… Aqua still doesn't trust me," Vanitas cursed when his voice cracked. Why did he allow himself to get to choked up about this? She should have meant nothing to him. This should not have been news. "She's keeping you here to watch _me_."

"That… that doesn't make any sense," Ventus wasn't afraid to show just how much his voice wavered. "She cares about you as much as she cares about me."

"It doesn't matter." _It does_. "If I leave, you get to go with them."

"I don't want to."

What the hell was he going on about? Wasn't he just _begging_ to go with them? "Of course you do."

"I don't want to go if you're not there!" Ventus blurted, his blue eyes glistening.

Vanitas huffed. He hated with Ventus got like this. It usually meant he got what he wanted. This time, Vanitas wasn't going to let it happen. "That's stupid."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes it is and you know it."

"No, it's _not_!" Ventus insisted. "You can't leave me!"

"It's not for good," Vanitas promised. "I'll find you again when you become a Master." Like it wasn't hard enough pulling himself away from Ventus as it was. Every fiber of his being was screaming against it. How could he even consider this? He only felt _good_ when he was with Ventus. Why would he willingly allow himself to be taken from that?

"Screw that!" Ventus shook his head. "If you're leaving, I am too."

"Don't be stupid. No, you're not." Vanitas put his hands on his shoulder, hoping to maybe talk some sense into him. "You're going to become a Keyblade Master if you go with them. If I leave, you have to swear not to try and find me. I'll come back to you. I need you to promise me."

"I won't!"

Vanitas huffed. This was growing tiresome. "Why are you being so unreasonable?"

"I can't… I can't do it." Ventus was shaking under his palms. Why was he so scared? "I can't be away from you. It hurts too much."

Vanitas couldn't help but smile. He snorted, pressing his forehead against Ventus's. "I know," he agreed. "It's going to hurt like hell. I'm going to ache every second I'm away from you." _Ache_ was an understatement. _Ache_ was going to be more like unimaginable pain, day in and day out. It would hurt more than the first time they were separated. He _needed_ Ventus more than the other knew. "But I know… I know we'll be together again and that's what's going to get me through the day."

"Then don't leave," Ventus wrapped his arms around Vanitas, pushing himself against him harder. "You don't have to hurt anymore. Just stay, please."

"I'm doing this for _you_." Which was the only reason he ever did anything in the first place. Everything was to Ventus. Everything was because of him. Everything was due to Ventus being this bubble of warmth and goodness that made Vanitas felt like he never had before.

"Why?" Ventus whined. "Why is it me?"

"From the beginning, it's been because of you," Vanitas stroked his hair, pulling Ventus to rest his face into his collar. "Because of you, I had Xehanort send you here, so I wouldn't hurt you. Because you asked, I came here to live with you. Because you would be upset, I played nice with Aqua and Terra. Because you asked, I made friends with your friends. My entire existence is because of you. It's _for_ you."

Vanitas wasn't sure how Ventus would react. He was sure he might blush and burry himself deeper into Vanitas's chest or complain he was being cheesy or maybe continue to to beg him not to go. But he needed to and he needed Ventus to understand he only wanted what was best for him.

Instead, it was soft, almost inaudible….

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaahh the first bit of smut to happen and it wasn't even our boys! xD I hope the ending of this chapter makes up for it. =p


	10. Reasons

"Damn it."

Everything he planned to do came crashing down around him all at once. With those three stupid words, he had to drop absolutely _everything_. His plans, his feelings, his hands that were wrapped so tightly around Ventus a moment ago. It was like the world had once been the most confusing place for his entire life and now everything made sense. At the same time, nothing did. _What was he supposed to do now?_

Ventus slowly backed off, keeping his eyes trained on the ground. As he did so, the doors opened, the three Keyblade Masters exiting in it's wake. He muttered an instruction to Ventus, ordering him not to turn around. He was sure the blonde didn't want the others to see him like _this_. Vanitas's eyes narrowed, catching Kairi's glance and held it there. It took a moment, but she nodded, catching what he was trying to say without words.

_Go away!_

Kairi grabbed Aqua and Sora by the elbows, pulling them back into the foyer. She shoved them back in wordlessly, the two of them giving her cries of confusion, asking for an explanation. She offered Vanitas a smile as she closed the door, allowing him to focus his attention back on the tense boy before him.

What did he ever do to deserve a friend like Kairi? She was selfless. She understood him almost as well as Ventus. She never asked questions he didn't wan to answer. He appreciated her more than he could ever tell her, if only because he lacked the courage to.

This was familiar. The anxiety, the feelings of rejection, the disbelief that he had actually _done_ what he had been wanting to for so long. It was even in this very spot. What made Ventus so sure Vanitas would balk at his actions? Why was he always so terrified when he did something like this?

**_He's going to leave._ **

**_He hates me._ **

**_I'm so scared._ **

**_Everything hurts._ **

**_Don't you DARE cry!_ **

**_Laugh it off. It was a joke. MAKE it a joke._ **

He really didn't understand how much his emotions effected Vanitas. Around them, Unversed twisted into being out of the darkness. It was amazing what kind of negativity his other half could wrought upon him. It made him feel like _he_ was the the one that should have been scared out of his wits.

"Ventus," Vanitas began slowly. "Don't be so scared."

"I'm sorry." His blue eyes, still wide, focused on a weed growing through the cracks in the stone. What the hell was he apologizing for? He could hear the wavering in his voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"Shut up." Ventus quickly closed his mouth. Vanitas could see pearlescent drops hanging on his lower lashes. Damn it. Why was he crying? "You don't have anything to apologize for. I should be the one whose sorry." Vanitas ran his fingers through his choppy hair, blowing air between his lips. "I'm sorry you fell in love with a monster like me."

"You're not a monster!" Ventus finally looked up to face him, tears still clinging to his lashes, refusing to fall. "Would you stop saying you are?! You're not!"

"I can't love you, Ventus," Vanitas said firmly. "Even if I wanted to, I can't. It's not something I'm capable of because of what I am."

"I don't care," Ventus shook his head, the tears flicking away from his eyes. "Just because you're different… just because of how you were born and what you are… it doesn't make you a monster. It's your actions that define what you are."

"We can talk about that later," Vanitas put a hand on Ventus's head, ruffling the flaxen locks. "Don't cry. Aqua wants to say goodbye. We shouldn't keep them waiting."

"H-Huh?"

"We're staying here, right?" Vanitas verified with him. How come Ventus was always ruining his terrible plans? He just wished he was able to follow through with something like this, at least once. The last horrible plan he had that actually was executed resulted in all of the Thirteen Darknesses being dispersed, the vessels finally breaking free of their hold, and the loyal ones to Xehanort finally coming to an end. He wished he had Ventus there to stop that one, too.

"We are?"

"Yeah," Vanitas nodded. "When Aqua comes back, you'll finally be a Master."

Slowly, that smile that never failed to make Vanitas blush crept onto Ventus's face. He was happy. He wiped his eyes, allowing himself to laugh through a choke. "Yeah… then the two of us will leave. Together."

"That's the plan?" Vanitas asked. Ventus nodded to verify. "Sounds like a good one. Now, come on. Buck up."

Vanitas helped wipe Ventus's eyes, preventing another onslaught of hurt to show. Now that Vanitas thought about it, he'd never actually seen Ventus _cry_ before. Sure, his eyes would water, but he'd never actually _cried_. Vanitas never wanted to hurt him, but it seemed that was all he did. He wished he could pick up the courage to _leave_ again just so that he couldn't hurt Ventus any longer.

"How come?" Ventus asked, shaking himself out when his eyes finally dried.

"How come what?"

"How come you changed your mind?"

Vanitas huffed. "You fell in love with me. I have to take responsibility for that."

Ventus laughed, his puffy eyes glistening with each movement. He threw his arms around Vanitas, the fear dissolving into warmth. Vanitas buried himself into the crook of the blonde's neck, holding him as tight as he could. He couldn't love him. He couldn't return those feelings the other felt so strongly, his entire sense of self was overwhelmed by it. Vanitas assured him he wasn't mad or angry or scared of Ventus's feelings with a gentle kiss on the lips.

"I love you, Vanitas." Ventus breathed.

"Shut up," Vanitas groaned, feeling heat rise in his cheeks all over again, but for an entirely different reason. He didn't think he could handle this. He didn't deserve love. He didn't deserve this much devotion. He didn't deserve _Ventus_. His heart was racing. Ventus's relief washed over him, drowning him. He wanted to collapse right where he was. Damn it. His own emotions were so overwhelming; why did he also have to feel Ventus's?

Ventus chuckled, pulling away after he finally regained his confidence.

The two of them bid their friends goodbye and good luck. Vanitas could barely make eye contact with Aqua, his chest still aching at the discovery of how she truly felt about him. He knew her well enough. That concerned glance was a direct flashback to before, when her and Terra openly distrusted him. He thought he fooled her well enough. He never wanted to start anything, and that still rang true. He bit his tongue.

He flinched under Aqua's touch. She placed a hand on his shoulder, proving he was now too tall for her to naturally place it on his head like she used to. He held back a growl, stopping himself from shoving her back. She was condescending in nature, her know-everything attitude that was endearing only moment before grated his nerves. "I'm sorry if I upset you," she offered, glancing around at the monsters that surrounded them.

Vanitas hissed at a Flood that made an attempt to escape the area. It recoiled, retreating towards Kairi's Caninergetic to inspect it. Vanitas kept his eyes in the flood. "I don't like being imprisoned."

He couldn't let her know the negativity was Ventus's. She would grow too suspicious and meddle further into what was their business. What was _their_ secret. He shared more than he ever wanted to with her, and if there was one thing he wouldn't, it was what he showed Ventus away from prying eyes.

"I know," her smile was not a happy one. She sympathized with him after sentencing him. Of course she would. _Aqua knows best_.

He hurt. He hated how she was keeping up this charade. Why would she lie to him? Why would she pretend he was just as much a brother to her as Ventus was when she so clearly had no faith in him?

"Just… promise me you won't go out there." A quick glance to her and he noted her hardened gaze. His teeth ground together, causing an ache in his jaw and temple. It hurt too much to look at her.

He tore his gaze away from her. "I won't leave, _Master_ Aqua."

The way he spat the title was too familiar. Vanitas had never been a good actor. He hoped she would take it, not as a way to express he knew how she felt, but at his dissatisfaction of learning he was once more trapped.

She wrapped her arms around him. He let her hug him tightly, his heart racing with anger, resisting every urge to shove her off. He awkwardly placed a hand on her mid-back, giving in to the small part of him that wanted to wish her well, that wanted her to come back safe and sound from this battle. It would take a long time, and this would not be easy on any of them.

He grunted, finally pulling her off. "You're being clingy, Master Aqua."

"I know," she gave him that genuine smile, one that he'd seen countless times. At least, he believed it to be genuine. It was the same smile she so often gave Ventus. "Don't get into trouble, okay? Look out for Ven."

"Should I call you _mother_ , now?"

Vanitas had heard Kairi being compared to a mother several times. He had never had a mother of his own, but he only assumed, from what he learned of Kairi's and Sora's mothers whom he had met on several occasions, the term suited Aqua pretty well. It was supposed to be an insult, but she beamed, rumpling the short side of his hair. This time, he knocked her hand out of the way, turning away from her to signal he was done. She needed to go.

Aqua moved on to Ventus who had finished his goodbyes with Sora and Kairi. The two turned to Vanitas, Kairi throwing her arms around him. He wasn't afraid to hold her in return. She was soft and small, something that felt nice in his arms. Like a teddy bear. He lifted her off her feet, squeezing her tightly. Another person he wasn't afraid to show affection for.

She whispered in his ear, "Is everything alright?"

Vanitas pulled back to show her his smile. He nodded. "It's great."

"You gonna tell me what that was about?"

Vanitas tilted his head thoughtfully, frowning a bit. He glanced to Sora. Somehow, looking at the face that he mimicked, he didn't feel resentment. He didn't feel afraid to say what he wanted to in front of him. The brunette raised his brows, his trademark grin encouraging him to speak. Vanitas was well aware Kairi reported back to Sora of their discussions often, unless he requested otherwise. Sora showed no change in attitude towards him, no matter what he knew.

Sora, whose face had matured beyond Vanitas's, finally seemed like an adult. Sure, he still held a wonder only a child could, but the way he carried himself was strong. He was more careful, more calculated than he ever had been. The fight with Xehanort helped him grow and a shift brought about a maturity His unruly hair was cut short, kept out of his face and out of the way. His sunkissed skin shone in the setting sun, those blue eyes only contrasting further, so bright against his dark clothing and hair. He was tall. Still shorter than Riku, but taller than Ventus, Vanitas, and Roxas, even if the four of them directly reflected the other. Sora and Roxas stood at the same height, still appearing the same age. Looking to those two, it was certain what kind of future Ventus and Vanitas had in store.

So, Vanitas changed everything he could to ensure he _did not_ look anything like Sora. Vanitas had never been vain. He didn't care for appearances until he had gotten sick of outsiders asking if he and Sora were related. He grew out his hair in certain places, but buzzed it short along his right side. _An undercut_ , the boy that inspired his style explained. It was a pierced and tattooed stranger he accosted in Twilight Town and with a quick picture snapped by Ventus, Terra did his best to copy it. Vanitas felt the hair was enough for now, thinking maybe tattoos were an option for the future. Definitely not the piercings. Then again, Ventus had found himself with a silver earring dangling from his left ear, shaped like the Master's insignia. But Vanitas could find no reason to pierce his skin willingly.

Vanitas still had not had a thin or hardened face like Sora's. There was still softness in his cheeks, frown lines forming instead of smile lines. Sora's eyes crinkled in the corners while Vanitas only scowled. His own default expression was moody, brooding, not ever too happy. At least, that was how he liked to appear. It was good to keep other people away with a face like that. Sora was so natural to attract attention, it was clear how Vanitas wanted to be seen apart from him.

Still, Vanitas found no reason to want to hide anything from him any longer. His only aversion to the boy was in appearance. Other than that, he was tolerable to be in the company of. He was kind. He made him laugh sometimes. He never blossomed a Positive Unversed from him like Kairi had, but he certainly came close.

"Another time," Vanitas promised her. True, he was upset from the discovery of Aqua's suspicion. But the Plucked Luck that pawed at his heel was proof not everything he felt was terrible. "I promise."

"Wish you guys were coming with us." Sora was authentic as ever. He leaned into a hand, rubbing the back of his head. "But, you know, I think it's a good idea you two stay here. I wish I could get Kairi to, too."

"I'm never getting left behind ever again," she stuck out her tongue childishly. Even at twenty-one, she wasn't afraid to be childish from time to time. It must have come from being close to Sora.

"There's no arguing with her," Vanitas reminded him, as if Sora needed it.

"Nope!" She beamed. "Don't miss us too much while we're gone, okay?"

"Who would miss you?" Vanitas sneered. "You're too nosy and pushy."

"I miss you already, Van." She embraced him again.

He wished he understood his relationship with her better. Then again, he found it easy to compare it with the way Sora and Riku were. When Vanitas first began to get to know those three, he was _certain_ Riku was Sora's favorite. But, after he witnessed a kiss with Kairi, his couldn't quite comprehend their relationship to one another.

When he asked why they were kissing, they stared at him. He explained that what he knew of a kiss was that it was shared between favorites. "Isn't Riku your favorite, Sora?"

Sora blushed furiously, causing Kairi to burst with laughter. Sora tried his best to deny it. "No, no!" he exclaimed. "No, Riku's my _best_ friend! I don't like him like that!"

"Oh, no." Kairi laughed hysterically. "No, Riku is _definitely_ Sora's favorite."

She explained that while sometimes there were favorites, there were also those that you loved. Those that you loved weren't always your favorite, even if it hurt a little. But, at the same time, it was healthy. It helped expand relationships, growing your friendships out to further horizons.

Vanitas wondered in this moment if it were possible to have two favorites. One to be loved by so furiously it brought him to his knees and the other that he could depend upon for everything. He hoped it was still fair to Ventus. Then again… Ventus _did_ have Terra and Aqua. While Ventus would always come first to Vanitas, Kairi was pretty fucking important to him.

"Don't get engulfed by the darkness, Princess." Vanitas ordered firmly.

She kissed his cheek, a gesture he had grown familiar with by now from her. She was affectionate. She was not afraid to express herself with Sora in public, even if he was shy about it. She held hands with Riku, sat on Naminé's lap, pulled Xion onto _her_ lap, slept against Vanitas, and kissed Sora often. She was not afraid to demonstrate how she felt.

"We'll stop by when we get the chance," Sora assured him. "We gotta make sure you two didn't kill each other."

Vanitas met Sora's fist with his own. Aqua pulled back, looking at the two of them. Her eyes trained themselves back on Vanitas, narrowing, her smile fading slightly. She was concerned. She didn't think he was fit to fight alongside them. She feared he would _betray_ them. Vanitas could only return the look with one of ice and frost. She opened her mouth, almost to say something before she thought better of it. Finally, he put a word to that _look_ she was giving him: _Desperation_.

What was it she was going to say to him?

They departed, leaving the two of them truly alone. Vanitas heaved a heavy sigh, allowing himself to drop to the ground, the powerful emotions having wiped him out. Couldn't Ventus take it easy for once? The blonde got to his knees beside him, threw himself at him, sprawling the both of them across the flagstone. There, they laid in silence, taking in the utter and complete aloneness the two of them would have on this world for the next several weeks. The Unversed interacted with each other, providing the only sound in the otherwise silent courtyard.

"Ventus… take a look around." Vanitas finally said, his voice slow and smooth. The blonde sat up, glancing over the Unversed that kept them company. "Do you see the negativity?" There were only a handful of Unversed in total. About half of them were negative. Ventus nodded, frowning. "They're borne from _your_ feelings." Vanitas pulled himself up, ruffling the flattened hair on the back of his head.

"Mine?"

"Yeah," Vanitas nodded. "The negativity I felt from you created them. All of them are yours."

"Then… the positive ones…"

Vanitas leaned against Ventus's shoulder, his cheeks warming. "I was… I was really happy to hear you say that. I don't know why. My heart's trying to escape my chest and everything is really hot but I'm really happy."

Ventus's grin spread wide, nearly splitting his face in half. He threw his arms around Vanitas, planting kisses on every inch of him that he could reach. Was he _trying_ to force his heart out of his body? He allowed Ventus's attention to consume him, the love he felt finally out in the open, a weight off his chest that had been lingering for so long. Vanitas curled into himself, not sure if he could handle much more. Why were Ventus's feelings so very strong?

"Okay, okay," Vanitas shoved him away. "Stop."

"No." Ventus ducked under his arms, planting a kiss on his lips. "I'll never stop."

"Not that I mind," Vanitas confessed, continuing his attempts to pull away. "But I'm hungry."

Ventus laughed, pressing one last lingering kiss against his lips. Vanitas pushed back, eager for his taste. As they finally settled, they pulled themselves to their feet, took care of the Unversed, and moved to the kitchen to prepare dinner for themselves. The long day took a toll on both of them. As they cooked, they wondered what exactly it was the Masters went off to fight. The mass of Darkness Vanitas sensed on the way to Destiny Island was like nothing he had ever felt before. It pressed against him on all sides, begging to engulf him, as if it wanted him to become one with it. And, for a brief moment, he considered it. Darkness entices Darkness, after all. It could have been a place for him to belong.

But Ventus was by his side. If there was any place he truly belonged, it was with him. He kept him grounded, level, with promises of a life free of hurt. There would be no doubt this would be where he stayed the rest of his life, if Ventus allowed it. From the soft song he exuded, the gentle sway of his hips, and the sporadic kisses he left as they prepared their meal, he had a feeling Ventus felt the same way.

It was like a breath of fresh air that breezed through whenever the two were on this world alone. They were free to be themselves, free to express themselves without the prying eyes of their overbearing guardians. They were playful. Vanitas was crude. Ventus scolded him, humor shining in his eyes. They were constantly touching, only moving away when needed. Even when their meal was complete, they sat beside each other instead of across, like they usually did when eating meals. Across from them, Terra and Aqua would be sitting beside each other. Even in their absence, they couldn't bring themselves to change their assigned seating. It was just too far from each other.

"So," Ventus started, a slight frown marring his features. Vanitas hated when Ventus frowned. "What makes you think Aqua doesn't trust you?"

Vanitas sighed, setting his utensils down. He leaned back in the chair, leaning his head back to consider his answer. How would Ventus ever understand? Vanitas closed his eyes, feeling the ache once more. How could she not trust him after all these years? He thought of her the same as Ventus did: An older sister figure who only wanted the best for him. It hurt to realize she still considered him the enemy.

"Just… the way she looked at me." Vanitas replied, forcing his tone to stay even. It wasn't working so well. "When she said, 'You need to look out for each other,' it was more like… 'You need to look out for _me_.'

"I think they figured out what it is out there," Vanitas reasoned. "It was calling to me, Ventus. Because of what I am. Because Darkness only wants to grow. She doesn't trust me to not follow my instincts and join it. She left you here to make sure I stayed put. That I wouldn't fall into the darkness again."

Ventus chuckled uncertainly. "So… you were going to leave and solidify her assumptions?"

Vanitas shook his head. "No… I was going to leave to prove she was wrong."

Ventus kissed his jaw. It was amazing how affectionate he was when the two of them were alone. He pressed his lips against his neck. "How are you so sure, though?" he mumbled into his skin.

"I just…" Vanitas pulled away from him. He was being so _distracting_. "I just know."

"If that's the case… then we're definitely leaving after my Mastery Exam," Ventus assured him. "Just the two of us."

"Where will we go?" Vanitas mused.

"Everywhere!" Ventus exclaimed, throwing his hands exuberantly in the air. "There's no place we _can't_ go! I want to see all the worlds! I want to explore and protect and uphold my duty as a Keyblade Master!"

Vanitas leaned into his hand, snorting. Ventus had big dreams and they were so close, just within reach. Vanitas would help get him there by any means necessary if it meant he would continue to smile. He dared not think what they would do if Ventus failed his Mark of Mastery exam. They would be trapped here once again, until the time was right for Ventus to try again. But Ventus was powerful. Vanitas knew without a doubt Ventus would pass. What need was there even for an exam? To prove himself? He recalled Eraqus had no plans to even administer an exam until Xehanort urged him to keep up with tradition. Couldn't Aqua break it, regardless? Then again, Ventus would have been the first Master to become one without an exam as far as Vanitas knew.

After dinner, the two cleaned up and moved to the lounge. Ventus picked up a new book while Vanitas watched a movie. He laid on his stomach, sprawled across a couch while Ventus laid on top of him, wedged between him and the back of the couch. Ventus had always been excitable and distractible but when he lifted up a book, his demeanor changed drastically. Everything else in the world fell away but the words. As far as Vanitas knew, Ventus was the only one of their friends who read so enthusiastically. Not even Aqua read as much as he did.

In fact, half of the books in this room were read by Ventus. The shelves that lined one of the walls, reaching taller than the roof of the library, were full of training manuals and a history of the Keyblade. Its history was meticulously kept by Aqua. Even something as dull as fighting theory captured Ventus's attention if it was put into words. The particular book he held at the moment was an adventure novel. Fiction.

Vanitas needed to detach himself from his surroundings. He enjoyed watching movies when he got the chance. It wasn't often. Their movie player and television were basic, unlike what Roxas had in his house. There wasn't even one in this world until Vanitas brought one here. He was watching something Roxas had loaned to him, promising him he'd enjoy it. He wasn't so sure. It wasn't exactly the movies that he liked, to be honest. It was the feeling that came with them. The feeling of being immersed somewhere else, giving himself the ability to become listless. The whole _lack_ of feelings was what entranced him with getting lost in the pictures.

He found it particularly hard to distract himself from his feelings. His mind kept wandering to the boy on his back. They still hadn't _really_ discussed Ventus's feelings. What it meant for them. What would change. What wouldn't. What would be good and what would hurt. There was definitely going to be hurt.

Ugh.

"Ventus," Vanitas muttered, his speech slurred from being pressed against the couch cushion. The blonde hummed to inform him he was listening. Vanitas hummed, too, trying to find the right words for his question. "Are you… Are you really okay with all this?"

"All what?" Ventus asked, not looking away from his pages, not even a note of concern in his tone. Only certainty. Whatever it was, he _was_ okay with it.

"You know… loving me. Even though I can't love you back."

"Hm…" Ventus set the book against his chest. Vanitas turned his head towards the back of the couch, burrowing his chin into Ventus's hair. "Well, yeah. I can love enough for the both of us."

Vanitas twisted out from under Ventus, pulling him into his arms to get themselves comfortable. "But _why_ do you love me?"

Ventus shrugged, setting the book down on the side table carefully, marking his page with a bookmark. He never dog-eared a book or set it down, spine facing upward. He yelled at anyone who did. He believed in the preservation of these books, if nothing else.

"That's a hard question." The blonde admitted. "There's a lot of reasons I love you."

"Then… are there reasons you _don't_ love me?"

Ventus shook his head. "Nope," he replied, his voice colorfully cheerful. "I love everything about you. I love you. I love all your faults and vices. I love all that makes you good. I love every inch of you, Vanitas."

His feelings were so powerful. What could Vanitas do about it? They echoed within him, making Vanitas wonder if this bliss was what it meant to love someone. He didn't know. He didn't want to ask.

"For how long?"

Those blue eyes locked onto his gold ones. He didn't even miss a beat, not a hint of humor in his tone: "My entire life."

He almost believed him for a moment. Vanitas laughed, "Sure. Especially that time in when I pushed you to follow Terra or I beat you within an inch of your life."

The second comment was referring to a battle Ventus and Vanitas had during the last few weeks of Xehanort's War. Ventus and he fought, the blonde losing spectacularly. Vanitas was not looking for forge the χ-blade that time. Just some good, old fashion pay back. At least, that was what he told himself and one of Xehanort's vessels. He supposed it was pay back, in a way. He was reluctant to admit it was because he felt as if the blonde was torn away from him once more and still refused to acknowledge him, even after all was said and done in their first round.

Vanitas remembered the moment clearly as soon as he brought it up. Ventus collapsed into the dirt, face down. Vanitas had been weakened himself, barely able to stand on his own feet. He kicked the boy into his back to look at him. Ventus's breathing grew shallow. Blue eyes peered upwards at him through blood-caked eyelids. His mouth opened, trying to say something before the darkness took him. His head lolled to the side, his Keyblade vanished. He was done. Vanitas raised his Keyblade above him to finish him off. His hands shook. He couldn't do it. For a brief moment, he believed if Ventus was still alive _there was a chance to get him back!_ He dropped the blade into the dirt, narrowly missing Ventus's face. He fell to his knees, holding tightly onto Void Gear. Hurt overwhelmed him. He felt such an unbearable _need_ to bring this boy with him, it brought tears to his eyes. For some reason, he needed him to stay. He would have, too, had it not been for the Warrior of Light that interrupted them. Someone came upon the scene, running for them. Vanitas, knowing he couldn't take one more fight, fled.

A sheepish grin cracked across his face. "You're right," he sighed. "But it really feels like it, sometimes." The boy's cheeks dusted with pink as he pressed his forehead against Vanitas's. "I think it started in Sora's heart, to be honest. I remembering thinking, 'I don't ever want to leave his side' all the time. Every time I saw you during the war, my heart would race. I thought it was anxiety because I shattered us and knew you were angry about it, but… I don't think that was the case. I was _excited_ to see you. I missed you. And, I guess, shortly after you came to live with us… I realized I loved you."

Vanitas couldn't hold himself back from taking the blonde's face to pull him inward. He smashed their lips together, not nearly fast enough, if only to simply breathe in his existence. Ventus didn't pull away as their lips forged and reforged together to map out each other's terrain as he adjusted his position to sit on top of the other. He straddled over Vanitas, knees pressing into his hips as Ventus struggled to stay fully on the couch. Ventus brushed a hand over Vanitas's cheek, snaking his fingers through the dark hair to tangle themselves within. Vanitas gasped for air, giving Ventus the chance to take another attempt to explore.

Their tongues mingled, this time slow instead of furious. Vanitas wanted a chance to savor this moment. To really get to know Ventus and what it meant to be loved by him. He leaned upwards, trying to close every bit of space they had between them. Vanitas ran his tongue along the inside of Ventus's bottom lip. The blonde let out a slow sigh, his blue eyes growing hazy. He pulled back, burying himself into Vanitas's neck. He left open mouth kisses trailing down to the base, where he closed his teeth around flesh. Vanitas flinched, not quite expecting it. It didn't hurt by any means, but the tongue that followed surprised him. Ventus suckled at the skin, his tongue running across it gently.

It was a strange sensation, but not entirely unpleasant. Heat rose to his cheeks as the blonde worked his skin until he couldn't take it anymore. Panting, he dragged Ventus back up to meet him. Between kisses, his continued his interrogation.

"So when you kissed me…?" he started, his skin lighting on fire.

"It was because I loved you." Ventus replied breathlessly. He pressed himself against him, taking another kiss from the blonde.

"When I beat you senseless?"

Ventus shook his head. "I wasn't mad." Another kiss. "I was scared."

"Of what?"

"That I lost you for good."

Vanitas pulled Ventus's shirt down, desperate to attack his neck the same way Ventus had. He cursed the high collar as he heard the fabric stretch, threads pulling with the vicious movement. When he was satisfied with the amount of skin he needed, he pressed his lips against it, trailing his tongue across the vulnerable skin. Ventus only pressed him closer, tilting his neck to allow easier access. His teeth bit harder. His lips sucked, raising this skin from bone and sinew. He trailed to the collar, where he made his work until Ventus was panting against him, his face flushed with something akin to anticipation.

"Does… does that mean…" Vanitas fixed Ventus's shirt, almost hesitant to ask his final question. His face burned with the recollection of todays events. What he learned still burned in his memory something he was sure he'd never forget. "Does that mean you want to have sex with me?"

This was not a question he would take back. He would not assure Ventus with a kiss that his answer would not make him angry or upset him in any way because, to be quite honest, _he had no idea_. He didn't know if Ventus wanted to sleep with him would make him anxious or disgusted or what. He just knew that, from what Kairi told him, it was human nature to want to do it. While not everyone actually felt _compelled_ or any particular _need_ for it, in general, it was a bodily reaction.

Ventus lowered his gaze, flushing with each moment a darker shade of red. Vanitas could practically hear the other's heart beating in his own ears from the amount of blood that rushed to them. Ventus slowly nodded. "Y-Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah… I do. But only if you want to." He quickly turned his eyes back to Vanitas, waving his hands frantically. "If you don't want to, that's okay! I mean… I just… I've thought about it. And I'd like to. Not _right now_ , I mean. But, like, in general. Yeah. And, like, if you don't then it's okay, too. It's not something we ever have to do. I'm just happy being by your side."

Vanitas hummed thoughtfully. For a moment, he considered Ventus's reply, took into account the other's desire, and made a decision. He nodded. "Okay," he met Ventus's gaze. "In our own time. Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

Ventus buried his face into Vanitas's chest, groaning. The warmth that flooded through them was overwhelming. The blonde was embarrassed and happy and giddy with excitement. Vanitas agreed to. He trusted Ventus. He wanted Ventus to know just how much that meant to him to find trust in another. He was willing to give his whole self up for it. There was just one more thing he needed to know.

"So, if neither of us have a vagina, how does that work?"

Ventus burst out laughing, still refusing to pull away from Vanitas's chest. He could feel the discomfort of the question building within the blonde, another thing he was dreading having to explain, but would out of necessity. Because Vanitas asked and it wasn't fair to not tell him, especially after they agreed to follow through with it at their own pace. When Ventus finally pulled himself away the two made themselves comfortable for Ventus's detailed explanation. When he finished, Vanitas grimaced, not really sure he was satisfied with the answer.

"Gross."


	11. Muscle

Surrounded by monsters, Vanitas and Ventus fought. When one was demolished, two more took its place like a creature of legend. Their blades swung in tandem, destroying the endless waves of beasts that came for them with ease. Alone, they were strong. Together, they were more powerful than they ever had been. Wayward Wind was just as much the other side of Void Gear as Ventus was to Vanitas.

The onslaught continued, never ceasing, it seemed. Of course it wouldn't. Vanitas expected as much. After all, they were _his_ monsters. Each one slain left a physical pain that only created more, stronger Unversed. The stronger the monsters, the more they pushed to defeat them. When a Chrono Twister went at Ventus, Vanitas leapt in front of him, beating it back. Ventus finished off the Wild Bruiser that had him distracted before whirling to stand beside Vanitas.

The two, panting, glanced to one another.

"Had enough?" Vanitas asked, noticing the wariness on the blonde's face.

"Have _you_?"

"I'm just getting warmed up." Vanitas smirked, though his exhausted betrayed him in his voice. His arms were growing heavy, the sweat drenching him from head to toe. The grip on his blade was growing slick. He cursed himself for forgoing gloves today.

"One more combo."

"Got it."

They jumped apart, facing one another. Their twin smirks signaled their preparedness. The boys leapt at each other, their blades clashing to create a flash of light and darkness. Their blades slide across one another, swiping outward to the monsters that surrounded them. With each swing, a wave of darkness and light wiped away at the monsters, returning them to their origin. They twisted upward, bringing their blades to the ground to create one more shockwave.

The area around them cleared. There were still monsters. Still way too many for them to finish off comfortably if they were going to call it in for the day. Vanitas dropped to a knee, panting as he waved his hand downward. Around them, the monsters vanished into a twist of darkness, returning to Vanitas. After weeks of practicing, he was finally able to dismiss them like he used to. Ventus dropped to the ground beside him, whining about a sore shoulder he injured during practice the previous day.

The Vanitas caught Ventus's glance. He grinned at the blonde, settling on the stone comfortably. It wasn't exactly comfortable, what with the courtyard being stone, but it would do for now. They didn't exactly have a field to do this in with flat terrain, which Vanitas should probably mention to Aqua when she got back. Then again, what good was it to practice in a flat terrain? Monsters made their presence known in all sorts of places. Vanitas just supposed he was used to the flatness of the Badlands.

"You did well," he huffed, gasping for air.

"You lasted longer."

"I used to go until I passed out," Vanitas reminded him. "I can start doing that again, if you like."

"I'd rather not be doing this at all."

Vanitas blew a piece of hair from his eyes as he scowled. He wasn't going to have this argument again, especially after everything they had already learned they could do with this method of practice. Vanitas using his own monsters against them was the best form of teaching, as he'd seen all those years ago. They taught Vanitas everything he knew, and, in turn, strengthened the Chasers on their journey. Especially Ventus. For one being so young with so little experience, he learned amazingly fast in such a short time while on his own, chasing Terra. He had been able to fight against Vanitas and win on his own with enough strength for them to forge a χ-blade.

They learned how to fight together. They created their own, rather powerful, joint attacks that could wipe out a good portion of his monsters and deal a ton of damage. Without this chance, they wouldn't have had it. They wouldn't have been able to learn how to fight together. They wouldn't discover each other's strengths and weaknesses and learn how to make up the difference.

They had this argument a million times already. Vanitas was never going to relent because this was the best way he knew how to help Ventus. _Just… just let me do this for you_.

Several weeks had passed since the Keyblade Masters left on their journey. Vanitas was going stir crazy, being trapped on this world once more. It wasn't so bad, since Ventus was here. The first few days, they did nothing but goof off, do what they wanted, ate what they wanted, and left a mess in their wake. It was a good vacation, but then they decided maybe they should keep up with the routine of training. They cleaned up their mess, prepared healthier meals, and created a good training routine to keep them occupied.

The boys heaved themselves to their feet to hit the showers. They entered the bathing room, which was large and clean. There were stalls for showers and a large, warm tub in the center filled with steaming water. Ventus poured a liquid into the tub, giving it a soothing aroma, already making Vanitas's muscles relax. They stripped, never minding being shy around the other, and slipped under the water.

They were too tried to talk. Vanitas leaned against the edge, his arms supporting him on the rim as he took a moment to inhale the soothing soaps. He glanced to Ventus who sunk beneath the water for several seconds before rising, shaking out his head. He offered a grin when Vanitas flinched against the splash.

It was important to relax their muscles after training. The heat of the tub and the steam provided what they needed to ease the ache of a long day. Vanitas lazily turned his eyes upon the blonde who leaned his head back against the rim to close his eyes. Vanitas eyed the blonde as he chewed the inside of his cheek. He still hated that habit.

"How's your shoulder?"

"Hurts like hell," Ventus groaned.

The previous day, he slipped during a combo. It was one he had done a million times before, learned long ago before the end of the first war. It was a simple mistake that could have happened to anyone. He landed hard on his shoulder, dislocating it. Vanitas had to pop it back into place.

"C'mere."

Ventus scooted across his seat, closer to Vanitas. The raven-haired boy turned him on the bench to reach his back easier. He sat sideways, his hands still on the blonde's shoulders. There, he began to knead into the flesh, deep into the tense muscles. Vanitas didn't know much about massaging, just the rudiments from watching. Terra often received them from Aqua and vise-versa. When Ventus needed them, one of the other two administered. They knew better how to do it properly. It probably should have been something the two of them learned, but never really cared to.

Vanitas pressed into the offending shoulder. Ventus groaned, tensing in pain. Vanitas only continued, pushing harder into the knots and sinew. Slowly, the knots loosened, giving way and smoothing out. He worked until he was satisfied, giving a once over against Ventus's back. The skin was smooth and slick with the water. His muscles taut, showing just how muscular this small boy really was. When clothed, he seemed lanky and weak. Bare, he was lean, powerful, and not altogether unattractive.

"Thank you," Ventus sighed, leaning back against Vanitas's chest. He turned up with a lazy smile. "Much better."

Usually, when the two were bare, they didn't come into much contact. They certainly never cuddled. There never was a mood for it. It was usually to bathe or change, which called for nothing but necessity. It seemed the mood suddenly shifted when Ventus kissed him, eliciting a noise of surprise. Now, he just wanted to hold Ventus against him, clothed or not. He held himself back. Something about it didn't seem… right? No. Appropriate.

Ventus turned, wrapping his hands around Vanitas's neck to press another, firmer kiss on his lips. "Do you want one back?"

Vanitas shook his head. "Nah." Seemed even less appropriate for some reason.

"Mkay," Ventus pulled away after placing one more kiss against Vanitas's neck.

The water must have been getting hotter. His face was on fire. He was beginning to sweat as he eyed the marks he left along Ventus's neck and collar over the last few days. He had ones to match, which, for some reason, annoyed him. He enjoyed the feeling of the neck kisses, the heat the pooled in his belly, the fire that burst within him, and the breathlessness that it left him with. They were proof of their trust in each other, but, somehow, it felt more like… he was marking his territory.

He just didn't like being marked.

Yet, pride swelled within him at the sight of them on Ventus.

They finished their soak, showered, and dressed into fresh clothes before staring dinner. Vanitas pressed a cool compress on Ventus's shoulder after the heat of the baths, icing the now loosened muscles. It was difficult to cook while holding ice, so Ventus did not help out too much. Which was a bad idea because Vanitas couldn't cook to save his life. Vanitas served them a wonderfully well-done roast with blackened potatoes and salted peas. They suffered through it, deciding the left overs weren't worth saving.

The two of them rarely needed words to communicate, yet, Ventus never shut up once their energy had been replenished. Usually, completing dinner was when Ventus would opened his mouth and only close it when he fell asleep. When Vanitas had enough, he'd shove a book in his hands to get him to stop for even a minute.

"Hey, how'd you know how to fix a dislocated shoulder, anyway?"

"Break a few bones, dislocate a few joints, you learn a thing to two."

"Did Xehanort ever help?"

"I guess he threw advice my way every once in a while."

"You know, I sprained my ankle once. Master Eraqus used a super powerful healing spell to fix it. I didn't even have to ice it or anything afterwards! Poof! It was perfect!"

"Sorry I don't have the skill of a dead Keyblade Master."

"I think Aqua will get there, someday. Her and Terra will both be really, really strong! Like Eraqus!"

Vanitas bit back a response, he really wanted to give. He didn't think it would be wise to remind Ventus that Eraqus perished because of a joint effort played by Terra and Xehanort. Terra beat Eraqus in a fight. Now, whether or not Eraqus was holding back was to be debated. But reminding everyone of past transgressions had been an unspoken taboo. They all had done something stupid or wrong that they regretted. No need to drag it back up.

To stop himself from saying anything bad about Eraqus (who pointedly was going to kill the blonde because of what he was capable of), he shoved a book into Ventus's hands, saying he was going to watch a movie. The two ate their dessert in the sitting room, relaxing after a long day of training. They opted to sit side by side to prevent strain on Ventus's injured shoulder instead of their usual positions for down time (one on top of the other). Instead, they sat with their legs sprawled over the seat, tangled in each other with their backs against the arm rests.

This was their routine for their days. Five days of straight training. Two days off. Only once did they take time off due to Ventus falling ill (which they should have seen coming, since he hadn't been sick in a long while). Occasionally, their friends would drop in on them to check on them, rest, and restock supplies. They were thankful for the break in monotony. They received messages from Roxas and Xion, the two of them having been warned they could not enter the world without the proper charm from Aqua.

Ventus and Vanitas learned the hard way no one could get in or out without express permission from Aqua. They tried to leave the world to visit Roxas and Xion, thinking that an afternoon off-world would have no consequences. When they opened a tear into the lanes inbetween, the tear twisted and faltered. Vanitas attempted a Corridor of Darkness. That, too, warped, flickered, and closed.

Aqua's magic was immensely powerful. They hadn't realized just how strong it was until that moment. That woman, that wanted so to keep Vanitas under lock and key, knew just how to do it. They gaped at each other in awe until Vanitas grew frustrated and demolished a training ring.

When the two retired to bed, they climbed into the beds they pushed together, held there by wedges. The two mattresses were pressed so tightly together after the head and footboards were removed, it was almost enough to believe they were one big bed. Still, sitting in the tiny gap proved uncomfortable after a time. They pulled close to each other, foreheads touching as they settled into comfort.

Ventus grinned brightly as he sat up. Vanitas curiously made to follow him when Ventus swiftly pulled the sleep shirt off of Vanitas. He ordered the other to turn around, which Vanitas rolled his eyes, complying with a huff. Ventus straddled Vanitas's hips, pulled a lotion from the bedside table, rubbing it between his hands before working it into the skin of Vanitas's back.

Vanitas stiffened. He never really received a massage _just because_.

"I'm returning the favor." Ventus explained cheerfully.

"Whatever makes you happy," Vanitas yawned, allowing Ventus's clumsy, fast moving hands run over his shoulder blades. He relaxed his muscles, closing his eyes to focus on the sensation. He hummed, grunted, and sighed with each loosened knot.

"You're so tense."

"Happens when I'm dealing with you all day."

"Do I make you that nervous?"

"No, just… exhausted."

Ventus laughed. He leaned down to kiss Vanitas on the spine, making him shutter. For a moment, he nuzzled the skin before continuing his work. His hands moved along the spine, over his shoulders, down his ribs. He pressed the pads of his thumbs into the meat of his lower back.

Ventus rubbed into thick knots until they loosened. He smoothed his hands almost expertly down Vanitas's back. The first expert move he made and the only one. His hands shifted again, too fast and too rough to be soothing. Carefully, he slowed. His hands became gentler, softer, smoother.

He leaned forward again, pressing his lips into Vanitas's skin. He kissed up Vanitas's neck, making him hum in satisfaction. He kissed his shoulder, his neck, his chin, his cheek. Vanitas turned his head enough to allow a lingering kiss on the lips.

Vanitas turned under Ventus, unable to not continue. Their kiss deepened, parting briefly only for Ventus's shirt to follow Vanitas's on the floor. Their tongues danced, hands roamed over skin. Vanitas scratched his fingers into Ventus's back, pulling him flat against him. Skin against skin brought a fire in his belly, one he wondered if he'd be able to put out. Ventus planted wet kisses along Vanitas's throat, leaving another mark on the very crook of his neck and shoulder.

A hand traced fingers along muscle, dangerously low. Vanitas captured Ventus's mouth again, deepening the kiss. He couldn't get enough air in his lungs. His shorts felt tighter than they should. Ventus wasn't close enough. He needed more skin. More of those lips. More of _Ventus_.

Everything was on fire. They pulled away for a moment, Ventus's blue eyes hazy and full of abandon. Vanitas panted, his fingers digging into Ventus's back. "Hurts," he breathed before he could stop himself.

Ventus's eyes widened with worry. "What hurts?"

Vanitas grimaced, cursing his unbidden words. "It's fine, kiss me."

"You sure?"

Vanitas adjusted his shorts, pulling Ventus down to him. Ventus lifted himself slightly to allow the action before pushing himself down against his hips. Vanitas gasped into Ventus's mouth, the blonde smirking.

"Here?"

"Shut up."

Another grind. "Me, too." Ventus's hands wandered lower on Vanitas's belly, his fingertips brushing just above the hem of his shorts. "Do you trust me?"

Vanitas laughed. "What a stupid question."

"I need to hear you say it."

"Of course I do, idiot."

Ventus grinned, his lips clashing against Vanitas's. In a moment of distraction, he almost didn't notice the hand that plunged into his shorts until the cool fingers wrapped around him. Vanitas gasped, jerking away. Gross. Why would he want to touch _that_? Were they going to…?

The hand slid upward slowly, palm grazing over the head, pulling fabric down and away from Ventus's target. Ventus kissed him slowly, gently as he pulled the shorts down comfortably, his thumb brushing over the edge as he rubbed just the tip. His member throbbed with appreciation. He didn't realize being touched there felt so _good_. To ungodly good, his mind burst, unable to comprehend the feeling.

Vanitas couldn't focus on kissing. He turned his head, giving Ventus the chance to rest his head beside his ear. Ventus chuckled, his voice just above a breath. "You never touched yourself?"

Vanitas shook his head.

"You should try it sometime," Ventus mused, bringing his hand down his shaft. "Feels really good."

It felt amazing. Vanitas bucked into Ventus's hand, groaning when the blonde began a rhythm. Vanitas groaned, throwing a hand over his eyes, allowing himself to lose himself in the sensation. The pace quickened, Ventus attacked Vanitas's throat once more with his mouth. Vanitas's back arched, his senses heightening. Something was happening. His muscles tensed, his fingers clenched the sheets, his hips bucked up as warmth splashed onto his stomach.

He was left, spent and panting.

Ventus snickered, kissing Vanitas deeply. "That was fast," he smirked.

Vanitas touched the strange substance that stained his body. Ventus sat up, reaching for a tissue to wipe the stuff that stuck to his hands. Vanitas grimaced. Gross. It was the same consistency as snot, but warmer than he expected. Ventus helpfully cleaned it up, noticing Vanitas's confusion. He laid beside Vanitas, explaining what he did, what exactly it was that Vanitas reacted to, and what it was that left his body.

They wrapped into each other's warmth, exchanging lazy kisses. Vanitas was exhausted.

"I love you, Vanitas." Ventus mumbled as they settled for sleep.

At the moment, he wished more than anything he could return the sentiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was one of the shorter chapters! But, it's also got some yummy stuff! Maybe. xD I don't have a lot of experience writing this kind of stuff, so, it's gonna take a few chapters to get into it. Hopefully. XD More to come, promise!


	12. Reminiscence

His feet pounded against the black stone as he ran, the dark hallway lit only by the glowing blue stones imbedded in the walls and decoration. His smirk slid across his face as he glanced back at Ventus, the mobile game being held aloft as the blonde chased him. Once Ventus's fingertips were able to brush him, he pulled himself ahead, appearing further down the hallway, never once stopping as the blonde followed his lead. His mirthful laughter filled the empty halls that echoed in the silence. It reminded the boy just how alone the two of them really were in this seemingly unending castle.

"You're cheating!" Ventus protested, the shimmer of light from his teleport left behind, fading slowly as he continued to run.

"It's not cheating if it's even," Vanitas replied easily. Ventus was just as capable as he was at teleporting, now without having any difficulties moving through darkness.

Ventus growled, reaching to snatch at Vanitas again. Vanitas cackled, having already pulled forward leaving Ventus to grab onto his after image. What had simply started from being annoyed that Ventus ignored him in favor of this gaming device, it had now become a chase that had little to do with the original reason, and more about the sheer thrill of it. Vanitas teased Ventus ruthlessly, taunting him by proving just how much faster he still, and how much the blonde needed to prove him wrong. Ventus lunged, flittering through space with light flashing in his wake.

The two of them had been lying on their couch, Ventus focusing intensely on his game as Vanitas read one of his comics. Vanitas didn't understand why the blonde was so into them when he led a much more interesting life than these fictional ones. In these stories they struggled and fought for what was right, but everything just fell so flat and some of the characters were completely unlikable. There was no depth to them and you were supposed to be interested and feel for them? Vanitas blanched, throwing the finished comic aside as it left him dissatisfied.

"I'm hungry," he complained. He had never experienced the ache of hunger before merging with Ventus. Some part of that experience must have made him much more… _complete_. More human. Which meant stupid human hunger, and stupid human need, and stupid human _urges_. Like… urination had never been a thing for him. It was rather annoying, as he plainly complained after coming back. He _could_ eat before, but it wasn't a necessity, more like an indulgence.

"Go make something."

"I want chicken katsu don."

"Then go make it."

"Make it for me."

"Busy."

"I don't know how to make it," Vanitas grumbled. "You do it."

"I taught you last week," Ventus replied without tearing his eyes away from the game, his thumbs mashing furiously at the buttons. "The recipe's in the book Aqua left us."

"I don't wanna cook," Vanitas admitted. Besides, he knew how his cooking ended up: Charred. Burned. Occasionally on fire—and, on his best days, well undercooked. He didn't want to eat blackened or chewy food. No, thanks.

"Then go hungry. I'm in a boss fight."

Vanitas was pretty sure Ventus told him he loved him, right? If Ventus loved him, why was he making him starve? He was fairly certain that wasn't how this love thing worked. Frustrated, he twisted to lie over Ventus's back, glaring at the nape of his neck. He glared, growing even more furious when Ventus paid him no mind. Why wasn't Ventus paying attention to him? Why was Ventus so enthralled in these fictional worlds that couldn't even compare to their reality? Why go through the aches and pains of getting to know fictional people and follow their stories and hurt with them when he had experienced them first hand?

He rolled off of Ventus, plucking the game from his hands. Ventus shouted in protest, scrambling to reach for the system that was being held out of his grasp. Vanitas rose to his feet, backing away as Ventus tried to make another grab for it. "If I can't eat, you can't play."

And that was how this entire situation had begun.

Vanitas danced just out of reach as Ventus caught up to him again, almost running into one of the beast statues. He sidestepped it, running for a door situated at the opposite end of the hall. He pulled himself through the door, landing on the other side without so much as a glance behind him to see if Ventus could follow. Vanitas wondered if the other could even go beyond solid forces yet. Ventus had been practicing, yes, and he certainly could _do_ it. It just so happened his landings were never very fortunate. More often than not, if he couldn't see where he was moving to, he landed on unstable surfaces, many that couldn't hold his weight or left him unable to stand in general. He always went just too far beyond the door.

The smile fell from Vanitas's features when he took notice of the room he had landed in. Light popped and Ventus stumbled into existence on the staircase, lying sprawled before a pale golden door with elaborate white trim. Vanitas sighed heavily, remembering just how much he hated this castle and why Aqua often warned them not to wander too far from the usual paths. A warning he had disregarded a few times when Ventus was not around to keep him busy (being ill or having an errand to run for Aqua or Terra). The last time he'd done this should have been enough of a reminder, and he was quick to recall why he'd swore never to explore again. He had run into a room made up of memories that were not his own, irreversibly trapped until Aqua had recovered him.

"God damn it," Vanitas swore loudly.

Ventus climbed to his feet, shaking himself out as he turned to Vanitas. His own smile fell, his blue eyes widening with shock. "Where'd the door go?!"

Vanitas turned behind him. Where the black, metal door should have been opened into a set of stairs, the landing beyond was blindingly white. Vanitas grumbled, crossing his arms. He hated this castle. Last time he ended up in a room like this, the bottom of the staircase became one of the usual white hallways that led to one of the restrooms. When he turned to return back up the stairs, perhaps to explore beyond the door, they had completely disappeared.

So, this left them with two options: Go down the staircase, hoping to land in familiarity or go through the door.

"Who knows?" Vanitas finally said, making his way over to Ventus, a scowl darkening his golden eyes. "But we won't get back to where we were from here, I can promise you that."

"What's through the door?" Ventus asked, turning to inspect the gold that stood out rather ominously against the white. The whole room was unfamiliar to Vanitas, even with four years of seeing décor similar to it. It reminded him vaguely of the memories he had of Ventus's awakening. His confusion and loss. Those stiff muscles and the never-ending maze he found himself in. A place he had unexpectedly found himself in again before Aqua had been able to rescue him, only possible through her need to protect him. Yes, it worked beyond all of her hopes, but the same place that protected him kept him from leaving.

"Hell if I know." Vanitas shrugged. He had never dared go through one of the golden doors. Aqua's warning always rang through him whenever he considered it, so he'd opt for an exit strategy instead. Now, every inch of him told him to turn and run down the stairs. After the memory illusion, he wasn't sure the two of them would be able to make it out of whatever lay beyond that door alive. Vanitas really couldn't believe a place like this was supposed to be a home. How did Aqua ever plan to take on more apprentices when they were highly likely to be lost forever simply by taking a wrong turn to the bathroom? He sincerely hoped she didn't have any such plans, if for any reason being that he feared the safety of those prospective Keyblade Masters.

Ventus climbed the stairs, his hand reaching out curiously for something that laid before it. Following him, Vanitas hadn't noticed the cards that were scattered over the landing until Ventus took notice of them. Ventus picked them up curiously, flipping through them slowly as he examined them. He bit his lower lip, concentration knitting his eyebrows together. Vanitas stood beside him, looking over his shoulder to see. It took him a moment to realize the images on the cards were pictures of worlds. Worlds they had both explored. Worlds that they hadn't yet been to.

They exchanged glances.

"What do you think they're for?" Ventus questioned.

"I dunno, but there isn't nearly enough to play Go Fish."

Ventus turned to the door. Before Vanitas could stop him, he reached for the handle, giving it a hard tug. The door remained stationary, not even budging an inch, almost like it was part of the wall. Ventus handed Vanitas the cards so he could try again with both hands. His wiry body leaned back on his heels as he put his whole weight into pulling. He grunted, deciding maybe it wasn't supposed to open that way before pushing instead, throwing his whole weight against it.

"It's locked," he deducted.

"Oh, if only we had a key that could open any lock." Vanitas rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," Ventus growled, cheeked tinging pink as he summoned Wayward Wind. Vanitas slid to the side to give him some space. Ventus twirled the blade in his hand, leaping back as a beam of light shot at the door, where it deflected on contact, bursting into a shower of bright sparks. Vanitas cocked an eyebrow. Why did Aqua need to make things so difficult? Why was it necessary to have doors that couldn't unlock?

Now Vanitas was curious.

"We need to know what's behind that door," Vanitas said decidedly.

Ventus took the cards again, shuffling through them after he dismissed his blade. Vanitas tried one of the handles without much effort. He knew they wouldn't give way for him. Perhaps there was a trigger of some sort nearby that might open the door. Vanitas was ready to begin searching when Ventus grinned next to him. Without an explanation, he took a card from the pile and raised it towards the door. For a moment, Vanitas waited.

Then, it opened before them.

Ventus laughed, throwing himself at Vanitas. "I got it!"

"Yeah, yeah," Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Good job."

Ventus grabbed his face, planting a firm kiss on his lips in celebration before grabbing his wrist to drag him inside. Again, he was disoriented by the sudden change of atmosphere. Fortunately, it wasn't horribly different than what he had already seen here in their own reformed world. Before them laid a long hallway, the end of it engulfed in darkness. Surrounding the walls that were a soft cloud of navies and violets, stood black stone in spires and plinths embedded with glowing blue stone. The difference was at their feet: Hardened gray dust or fine sand supported them, occasionally kicking up with their footsteps.

It was very different from the last time Vanitas stood in one of these rooms, lost in another person's memories Before, it had resembled the courtyard of the Land of Departure, the walls painted with a sky and mountains, the ground an orderly flagstone, and the memories were youthful and naïve. Before, he had been subjected to reliving the fateful day of the Mastery Exam that Eraqus had administered, which in hindsight, had been the great master's very last. He hadn't gotten very far into the memory before Aqua saved him.

"Where are we?" Ventus asked softly, taking a few steps forward. Behind them, the door closed with an ominous click.

"Not sure," Vanitas shrugged as he made his way down the hallway. "We only have one way to go, though."

Ventus was uncertain, his drive faltering with the realization of just how little he knew about his own home. No wonder Aqua insisted on sticking to the beaten path. This place had so many secrets, so many surprises and traps, it was a wonder Aqua had yet to redecorate this castle. She destroyed it the first time and her efforts to recreate it mangled the once proud Keyblade academy. Masters upon Masters had trained on these very grounds for generations and it took one conflicted Keyblade Master to rearrange _all_ of it. She brought her own fears and memories back into this place, so couldn't she remove them?

They hadn't gone far when they heard it. Soft footsteps that came from their front and their back at the same time. One pair, but nearly impossible to pinpoint. Ventus's eyes narrowed towards the darkness behind them as Vanitas took the front. The two stood on edge, waiting for their guest. Who would it be? _What_ would it be? Vanitas reached behind him to grip Ventus's wrist tightly. He wouldn't let him get far, no matter what happened. It seemed Ventus felt the same when he slipped Vanitas's hand into his own, linking their fingers firmly enough to turn their knuckles white.

"Who's there?" Vanitas called finally. The footsteps stopped. The boys glanced to one another, Vanitas's ears ringing as he strained to hear an answer.

Around them, Heartless cropped up in droves. Both of them stood, frozen, at the sight of such creatures. They had not been witnessed since the Final War, their threat subdued with the threat of darkness. What were they doing _here_? _How_ in the _hell_ did they get into this fortress? Vanitas grit his teeth. These were questions he would need to ask Aqua when he saw her again. He wondered if she was aware of the flaw in her defenses.

They needed to fight. The creatures were fairly low-level and would not pose much of a threat to either, however, it was never a good idea to just leave them as they were lest they worm their way out of the memory rooms and prove to be a problem. As his blade shimmered into his grip, another Keyblade flew in their direction, taking out three of the monsters before returning to the woman that approached them at impossible speeds. She slashed down another set, far too close for comfort, causing Vanitas to leap backward. Ventus already had his Keyblade out, cutting down the Heartless that endeavored to attack. Vanitas grunted as he joined in the effort, slicing through any of the monsters within his reach. He noticed the particular lack of emblems, wondering if it meant anything.

Barely out of breath when they were done, the two stopped, turning towards the woman. Who turned out to be a _girl_. Young, perhaps younger than them, Aqua faced them, her lips drawn taut and her brows furrowed suspiciously. She glanced them up and down, taking in their appearance, her eyes finally softening as she took notice of their Keyblades.

Vanitas chewed the inside of his cheek. This girl was nothing but a memory. She wasn't the Aqua they knew and he was uncertain if such a creation should be trusted. She looked like her. She carried herself like her. She could fool anyone into believing she was real if no one knew Aqua, but the two of them did. Aqua was older now—a woman with more maturity and far more openness than she ever had in her life.

 _This_ Aqua would not accept him if she knew who he was and what he did. He didn't know if she would remember him, but he wasn't willing to find out.

"You two… Are you trapped here too?"

"I guess so," Vanitas sighed, rubbing the buzzed side of his head, avoiding eye contact with the girl. Ventus continued to stare, his jaw slack at the sight of his young friend. "We're going to have to play this out if we don't want to be stuck here."

"W-What?" Ventus snapped out of his stupor, turning back to Vanitas.

"Aq—She explained it to me when I got trapped in one of these last time," Vanitas quickly corrected himself, not sure what consequences would occur if he confused the memory. He couldn't imagine what kind of magic was used to create her, this thing that seemed just as real as she was. Sometimes, Vanitas let himself forget that Aqua was actually a very powerful force. When he was reminded, it didn't quite settle with him comfortably. He remembered if she didn't want him here, he wouldn't be here at all, and there would be nothing anybody could do to stop her. "If she can't get us out, we have to play through it."

"Play?" Ventus furrowed his brows.

"Yeah," he nodded. "There's a plot that needs to be played out. When you finish, you'll be able to leave. Unfortunately, you'll lose something." Vanitas frowned, uncertain. "Maybe. That was what she told me."

After all, any number of things could happen. Aqua told him that these memories could destroy a person if they continued through them. _To find is to lose and to lose is to find_. It was possible to uncover something about yourself, if only you gave up another thing. It was once used for memories, as Naminé had told him a long time ago. He had told her of his experience in Aqua's memories, the few moments that had confused him for a long time, that Aqua's cryptic words and Naminé had been kind enough to explain. She told him of her own wrong-doings, her erasure of Sora's memories and those connected to him, her work for the Organization. Vanitas sorely hoped it wasn't memories that they would lose in this place. He almost wished Aqua would come to their rescue, like she had last time he had been trapped in one of these god-forsaken rooms.

But, that would mean she had come back home for some reason, though. A pitstop on their travels to regroup, restock, and move on. They still had not defeated the darkness that ravaged the worlds after three months. Vanitas didn't complain, to be honest. He actually found being on this world alone with Ventus to be quite a relief. They were comfortable to be themselves, to be together, to be… _free_ to express their feelings for one another. Vanitas didn't quite realize how frustrating it was to hide their feelings from others all the time. Well… it wasn't really _hiding_ so much as just not wanting to be seen. He never had been comfortable with public affections and he was beginning to wonder why. Being away from those he was trying to hide seemed to have brought a sort of comfort he hadn't been able to experience before with Ventus.

If someone saw them kiss or hold hands, he supposed it wouldn't be the end of the world. It was okay to show others who gave you the strength to move forward, and Ventus was both his weakness and his strength.

"Who?" Aqua, the figure before them, asked, pinching her brows. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Vanitas waved her off. "I guess we have to guide your way out of the Realm of Darkness?"

The girl froze, her blue eyes widening in confusion and disbelief. "You… You can do that?"

"Maybe," Vanitas shrugged. "Hell if I know what's going on." He stepped towards the ever darkening hall, wondering if there was even and end. "Let's just get this over with."

As Vanitas began down the hall, he barely took notice of the girl that trailed them. Ventus kept giving him sidelong glances, biting his lip mischievously. He was plotting something. Vanitas rolled his eyes at the blonde, ready to go along with whatever he wanted. He didn't bother questioning it when Ventus pulled back just long enough for Vanitas to get a few feet ahead of him. Feet scraped against the rock, and a body hit his back as arms and legs wrapped around him. Vanitas grunted, hefting Ventus onto his back. Why the other wanted to hitch a ride, he had no idea. He always ran with Ventus's whims, no questions asked.

Whatever Ventus wanted, Ventus got.

"So," Ventus whispered in his ear as Aqua fell into step beside them. "What exactly are we playing out?"

Vanitas shrugged, adjusting his grip beneath Ventus's knees. "Whatever these memories are, I guess."

"Well, she seems happy to finally have some company…" Ventus hummed.

It was true. A pink tinge crossed Aqua's cheeks, her own smile tipping the edges of her lips upward. Her heavily darkened eyes sparkled with hope. Despite seeming more relaxed, she still carried herself stiffly, her back rigid and her shoulders pulled back, on edge. She was ready for a fight, as if the monsters would show again at any moment. It was entirely possible. The fact that _Heartless_ were in the castle was not a good sign. He still wanted to know _how_ they got in.

The girl peered at them, her smile growing wider. She snickered, covering her laughter behind her hand. Vanitas rolled his eyes again, turning forward. Where was the end of this hall? Ventus quirked his head, leaning against Vanitas's shoulder to face her.

"What's so funny?"

"You… You remind me of someone," she admitted. "A friend of mine. He's… He's as bright as a star, and his smile is enough to light up a room."

"O-Oh?" Ventus stiffened on Vanitas's back. His voice lowered to a whisper. "Should we tell her?"

Vanitas shook his head. "No, don't confuse her."

Ventus turned back to Aqua, the laughter bubbling in his chest echoing through Vanitas's back. "Yeah, I get that a lot. Especially from this one." He thumped a hand against Vanitas's chest.

"You two seem pretty close," she mused, humming lightly.

"Well," Vanitas's grip tightened on Ventus's knees. "That's what happens when you're two halves of a whole."

"Is that so?" She didn't seem surprised. She surveyed them thoughtfully, so easily trusting them. He wondered if it was a flaw of the memory or if it was because she had some of the real Aqua within her. Why did she not question them further? Aqua certainly would have. She would have asked for their names and perhaps who was their Master. They wielded Keyblades, so it wasn't a strange question to be asked. Then again, they didn't ask for her name, so it might have been an unspoken request that the three did not share their identities. She didn't ask how long they might have been trapped in the Realm of Darkness either, where she clearly had been for a while. It barely seemed to register that the two carried little interest in her.

"Mmhmm," Ventus nodded, burying himself further into Vanitas's shoulder.

"Must be nice…" Aqua mused, using Master's Defender to kick up dust gracefully. "Knowing you have someone made just for you. Once I thought… maybe, but..." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Let's just focus on getting out, alright?"

She was the one that was talking, not them. Still, she tried to keep their focus on their goal. Perhaps it was more memory mixing with a task it was being forced to repeat over and over. He wanted to know how this all worked. One day, he hoped to have asked Aqua—maybe even get lessons from her in it. He wouldn't have minded learning something like this where memories seemed so real and so driven, you were convinced of their authenticity. He wanted to know how to do that. Now, he was second guessing himself. He wanted to learn—he truly did—but he was certain Aqua would have no interest in teaching him such dangerous magic. Not when she didn't trust him.

Vanitas tried to exchange a curious glance with Ventus, but he was still looking at the girl beside them. Blue eyes bore into the memory, his lips turned downwards thoughtfully. Remembering Aqua's words, Vanitas vaguely wondered who she was talking about. He wasn't aware she had any romantic interests before the first Keyblade War and he was certain she didn't have any now. At least, none that she had admitted to. Where would she find the time? She spent all of her time on this world that only housed four people. When did she have the time to meet anyone else?

Vanitas almost didn't realize her presence was… fleeting. It was as if she were _there_ only in the vaguest sense of the word. He was barely fazed when her image kept fading when he wasn't looking directly at her. When he thought about it, about her, she was back again, occasionally jumping ahead along the path, beckoning them to move faster. When Ventus had a question, she was there, ready to answer it, but the two didn't really need her. She wasn't real and wasn't of much use.

Finally, they stopped, facing another door. Embossed on the door, glowing dimly in its center, was the shape of a key. Ventus climbed off of Vanitas's back, allowing his fingers to trail over his arm as he reached down to seize his hand. Fingers linking, the boys stepped before the door, curious as to where to go from here.

"We'll need a card…" Ventus surmised.

"I'm sure." Vanitas turned to face the girl who was pulled back into the present. She stood waiting, her head tilted curiously as she surveyed the door. "Hey, you got any cards?"

She shrugged, patting down her person. Then, she stopped, as if surprised to find something there that wasn't before. Slowly, she pulled out a card, her brows furrowing in confusion as she handed it to Vanitas.

"Thanks." He tilted the card in her direction before rounding on the door, lifting it high. The door glowed, opening at his command. Ventus laughed brilliantly as he dragged Vanitas through the bright doorway.

This couldn't have been it. There was no way that was the scenario. Naminé had told him there was so much more to this castle than Aqua was willing to disclose to them. But, Naminé had told him _everything_ , and there was _supposed_ to be whole worlds to explore in a single room. This was just an… empty _hallway_.

As the dread of the unexpected began to settle, the light suddenly faded and Ventus's fingers were ripped from his. Thrown off guard, Vanitas quickly searched around, but the blonde was no longer in his sights. The room was still far too bright. The sand below his feet was no longer gray, but red and angry and billowing all around him, stinging his face and eyes, which were suddenly the only parts of him actually _exposed_. An uneasy feeling rising within him, he looked at his hands that clenched and unfolded, wrapped in his organic suit of darkness, the one he only wore anymore when traversing the lanes in-between—the one he had worn for most of his life that used to be a part of _him,_ but was now tight and uncomfortable and restricting.

A hand was on his shoulder. He looked up to the man that towered over him, now so much taller than him. Did the man grow or had Vanitas shrunk? Xemnas's brows furrowed with encouragement before his gold eyes turned out into the field.

From amongst the sand walked Ventus, alone but unafraid. Vanitas was right to think that maybe he had been the one to shrink. Ventus was much _younger_ now, the roundness in his face back with his wide and curious eyes. When they landed on Vanitas, he lit up, familiarity striking through him, pushing him to rush towards the other.

Vanitas chewed the inside of his cheek. This wasn't supposed to be a happy reunion. Vanitas glared at Xemnas who smirked, patting him on the back, urging him to step forward.

"I trust you'll take care of this."

"You want me to _fight_ him?" Vanitas balked.

"Do what you must."

And he was gone. Like the memory-Aqua, he was barely a thought. Ice trickled down Vanitas's spine. This wasn't what he was expecting with the intrusion of _Aqua's_ memories, especially when Aqua wasn't even _in this one_. He stiffly shuffled towards Ventus, fear tickling the back of his throat. He wanted to be pulled from this now. He didn't want to have to play this stupid memory out. He didn't want to hurt Ventus.

 _He_ _didn't want to hurt Ventus!_

"Vanitas?" The closer they got, the more Ventus seemed to realize where they were. The wind howled, pulling them towards one another. He wanted to— _God_ , he wanted to just scoop Ventus into his arms and never let him go. He wondered if running away would have any consequence on this memory. He also wondered if making out would do the same. Maybe the complete opposite would shatter the illusion and put them back where they belonged.

Somehow, he doubted it.

"It's me," Vanitas assured him. "This sucks."

"Yeah," Ventus agreed. "It's… _That Day,_ isn't it?"

"Pretty sure," Vanitas tugged at the fabric on his arm. "What do you want to do?"

Ventus inhaled deeply. He still wasn't afraid. He was nervous, yes, but this would not deter him. He had known fear and lived it, and here, there was nothing to be afraid of. He was told it was nothing but memory and if that were true, there shouldn't be any doubt. They needed to play these memories true and true.

"… You sure?" Vanitas asked softly.

Ventus pulled himself straight, closing the distance between them until their chests touched. He took Vanitas's fingertips between his own, pressing his nose against the other's. "We'll think of it as a spar," he offered, a lighthearted smile quirking the corner of his lips. "Don't hold back, okay?"

"Only if you don't," Vanitas breathed. He'd know.

"I love you." Ventus leaned in for a gentle kiss, their lips electrifying.

Reluctantly, they pulled apart, summoning their Keyblades. Over the years, training had built up their bodies and weapons, giving them strength they didn't realize they could achieve. The weaker version of Void Gear felt wrong in his hand. Too light. Too little power. Still, he pulled it above his head, his free hand turned palm up towards Ventus.

He curled his fingers, signaling the blonde. _Come at me!_

In a flash, the two blades collided. Pulling apart, they clashed again, sparks flying. Vanitas pulled back, raising his blade to strike. He teleported behind Ventus, leaving an after image for the other to swing at as he brought Void Gear down upon him. Ventus cried out, swinging around to face him, scowling.

Vanitas smirked. "Too slow."

Their blades hit again and again. With every swing, there was a block. Both boys were equally offensive and defensive, making it difficult to land a hit. The rebound of Keyblade against Keyblade forced them to take a few seconds to recover, which wasted precious time. Each second it took to recover meant more time for the other to sweep in and land a hit.

This wasn't easy for either of them. They knew each other's moves too well, each attack perfectly calculated and precise. They stood on equal ground before, during the second Keyblade War, simply because they both had equal amounts of strength, but they were blind to the other's attacks. Ventus only knew what Vanitas knew from the first war and vice-versa. It made for messy fights and sloppy forms.

Today, they were careful. It was too much like practice. This wasn't supposed to be a _spar_. They were supposed to be fighting for their lives! That was what had happened with this event and it left Ventus barely hanging on! He had been lucky Vanitas wanted to leave him alive to bring back with him and even luckier that one of his friends showed up to step in and save him! Vanitas had to bring _that_ version of himself back. He needed to want nothing more than the chance to be with Ventus for the first time in living memory—something he denied himself once and could not recall when trapped in Sora's prison.

Desperation was all he was made of then, and it was all he would be now. Gritting his teeth, he leapt backwards into the air to blast balls of darkness at Ventus. The other cast Reflect, efficiently blocking the blows. As the darkness rebounded towards him, he pulled himself out of the air to tumble on the ground, back to his feet. He ran closer to Ventus, slamming Void Gear into the ground. The earth cracked in a fan-shaped formation, poisonous darkness pouring out and rushing right towards Ventus.

Ventus jumped into the air, spinning into a crystal of light. As he stopped, he spread his limbs to throw crystals out towards Vanitas. Vanitas threw his blade up, blocking every shard that came his way. When he felt something sear across his ribcage, he knew he fucked up. One of the crystals passed his guard, leaving a trailing burn. He allowed himself a moment to glance down as another crystal clashed with his blade. His suit was torn and quickly closing over the wound. The flesh beneath was red and blackened, still smoking like a brand. It hurt. God, it hurt. He just wanted to nurse it.

He had been trained well, though. He had learned how to ignore the pain and soldier on through it. The moment you allowed yourself to indulge in the ache of a battle, you would lose. From there, you would need time to recover and your opponent would not always provide that courtesy. Not unless they were equally injured and needed the time for themselves.

Righting himself, he flew to meet Ventus, swinging upwards. His blade met his target, knocking Ventus off balance and throwing him backwards. Vanitas teleported back beside him, intent on slamming him down hard into the ground. Below them, the earth shook where Vanitas's power had coursed through it. Twisting in mid-air and successfully avoiding Vanitas's attack, Ventus landed on his toes, strong and steady, and just able to catch purchase on the unstable surface. As he pushed upwards, the ground exploded outwards around him, the force of his rebound blasting rubble and dust high into the air.

Their blades met again. Vanitas noticed Ventus's right shoulder shaking under the pressure. He always favored his left arm— and although he was ambidextrous, Ventus's left was still slightly more dominant—but such obvious strain hinted to something more. For a moment, Vanitas panicked. Had he hurt him?

Regardless, the blond shoved him away. Vanitas teleported behind Ventus, but he was ready for him. Ventus blocked, pushing him back, and threw another powerful swing. Vanitas was a fraction of a second too slow to catch it, the teeth of the blade digging painfully into his ribs as he was thrown towards a cliff. Crashing into the hard rock, his head bounced with the impact. Dazed and disorientated, he cursed himself for not using his helmet. As he blinked, trying to clear his double vision, a blur of light flew right at him.

This time, he raised his blade to block just in time. The two relentlessly swung at each other, blocking hit after hit, and every thrust of each other's blades. Vanitas was just able to stay upright by digging his heels into the rock. Ventus's blue eyes desperately searched his, begging for them to be finished.

They both hated this. They both hated fighting each other, hurting each other, trying to beat the other down to exhaustion. Something had to give. Something had to move them forward through this horrible memory that neither wanted to remember. All it brought was pain, remembrance of the feeling of being so utterly _alone_ after losing one another. Even if it was different now, they couldn't put behind them the hurt this one day had caused.

A feeling they had both shared at the time, without even realizing it.

Ventus pulled back. Vanitas scowled, realizing what was happening. He was giving up. He didn't want to do this anymore. He didn't want this to conclude the same way as before. What were they supposed to do? Was Vanitas supposed to beat Ventus into unconsciousness again? Or were they supposed to fight with their _own_ strengths until a clear winner was claimed?

The two landed in the dirt. Vanitas, pounding his weight into the earth while Ventus landed lightly, barely making a sound.

"I can't do this," Ventus's voice cracked, his hands falling limply to his sides, his Keyblade hanging from his fingertips. "I can't."

"Fight me," Vanitas ordered firmly, his own grip tightening around his Keyblade's handle. Ventus shook his head, backing away from the other. "Ventus, goddamnit, _fight me_!"

"No!"

"If you don't fight me, we'll never get out of here," Vanitas growled, advancing towards him.

"Fine." Ventus's jaw tightened. "We're staying here, then."

"No, we're not." Vanitas ran a hand down his face, exasperated. His ribs were aching, his wound throbbed, and he could feel bruises forming under his suit. Oh, not to mention the fucking _headache_ he got from slamming his fucking _head_ into a fucking _wall_. This day was turning to shit and he just wanted it to be over, but they wouldn't be getting anywhere without playing this room's memory out. "I'm already sick of this Castle Oblivion bullshit. We can get out of here if you just _fight me_."

"No." Ventus was adamant. In a shimmer, Wayward Wind vanished.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

"Ventus," Vanitas started slowly, moving closer and closer to him. "If you don't get your Keyblade out _right now_ , I swear I will beat the shit out of you."

"That's how it's supposed to go, isn't it?" Ventus reasoned calmly, though his eyes burned stubbornly. "I'm supposed to lose to you."

His breath caught in his throat. It _was_ supposed to happen that way, but not like _this_. He would never touch Ventus in any way without consent. He didn't want to do this. He _couldn't_.

Vanitas was finally close enough to reach for Ventus's hand. Roughly, he grasped his wrist and shoved Void Gear into his palm. Vanitas was having none of this. He wasn't going to let Ventus win this time with those determinedly sad eyes. Setting his jaw, Vanitas backed up, pulling Void Gear upward as he did so until it was level with his chest.

"Not this time," Vanitas said softly, his frustration fading. Anger never got through to Ventus. It was always kindness, understanding, and gentle encouragement. With a deep breath, he met Ventus's gaze once more. "I know. This hurts. This is the absolute worst thing ever and being put in this position again is the last thing we ever wanted." He pushed himself up against Void Gear, letting his hands fall away. "This is the last time, I promise." He offered a small smile. "Think of it as payback. And when this is over… we'll still have each other. We'll go back to our room and just have each other, okay? You can play your stupid game and I won't complain about you ignoring me." Ventus rose a skeptical eyebrow, snorting. "Okay, that was a lie. I'll complain a lot, but I'll also kiss your face just as much."

The hint of a smile that touched Ventus's lips vanished before it could fully take form. "I… I don't…"

"Just one spell," Vanitas whispered. "That's all it'll take."

Ventus's grip around Void Gear's handle tightened as his eyes squeezed shut, his face turning away. Vanitas understood. He couldn't watch his own actions when he already knew they would have horrible consequences. Vanitas braced himself, taking a step back. He was still in point-blank range, there would be no chances for Ventus to miss. He took a deep breath, sliding his own eyes closed.

"I'm sorry."

Light burst behind his eyelids as he was thrown backwards. His body landed hard against the cliff face before crumpling to the ground. That was when the pain hit him all at once. His chest burned with the heat of the spell, light catching his veins on fire. The extent of it left him breathless, his lungs struggling to pull in air. His vision blurred, doubled, _tripled_ with the trauma his head had suffered. Every inch of his body hurt, aching in cohesion with all of his previous injuries, which brought them to the forefront of his memory. Oh, right, _that burn on his side_ , and oh, yes, now I remember _when I smacked my head against the cliff_ — not to mention the shin splints from that landing!

It took a moment for the ringing in his ears to subside. He blinked up at Ventus who curled over him, frantically calling for him to respond in _some way_.

"Vanitas? _Vanitas!_ Come on, say something! _Please!_ "

He sounded frantic. Vanitas wished he could see him clearly. His head was lifted gently, placed on a softer surface as hands brushed his hair back. Those tender hands held his face steady, and still, his eyes could not focus. He knew it was Ventus from the splash of blue and yellow above him, but he was still only vaguely aware he was resting on his lap. Vanitas tried to get a hold of himself, his entire body screaming out against him. Movement wasn't an option. Breathing was even less so.

Still, he took deep breaths, trying to fill his scorched lungs with air.

He needed to cough. Once, twice, _ouch!_

"Hurts." He managed to mumble.

"I'm sorry..." Ventus was starting to come into focus. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm _so sorry_! IloveyouIloveyou _Iloveyou_."

Through the pain and the ache and the stinging hurt that punctured his ribs, Vanitas smiled. He reached upwards with a shaking hand to touch Ventus's face, struggling for a moment to figure out which one was _really_ his and not an illusion of skewed vision. That… was definitely a sure sign of a concussion. He may have grabbed Ventus's face a little rougher than necessary, and maybe met his cheek with a slap, but he found it, rubbing his thumb into the soft skin and pulled him down closer so he could get a proper look at him.

"Good job." Vanitas found strength in his voice finally. It still sounded slurred, his tongue feeling swollen. Had he bit down on it when he'd whacked his head? What _else_ had he done to himself? "I think that was good. Can we be done now?"

Ventus couldn't help but laugh. Tears clung to his lashes, made prominent when he leaned forward to press his forehead against Vanitas's. "I don't know," he breathed. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this."

"It's fine," Vanitas grunted, adjusting himself into a more comfortable position. They had not been expecting this to happen and hadn't been carrying potions or elixirs. Luckily, Vanitas honestly hadn't used too much magic and would be able to heal himself sufficiently enough to not feel too much pain. The two weren't able to help each other, which was a horrible downside to being pure light and pure darkness and two halves of a whole and it totally wasn't fair. "I'll be okay. Just… gimme a minute."

"I'm so sorry," Ventus whimpered. "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'mso—"

"Shut up."

"I love you."

"I know."

"Can I—"

"Help?" Vanitas finished, peeking through one eye. Yeah, that was better. Watching through one eye made the world less dizzying. "Not unless you got a potion."

Ventus whined, sitting back up. He never took his eyes off of Vanitas who struggled to still get a freaking _grip_. What was with him? He should be used to this pain. He spent years and years in constant _agony_ and a little physical pain shouldn't be too much, right? It seemed Ventus had spoiled him. With this boy constantly by his side, he rarely felt any negativity and barely summoned even a Flood anymore. He had inadvertently summoned more and more of those positive Unversed, unable to control his increasingly, positive emotions. They were so new and so raw and so _real_. They were faint shadows cast from Ventus, but they were also his own and they never hurt.

Vanitas closed his eyes, trying to get the pain in his head and the spinning world to stop. It wasn't long before it subsided. In fact, it was _miraculously_ gone. Everything. All of the pain and the dizziness and the ache and the stabbing in his lungs and the burning of his ribs. What was even going on? Vanitas sat up and turned to Ventus, only to discover that it was _his_ Ventus. The older, mature version of his other half, with that stupid earring and those deep, blue eyes. He ran a hand through his hair, the side with less of it, just to feel the prickle of the shorter hairs against his palm. His body was heavier with more muscle. His usual power surged through him.

Fucking memories.

They heard a cry in the distance. Snapping their attention to it, they saw a boy—dark haired with a suit made from darkness—standing above another who laid sprawled in the dirt. His Keyblade fell, point down, into the earth beside the blond boy's head. Fat tears trickled freely down his cheeks, visible from even this distance. Vanitas's heart clenched at the memory.

_I should just take him!_

But there she was. Aqua came running in to save the day _again_. Her long hair flew behind her in her ponytail, her Keyblade summoned to her grasp. The dark-haired boy, the younger Vanitas, vanished into the darkness. He left Ventus behind.

_What a mistake that had been._

They watched Aqua tend to the younger Ventus. When he finally awoke, he was quiet for a long time. He didn't smile at the sight of his old friend. He wasn't relieved she was there to save him, protect him, heal him. He didn't even sit up. His eyes trained on the muted sky above them, silence pressing heavily all around them.

"Where did he go?" Ventus asked, his voice raw.

"Gone," Aqua replied.

The younger Ventus began to choke. A sob wracked through his body, his arm thrown over his eyes to try to hide his pain. His wail echoed through the canyons, his body stuttering with uncontrollable emotion. Aqua scooped him into her arms, trying to sooth and hush him. She rubbed his back, rocking him as he cried.

"Shh… shh… Ven… What is it?" she asked, her voice soft. Gentle. Encouraging.

"I… I… I lost him," he babbled almost incoherently. "I lost him, Aqua. I'm never going to get him back."

"That's not true…" Aqua held him all the tighter. "You can't think that. We'll get him back. I promise."

His Ventus, the real one, grasped his hand tightly. Vanitas rubbed a soothing circle into the skin between his thumb and pointer, trying to urge him to stay calm. He could see Ventus's chest beginning to heave, the emotion he was catching from his memory eating at him. This was what he didn't want to see. This was what he didn't want to relive. The absolute devastation at the idea of losing _Vanitas_. It was clear Aqua thought he was speaking of someone else (possibly Terra), but to Vanitas it was so clear because he recalled the very same feeling.

Pain and hurt at separation. There was a time he wished to be returned to Sora's heart, even if it was his prison and he had no idea why. And here, Ventus was clearly in just as much pain as him, feeling the very same sentiment. No matter what, after leaving Sora's heart, the two were so close, the separation caused a physical _ache_ that neither could explain. They didn't know, didn't remember, so being together was a ludicrous idea. Those two? Get along? No way! They were enemies. Vanitas wanted to create the χ-blade. Ventus wanted to stop Xehanort and all of the evil the darkness threatened to spread.

They didn't understand at the time. They still didn't. What happened that made them feel so strongly about the other? Vanitas found himself unable to care anymore. The truth would always be a mystery to him. As the memory faded to light, he pulled Ventus into his arms to press his lips into his cheek. There wasn't so many kisses left on his face as there were in his hair and on his ear and soon down along his neck because Vanitas just wanted to hold him closer and remind him that he _was_ here and he was never going anywhere.

"You won't lose me…" Vanitas whispered. "You never have."

"I'm yours," Ventus laughed that laugh that made Vanitas's heart skip. His hands reached behind Vanitas to tangle fingers into his shirt. His grip held so tightly, Vanitas's shirt began feeling a tad snug. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered but the words and the feelings shared between them and their own truth. "I've always been yours, and I'll always be yours forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super special awesome amazing thanks to apiegohome! She was my bestest and greatest beta reader and editor! Thank you so so so much for everything!


	13. Recollection

Vanitas _knew_ it wasn’t going to be that easy. Even when the door had closed behind them, clicking as it locked, they still weren’t done with this stupid memory bullshit. One part of a scenario did not finish their quest or whatever it was. They hadn’t gained or lost anything. They walked down a stupidly long hallway, fought, and were thrown back into said stupidly long hallway. And, as they were exiting that stupid room, a whole _wall_ vanished to add to the length of the hall, so now if you looked towards either end, you still couldn’t see where it began or where it ended.

“I fucking hate this place.”

Vanitas’s grip around Ventus’s shoulders tightened. Ventus gently pressed against his side, assuring him silently that it would be okay. They got through the worst—Ventus was certain of it. Vanitas… not so much. He was anticipating something more since of _course_ that wasn’t all this stupid place had to offer. Not after what Naminé had told him. Of course, the actually _memory loss_ wasn’t a thing. That was something the Organization made Naminé do to Sora in order to make him work for them. Or, rather, for Marluxia.

There was a lot of backstabbing in Castle Oblivion. If Vanitas had been there to witness it, he might have found it entertaining.

Now, to take inventory. Had they lost anything in that room? Certainly not the memory of that awful day, that’s for sure. Though, Vanitas _did_ gain something: the knowledge of what Ventus felt afterward. Yes, Ventus told him he had been sad, but he had no clue what the extent of those emotions were. He learned that Ventus had been _shattered_ by the very idea that he might have lost Vanitas. It was something Vanitas should have been able to sense from him because of the intensity of those feelings, if it hadn’t been for his own very similar emotions.

“So… onward?” Ventus suggested, the corner of his lips turning upward only slightly. He knew as much as Vanitas did on where to go from here and there was only one way to go.

Forward.

He wished there were more options.

Vanitas rolled his eyes. Wordlessly, he stepped in front of Ventus again to offer a ride. Ventus snickered with glee as he threw himself onto Vanitas’s back, wrapping himself tightly around him, kissing into his neck. Honestly, anything that made Ventus happy was worth every effort. Something as little as a piggyback ride or as grand as surprising him with a trip off-world (something he missed doing since this “great evil” made an appearance). If this stupid memory room was going to upset him, Vanitas was going to do what he could to make sure that Ventus stayed happy and warm and good.

Their guide was back. The memory-Aqua strode along beside them, her lips pulled inward thoughtfully. Had she witnessed what they had? What did she think? Did she assume, like the real Aqua, that Ventus had been shaken for entirely different reasons than the truth? Why didn’t she say anything?

“Interesting…” she finally breathed. Vanitas stopped in his tracks, eyes boring into her as she continued to walk ahead. “This place does strange things to you, doesn’t it?” she mused mournfully. “Nothing is safe from the darkness… not even memories.”

Ventus’s arms pulled tighter around Vanitas, his face burrowed into his neck as Vanitas’s fingers curled around Ventus’s thighs. She needed to stop talking. She needed to keep this little light shining, no matter what because Vanitas’s very existence hung in its balance. Ventus’s happiness was everything to Vanitas and if that was gone, he would be left just has broken. His own happiness would vanish with it, never to return until Ventus was able to smile again.

“I tried… I tried to protect my friends,” she explained, her fist clenching to her chest. “Each day here reminds me of my failures.” She took a deep breath. “But at least he’s safe until he wakes up.” Her eyes turned to them, heavy once again with the weight of all of the pain the three friends shared. “And _he’s_ still in the light and not here.”

“They’ll…” Ventus’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat, offering Aqua a smile. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise. You’ll get out of here. He’ll wake up. And he’ll be pulled out of the darkness for good. Your story will end happily. I just know it.”

“Thank you.” She beamed at them. “What about yours?” She asked, turning gracefully to face them fully as Vanitas began walking again. “Will yours end happily?”

“Hmm…” Ventus pondered this. Of course, their story wasn’t over. They had already been through so much, but it still felt like their life was just _beginning_. Didn’t their story end happily already? Who was he to say hers would even end happily when there was still so much life in her? There was still so much to experience and see and do and who knew where they would be years from now? Would they still be just as happy together? Would they be separated, pulled apart by some malicious force and be trapped, searching for the other? What happened if their journey ended with one of them...?

Vanitas didn’t want to think about it.

“I’ll be happy as long as I have my friends by my side.” Ventus finally settled on. “As long as I have my friends and _him_ ,” he gave Vanitas a squeeze, “I’ll be happy.”

Aqua seemed satisfied with that answer. Nodding, she tilted her head in Vanitas’s direction. “And you?”

Vanitas tore his gaze from her, instead choosing to focus on the path ahead. He never in his life ever considered a happy ending. He didn’t believe that was something he was born to have or something he’d ever deserve. His life was for Ventus. He was born to fight him, merge with him, and create the χ-blade. Still, while the purpose had changed, what he was for had not and never would. Whether or not he’d get a “happy ending” was up for debate.

“As long as I have you, I’ll be happy,” he murmured loud enough for Ventus to hear.

Arms almost choked him. He released one of Ventus’s legs to pull at his arms, begging for some give. He would rather _not_ be suffocated, thank you very much. Still, it was nice to know they were on the same page. They understood each other’s misgivings and strengths and still appreciated each other for them. And while Vanitas would never understand the emotion that was _love_ , he still tried to reciprocate any feelings Ventus had for him. He wasn’t capable of _love_ , but he was fairly certain he was getting close to mimicking it. He wondered if Ventus cared for some stupid imitation of love, or if he wanted the real thing. While Ventus was free to express those feelings, he never demanded them in return.

It was curious how willing Ventus was to accept Vanitas’s inabilities. Especially for something so strange and powerful as _love_.

Emotion swelled within them both. Vanitas, catching Ventus’s giddy joy, felt a smile and blush creep across his face. He loved this. He absolutely loved feeling these strange emotions that Ventus so easily shared with him that made him smile and want to kiss that stupid face silly. It was one Ventus felt often and one Vanitas felt enough _because_ of the boy he was born for.

Aqua held up the last two cards, interrupting their moment. “What do you think will happen in the next room?”

“If we ever _get_ to the next room,” Vanitas grumbled.

“Something better,” Ventus predicted brightly. Rather than see it, Vanitas could _feel_ the warmth radiating from his smile. Instead of making him feel better, he squeezed his eyes shut in exasperation, clicking his tongue. There was no way this could get better.

Well, one of them had to be optimistic. It sure as hell would never be Vanitas.

He supposed that was why the two worked out together as well as they did.

“Yeah, well, that Heartless symbol on the one card isn’t filling me with much confidence.”

“Maybe we have to fight a boss to get out!” Ventus exclaimed, leaning forward, which in turn pushed Vanitas forward. He adjusted his grip, securing the excitable boy on his back. “We’ll get some real training in. It’ll be just like being out there again.”

“I guess.” Vanitas hitched Ventus up. “I mean, I think Sora had to, like, fight the enemy of the world the room was mimicking.”

“And this place isn’t exactly our memory,” Ventus continued.

Somehow… that didn’t seem right. As soon as Ventus spoke it out loud, he realized his mistake, falling silent in thought. _This_ wasn’t their memory, but the room they entered _was_. What did that mean about this place? How exactly did it work? The rooms on the floor were supposed to coincide with the rest of the hall, telling the story of that memory in its own way. This wasn’t anything how Naminé had described and it was starting to make Vanitas nervous.

“What is this place?” Ventus asked softly, leaning more of himself into Vanitas.

Vanitas turned his head, rubbing his cheek into blond hair to assure his other half that things were going to be fine. They could ask Aqua when she finally got back.

They wandered the hallway for another hour (time being checked by the clock on Ventus’s gaming device). Ventus eventually removed himself from Vanitas, opting instead to walk beside him with their fingers tangled together. Every now and again, low-level Pureblood Heartless would appear and they would have to fight them off. The memory of Aqua would fade, only to return when it felt they needed guidance. She was just as kind and patient as the real one, explaining what she could of their questions. She, too, fought off the Heartless which made them wonder just how real these Heartless really were if a _memory_ could fight them off...

Did that mean... they were memories, too?

Still, they didn’t want to ask her. They decided not to reveal to her that they knew she wasn’t real. If she had some sort of existential crisis, they didn’t want to be witness to it. They played along, pretending they were in the Realm of Darkness with her. She didn’t question when they brought up people outside of the Realm. She honestly seemed…not all _there_ . She blindly followed them, as if she were a robot with only half of its programs installed. “ _Does not compute”_ ran through Vanitas’s mind whenever she gave them a sort of blank smile, confusion touching her blue eyes.

Finally, they found the second door.

And, goddamnit, it had the Heart symbol branded on the door. Why couldn’t it be the Heartless one so they could just get out of here? Vanitas was _starving_ and he was just so done with all of this. He didn’t even know the castle was _big_ enough to house a hallway that took an hour to cross. What kept them moving? Magic? God damn it.

Aqua helpfully handed Ventus over the corresponding card. Shifting his feet, he glanced up towards Vanitas. Vanitas elbowed him, nudging him to _just get this over with_. Jittery once more, the idea of separation behind that door sent a jolt of nerves through them both. Well, mostly through Ventus. Vanitas was anxious about what lay beyond this mysterious door of mystery but knew they’d get through it just fine. Their worst day was behind them. What memory would try to ruin them next?

A swift kiss and a flash of light later, Vanitas found himself out of control.

It wasn’t scary, though. It felt natural. This lack of control felt so very _in_ control, he didn’t feel the need to worry about it. Every move and every word was just what he wanted to do and exactly what he wanted to say. He supposed the best way to describe it was… like being in a dream. You didn’t have control of your words or actions, but you knew it was what you would do and what you would say in such a situation, you allowed yourself to just watch what happened unfold.

It was jarring when the light faded and in front of him was a door. One that he glared at so intensely his entire body burned with the rage that it generated. The stone floor echoed with the shuffling of his feet, the cavern walls seeming to close in on him. He _hated_ this door. Don’t ask him why, he just knew he _hated_ it with every fiber of what he was. Which, honestly, didn’t seem like much anymore. He was barely there, hanging by a thread and strung to a breaking point.

He wasn’t even supposed to be here, he remembered. He was supposed to be… _nothing_. He had been shattered.

And this was his only way out.

Slowly, it was all coming back to him, like it was all he ever knew and everything _else_ was the dream. Almost fading, still there, clinging like the morning after when you made every attempt to recall the visions.

He was here, though almost gone, and he was angry and he _hated_ this door that trapped him in this place because beyond that door was _freedom_.

He was so ready to beg for it. He had nothing left to lose.

He reached forward, trying to wedge his fingertips into the crack between the door and the stone. Grunting, he fumbled, unable to find purchase. His gloved fingers slipped across the wood that refused to give way to him. Perhaps the other side would be more successful.

“Let me out!” he demanded, frantically trying to pull the door open. “Come on…. _Open the damn door!_ ”

It would not budge. Slamming his weight against the wood, he pounded with both of his fists, yelling out in frustration. He was willing to give his entire self to open this door. He didn’t know how long he had been there, but it seemed to have been an eternity. It took him this long to stitch himself back together, even if he hadn’t intended to. It seemed even his _essence_ strived for life beyond what he was made for. If he could now take shape again, take a… whatever form this was, he would be able to survive outside of this place. He had to.

He knew what was beyond the only _other_ exit to this cavern.

Or rather, _who_.

He kicked the door, yelling out. Why wouldn’t it open?! Why wouldn’t he _give in_ ? _He_ was just a child, right?! He knew to open his heart to allow someone else’s hurt in, so shouldn’t he be able to open his heart to let them out again?

Panting, he paced. What was he going to do? He couldn’t leave this cavern. He would risk being found by _him_ and he wasn’t about to let that happen. He couldn’t. He _wouldn’t._

But he needed to get out of here.

Time seemed to pass by in an instant.

He didn’t know how long he had been in the cavern, but his sense of self seemed to be depleting. He was growing desperate. He was screaming and pounding at the door once again, his weapon refusing to come to him. Had it finally decided he wasn’t worthy of it? Or was he just so incomplete, it was impossible to find him? He didn’t know, but he knew he needed it to open this door and _get out!_

This was the day that _he_ would finally find Vanitas. When Vanitas heard the echoing of footsteps resonating throughout the cavern, he stopped his desperate attempts at freedom to whirl around, facing his only other exit. There, a mess of yellow bowed through, blue eyes landing on him, wide with fear.

Good. He should be.

Vanitas lunged at Ventus, fury still rumbling through him at his situation. At the situation _Ventus_ put them in. He didn’t care if Ventus summoned his own Keyblade. He’d fight him with his own fists before he let Ventus decide what to do with him.

They tumbled, fists and feet flew as the two wrestled on the hard ground. They rolled into roots and boulders and the walls and the door until Ventus was able to finally kick him off and scramble from the room. Vanitas barked a laugh, watching him go. Ventus wouldn’t be the one to rip him apart again. Not if he had any say in this.

Time spun again like a fogged memory. It was easy to recall days and what happened within them, but details were always dim, especially the farther away you were from them. Mostly, he spent his time trying to open the door. Some days, he would spend curled in a ball, unable to move. Confusion and hurt swept through him relentlessly. He couldn’t summon his Keyblade. He couldn’t call forth his monsters. Everything was different and changing and he was incomplete and he was _trapped_ in this place until their warden finally released him. What was he? What would happen to him? Vanitas had never feared death. He embraced it, knowing he would be healed from the pain. But even death could not heal him. He had been shattered by the only other being he was able to contact.

Every time he had seen hide or hair of him, he attacked. Of course Ventus would want him _gone_ . Ventus had broken both of them, never expecting to be rescued by a child. He was willing to sacrifice himself to end Vanitas’s reign of terror once and for all, only to have _failed_. When the child had taken in Ventus, he had also unwittingly taken in Vanitas, slowly aiding in his own reconstruction. Ventus would undoubtedly finish what he started if given the chance.

All Vanitas had left was trying to _get out_. Some days were worse than others.

He was screaming against the door. His fingers and palms felt raw inside his gloves. Tears streamed down his face, a scream of anguish tore its way up his throat. He begged, pleaded for release from this place. He only wanted a chance at life, something he had never been granted since he was forced into this existence.

He wasn’t expecting hands to wrap around his chest, pulling him away from the door. He yelped, twisting to see who had grabbed him. Who was it? Who _dared_ to touch him while he was in this state? He heard a voice, trying to talk to him. Trying to calm him. He couldn’t hear it over his own howls. He was pulled to the ground, into a warm body that struggled to keep him down.

He fought and pulled and tried to escape. The hands that held him were strong, but gentle. He sobbed, pleading for freedom.

“Just let me out…” he growled, clawing towards the door. “I just want to go. _Let me go_.”

He was embarrassed by how weak he sounded. He struggled until exhaustion. Finally, he slumped, gasping for breath. He turned his head, just a little to see who was still holding him, who tried to stop his desperate attempts. The grip around him was slowly loosening as blond hair came into his vision. Vanitas lashed out at him, rolling out of his arms. Scrambling back, he kept his eyes trained on Ventus, who threw himself back to avoid the blow.

“Whoah!” Ventus touched his face where Vanitas just managed to scratch him. “Relax! It’s just me!”

“Just _you_?” Vanitas spat, breathless from his fit. He struggled to laugh, which sounded more like wheezing.

Ventus stood, brushing himself off, not quite looking at him. “He won’t let you out, you know.” He straightened his shirt before brushing dust off his sleeve. “There’s no use in trying. He doesn’t know you’re here and… neither of us are whole enough to be let go.”

“I don’t care!” Vanitas leapt to his feet, clenching his fists. “I won’t be trapped in here with _you_!”

“ _I_ should be the one that doesn’t wanna be stuck with _you_ ,” Ventus stressed, rolling his eyes as he began listing his reasons on his fingers. “You attack me every time I come near you. You’re screaming at Sora all the time. You threatened my friends. You tried to kill the two of us. You—”

“You _shattered_ us!” Vanitas roared. “You broke the χ-blade. You broke _me_!”

“I did what I had to,” Ventus replied quietly, breaking eye contact. “I did what I had to, to save my friends and protect the worlds from darkness.” When he turned back to Vanitas, his gaze was sharp. “I had to protect them from _you_.”

He knew. He knew and he understood Ventus’s reasons, but it didn’t change the fact that it happened. Vanitas’s hurt was going to be healed. His life would have meaning. This was the reason he was born. This was what he was made to do. And all of it had been _ripped_ from him in an instant.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice ragged. He wiped his face, leaning against a boulder for support. His legs shook under him, making it difficult to stay on his feet. His exhaustion was catching up to him as his adrenaline wore off. Ventus wasn’t welcome in this cavern. This was the only place he claimed as his own and this was where he would stay.

“I heard you screaming,” Ventus explained, expression void of all his usual cheer. “ _Again_ . I’m not sure if you know, but Sora _isn’t_ going to let you out just because you ask. There needs to be certain circumstances for our release. Circumstances that are brought on from _the outside_ . We can’t do anything. We won’t _ever_ be able to do anything.” Ventus took a step closer. He was so confident now…. Then again, of course he would be. This was _his_ domain. This was where he was stitched together after Vanitas was ripped from him. “So… you gotta _stop_ this. You’ll go crazy staying in this cave, yelling at a boy who can’t hear you or help you. Well... craz _ier_.”

Vanitas’s grip on the stone tightened. He didn’t like Ventus’s tone or insults. It was a touch unnerving, to be honest. It was so unlike Ventus. Then again, Vanitas was far too familiar with the boy he’d seen and felt in his dreams. That boy was happy and cheerful and always willing to help others. He’d rarely seen Ventus interact with someone whom he could not forgive. He was someone who had wronged him so thoroughly, and it seemed anger was all Ventus could feel towards him.

Vanitas was okay with being that person. It meant the sentiment was mutual.

“Just… go outside sometimes, okay?” Ventus ruffled his hair, grunting with frustration as he paced away. “The island is big enough for both of us. As much as I don’t like you being in Sora’s heart, I’m not going to let you go mad by locking yourself in a cave.” He turned towards the tunnel that led outside.

Vanitas was confused.

“You’re… _not_ going to destroy what’s left of me?” Vanitas asked hesitantly. Hopefully he hadn’t given Ventus any ideas.

The other turned back to him with a raised eyebrow. “Destroy you? With what?” Ventus held out his hand, opening and closing his fist. “We can’t summon Keyblades here. But, don’t get me wrong.” He scowled, putting his fists on his hips. “If you do _anything_ that might hurt Sora, I _will_ stop you, no matter what it takes.”

Time passed. Eventually, he made his way outside of the cavern, resigned to his fate. There was no leaving this place until the time was right. He wondered when that would be. When Ventus was whole again? When Vanitas finally vanished? When Aqua was able to find what remained of Ventus’s heart to return it to his body? What circumstances did Ventus mean?

The other wasn’t willing to talk. When he saw Vanitas, he pointedly ignored him as he went about his business. Sometimes, he would just _vanish_. Vanitas couldn’t make sense of it. The first time, he believed Ventus had found his way out and left Vanitas trapped in this child’s heart. Eventually, he returned, so when it happened again, Vanitas was less alarmed by it.

Vanitas was okay with being distant from Ventus. The island was calming in its own right. He recognized it as Destiny Island. If this was the form Sora’s heart took, it was safe to say this was his home world. He supposed he didn’t mind. Destiny Island, the home world of his Master, was always a source of comfort for Vanitas. When he wasn’t pillaging worlds with his Unversed, he retired here to find some solace.

It helped that, for once, his loneliness and desperation didn’t create form. It was peaceful. He couldn’t find himself getting angry as often as usual. He was able to just sit and listen to the waves without any worry. When the day came that Ventus finally acknowledged him, he couldn’t find it in himself to lash out at him.

“Better?” Ventus asked as he sat beside him in the sands.

Vanitas turned to him, frowning curiously. “What?”

“This is better, right?” Ventus elaborated. “Than screaming in a cave all day.”

Vanitas huffed, looking back over the water. “Fuck off.”

So, Ventus left.

But his presence continued. For some reason, Ventus decided he would be civil towards Vanitas. He would join him wherever he was for only a few moments at a time before Vanitas told him to scram. Without argument, he would leave. It wasn’t anything profound. Some small comment on whatever it was he was doing, usually a neutral one.

_“Those flowers look nice.”_

_“The water’s refreshing, isn’t it?”_

_“Such a weird fruit, right?”_

To which Vanitas met with hostility.

_“They’re yours. Take ‘em and get out of here.”_

_“Tends to be usually, doesn’t it? Go find your own waterfall.”_

_“You can take it and shove it up your ass.”_

It continued like that for a long time. Vanitas tried not to get into Ventus’s business, yet, Ventus made a small effort to include himself in Vanitas’s. It drove him nuts. He couldn’t stand that Ventus was being so… so… _whatever_ about _all of this!_ How could he take it? How could he be okay being in this heart, trapped until God-knows-when and not have any fucking clue about what was happening outside?

Was Ventus even getting any stronger? Vanitas couldn’t tell. All of his extrasensory abilities had vanished. He was barely a shell of what he used to be and it seemed Ventus was the same way. How could he have allowed himself to be taken into this heart when it wasn’t even doing him any good?

Vanitas was constantly hostile, until one day… he wasn’t.

He laid staring up at the stars. He’d seen these ones a few times, but was far more familiar with the ones in the Keyblade Graveyard. It was always fascinating to see a new sky. He allowed himself to marvel at the illusion of the heavens when Ventus came upon him. He didn’t say anything when the blond made himself comfortable in the grassy sand next to him.

 _Maybe some company would be nice_ , he thought. He never had anyone before and now, years had passed and he was still trapped with Ventus. Would it hurt to indulge him in conversation every once in a while?

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Ventus wondered. “Not as beautiful as the ones on the Land of Departure, but still beautiful.”

Vanitas hummed noncommittally in response. He wasn’t sure what to say that wouldn’t sound nasty or rude. To be honest, even these fake stars were comforting. It wasn’t often in life that he was able to sit back and just admire the world for what it was. He rarely gave them a thought before, only occasionally indulging in stargazing or in the structural beauty a world had to offer. One of the most beautiful places he had ever been was Radiant Garden. It was hard _not_ to stop and watch the fountains for a beat. It was always easy for him to appreciate the flower gardens that bloomed amongst the built stone.

“I love astrology,” Ventus went on when it was clear Vanitas had nothing more to say. “Whenever there was a meteor shower, I’d be outside to watch it. I fell asleep a lot out there, actually.”

Vanitas chewed on his words carefully, trying to make them sound pleasant. He...didn’t want them to come across as aggressive by mistake. He wanted to try and make an effort with Ventus when he so clearly made one for him. “I…” Vanitas chewed the inside of his cheek hesitantly. “I know.”

“...You know?”

“Yeah.” Vanitas nodded. “I know. I know a lot about you.” He turned his head to face Ventus, searching him curiously. It was strange to feel his own feelings and not know anything from Ventus anymore. “I can… I used to sort of… _see_ through you. I felt what you felt. Knew what you knew. I saw you in my dreams a lot.” Vanitas turned back to the stars, feeling his cheeks heat up. While he was able to admit it to Xehanort easily through his frustration, telling all of this to Ventus was strange. It was like he was confessing to spying. “I can’t right now, though. I don’t know if I’ll be able to again.”

Ventus sat up. Vanitas couldn’t look at him. What did he feel? Was this okay? Would he stop talking to him again? He had tried to keep his voice even, free of malice. He thought he’d done a decent job.

“Will…” Ventus drew in a shaking breath. “Will you tell me everything?”

Vanitas sighed, closing his eyes. He supposed he didn’t have much choice. He didn’t have the energy for anger or hate or anything confrontational these days when there was so little of himself left. He looked to Ventus again, his mind made up. “I’ll tell you what I know.”

So he told him. He told him everything he could, from the moment he was born until they reached the final battle. Ventus had no idea Vanitas even existed or what he was until that day when his master was ready to slaughter him and his memory finally returned. Neither bothered with what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. They knew what happened had to have been for a reason and this was what drew them here, to this place. What force kept them both alive, if only barely.

They spent more time together after that. Every now and then they still separated, needing their own time to process these changes, still struggling to accept the fact that they were trapped here together indefinitely. It had been years since the final battle and it was only the passing of time that brought them closer in the end. Time healed the ache of the pain caused and seemed to be all but forgotten in this prison. Slowly, they forgave each other. Slowly, they grew to learn about the other. It was impossible to keep secrets when the only one to confide in couldn’t tell another soul. They became comfortable with each other as they learned to smile and laugh and play.

“Are we friends?” Ventus asked one day. They sat on the cliff-face, overlooking the broken remains of a bridge. It was still passable if you jumped, but nothing about it was sturdy. Past that was a zip-line. Vanitas supposed this was supposed to be a play area of sorts. How dangerous it must have been for the local children.

“I guess,” Vanitas rolled his shoulders.

“We don’t really have much choice, do we?” Ventus laughed. “When you’re with someone for six years, it’s hard to _not_ be friends.”

“It’s been that long?” Vanitas asked, eyes searching for images in the clouds above. He wasn’t as concerned as he felt he should have been. He hadn’t been able to keep track of time. “How do you know?”

Ventus shrugged. “I think… it’s kind of, like, inherent knowledge,” he explained. “When I go to sleep, I can kind of catch up on where Sora is in his life. I dream through his eyes. I think… it’s kind of like how you were with me.”

“Huh.” Vanitas frowned thoughtfully.

When Ventus went to sleep, he would vanish, his presence leaving the island entirely. He had explained that his heart would fall deeper into the recesses of Sora’s heart to rebuild itself. And while he was constantly doing that anyway while on the island, it sped up the process when he slept. But, it wasn’t good to sleep all the time. Ventus had tried once, only to awaken believing _he_ was _Sora_. Sleeping in spurts was a much healthier option. He feared if he only slept, his heart would merge entirely with Sora’s, leaving nothing left.

“You’ve never slept?” Ventus asked, blinking with the realization.

Vanitas shook his head. “I wasn’t granted that privilege,” he said. “I wasn’t supposed to be here. I hitched a ride with you and… well… this is all there ever will be left of me. Sora doesn’t know I’m here and never has. His heart won’t give me access to rebuild or reconstruct anything. I don’t have shelter here like you. This…” Vanitas clenched his fists, furrowing his brows. “This is my prison.”

“It… It doesn’t have to be,” Ventus replied quietly.

Vanitas snorted. “It’s a pretty nice prison, I’ll give him that.” He wasn’t even sure he’d be able to survive outside of Sora’s heart. If he was given the chance to leave, would he? Would he even be able to? Was this meager existence worth being trapped in this cell forever, until Sora’s ultimate end?

Ventus was quiet for a moment. Suddenly, he was on his feet, his hand over his brow as he scanned the area. What even was he doing? Vanitas inched away as Ventus crouched, squinting to get a better view. Then, he smiled. His grin was so bright the sun would have been jealous. He pulled Vanitas to his feet, which he allowed, only because he was caught off guard.

“Let’s race!” Ventus suggested, pointing towards the other side of the beach. “We’ll race to that fruit and back. First one here, wins.”

“Sounds fair,” Vanitas tapped his boots on the hard sand, preparing himself.

“If I win, you get to be my best friend.” Ventus whirled to face him, eyes bright. There was no way he could be lying about this. Vanitas? Become _Ventus’s_ best friend? In what universe was that even possible?

“I thought that position was filled by Terra and Aqua.” Vanitas folded his arms, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

“They can make room,” Ventus waved him off. Somehow, Vanitas seriously doubted that. Regardless, Ventus continued, making decisions for him. “And if you win—”

“I don’t even get a say in this?”

“And if _you_ win,” Ventus spoke loudly over him. “I’ll share with you.”

Elaboration. Ventus was horrible when it came to properly explaining himself or his meaning. Vanitas had to constantly remind him details were important when talking and right now this seemed to be very important to Ventus. It was the _worst_ time to not clarify what he meant. “Share _what_?” Vanitas asked, irritated.

“I’ll share my heart,” Ventus replied easily, grinning from ear to ear. “I’ll help you build yours. I’ll give you what I can to bring you back.”

Did Ventus even understand what he was offering? “If you do that… won’t it take longer for you to rebuild?”

“Yeah?” Ventus shrugged. “So?”

“Even though I—”

“Doesn’t matter.” Ventus stood before the crumbling bridge, dancing from one foot to the other. “It doesn’t matter because _I’m_ gonna win!”

In disbelief, Vanitas fell into step beside him. He was still dazed when Ventus began his count and still confused when Ventus bolted ahead. Vanitas slapped his face to get a hold of himself. He needed to win. He needed to become more than a fragment. He _needed_ the completion he had been denied over and over again.

Still, even with a new drive, his feet pounding hard beneath him, and overcoming Ventus at the zip-line, he lost. Ventus danced in celebration on the platform, fingers pointing and tongue sticking out joyously. Vanitas gasped for air as he dropped to his knees. A new wave of disappointment he hadn’t felt in a long time washed over him. His eyes burned with it. His whole body ached with the loss of what had been dangled so enticingly before him.

“Ha!” Ventus cheered, seemingly unaware of his anguish. “You’re my new best friend.”

“Sure,” Vanitas spat, unable to hide the anger in his tone. “Whatever.”

“And as best friends, we get to share everything with each other.”

“Uh-huh.” Like he had anything more to give in the first place.

“So, c’mon.” Vanitas sat back on his heels, scowling up at Ventus. He only smiled in return. “Let’s go.”

“Where?” Vanitas grumbled. He was beginning to remember why he hated Ventus in the first place.

“To sleep, duh.” Ventus rolled his eyes, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I gotta share my heart with you now. Since we’re best friends and all.”

Vanitas’s brows pinched together as his mouth fell open in disbelief. Really? Was he serious? He had to be, since his hands were outstretched, an offering to help him to his feet. When Vanitas didn’t respond, Ventus took it upon himself to grab Vanitas’s hands and pull him up. Vanitas could only stare when Ventus’s grip on his hands didn’t relinquish. He was open and honest as always, his smile playful and cheery.

“I hate you.” Vanitas blinked back the sting in his eyes as his throat began to swell with emotion. “I hate you so much.”

“I’m sorry.” Ventus chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “That wasn’t very nice, was it? I thought it would be funnier than it was.”

But it was so easy to forgive Ventus. He always knew when he was wrong and he apologized for it. He owned up to his mistakes without fuss and offered ways he could make up for it. So, when Ventus grabbed his hands again, Vanitas allowed the drowsiness that fell upon him to overtake him, finally getting some real sleep.

When they slept, they dreamt of Sora and his mundane life. School. Chores. Friends. Ventus got a certain thrill from it. He could see what a normal life looked like, since he had been stripped of it so long ago. Their memory of the life Ventus had before Vanitas was hazy at best, but there was some normalcy to it. Parents. Friends. School. Not much different than Sora’s life.

Being close with Ventus was easier than breathing from that point forward. It was so easy to understand who he was, what he felt, why he felt it, and what made him tick. He wasn’t afraid to hide anything from him any longer, since it became nigh impossible. Still, Ventus accepted him. Ventus forgave him for all his wrongs because he understood now. He understood what Vanitas went through because he was able to see it for himself for the first time. They could smile and enjoy each other’s company without the past hanging over their heads.

They mused over what might happen once they left. Terra and Aqua wouldn’t be happy with this new development, Ventus thought. But they would have to accept it. Vanitas was a part of him. The two would stand on the same side for the first time in their lives. Vanitas vowed to stand by Ventus, no matter what. He owed him everything now. He owed him his heart, his soul, his _life_. He had once ripped far too much from Ventus, leaving him with almost nothing. Now, Ventus was siphoning himself into Vanitas willingly stabilizing him.

They often wondered how the two were getting on. Ventus worried about Terra and his fate to become Xehanort’s new vessel. Neither had been there to see what became of that battle, so both were uncertain. Another uncertainty was what happened to Ventus’s body. When Vanitas merged with Ventus, his own physical form disappeared. But Ventus still had one. Was it safe? Was it being taken care of all these years? What was happening to it? Was it aging? And what of Aqua? Had she beaten Xehanort? If anyone had been able to, it would have been her. She was a powerful Keyblade Master and if she couldn’t stop him, no one could.

But Ventus’s worry did not possess him. He still found this sanctuary relaxing. His recovery was slowing with the siphoning of his strength to Vanitas, yet, he did not complain. The two were stronger. Vanitas felt more alive than he had in years. He had come to realize Ventus was not only giving his life back to him, but giving him a little more. Before, positivity was a foreign concept to him. Now, he only felt peace and good emotions.

He wondered what more he would gain from this way of surviving...

One night, as they laid in the sand, the stars twinkling above them, they laughed. Vanitas wasn’t sure why anymore. One of them said something funny and they shared in the joy it brought them. Side-by-side, they rested their joined hands close to their face. Vanitas’s fingertips loosely linked with Ventus’s, the fabric of his gloves having been pulled back along his fingers and palms. Ventus’s callouses on the pads of his fingers were still present, even if he was just a heart. With the new perspective on living, he missed what _touch_ was. He appreciated the roughness of Ventus’s skin, which was a sign of hard work. He relearned to hate the grit of sand that got _everywhere_. It vaguely reminded him of the Badlands, where if he wanted to keep sand out of his suit, he was forced to dress from head-to-toe. He relaxed to the cool touch of water that sprayed them when a particularly strong surge of current washed past them.

The subtle touch was comforting. Neither pulled away, finding familiarity in the gesture. Vanitas felt no hesitance and he turned on his side to fully face Ventus, placing his sandy palm on his cheek. They still giggled quietly, giddy with excitement. Ventus was pulling closer. Vanitas wanted to express something to him. He didn’t know what. He just knew he needed a physical way to show Ventus how much the other meant to him. All he could think to do was push his forehead against Ventus’s. Ventus’s grin was still wide as his arm wrapped around Vanitas’s waist.

When Ventus leaned forward, their lips brushed. _That was it!_ That seemed to be what he was looking for. It felt right. So, Vanitas pushed his lips against Ventus’s, sliding his fingertips into his hair. Their lips met again, their heads twisted to find comfort, then once more. Whatever this was, it made them feel good, so they kept going.

Until Ventus pulled away sharply, sitting up to stare wide-eyed at Vanitas.

 _“Oh no,”_ he breathed.

“Hm?” Vanitas sat up drunkenly, leaning forward to continue, to show Ventus again how much he meant to him.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Ventus leapt to his feet, his legs slightly shaking as he began to pace. “I’m sorry. I just… we shouldn’t… _we can’t_ … we’re… I just….”

With a scowl, Vanitas flopped back down again, clearly irritated. “What?” he spat. “Whatever that was, I liked it. Didn’t you?”

“W-Well… yeah…” Ventus stammered, shuffling his feet. “But that’s the problem.”

“That you _liked_ it?”

“And you did, too.”

“So…” Vanitas rubbed his forehead, trying to understand what exactly went wrong. “Because we both liked it, there’s a problem.”

 _“Yes.”_ Ventus nodded fervently. “That’s exactly it!”

Vanitas sighed a sigh that heaved through his entire body. There he was again, not explaining himself properly. He needed to learn to fix that. Slowly, he climbed to his feet as well, brushed sand from himself, and placed his hands on Ventus’s shoulders.

“Ventus,” he began in a flat tone. “Calm down and explain what is so bad about it.”

Ventus ripped himself away, doing the complete opposite of calming down. His fingers fidgeted as he continued his pacing. Once in awhile, he tugged his hair in frustration as he tried to find the proper words. Vanitas didn’t push him. He picked dirt from under his nails as he patiently waited for Ventus to organize his thoughts.

“I… I think I like you,” Ventus finally said. His voice was small, petrified by his realization. “Like... _really_ like you.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Vanitas rolled his eyes, scratching his ear. Stupid sand. It got _everywhere_. “I thought we established this already? That we tolerated each other because we’re the only ones in here?”

 _“No!”_ Ventus shouted. “Not like… platonic. Like… romantic. I like you in a romantic way, Vanitas.” He released a soft whine, pulling himself inward. He was _terrified_ of his feelings, that much was clear. And he was even more afraid of what Vanitas would think of them.

“… So?” Vanitas frowned, tilting his head to the side and still obviously confused. “What’s so bad about that? Aren’t romantic feelings supposed to be good or whatever? What’s there to be upset about?”

“Because it’s _you_!” Ventus practically shrieked.

Vanitas felt a sting of hurt stab his chest. He felt… _betrayed_ . The hurt made his eyes water and the only way he thought to react to it was anger. He clenched his fists, glaring at the boy before him. What was so wrong with having feelings for _him_? Had he really not forgiven him for what he’d done? Vanitas was so totally ready to accept Ventus’s feelings, even if he had to sort out his own, but this wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted them to stay like they were. Content. Happy to be in each other’s presence. He liked being able to touch and feel Ventus and laugh and smile with him and it made him feel the best he ever had in his entire life.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?!” Vanitas spat, ready to punch him in his pretty face.

“You don’t see it?” Ventus gasped, eyes wide with desperation. “Because… we’re…”

“What?” Vanitas approached him, poking a finger into his chest. “Because we’re enemies? Because I worked with Xehanort? What _is_ it, _Ventus_?”

“We’re the same person!” Ventus threw his hands up in exasperation. “You’re my darkness! We’re, like, I don’t know. Brothers? There’s gotta be some kind of moral dilemma when it comes to liking someone who’s a _piece of you,_ right?”

“So that’s it?” Vanitas asked, turning away. “Because I’m an _abomination_ , this thing we have is _wrong_?”

“No!” Ventus flew around to face Vanitas, his blue eyes welling with tears. Words spilled from his mouth, quick and coarse. “No, no, no, no. That’s not it. I promise. Don’t ever think that. Pleaseplease _please_ don’t think that. I don’t ever want you to feel that way. It’s not that. It’s not just you. It’s me, too. Because I… We’re… I just…”

Vanitas took a deep breath. Carefully, he pushed Ventus away from him, keeping him at arms-length. He didn’t want to be touched. He needed to calm down. He needed to get away so he wouldn’t want to hurt Ventus. God, _what was happening to him_ ? He had never cared for Ventus’s well-being. No. That was a lie. He remembered when he was first born… how he advised against keeping Ventus in the Keyblade Graveyard so he wouldn’t hurt him. This was different. Vanitas was _fuming_ . Because, this time, Ventus _hurt_ him.

“Go.” Vanitas barked at him. “Just _go_ . Figure out whatever it is you want and come back to me. When you know what you want, let me know and I’ll meet you there. But… for now… just… _leave me alone_.”

“V-Vanitas…”

“Seriously,” Vanitas growled, shoving him back. “I’m not dealing with you like this. I can’t.”

“I’ll… I’ll find you when I’m ready to sleep.” Ventus offered timidly.

“No you won’t.” Vanitas shook his head. “I don’t want to see you until you _figure it out_.”

Without a backwards glance he stormed off, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm. Why did this upset him so much? He didn’t understand. He was… _rejected_ . But not entirely. Ventus clearly wanted to stay by his side. Vanitas just didn’t understand. What was so wrong with them getting involved romantically? When did Vanitas even _want_ that? He knew he couldn’t return the feeling, but still, it _hurt_ that Ventus was so disgusted by the idea of being with him in that way.

In the following days, he curled up in his cave, allowing himself to be overcome with his hurt and grief. He had been so close to Ventus, finally having that companionship he had craved for so long, and it was ripped away in an instant, because of what Vanitas was to him. A monster. Something that didn’t deserve the kindness that he had been given for so long. Ventus finally saw sense, remembered what he did, where he came from, what he was born to do. Regardless, it still hurt, as if an important part of himself had been ripped away entirely.

This must have been what Ventus felt when Vanitas was born.

When he mustered up the strength to face the outside, he did his best to avoid Ventus. Occasionally, he would see the blond hesitantly start in his direction, only to change his mind and turn away. Every time, his heart was stabbed again and again. The ache of loneliness resonated and he forced himself to keep busy to ignore it. He would train, run, swim, whatever he could to distract himself. He’d exhaust himself with the effort of just trying to fall asleep.

His sleep was different than Ventus’s sleep. He was constantly present on this island, on the sand or in the trees, wherever he could make himself comfortable to close his eyes and rest. He couldn’t go into the recesses of Sora’s heart, like Ventus. He couldn’t have a proper, restful sleep. For years, he had been given that opportunity, but now, without Ventus by his side, it left him unable to suitably drift off.

It was a restless night when he heard footsteps approaching his room in the treehouse. Well, it wasn’t exactly _his_ room, the island was both of theirs. Regardless, it was his for the night. And Ventus was coming back after so long, Vanitas had lost count of the days. He turned his back to the door where moonlight shone through, suddenly shadowed by the figure standing there. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing Ventus to go away.

“Vanitas?” Ventus addressed him in a voice just above a breath. “Are you awake?”

Vanitas sighed deep in his chest, drawing it out dramatically. He wanted Ventus to know he was still mad at him. “Guess not.” He rolled over and sat up slowly, turning his golden eyes to Ventus. “What do you want?”

“I’m… worried,” Ventus chewed his lip. “I know you’re mad at me. And you have every right to be. But… Sora… I just… I’m scared.”

Vanitas wanted to scream at him. He wanted to throw whatever he could at him, and order him to leave. He couldn’t face him still. Not unless he knew what he wanted. But… he couldn’t. The glisten in Ventus’s eyes melted his heart, making him unable to turn him away. Again, he groaned, patting the blanket he sat on, suggesting Ventus should take a seat.

Ventus’s relief filled the room. He gave a breathy laugh as he sat down in front of Vanitas, his smile tugging at his lips. “Thank you.”

“Alright.” Vanitas stretched. “What’s going on?”

“He has a Keyblade.”

Vanitas stopped mid-stretch, his body stiffening. Slowly, he turned to meet Ventus’s gaze. “Are you… Are you sure?”

“It’s called Kingdom Key,” Ventus gulped. “I’m not… one-hundred percent sure how he got it. I honestly don’t think it’s his, though.”

“Tell me what happened.” Vanitas ordered, leaning forward.

If Sora had a Keyblade, something went wrong somewhere. Both were fairly certain he didn’t have the mark, still, he was able to wield such a weapon. As Ventus explained what he knew, what he’d seen from Sora’s eyes, something was happening to the worlds. They were _disappearing_ . And it was claimed that _Sora_ was the only Keyblade Master, as per King Mickey. If that was true, then what happened to Aqua? Mickey had known her. He knew she was also a Keyblade Master.

Something must have happened to her. And Terra. From what Ventus knew, Xehanort wasn’t around anymore. Nothing made sense. As he told the story of Sora landing in Traverse Town and his meetings with Donald and Goofy and Leon and Yuffie, Ventus’s voice rose, octave by octave, laced with panic until he broke.

“What if they’re gone?!” Ventus sobbed. “What if they died trying to stop Xehanort?”

Vanitas couldn’t help himself. He reached forward, pulling Ventus into his chest where the boy cried, clinging to him. Vanitas rubbed his back, willing him to be calm. He had no words to make this better. He couldn’t promise anything good happened to Ventus’s friends and didn’t want to fill him with false hope. All he could offer was a shoulder to cry on as confusion and apprehension overwhelmed Ventus.

There was no sign of him quieting, even after some time had passed. Ventus’s frame shook from  exhaustion, his sobs only softening to sniffles, and still he continued.

Finally, “I’m sorry….”

Vanitas rose an eyebrow. “For what? Needing someone to talk to? Who else are you gonna cry to?”

“No.” Ventus shook his head, face still buried in Vanitas’s chest. “I’m sorry, Vanitas.”

Vanitas let his hands fall away from Ventus’s back. Sweat perspired on the back of his neck, prickling with the anxiety of what was about to happen next.

“I’m so sorry,” Ventus pulled himself away to meet Vanitas’s gaze. “I was scared. I didn’t know what to think. We’re… we’re the same person. And I… Those feelings scared me. They terrified the _shit_ out of me. Not because of _you_. Because we are… I don’t know what we are. This is new territory and I’ve never felt this way about anybody in my life.”

“It’s…” Vanitas wanted to assure him it was fine. It was okay to be scared of the future and of your own feelings. If anyone knew that, it was Vanitas. But, in all truth, it _wasn’t_ okay. Vanitas didn’t understand and was left on his own once more for so, so, _so_ long. Maybe if Ventus hadn’t taken so long to come back, it would have been fine, but he had   _missed_ him with so much longing, it _hurt_.

“It’s not okay.”

“I know,” Ventus sniffled, rubbing his wet eyes with little effect. “I know. I miss you. I miss us. Nothing’s been the same. Everything hurts constantly. I thought it would go away, but it hasn’t. It gets worse and worse with each passing day and I just want _you_ . If I lost Terra and Aqua...I don’t think I can lose you, _too._ ”

Vanitas hung his head, leaning away from Ventus. If he was just going to be a replacement, he didn’t want any part of it. He wanted to be worth more than that and Ventus was the first to make him feel that he was. “Did you figure out what you want?”

Ventus tentatively nodded. “I… I think so.”

“Do you _think_ or do you _know_ , Ventus?” Vanitas asked without an ounce of sugar in his tone. Ventus visibly flinched. “I’m not doing this unless you know for certain.”

Ventus surged forward, taking Vanitas by the face in those gentle but calloused hands as he pressed their lips firmly together. Vanitas steadied himself from the impact, grabbing onto Ventus’s shirt to stop himself from falling back. He returned the gesture, pushing himself as hard as he could to blend entirely with Ventus. His heart raced as his cheeks flamed.

“I want you,” Ventus breathed into his lips. “I can’t be without you. It hurts too much.”

Vanitas desperately pressed his lips against Ventus’s, which instantly quieted him. He tasted the salt from the tears still wet on Ventus’s cheeks. “I was so alone,” he whispered, wiping the moisture away from Ventus’s eyes.

“I know.” Ventus reached up to press onto his forehead onto Vanitas’s. “I know. Me, too.”

Vanitas’s fingers curled into the fabric of Ventus’s shirt. “I want to feel that way, too, Ventus,” he begged. “I want to feel how you feel about me. Romantically or whatever.”

“I… I love you.” Ventus confessed, pressing his cheek onto the top of Vanitas’s head and pulling him in closer. “I’m in love with you, Vanitas.”

“Then… I want that.” Vanitas curled into him. “If you build my heart up enough, do you think I’ll be able to love you?”

“I think you already do,” Ventus laughed softly, sniffing through his nose.

He was wrong, but that was okay. Vanitas didn’t want to ruin this. He finally had Ventus back. He’d never lose Ventus again, even if he had to slap the sense into him himself. Vanitas leaned into him as Ventus stroked his hair, the two of them breathing each other in. This was good. This was all he wanted and could have asked for. He had been ready to settle for something less and now he didn’t have to.

“What changed your mind?” Vanitas asked after a time. The two curled on the blanket together, allowing their limbs to tangle and their skin to touch, sharing the same air.

“I don’t care.” Ventus shook his head. “I stopped worrying because you’re more important than that. I tried to suppress my feelings and I couldn’t. It hurt. I almost wanted to fade right into Sora, just to stop fighting how I felt.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Vanitas brushed his nose against Ventus’s. “If you want to, make sure to take me with you.”

Ventus gave a breathy laugh. “Noted.” He pushed his forehead against Vanitas’s. “Still. Kissing you is a much better alternative. I feel alive again.”

“Good.” Vanitas smiled. “A not-alive Ventus is a useless one.”

It was good to sleep again. As Sora’s journey began, they learned more of this Ansem. Regardless of the fear they shared for their vessel (what would happen if Sora lost his heart? If he died in battle?), the two grew ever closer. They were inseparable, and because of this, being asleep began to bring them unrest. They were unable to see or feel each other in the deepest parts of Sora’s heart. They slept less and less as they began to get stronger and stronger.

When Sora lost his heart, Vanitas was devastated. He was alone. Ventus was ripped from him, taken somewhere Vanitas couldn’t reach. He did nothing but ravage the island until Ventus returned. From the disorder, darkness was able to take over from time to time. Vanitas laughed. With Ventus torn from Sora, he was unstable and prone to giving in to his darkness. It was Vanitas’s only pleasure left when this prison began to feel tighter and smaller, caging and shackling him deeper into this horror.

When he finally did return, Ventus didn’t come alone. He brought back two others: A puppet and a Nobody who looked so much like Ventus. With not a single hair’s difference, Roxas unnerved him. The girl, too, was a spitting image of Kairi. At least her hair was a different color.

Still, they kept to themselves, which allowed Ventus and Vanitas’s reunion to be even sweeter. It made Vanitas want to leave this place all the more. They weren’t safe from separation, even in their prison. The only way they could never leave one another was if they were their own people, making their own decisions. He was renewed with a fiery kind of determination to _get the hell out of there_.

Then, it all came rushing back to him. As if he had awoken from his dream, he was suddenly beside his Ventus, watching the memories unfold at a distance, flickering until the day of their departure. It was a peaceful day in Sora’s heart. The once perpetually peaceful heart had been growing more chaotic since the beginning of his journey. They knew what was going to happen. Their memories were excited, anticipating finally joining the world.

Vanitas clutched Ventus’s hand, eyeing him uncertainly. “You… remembered.”

Ventus nodded.

“When?”

“It’s been… coming to me on and off.” Ventus shrugged noncommittally.

“You didn’t want to tell me?” Vanitas asked. His tone was curious, not at all accusatory.

“It wasn’t important.” Ventus smiled softly as light washed away the scene of the memories’ final embrace before their freedom.

“You’re right,” Vanitas nodded in agreement. “It wasn’t.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, AGAIN, this chapter went on WAY longer than planned. So, what was supposed to be one chapter will now be three. I'msosorry
> 
> Also, a million thanks to apiegohome for being such an awesome editor!!!


	14. Cognizance

"Two rooms down. One more to go."

Vanitas and Ventus turned to the memory-Aqua, who, in all her visual exhaustion with her slumped shoulders and dark eye circles, beamed brightly at the two of them. Gears began turning as Vanitas tried to understand the significance behind what she said. Something about it was so wrong, so telling, and he just couldn't quite make it out. His fingers that were tangled with Ventus's tightened as the two met curious glances.

"A memory of loss and a lost memory," she continued. "Good job both of you. Neither of you lost yourselves to the memories."

"You're…" Ventus rose an accusatory finger, still not quite sure what he was accusing her of. "You're not…."

"I should warn you, though." She placed a finger on her chin thoughtfully. "The next memory isn't either of yours. It's one of mine."

"What the fuck are you?" Vanitas growled. She wasn't what they thought she was, clearly. She was fully aware of the situation and who they were. They wouldn't have confused her if they brought up her future. She probably would have dropped the act!

"Your guide," she said, her eyebrows shooting upwards in surprise. "For your exam." A simple explanation, as if they should have known all along.

"What… exam?" Ventus asked.

"Your… Mark of Mastery Exam?" She narrowed her eyes, her lips tilting uncertainly as she surveyed them. "Didn't Aqua tell you?"

"Aqua's not home right now," Ventus explained bluntly. "We kind of wandered into this."

"Oh!" Her hand flew to her mouth as her eyes flicked from one to the other. "Well… no time like the present, I suppose."

An exam. This God damn horror of a hallway was a _Mark of Mastery Exam_? Vanitas growled, roughly pulling Ventus closer to him. Ventus gasped with the shock, but didn't attempt to pull away. Vanitas just wanted him closer. If Ventus wasn't physically between himself and the projection of Aqua, he might just attack. Why would Aqua think this would make a good exam? Did she really want Ventus to be subjected to these memories that he so clearly didn't want to see? What was the point of all of this?

"You two know how this works, right?" Aqua continued. "To find is to lose and to lose is to find. Both of you gained something from those two rooms, did you not? You can still make it out without giving up anything, but you've had it too good already. Unfortunately, rooms like this are quite unforgiving. It works the same way magic does."

"Are we going to lose memories?" Vanitas hissed through gritted teeth.

"No." Aqua shook her head. "That was only the case because Naminé was here. The true nature of Castle Oblivion was a much different concept. The deeper you went into the castle, looking to find, the more you lost your way. The closer you came to Ven, the more you'd lose yourself to the castle. It was how the Organization was never able to find him. The castle shifted the closer they got, sending them back to halls further away."

"So… we're going to get lost?" Ventus asked.

"No," Aqua laughed. "This will be different. You might lose yourself to the memories. You might fail the exam. Either way, you know I only want to see you safe, Ven. I'd never want to hurt you."

"And me?" Vanitas reminded her he was, in fact, present.

"Of course not!" She rushed towards him, taking his face in her hands. Her fingers were there, he could feel the pressure of their existence, yet, he almost couldn't tell. He hadn't touched her since they entered this room and he was almost glad he didn't. It was terrifying to feel the ghost of fingers without the heat or coolness that came with skin. He found himself unable to pull away. Even with his anger at the real Aqua, it was nice to feel her affection, even if it wasn't real. "I'd never want any harm to come to either of you. I love you both. It's just…" She smiled warmly as she pulled herself away. "This was made for Ven. I didn't expect you to be here."

"Neither did I," Vanitas grumbled, tearing his gaze from her.

"Soooo," Ventus drawled, his brows knitting together. "If we pass, we get to be Keyblade Masters?"

"Well, yes," Aqua nodded. "Though, if it's true that Aqua isn't home, you'll have to wait for her to come back to deem you a true Master."

"Yes!" Ventus pumped his fist in the air, jumping with excitement. "Finally! Yes, yes, _yes!_ "

Vanitas snorted, amused with Ventus's delight. So, this was it. Ventus would become a Master with just one more door standing between him and his goal. He couldn't imagine how this must have felt for the other. Since Vanitas never had any interest in becoming a Keyblade Master, he wasn't quite sure how to feel about what was coming next. Perhaps he would take the mantle just to stay on even ground with Ventus.

"Alright." Vanitas stretched his arms over his head. "Let's get on with it, Keyblade Master Ventus."

"After you, Keyblade Master Vanitas," Ventus replied playfully.

The title was strange. One Vanitas would never be able to get used to. It definitely didn't suit him—not after everything he'd done. Everything he didn't regret doing. He thought of Riku and how he had given in to the darkness and how he regretted his actions. It wasn't the same for Vanitas. He would have done most things the same—honestly. He did what he did to save himself from hurt, and in the end, here he was. Free of it. Without having to save any worlds or people or protect them from the darkness.

He was saved by Ventus.

He didn't deserve the title Keyblade Master when he didn't care what happened to anyone _but_ Ventus.

Regardless, he passed through the final door.

What laid beyond the door was unsurprising. The field was too dark to properly see. A great beast bellowed, rising upon its hind legs as it clawed the air, preparing to charge. Keyblades were summoned. It snorted, kicking up the gray dust that matted the floors. All they could see of the creature was a shroud of darkness and red eyes. Chains rang as the monster moved, throwing itself at them.

Vanitas chewed the inside of his cheek. He had decided that, no matter what happened, Ventus came first. This was Ventus's trial and even if Aqua and Terra didn't trust Vanitas, at least they were all in agreement that Ventus needed to be protected. Vanitas would take it upon himself to make sure Ventus was safe. He was ready to take that from both Terra and Aqua when Ventus proved himself a Master and the two of them left. Vanitas knew Ventus could protect himself. He was more than capable. He had proved that from the very beginning, but that still didn't change the fact that Vanitas would take the hit for him every single time.

So when the beast lunged, Vanitas shoved Ventus out of the way, throwing himself back to avoid the blow. The monster sank into a dark portal, where only its red glowing eyes became visible. Unblinkingly watching them.

"Hunter of the Dark," Ventus gasped, his eyes widening with realization as he righted himself.

"What?" Vanitas wasn't sure he heard correctly.

"Hunter of the Dark," Ventus repeated a little louder and a lot stronger. He stepped closer, carefully watching the eyes that danced in the shadows beyond their reach. "Aqua fought this thing before. It's the monster that almost did her in when she was in the Realm of Darkness."

"Awesome," Vanitas spat sarcastically. "Quality test she made for you."

"It's kinda great, actually." Vanitas balked at the grin Ventus shot him. "It means she knows I'm strong enough to beat it. She'd _never_ give me a test she'd know I'd fail."

"Great way of showing her love," Vanitas grumbled.

Ventus's retort was cut short when the Hunter flew at them, howling. Vanitas teleported out of the way, making sure to stay close to Ventus as he jumped into the air to avoid the collision. Vanitas threw his Keyblade at the Hunter just as it vanished once again. Touching down, Void Gear fell into his grasp, humming with the anticipation of a fight.

The Hunter proved very difficult to get close to. It weaved in and out of corridors, locking in on them where they couldn't reach, just to rush them when they least expected it. The tactic was quite similar to Xigbar's, Vanitas recalled. It was quite annoying, since it kept them on their toes. As soon as the beast vanished, they were forced to move. Staying in one place was dangerous, and constantly dodging was exhausting. It didn't take much to wear the boys out. It was a solid strategy, Vanitas thought bitterly. Hide, rush, hit, and hide again. It kept your enemy constantly on edge, and drained them of their energy.

That was it. Vanitas was beyond annoyed. They needed to stop dodging and start _fighting_. He pulled close to Ventus, who seemed to understand what he was going for. Ventus smirked, nodding as the beast rushed them again. Ventus threw up a Reflect shield, knocking the monster back. Vanitas blasted Dark Firaga through the shield while the beast tried to find its bearings. It wasn't expecting that. It howled, sinking back into the darkness.

Again, they threw up a shield when the monster charged them. A distance magic attack was expelled. The beast sank. It was three times before the Hunter realized this wouldn't work for him any longer. With a mighty roar, the darkness surrounding them dispelled, lifting from the creature itself to expose its appearance.

It wasn't going to hide any longer. It charged, swiping at them. It threw its whole body into the air, spinning to whip its chains around, slamming into them.

Vanitas jumped back. They needed just a moment. One moment and they would be able to use their joint attacks. The power of combined light and darkness was limitless, and when correctly performed, they might be able to one-shot this thing. Of course, the attacks always exhausted them. Before they fell back on their favorite and most powerful attack, they usually tried a few of their weaker ones. Just to be sure. It was important to properly finish off any enemy.

Linking their free arms, Ventus and Vanitas twirled their Keyblades, thrusting them forward. From the tip of Ventus's, green and white light shot forth, creating a powerful beam. From Vanitas's, red and black. They pulled each other to turn. This particular attack was rather unruly, very hard to control on their own. Forcing the beam to aim at the enemy was difficult. But when together, it was easier. Two beams. Two bodies, pulling each other. More of a chance of hitting your target.

It was better to perform it in enclosed areas, lest you hurt a civilian or ally by accident.

The Hunter was thrown into the air as the dark beam hit it. Vanitas tugged Ventus as hard as he could to pull the light towards it, hoping to cause more damage. What was its weakness? What was it impervious to? Fire seemed safe. Ice, not so much. Then again, ice attacks weren't either of their strong suits, which created volatile spells. The light didn't do any more damage than the darkness did, which was a tad disheartening.

Their power bottomed out. The magic weakened them. With no potions or ether on them, they were forced to throw themselves at the monster until they built up their power again. One would cover while the other attacked. The Hunter continued its own relentless attacks, snapping at them, clawing at them, and thrashing about. The chains that kept whipping at them left hard bruises. Vanitas was pretty sure he had a cracked rib or two from taking too many risks.

The harder they fought, the worse it got. The Hunter was becoming desperate, just as much as they were. Their swinging blades left little damage in their wake. Sweat drenched Vanitas's forehead, sticking his hair to his face and only adding to his annoyance. _I need a haircut_ , was a brief thought when his fringe distracted him from the next oncoming attack.

A _new_ attack. The creature had split into three—red, blue, and green. The green one hurtled at him, its teeth biting down to throw him into the air. The teeth ground against bone. He screamed out from the burning of open wounds, stinging pain shooting through his system. For a moment, he couldn't see. His vision blackened as his body wracked with immense pain. He recovered from his shock and pain, still midair, as he curled into a sphere of darkness. He shot down at the creature, stabbing downward once-twice-three times until it moved, leaving him to hurtle into the dirt. Panting with the effort, he managed to stand and get his feet back under him. He could barely register Ventus scrambling towards him, eyes wild with panic, calling out to him. Vanitas held up a hand to stop him. His eyes turned up towards the Hunter, a piercing glare at the monster that was giving them so much grief. Why couldn't it just _stay down_?

Still, it moved. It sped around them, circling the two of them, trapping them in the middle of the field. Vanitas couldn't pinpoint it with the speed it had. The two boys backed into each other. With their ever-growing desperation, Vanitas wondered how Aqua thought Ventus could beat this thing _alone_.

"You're bleeding," Ventus breathed. Vanitas glanced back to catch his gaze.

"Yeah," Vanitas huffed, pressing his hand into his side that bled more profusely than he would have liked. His gaze fell to Ventus's forearm. "So are you."

"We have to finish this," Ventus decided, turning back to the circling beast.

Ventus didn't have to tell him twice. Vanitas was exhausted. Although his hunger had subsided, his anger only kept building. He hated _so much_ at the moment. He hated that they had gotten themselves into this. He hated the memories it dragged up. He hated that there wasn't an easy escape route. He hated this task. He hated that Aqua wanted to force Ventus into this _alone_. He hated that this Aqua was so kind and so caring and that he was reminded that _she_ faced this _thing_ _ **alone**_ _._

Without warning, the three colors of Hunter reached out, leaping at Ventus. Slamming into him, they knocked him down, pitching Vanitas forward with the force. Twisting to face the other, his eyes widened in horror — the monsters all piled on top of Ventus, mercilessly tearing into him.

" _Ven!"_ Vanitas cried, reaching out to him.

There was a burst of light that blinded him. The Hunter was thrown across the field. With spots obscuring his vision, he scrambled to Ventus, gathering him into his arms. As the light subsided, Vanitas was able to see the blood staining Ventus's clothes, the paling of his tanned skin, the clouding of Ventus's blue eyes.

" _No, no, no,"_ Vanitas gasped. " _No_ , Ventus, come on. Wake up. Come on. _Please_."

Ventus's lips were moving. They trembled with words he didn't have the energy to speak. Ventus reached towards Vanitas, his weak hand barely grazing his cheek before it fell slack. His body slumped, limp as unconsciousness took him.

Vanitas threw up a shield as the Hunter threw itself towards them. He barely took notice of it as he brushed Ventus's hair back. What was he going to do? He needed Ventus to end this. The Hunter rammed again and again into the shield before Vanitas finally came to a decision.

Behind him, his own monster formed. He slowly stood, lifting Ventus as he did so. He turned to the freed Iron Prisoner, the only monster he would trust would be powerful enough to protect what was important. The fourth incarnation was wild, unpredictable, and incredibly strong. The only Unversed he could truly see himself in. Turning his eyes upward, he stared the Unversed down until it lowered its cage. The door swung open. Vanitas dropped the shield to place Ventus inside.

"You keep him safe," Vanitas ordered, slamming the door closed. "If you don't…." He didn't finish the sentiment. It _would_ keep Ventus safe. Because that was Vanitas's will. This was a monster from Vanitas, so it knew and felt what he did. It wanted what he wanted. As volatile as it was, it would do what it could to protect Ventus.

The Iron Prisoner IV rose into the air, raising the cage even higher. Well out of reach of the Hunter.

Vanitas turned to the Hunter, glaring at the monster that had hurt the only thing he truly cared about. He bent down, slowly, keeping his eyes on the creature. He took Ventus's Keyblade, Wayward Wind, into his hand. The handle was warm. It seemed to hum with approval when he stood up, gritting his teeth. It was comfortable in his grip. Even in his least-dominant hand, he could sense how right it felt. Backhanded. Left handed. Where it was supposed to be.

Unfortunately, unlike its true wielder, Vanitas knew nothing about light and wind. All he knew was darkness.

He threw himself at the Hunter. Darkness swirled around him as he circled the beast, leaving missiles in his wake. The Hunter only barely dodged them. He tried again, this time creating an inescapable vortex of darkness. A hit. He left it no time to recover. He relentlessly struck the Hunter with the blades in his hands, only stopping to blast it with magic. He took a second to recover, throwing up a shield. When the Hunter rushed at him, chains rattling in its wake, Vanitas sent out shadows to throw attacks at it. Each shadow threw one hit before it ran out of energy, freezing in its place.

When he gathered the energy, he charged it. He ignored the pain of the swipes the Hunter threw at him. He slashed with the blades in his hands until his arms cried out in protest, and then continued. He dodged under the red shadow. Jumped over the blue shadow. Slammed Wayward Wind into the green shadow.

He braved himself a chance to jump onto the Hunter's back. There, he dismissed Void Gear in favor of grabbing one of the tendrils that formed the mane. He reached Wayward Wind high above his head, stabbing it down violently into one of the creature's eyes. The beast howled in pain, rearing back on its hind legs. Without a second to spare, Vanitas summoned Void Gear back again and held on, thrusting it into the other eye with deadly accuracy.

He found himself in the air. Somehow, he must have been bucked off of the Hunter's back. Still, he didn't hit anything. He had been caught. He looked up at his own monster that carefully adjusted him in its grip, rising back out of reach.

Vanitas hadn't taken much notice of his own condition until now. He felt cold. Every inch of him screamed in protest. All he could focus on before was destroying this beast that hurt Ventus and now that he had been able to take stock, he only wanted to pass out.

He wouldn't allow himself that pleasure. Not until Ventus was truly safe.

Not until the Hunter of the Dark was actually finished.

Blinded, it still thrashed about. What more could Vanitas do to it? He summoned Void Gear to his hand, leaving Wayward Wind lodged in the Hunter's eye.

He couldn't do this alone. He needed Ventus.

But he didn't have Ventus. This awful beast took him from Vanitas. He glanced to the cage, making certain Ventus was still there, still safe. What else could he do to protect him?

More Unversed. That was all he could come up with. He had plenty of emotion to create them. Enough numbness to block out the pain of their destruction. That would be perfect.

Jumping out of the Iron Prisoner's arm, he landed softly on the ground. Around him, he was unable to count the amount of monsters he had summoned. He was unable to create some of his larger creatures due to the lack of space. Some of them needed it in order to be useful. Here, he could easily launch at the Hunter as his Unversed distracted it with various other attacks. He glanced up at the Trinity Armor that awaited his commands. The lessers didn't even wait. They knew Vanitas's will and acted on it. Since they were made of less, it was all they were. Anger and distress fueled them.

"Give it hell," he growled. All he wanted was for this to _end_.

So, the Trinity Armor did as he ordered. With the Unversed relentlessly attacking, it gave way for Vanitas to attack on his own with less focus drawn to him.

He jumped onto the Hunter's back again. There, he wrapped his fingers around Wayward Wind's handle, ripping it from the Hunter's eye. It howled, bucking him off. He caught himself, twisting to change his direction. Wrapping himself in darkness, he dived at the Hunter, slamming the blades down into its hide. He twisted, again leaving missiles in his wake. He slammed into the earth right in front of the Hunter, fire bursting upward from his attack, dislodging the ground under its feet.

With his attacks, his own Unversed were getting in the way. He felt the pain of their destruction. It was _nothing_ compared to the rage that bubbled beneath his skin.

He twisted, blades slicing across for a heavy final blow. Finally, the Hunter of the Dark stumbled. Glowing from the defeat, it began to fade. His fury still burned, the Unversed surrounding him a testament to his emotion. He whipped to face the Trinity Armor.

"Fuck off!" he roared. The Unversed quietly returned to him. He screamed as he turned, slicing through the lessers. The ones left over scurried away, disappearing into the darkness. _Those little_ shits _!_ Now he'd have to hunt them down later. What else was left that he could take his anger out on?

_The Iron Prisoner!_

"Drop him," Vanitas snapped.

The Unversed touched down, bringing the cage forward. Out tumbled Ventus, still unconscious and bleeding. At the sight of the blonde, he hesitated. His anger slowly dissipated as he approached the other, dropping to his knees. Vanitas's vision blurred, his hands shook, his heart _raced_. _Was he dead?_ Did he fail to protect Ventus? Carefully, he reached forward to curl his fingers around his neck. Relief washed over him when he felt a pulse—still strong, yet, slow. As if Ventus were sleeping. It still did not calm him to know Ventus was alive. He failed to make sure Ventus would stay safe and protected.

He was too weak to protect Ventus.

Lifting Ventus onto his back, he dismissed the Iron Prisoner. Later, when he was sure Ventus was taken care of, he would find the time to release his anger. His tempter needed somewhere to go, and he sure as hell wasn't going to take it out on Ventus.

Hefting him into his arms, he turned towards the only exit. It was the same as the entrance, but the blinding light told him he was going the right way. Out into the hallway, he walked along corridors of darkness that finally lead to a gilded door, but upon seeing who was standing in front of it, Vanitas felt no relief.

Unfortunately, the only thing standing in his way now was Aqua.

She grinned at him cheerfully. Clapping her hands, she hummed with satisfaction.

"Congratulations, Vanitas!" she cried. "You're eligible for the title of _Keyblade Master_!"

"What?" Vanitas spat flatly, unable to fully comprehend what exactly this memory was trying to tell him.

The young girl approached him, touching his face gently as she leaned over Ventus. "You passed. You didn't give in to the darkness."

"Are you kidding?" Vanitas almost laughed. "I _am_ darkness! That's all I have in me! What the fuck do you _mean_ by ' _giving into the darkness_?'"

"The memories didn't take you! You stayed strong enough to escape them. I knew you could do it!" She stood on her toes to kiss his cheek.

He desperately wished he could shove her back. He didn't want her touch or affection. He didn't want to be told he earned a title he didn't _deserve_! His teeth ground tightly making his jaw ache. Ventus was beginning to feel heavier and heavier in his arms, the dead weight falling victim to gravity. Vanitas didn't want this fake person congratulating him. He wanted to be standing beside Ventus, with both of them having had left this room in at least a fairly decent condition.

It was dawning on him that Ventus did _not_ pass. Somehow, not having been able to actually defeat the monster didn't seem to be the reason. No. Ventus failed, not because of the Hunter of the Dark, but because he succumbed to whatever this room had subjected him to.

"I'll make sure to let Aqua know," the girl said lightly, her smile warming the dark room. "You take care of Ventus now, okay? Let him know I'm sorry. Until next time?"

Vanitas trudged past her. There was no way in hell he was going to let Ventus take on this task alone for a second time. If this was supposed to be Ventus's exam, he would do this again and again with him until he passed. This was torture. One Ventus should have been strong enough to deal with, he knew it without a doubt! In the first room, they relived the their shared memory of terrible loss. In the second, the lost memories had been returned to them, proving just how much of themselves were forgotten when they escaped Sora's heart. And the last room could have been the one to take _everything_ from them.

Out in the stark, pristine hallway, Vanitas could only see the white. Everything was too bright and too clean and too sharp. This wasn't right. This still didn't feel like _home_.

He ran. His legs screamed in protest when he fell into a full sprint, forcing them to carry him as fast as they possibly could. All of his energy was depleted, but he wouldn't allow himself a moment of rest until he was certain Ventus was going to be okay. Both were drenched in blood and sweat and Vanitas could only feel his own fear for the worst.

Panic overwhelmed him as he dropped Ventus down onto the infirmary bed. He rushed to the cabinet, throwing it open to dig through its contents. Potions, ethers, elixirs… none of them seemed suitable for the job Vanitas needed them for. In his haste, he knocked bottles from the shelves, allowing them to clatter onto the wooden floor without care. There! _Phoenix Down!_ A rare item found on a single world, used to bring people back from the brink of death. This was it. This had to do it.

He pulled the feather from the bottle, the red and gold glittering marvelously in the light of the setting sun. How was he supposed to use it? Think, think, _think goddamnit!_ He held the item over Ventus's chest, willing for it to work. This was the victim. Use your power to heal him. _Work!_ Frustrated, he threw the feather onto Ventus's chest. Being weightless, it dropped slowly. As it came in contact, gold light burst from it, spreading across Ventus, instantly healing his injuries. Once its magic did its job, the Phoenix Down shriveled, burning to ash.

Vanitas released a breathless laugh. Oh, god. Yes. Ventus was going to be alright. Color already touched his cheeks, his breathing evened, and his skin was warm on contact. Clutching at the boy's arm, Vanitas dropped to his knees, nearly sobbing with relief. Ventus was alive. That was all that mattered. If Vanitas had lost him, not even a Phoenix Down would have been able to bring him back. Vanitas would have had to go to the Underworld to pull him back from the dead.

Don't think for a second he wouldn't have.

Still, panic raced through him. Why wasn't Ventus waking up? Maybe he was exhausted. Sure, the Down would heal his wounds and status conditions and whatever else that might have caused him harm, but that didn't take into account the human condition. Endurance was a human trait and perhaps Ventus did not have as much stamina as Vanitas thought.

Vanitas took deep, shaking breathes as his trembling hand fumbled for a bottle that had rolled across the floor. His other hand still firmly clutched at Ventus, determined to never let him go for an instant. With the bottle in hand, he uncapped it with his teeth, spit the stopper out, and downed the concoction. Ether. That would do. He used magic to heal himself, his wounds finally closing up. It wasn't enough. He still hurt everywhere, the buzz of battle having finally begun to wear away. He reached for another bottle and another until he was satisfied.

Then, he stripped his dirty clothing off of his body. Sweat and blood chilled his skin as the cool air touched it. Still, he continued his ministrations as he peeled the soiled clothing off of Ventus. If he was going to sleep, it was better to be somewhat clean. At least until both had the energy for a proper shower.

In the morning, then.

Vanitas crawled beneath the blankets he pulled out of the closet. His arms wrapped tightly around Ventus, not letting the sleeping boy out of his sight for even an instant. If he couldn't see him in sleep, he could certainly feel him. Gritty, grimy, and warm against Ventus's body, Vanitas found himself instantly drifting.

"Don't scare me like that," Vanitas scolded through a yawn. "Got it? You know I can't heal you. I tried to protect you, idiot. You just…" He yawned again, pulling Ventus closer. "You just mean everything to me. You can't leave me behind. Ever. I'll follow you. Wherever you go, I'll follow you. Don't even fucking try me, Ventus. I'll drag you back from Hell if I have to. Yeah, I know this is a struggle you chose to endure. You want this kind of life and I'm not stopping you. Those boring lives Roxas and Xion chose to lead would kill me before any Heartless. But just know… Just know I'll always be right there with you. I won't let Aqua make you go through that again. I'll make you a Master myself if I have to. In fact, I _can_. Maybe I will. That'll show _Master_ Aqua."

Still, Ventus continued to sleep. Vanitas stroked his hair, the sweat and grease slicking his fingers. It didn't matter. He didn't care. As long as they were both here and alive, he didn't care how gross the other was, he just wanted to stay here and bathe in the triumph of escape.

He wondered if he should have told Aqua about their handicap. Perhaps she would have made this test a little easier and less brutal. While they could easily create a powerful attack together, healing only made everything worse. They were lucky the discovery was made during an ordinary day—not in the heat of battle when it would have been important.

The two were on Destiny Island, walking the beach barefoot, hand in hand. Kairi, Riku, and Sora had left to gather food for dinner. Sora, with his incredible lung capacity aiding him, dove deep into the ocean to hunt for fish. Kairi searched for seasonings. Riku gathered wood for a fire. They insisted Ventus and Vanitas didn't have to do anything, which was fine by Vanitas. Less work, the better.

That was when Ventus stepped on a shell. The colorful shard sliced deep into his foot, causing him to stumble and cry out in pain. The wound was deeper than expected. Blood freely stained the sand, washing away with the waves. Just at the wake of the water, Vanitas knelt into the wet sand, salty waves splashing against them as he insisted on healing him.

Ventus laughed, letting him. Sure, he could have easily healed himself, but Vanitas was trying to make an effort to show he cared about Ventus. Little things built up, he reasoned.

So, he cast a cure spell over the gash, the magic easily stitching it back up good as new. The two grinned at one another. As Vanitas climbed to his feet, he offered a hand to Ventus. When he reached out to take it, he had quickly retracted away from Vanitas, curling into himself to grab his foot, crying out. Vanitas scrambled to see what went wrong, what hurt, what _happened_? He shoved Ventus's fingers away from where the gash had been on the foot only to see it had returned. Poisonous green infected the cut as black ink-like tendrils snaked out wards, making Ventus's veins visible as they carried the darkness through them.

"I'm sorry!" Vanitas tried. Ventus seemed unable to hear him as he curled tighter, a scream ripping from his throat.

Uncertain of what he could do, he tore himself away in search of Kairi, leaving Ventus by the water's edge, screaming as darkness poisoned his blood. When he found her, he pulled her away from what she was doing, words having failed him. All he could do was drag her to Ventus. At the sound of his cries, she went right to work. Sora had made it there before them. He pulled Ventus away from the water and cleaned his foot. Kairi placed her hand on the wound, pouring her light into him, dispelling the darkness. Immediately, the pain vanished, leaving Ventus panting, drenched in sweat, still reaching for Vanitas.

He was apologizing. He had wrapped Ventus into his arms so tightly, he wondered if the other was even able to breathe. He apologized over and over and over again until Ventus was able to hush him. He knew. They knew. Neither knew the consequences of their spells. They knew Vanitas was weak to light and Ventus was weak to darkness, but they didn't _know_ that even their own healing spells contained such elements. Healing magic, being as powerful as it was, could have very well killed Ventus.

With the safety of Riku being nearby, Vanitas insisted they tested the reverse. He cut his own hand, thrust it at Ventus, and demanded that he tried to heal him. Ventus resisted. Oh, how he resisted, not wanting to risk it. Vanitas was thankful Riku at least was on his side. Sora and Kairi stood firmly by Vanitas.

"Okay, then, Princess," he turned his bleeding hand to Kairi, practically glaring at her. "You do it."

And, just to stop Vanitas's insistence, Ventus obliged.

Vanitas was instantly incapacitated by the light that flooded his veins.

So, neither were able to heal the other. And while it was an important discovery, they didn't quite bother telling Terra or Aqua. It wasn't that they _hid_ the fact from them, it was simply that the topic never came up. Perhaps he would tell her when she returned. Then he could help her make the next exam less… painful. Then again, he'd rather fight than face anything else Aqua could come up with.

He kissed Ventus's forehead just before he turned his face into the pillow, still crisp with the scent of _clean_. Tomorrow, Ventus would make him his katsu and everything would go back to how it should be. Ventus would train and Vanitas would push him and the two would laugh and smile like they always did with each other. It would just be another day and all of this would be put behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a million thanks to my beta, apiegohome! You are the absolute best and I'm so blessed to have you!
> 
> This chapter was going to originally be much, much longer, but the last bit still isn't finished. So, I split it in half because it would be 20k words otherwise. So, you know, all that happened the last three chapters was originally supposed to be one and now has turned into four. What is my life?
> 
> I guess that's better for my loyal readers that don't necessarily want this story to end! You're welcome! =p
> 
> Thank you everyone who reads this. I really appreciate and love you. If you could leave some feedback, that would be totally awesome and it'd really help me out.


	15. Tribulation

But the next day, Ventus still did not wake up. Even when Vanitas roughly shook him in his attempts to pull him from sleep. Pushing open his eyelids, Vanitas inhaled sharply at the sight of darkness in Ventus's eyes. Those blue hues blended into the black pupil seamlessly, an unnatural fog blurring the edges. Ventus wasn't present. This wasn't _sleep_. This was… something else entirely.

Panic set in once more when Vanitas realized he couldn't _feel_ Ventus. His thoughts and feelings were his alone for the first time in his life and he had no idea what he should do about it. His first instinct was to scream out for Ventus. When his voice carved rough edges through his throat, he followed his next impulse, which was to search. Pressing his forehead against Ventus's, he willed his own thoughts to reach Ventus. He begged for Ventus's return, dreading the thought of being _alone_. His third instinct was to _hit_ something—a desire he forced himself to retract. The only person around to hit was Ventus, which was obviously out of the question.

Vanitas was a being of pure instinct. His feelings had only been kept in check through Ventus's. In the beginning, it was chaotic. All that Ventus felt and all that Vanitas felt became a cacophony of emotions that constantly overwhelmed him. For so long, he wished they were two separate entities. He wanted his feelings to be _his_ and his alone without the intrusion of his other half. Over time, he learned to work with it and around it. Eventually, it became a part of him. He was never alone, as long as he had Ventus. Their feelings worked as one nowadays. There was a harmony that sung between them, that had now grown into a comfort he'd been stupidly taking for granted.

Without Ventus, he was out of control. He wasn't a good person. Hate ravaged him to his core and anger fueled him. Ventus's love taught him what it meant to care about someone. Vanitas learned what it meant to be good for the sake of it and the warmth that was received when that kindness was spread. Ventus taught him what _mattered_ and what it meant to protect them. Without Ventus's conscience, how the _fuck_ was he going to do _anything_? How could this happen? How could this sleep take _Ventus_ from him?

He went to find the door to the exam once more. He needed answers. He had to demand them from that projection of Aqua in order to get Ventus back. Somehow, the castle seemed to swallow up the entrance. He couldn't find _any_ door to Castle Oblivion, let alone the one that led to their exam. He couldn't even find a fucking _card!_

He spent the next few days looking after Ventus. He cleaned him, dressed him, put fresh sheets on the infirmary bed, and made sure he kept hydrated. Maybe he would find his own way back. Maybe he would fight against the darkness of those memories that captured him and return to Vanitas. It was almost a week before Vanitas really began to panic.

On the bedside table, Vanitas emptied Ventus's pockets. His game system laid, battery drained, beside his green Wayfinder. Aqua _did_ say if there was an emergency, they could use their Wayfinders to call her. After some contemplation, he snatched up the green trinket, clutched it tightly to his chest, and willed a link to Aqua. He needed her. Only _she_ could fix this mess. He expected _something_ to alert him that his call made it through to her. Something. Her magic was practical, after all. But nothing happened. The Wayfinder that clinked in his tightening grip was just a bundle of metal and glass.

Cursing, he threw it back onto the table. Storming to their room, he tore apart their space, looking for his own Wayfinder. Years ago, once Vanitas proved himself trustworthy and part of the family, Aqua made him a Wayfinder of his own. He couldn't tell her, but he carried it with him _everywhere_ for almost as long as he had it. Until they left for their mission and trapped them on goddamn world with nothing but the implications that Vanitas _couldn't_ be trusted. In his frustration, he had thrown it across the room, losing it in the mess that always accumulated around the edges.

It took a while, but he found it. Somehow, it wound up in his side table drawer. Ventus must have found it and placed it there until he was ready to hold on to it again.

_Fat fucking chance._

He held the red and silver trinket to his chest, willing his call to reach Aqua. The star warmed in his hand, red light radiating from it. So easy. They must have been linked to their holder.

He pulled the Wayfinder away from himself to look at it. The reds reflected the light of the sun that filtered through their window, making the color dance across his skin and clothes. He traced the metal that held the star in place, smiling bitterly. He hated this. He hated having to call Aqua for something he couldn't fix. He was only going to prove to her just how untrustworthy he was. _He couldn't even protect Ventus!_ He had hoped that maybe, being alone with Ventus on this between-world would help Aqua understand his intentions were only _good_. She should have trusted him.

He thought she did. He thought she learned to love him when she gave him this Wayfinder.

"I hate you," he whined through a lump forming in his throat. "What did I do, Aqua? I just want to… I thought I… I did everything I could. I…"

As he scrubbed the tears that formed unbidden from his eyes, he got to his feet, holding the Wayfinder to his chest again. Maybe _this_ message would reach her. How hurt he was that she couldn't trust him. How betrayed he felt when she still thought the worst of him. How he wished he didn't even have to feel any of this, but he did because she _made_ him feel this way. She made him feel like family. Like she cared about him. Like she would protect him, even if he insisted he didn't need it.

He would wait for her to arrive in the infirmary. He kept himself busy by reading Ventus his books. He ate little, only enough to fight off hunger pains. Being alone for the first time in years was unbearable. He was almost ready to pick up some of his old habits. He wanted to fight. He wanted to hurt something. He wanted to not feel his own feelings anymore. All they did was make Unversed, which he dismissed to avoid his temptations.

It took three days for her to arrive.

Vanitas was sleeping when he awoke to the sound of the infirmary door opening. He sat up, surprised to find Kairi on the threshold instead of Aqua. The girl offered a sympathetic smile as she approached him, hugging his face into her chest to stroke his hair. He almost wanted to cry at the gesture. He missed her. He missed not being alone. He missed _Ventus_.

"He won't wake up, Kairi," he groaned, wrapping his arms around her. "I don't know why."

"It's okay," Kairi hushed him, kissing the top of his head. "We'll take care of him. You did good, Van."

Carefully, he pushed her off so he could stand up. He didn't want to be in the way when Aqua finally got here. He fixed the sheets and adjusted Ventus, wanting to make everything as easy for her as possible. When he finished pouring a glass of water into his mouth, Aqua finally arrived, out of breath.

"Fix him," Vanitas demanded, a little angrier than he intended to be. It took both of the women by surprise, Kairi blinking in shock and Aqua visibly flinching at the tone. "Your fucking test did this to him. _Fix him!_ "

"Vanitas—" Kairi tried to placate.

"I can't even _feel_ him," Vanitas said through gritted teeth. "What did you do? Where _is_ he?"

"I'm sorry," Aqua turned her eyes downward demurely. "You found the Mastery Exam, I suppose."

"Damn right we did." He couldn't keep his anger in check. Without Ventus's love for Aqua to help pacify his anger, Vanitas couldn't hold himself back.

"I'm so sorry," Aqua apologized again, this time meeting his hard gaze. "That was never intended to be Ven's trial. Each and every time Terra tested it, he failed. I finally scrapped the whole idea. But before I could demolish the floor… we were…. I should have told you. That was my fault and I'm sorry."

"Just… Just tell me he's going to be okay." Vanitas pleaded.

"He'll be fine," Aqua affirmed. "I promise."

Vanitas believed her. She showed little concern about Ventus's well-being, which meant she was certain she could right her wrong. Aqua pulled up a chair, brushing Ventus's hair away from his face. Kairi took Vanitas's hand in hers, mirroring Aqua's actions with Ventus. Slowly, Aqua inhaled. On her exhale, her eyes fell deeper and darker, following into the depths of the magic that took Ventus. She sat, rigid in her seat, unresponsive to the world around her.

There was silence for several moments. Kairi carefully squeezed Vanitas's hand, asking for his attention. He couldn't bring himself to face her. He didn't want to look at her. He didn't want her to see him for what he truly was without Ventus. It would only hurt her. It would destroy the friendship they had.

He was scared of what he could do to her like this.

"Van, look at me," she asked softly.

It was so hard not to comply. Squeezing his eyes shut, he turned fully in her direction, his head hanging low. There was pressure on his forehead that surprised him enough for his eyes to snap open. There she was…. Those blue-violet eyes bore stubbornly into his; it was all he could see with her closeness.

"I said look at me."

"Apologies, Princess."

"This might take a while," she started, lowering herself back down to the floor. It was clear she had to stand on her toes to press her forehead into his with their height difference. Even on her toes, she would not have been able to meet him if he had not been hanging his head. He was reminded of just how tiny she was in that moment. "Help me get some supplies?"

"I…" Vanitas glanced back to the bed. Still, nothing. Not a stir from either one.

"You'll know when he wakes up," she reasoned, tugging his hand towards the door. "Come on."

He had no choice but to follow her. Numbly, he allowed himself to be taken from the infirmary, away from Ventus, away from his cause for anger and rage. Down the halls, he noticed a few Unversed dancing about, chasing one another. Kairi paused, only for a moment, before continuing her route. Her hand was still warm in his, never once leaving it. The touch of her soft, smooth skin was calming.

Somehow, he found a way to appreciate her. Kairi was trying to distract him, as if she knew what he had been feeling since Ventus disappeared. She knew just what he needed and he didn't fight her when she brought him to the store room and closed the door behind them. Finally, she wordlessly released his hand, offering a gentle smile.

For the first time, on his own, warmth bubbled within him. His eyes stung as his vision blurred. She was too kind. How on earth was she so kind to a monster like him? From the very beginning, she offered him a chance. She trusted him, gave him the space he needed before closing it, and took care of his needs before her own. He didn't deserve her.

"Are you overwhelmed?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. When he nodded, rubbing his eyes, her own gaze warmed with understanding. "What's it like?"

"Lonely," he replied without much thought. "Terrifying."

She led him to a crate where she sat. He sank to the floor in front of an opposing one, facing her. He felt smaller. She always made him feel smaller, but it was never a bad thing. It was comforting, in a way.

"Why is it so scary? Because of what happened to Ven?"

"No." He shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Well, sort of. I'm scared of losing him, of course. I don't know what I'd do if…" Vanitas chewed the inside of his cheek. She wanted answers. She wanted to help him. The only way to do that was being direct. Running a hand through his hair, he growled. "I'm scared of myself. The sort of feelings I have without him. Of what I can do without him to stop me."

"I _did_ notice a lot more Unversed running around than usual," she mused with a frown.

"Well… I don't have my conscience."

"Hmm…" Kairi tapped her chin thoughtfully with her knuckle, biting her lip. "Somehow, I don't think that's entirely true."

Vanitas raised an eyebrow. Was she out of her mind? Without his light, he was nothing but darkness. "...What makes you think that?"

"I don't know," Kairi admitted with a shrug. "I just think… the Vanitas without a conscience was a lot scarier than _this_ Vanitas without a Ven. You didn't care about anything back then, right? You had nothing left to lose. You were nothing but a storm that left destruction in its wake.

"And, right now, you're not him." Vanitas squinted at her, still skeptical. She rolled her eyes. "You've got all these Unversed around. But you're not angry enough to take it out on them. You used to do nothing _but_ fight them, right? Because you hated them so much?" He nodded. "Well, I found you in the infirmary, surrounded by Ven's books and empty plates of food. Once you got the answers you needed, you barely left that room. You were more focused on Ven's well-being than your own hate.

"So, I don't think you're even feeling any of that hate," she continued matter-of-factly, twisting her hair between her fingers. "I think you're scared for no reason. Because all that matters to you is _Ven_. He means too much to you for you to even _consider_ hatred. And, if you really were anything like you used to be, you might have even tried to fight Aqua. Yeah, you yelled at her, and you're definitely angry, but you have every reason to be. You were rational. You still cared. You just wanted Ven safe.

"And, as for me," she smiled. "You still care about me. I'm still your best friend, right?"

"...Of course," Vanitas gulped.

"Then, who says you need _Ven_ to be your conscience?" She snorted through her nose. "You have your own thoughts and feelings. And whether you know it or not, you've changed a lot since then. You have your own sense of right and wrong. You know what's important to you. You know _who's_ important to you. And you know how to keep those dark impulses in check all on your own." Kairi beamed at him brightly. "I'm proud of you."

Vanitas was left speechless. She had him pegged, even if he hadn't been able to figure it out on his own. He wasn't an uncontrollable _monster_ without Ventus—he was still very clearly Vanitas. He was his own person with his own connections and feelings. And while he didn't like it one bit, he understood himself for the first time. Vanitas really _had_ changed. He hadn't seen it throughout the years, but it was true. Somewhere along the line, he stopped doing everything for Ventus, and started doing some things on his own. Becoming Kairi's friend was one of them. Creating a family with Terra and Aqua was another. Ventus had only asked them to get along. Vanitas allowed himself to take it a step further, showing his affection in his own ways. He had found a passion in his sculpting, a hobby that distracted him from his negativity long enough for him to even forget it existed.

And Ventus. Without Ventus to distract him, he was able to take stock of how he really felt for him. Of course, he liked kissing him, holding him, touching him and being touched in ways he never imagined. He couldn't imagine even feeling this way about anyone else—not even Kairi. Ventus was the only one he wanted in such a way and Ventus felt the same—Vanitas had felt the proof. And when Ventus had told him how much he loved Vanitas, Vanitas knew he was so happy, he was unable to stand it. What was it that made him so happy to hear it?

Kairi seemed satisfied with his answers. She slid off of the crate to begin to collect what she needed, chattering on about the worlds they were off to now. He could barely hear her. All this time, he spent his own feelings wasted on fear and loneliness when he really should have taken advantage. Now, there was so little time left, he wanted to understand before Ventus woke up.

Why was he so happy? Think. What made Ventus happy? What did _Ventus_ feel when Vanitas told him something that made him happy? It was never just being happy with Ventus. He felt a whole lot of everything, which made it easy to overwhelm Vanitas. Recently, he had gotten pretty good at numbing himself to Ventus when he needed to concentrate, which helped when Vanitas was feeling an overload. Let's see…

_**I love you!** _

_Yeah, yeah._

That was Vanitas's usual response. He was so happy and so _excited_ , he would leave kisses as a response. He was so grateful that Ventus made him feel what he did. And when the kisses moved further down and hands roamed, both boys became heavy with desire and pleasure. Why did Vanitas want to initiate exploration? He was so nervous before Ventus confessed to him, he could barely deepen their kisses.

 _I was scared_.

Of what? That, maybe, if they moved things further, he'd end up hurt? Why would he get hurt? He was ready for the eventuality that Ventus would tire of him. He would cast him aside without a second glance, knowing that Vanitas was a darkness that would one day poison him. But that day never came. Instead, the complete opposite happened.

 _He really_ loves _me._

But how did Vanitas feel about him? He cared about him. Ventus was his entire world. Without Ventus, he was little more than a shell, if this week alone hadn't been proof enough. Well, that was what he felt anyway. He knew, without a doubt, that Ventus felt the same. He grew lonely when Vanitas was gone for too long. He longed for contact that he wished would never break, sexual or otherwise.

Their feelings were so in tune to one another, how was Vanitas able to even recognize and differentiate the feeling of _love_? He wasn't. Never once had he even considered it. Where did the feeling of love come in? When did Ventus _really_ feel it?

 _Every. Single. Moment_.

"Oh, shit." Vanitas hissed, covering his mouth with the realization. _Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ _ **fuck**_.

Every single moment Ventus spent with Vanitas, he was overflowing with _love_. It was different when directed at Terra or Aqua. It changed when they were around friends. It was overwhelming when Ventus's hands were in his pants and their mouths were tangled in each other's. Love made up his entire being, only gone when facing an enemy.

Kairi was giving him a puzzled look.

"You were right," he blurted out, still trying to process this epiphany.

"I know," she beamed with a flourish. "I'm always right. But what am I right about this time _specifically_?"

"I don't give myself enough credit." Vanitas's eyes widened as he curled into himself. She waited patiently for him to elaborate. He wasn't ready. How could he even say this out loud? It was easier, he supposed, since this was Kairi and everything was easy with her.

"I love him."

"I know." She smirked.

He held her gaze for a long time. She wouldn't look away. Not until he was ready to. Vanitas gulped, slowly getting to his feet to approach her.

"I… I think I love you, too." His voice was so small he wasn't sure if she'd hear it. Vanitas cleared his throat. "Not… not in the same way that I love him. Not any less, either. Just… differently."

Kairi threw her arms around his middle, nearly knocking him over with her exuberance. Her laugh filled the room as she buried her face into his chest. The warmth of her happiness reached deep within him, spreading from her touch to his toes. "I love you, too, Van."

He held her tightly, pressing his lips into her hair. He loved her just the same as Ventus loved Terra and Aqua—maybe even more. He loved her just as fiercely as he loved Ventus, only, it didn't burn quite the same. Hers was a smolder when Ventus's was a raging fire, threatening to burn everything within him. His feelings for Ventus were enough to destroy him and he finally understood why.

When the two finally pulled apart, she did not stop smiling for even a moment. She went back to work, throwing the things she needed at Vanitas for him to place in a bag she carried. It only took a few moments of content silence before she fell back into easy conversation. This time, he listened as she told him of her new adventures and the friends she had made and the trials the Masters still faced. It seemed like it would be a longer battle than expected. The monster they chased was fast and the darkness it spread continued to grow.

"Sounds like you guys could use help," Vanitas grumbled, hefting the bag. She had finished and still the two decided to stay out of Aqua's way. Vanitas didn't think he could handle being in that stifling room any longer, anyway. He might very well lose it if he wasn't distracted from the loneliness that missing Ventus brought on.

"It'd be nice," Kairi agreed thoughtfully, cinching the bag closed. "But I think it's a good idea only Masters were placed on this mission. There are techniques needed that only Masters can perform, so…" She trailed off, biting her lip as she glanced up at him. "I wish she made you two Masters before we left. It would help a lot."

"I don't really have any interest in that kind of thing," Vanitas repeated for the umpteenth time. Everyone always talked about what kind of Master Vanitas would be and how similar he would be to Riku and Terra. He honestly didn't see it. They utilized the darkness _and_ the light. Vanitas didn't have that power in him.

"I think you'd make a great Keyblade Master."

"Then I guess you agree with her, huh?" Vanitas frowned at the furrowed brows Kairi directed at him. He hadn't told her. With a heavy sigh, he took a seat once more and explained what happened on the Examination Floor.

He told her everything, from the fight with Ventus, to the memories he had been granted, to how he was deemed powerful enough for the title of Keyblade Master by the memory of Aqua. Kairi listened quietly, sitting down and curling up against him as she did so. He had an arm wrapped around her until she laid her head on his lap, giving him the chance to run his fingers through her hair. She didn't interrupt him, except to ask for elaborations.

When he had finished his story, she laid still. For a while, neither said anything. All Vanitas allowed himself to focus on was the feel of Kairi's hair through his fingers. The normally silky strands were clumped with dirt, knotted beyond hope. His combing did little to loosen what only a brush could. Though she had cut her hair short to help keep it out of the way and easier to maintain, the damage battle brought on left it ratty and greasy.

"So, you qualify to be a Keyblade Master?" Kairi asked slowly.

"Technically, yeah." And Ventus failed and Vanitas would never forgive himself for that.

Suddenly, Kairi whirled to her feet. Grinning wide, she grabbed him by the elbows, pulling Vanitas to his feet. Confused, he followed her lead as she practically danced to a crate, leaping on top. She turned back to him, the fabric of her clothing swirling gracefully in her wake. What was she even doing? What was she so excited about?

"Kneel."

"Why?"

"I'm making you a Master, duh."

Blinking, Vanitas simply stared at her. Was she serious? Stumbling over his words, he fumbled for what he should say. He _couldn't_ be a Keyblade Master. He had no right to be, especially when he wasn't even working towards that end goal. This was _Ventus's_ dream, not his. Finally, he settled for a very firm, "No."

"Excuse me?"

"Absolutely not."

Huffing, hands on her hips, Kairi bent to his level with a pout. "And why not?"

"I'm… I'm not a hero. I can't be a Keyblade Master."

"You clearly have no idea what it means to master an art, do you?" Kairi rolled her eyes as she straightened. "You don't have to be a _hero_ to be a Keyblade Master. Xehanort wasn't one, was he? And Aqua wasn't a hero when _she_ was named Master, _was she?"_

Oh God.

She had a point.

"Besides," she continued with a smirk. "To be a _master_ of something means to have trained rigorously for years in order to be great at it. Being called a _master_ just means you're really, really, really good at something. Aaaaaaaand you'll get to deem who else gets to be a Master~"

He could name Ventus a Master.

He could fulfill Ventus's dream.

Gritting his teeth, he dropped to a knee, scowling up at her. Why was she so freaking smart? How could she talk him into _anything_? She never failed to get him to do what she wanted and sometimes he resented her for it.

She giggled gleefully, clapping her hands with excitement. Summoning her blade, she shook herself out, cleared her throat, and put on a serious expression. Really? What kind of act was this? Vanitas chewed the inside of his cheek as she placed Destiny's Embrace upon his right shoulder.

God, she was so dramatic.

"I don't remember any Master namings being this regal, Princess."

She silenced him by playfully tapping the side of his head with the blunt side of her blade and a glare. He smirked at her. This was so stupid and he loved every second of it.

"I, Keyblade Master Kairi of Destiny Islands, Princess of Radiant Garden, one of the Seven Princesses of Heart and Seven Lights of Hope name _you_ , my friend Vanitas, borne of Ventus, Wanderer of the Multiverse, King of the Unversed, _Master of Void Gear_. With it, you have brought much despair and hurt."

Vanitas frowned, not finding this fun anymore. The titles were fine—he had often called himself Wanderer and King in jest. It was his past actions that haunted him. He didn't want to be reminded of his follies. He knew what he did and he would never regret it. She, of all people, should have known that. Vanitas bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted copper.

Kairi continued to smile, retracting Destiny's Embrace. "Present to me your Keyblade." He summoned his blade, lifting it in his palms. "Make an oath upon it, Master Vanitas. Tell me what you plan to do with this blessing."

Gazing upon the familiar weapon, his lips parted as he considered her demand. What would he do with this Keyblade from this point forward? He knew that even if he had no regrets, he didn't want to go back to what he was. He knew he didn't want to make anyone else hurt. Now that he knew what it was like to not have that constant pain, he refused to let another suffer as he did.

"With this blade, I will protect all that matters." Vanitas began, finding his voice. "I will offer strength to the Light… _my_ light, with the darkness I possess. I will use my powers for good this time in order to achieve the same goal. I will protect those weaker than myself from the pain I have felt." His fingers curled around the frame of Void Gear. "I want to end the hurt."

"Very good, Master Vanitas." She pulled her blade up, touching the delicate crown that now embellished the hilt. From it, she drew an orb of light. Dismissing her blade, he leaned forward, just as she cradled the orb carefully between her fingers. "For all of your hard work and dedication, I present this to you." As she released the orb, it fell into the eye that decorated Void Gear, making it glow. It hummed with appreciation in his hands when the glow faded, replacing the blue in the eye with a soft golden-green color.

"It also happens to be an early birthday present," she snickered, hopping down from the crate.

"What is it?" Vanitas asked, running a hand over the eye.

"A reminder," she explained as if it were the simplest answer in the world. "That, no matter what, I'm there for you. I'll lend you my strength whenever you need it. After all, a Princess of Heart is _really_ powerful, isn't she?" Kairi winked. "I'm a powerhouse, so don't even worry about over-exerting yourself, okay? I got your back."

"Thanks, but," Vanitas dismissed Void Gear, shrugging. "Honestly, I really only want Ventus and you for my birthday. You know. Just. _There_."

He didn't need a _reminder_. He just wanted the two people that meant the most to him to be there with him. Not that he even _wanted_ to celebrate a birthday. He never cared for the notion of celebrating his birth when, in reality, his birth was what set off the chain of events that every person he came in contact with had been forced to suffer through. Yet, every year since he came to live in the Land of Departure, his birth was celebrated alongside Ventus's.

"Well, I can't make any promises." She stuck out her tongue. "So, you'll just have to make due."

Vanitas gave a heavy sigh. Of course she wouldn't be there. "Whatev—"

Fear. Overwhelming terror washed over him that did not belong to him. A hand flew to his mouth to stop himself from screaming before he could properly understand what was happening.

_He's awake._

_**Vanitas!** _

He bolted, knocking over stores that fell in his way. Ventus was awake. Ventus was searching for him. Ventus couldn't find him and he was so scared and he had been so _lonely!_ Vanitas couldn't make sense of the rush that washed over him, what Ventus had been through, what experience he was still trying to pull himself from. He couldn't get to the infirmary fast enough. He was vaguely aware that Kairi was on his heels, crying out for him to slow down. He wouldn't. He _couldn't_. Ventus was waiting for him.

Throwing the door open, he was greeted with a writhing Ventus, trying to worm his way out of Aqua's arms. She held him down, wrapping her entire self around him to stop him from bolting. She was hushing him softly, fingers digging into his body in an attempt to anchor him. Ventus was inconsolable. In a flash, Vanitas was on the bed in front of them, holding Ventus's face in his hands as he pressed his forehead to his.

"Ventus. Ven—hey, _look at me_! I'm right here." Vanitas tried firmly.

"Vanitas!" Ventus cried, chest heaving as air struggled to reach his lungs. "I couldn't find you!" His fingers scrabbled for purchase. "I couldn't find them. I couldn't—"

"We're right here, Ven," Aqua soothed, brushing his hair flat. "We're with you. You're not alone. Shh… Breathe. Calm down. That's it. With me. In…. Out…."

Ventus continued to hyperventilate. His body shook with panic that he couldn't shake. His fingers could barely hang on to the fabric of Vanitas's shirt as he desperately kept clinging onto him. What was he so scared of? What had he seen that had terrified him so much? Terra had never been like this and he had suffered a similar fate, hadn't he? What was it? A different experience or a longer one? Vanitas supposed Aqua was right there to pull him out when this happened. Ventus had to wait almost a week.

"I'm here… I'm here. Look at me. Got it?" Ventus's eyes locked on Vanitas's. "Good."

_**Don't leave!** _

_I'm not going anywhere._

_**I need you. Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me. I can't do it! I can't do this alone!** _

A hand was placed atop Ventus's hair. In an instant, his eyes slid shut and he slumped against Aqua who breathed a sigh of relief. Vanitas whipped around to glare at Kairi. Why the _fuck_ would she do that? He _just_ came back!

In return, she only offered a rueful smile. "Sorry." She bit her lip. "I just think it'll help if he got some sleep."

Aqua squeezed Ventus tightly before she laid him back on the bed. Vanitas did not move from his spot, only shifting as Aqua adjusted Ventus into a more comfortable position. He gritted his teeth, his hands balling into white-knuckled fists. Ventus shouldn't be sleeping. It didn't matter if he was scared—it meant he was _alive_! Vanitas could calm him down, given the proper amount of time without interference. Kairi didn't even give them a chance!

"I sent him a good dream. Promise."

It didn't help his anger any. He knew Kairi only meant well, but he had been so _lonely_ , it didn't even matter what Ventus wanted. Vanitas just wanted him here. This was where Ventus had begged him to be, so he was here and he wasn't going to leave until Ventus asked him to. Even with calm slowly settling over Ventus, Vanitas couldn't take this. He could feel Ventus, finally able to have him back, but it wasn't enough.

Vanitas turned his gaze to Aqua who was just as reluctant as him to leave the bed. She allowed Ventus to rest his head on her thighs as he slept, signaling that she would not move until he woke. She wasn't asking Vanitas to leave, so he took it as a sign he was welcome on the comforter with the two of them. Not that if she _had_ objected, he'd allow himself to be removed. He set himself up against the wall, pulling Ventus's legs over his where he could rest his hands on the other's knees.

Kairi snorted. "I'm going to bring some food. I'm _starving_."

With that, she was gone, leaving just the three of them in the stifling room. Vanitas was sure Ventus wouldn't appreciate waking up here, but they were left with little choice. Honestly, Vanitas didn't want Aqua to see what they had done with their beds. The two were even discussing trying to hunt down a full size, since that would be far more comfortable than two singles pushed together. It was honestly a little embarrassing.

"I'm sorry," Aqua apologized again as she tangled her fingers through Ventus's hair. "I'm so sorry. Before I leave, I'll demolish that floor."

Without a word in answer, Vanitas's eyes turned back to Ventus. He instead decided to focus on the rhythm of his breathing and the contentment that began to fall over him, ebbing the fear away into nothing.

"What happened exactly?" Vanitas asked, kneading into Ventus's calves.

"The same thing that happens with Terra: The Hunter of the Dark sank his fangs into him and sucked him into his worst fear. It's easy to fall victim to." Aqua bit her thumbnail, a habit Vanitas noticed she had when she was nervous, uncertain, or angry. "When you're attacked, if you feel even a little afraid, it'll grab onto that and pull as hard as it can. It was a mechanic I was trying to work out of the system. Unfortunately, where that particular attack was in the circuits of the memory eluded me. I tried so hard to find it. It wasn't something I even intended for it to have when I created it. Unfortunately, memories have a mind of their own, as you may have noticed."

"That Aqua didn't seem to know that," Vanitas grumbled.

"She wouldn't," Aqua sighed. "She was built to be a guide and support. She could barely recognize Terra's frustrations. She wasn't created to understand emotion. She was supposed to ask questions that might have affected the outcome of the results and lead you in the right path. She was supposed to be a reminder that, no matter what, someone will always be there for you because you are loved."

Her cheeks pinked with the last statement, as if that wasn't something she intended on telling _Vanitas_. Still, he could sense her honesty. Somehow, she was still able to hide her distrust in him. How he wanted to tell her that she was loved, too. The statement was on the tip of his tongue, impeded by his reluctance to acknowledge her betrayal. It hurt.

Instead, he changed the subject, forcing himself to study the medicine cabinet. "Did you see, then?" he asked. "What Ventus's fears were?"

"Yes," she replied sullenly.

"He was… He was terrified of being alone," Vanitas said. "It doesn't make sense. His first journey was by himself. He went off on his own all the time during the last Keyblade War. He goes off on his own all the time _now_. How was he so petrified of being by himself?"

"It's not just _being alone_ ," Aqua clarified. "And it's not so much us turning our backs on him, either. He's scared of losing us. He's scared of the dark—… _evil_ taking us from him." He scowled. It was still so hard for her to not lump darkness and evil together. Terra, Riku, and himself were proof that not all those that relied on darkness were evil. It just _happened_ to be a trait those of the darkness possessed. It was just as likely someone of the light could carry evil within them.

"In the Realm of Fear, he was subjected to having those he cared about taken from him again and again." Aqua went on. "He was forced to relive his most terrifying moments. He was forced to remember his failures.

"He wasn't able to recognize me when I went in there," her voice started to waver. "He had been in there for so long, he didn't understand that I was there to get him out. He fought me with everything he had. He was convinced he needed to save you from… _something_. He wouldn't listen to reason. And I…"

"I should have called you sooner," Vanitas interjected firmly. "I thought I could try to reach him. I didn't think I'd need you. Ventus would come if I called. And he didn't. We just… We should never have gone in there in the first place. I know Castle Oblivion isn't something to be trifled with. I know you can't fight the memories and expect to get out unscathed. We just never expected anything like _that_."

Why was he making an effort to calm her fears? He shouldn't want to assure her he wasn't mad and that no one was at fault here—this was all _her_ fault, wasn't it? Still, Vanitas only voiced the truth. He made a habit of never telling lies to Aqua and Terra. He knew if he lied, they wouldn't trust him.

So, it must have been true that there was no one person completely at fault. This was a culmination of their efforts and faults, including Ventus's. Aqua created the room, but failed to destroy it after realizing her own shortcomings with the exam's mechanics. Ventus knew the rules and Aqua's warnings about straying from the beaten path in their own home, yet, proceeded to explore anyway, and Vanitas had made no effort to stop Ventus's curiosity, despite full knowledge of the danger of getting lost in what was still Castle Oblivion.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Vanitas considering it all carefully. Aqua's smile widened uncontrollably at his efforts making Vanitas's ears burn with her unspoken praise. Was she aware that Vanitas had been making an effort for the last four years? Every time he treated them like family, he noticed Terra and Aqua would only show _pride_ with his efforts, while Ventus received casual adoration. What was so different between them? Vanitas obviously changed. He didn't feel the need to be showered with their satisfaction. Perhaps every time he showed he was indeed human with feelings, they were still actually _surprised_.

"Why do you look like that?" he snapped unbidden. "Whenever I try and make anyone feel better or, I don't know, treat them like a decent human should, you look like you're surprised. I know I'm shitty at it, but I _can_ act like a real person when I want to."

"Because I am," Aqua replied with a bright smile. "Not because you're a terrible person or anything. I know you can be good and kind and gentle. It took me quite a while to get used to that, honestly. That you were just as human as the rest of us, considering where you came from and who you were loyal to, but you surprise me every day, Vanitas." Her cheeks tinted pink once more. "Not because I expect evil, but because you've shown me every day that darkness does not equal evil. Every day, you show me a new side of you that I can't _wait_ to learn more about. You came from Ven, but you're so _different_ from him. You are made of darkness, but you are good and creative and full of life. You don't smile often, but when you do, when you really smile, you can light up a room. You make connections with ease, even if you aren't trying."

"I just…" Aqua's eyes grew tender as she pulled them away from him, down to Ventus, whose hair she was still combing. The pink dusting her cheeks was unexpected, sending Vanitas's heart racing. "I never expected to love you like I do and every day, I love you a little more."

Vanitas was stunned. How could she even say anything like that? How could she lie to him with so much blatant honesty in her face? He didn't understand. He _knew_ there was fear in her eyes when she looked at him as she was sentencing them to remain on this world. Why else would she look at him with such distrust and deny the offer of more diligent fighters? Why else except for the fact that she believed Vanitas would stray and strengthen whatever evil lay beyond the stars?

Slowly, his hand reached into his pocket to withdraw his Wayfinder. He clutched the trinket he had cried over days earlier, wondering if his feelings reached her. With her confession, one she had given to Ventus countless times in the past, Vanitas felt like crying again. He understood love now. He understood what it was like to love someone with your entire self and bask in the consumption of the very feeling it gave him.

He wanted nothing more than to throw the Wayfinder at her and tell her to screw herself. He really wanted to. But his tongue spoke for him in shaking words, his throat closing tighter with every syllable. "I love you, too."

He did. He loved Aqua just as much as Ventus did. She was a rock, someone he could always fall back on and look to for guidance. She was a sister that neither had been blessed to have. She watched them grow, took on the role of teacher and caregiver, and showered them with the love she felt.

He couldn't speak anymore without betraying how he felt. Biting at the inside of his cheek, he refused to look away from his Wayfinder as he placed it down onto the bed. He couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see the surprise on her face. The bed shifted. Aqua was sitting against the wall, just like him, Ventus's head still resting on her lap. Her hand was warm as it grasped his firmly, comfortingly. He squeezed back a response, keeping his eyes trained on Ventus's knees.

Kairi entered shortly after the exchange, bringing all kinds of junk food and a big bowl of macaroni and cheese. She doled out helpings, handing them over to Aqua and Vanitas. Vanitas scarfed his down without much thought. He didn't realize how hungry he was until just then, not having eaten since the night before. The past week became a blur now that the worry had passed and the anger had drained.

He was surrounded by love without even realizing it. Ventus loved him. Kairi loved him. Aqua loved him. He was almost certain even Terra loved him, especially since Vanitas now understood that he loved the man, too.

With all of the drama passing, it was easy to fall into conversation as they waited for the sleeping spell to lift from Ventus. Kairi was incredibly proficient with certain spells and they had all learned the hard way it was almost impossible to wake someone from Kairi's sleep spells without an ether. It left the three of them able to talk as Ventus slept. Aqua caught up on what Vanitas and Ventus had been up to while they were gone and how well Ventus's training was going. Vanitas wove dramatic stories of how Ventus was horrible and should never make Keyblade Master, eliciting giggles from Kairi and stern pouts from Aqua.

Aqua and Kairi told stories of their travels, yet, continued to stay cryptic about them. Vanitas still had no _idea_ what it was that they were fighting. They refused to name it, only calling it ' _The Evil'_. When Vanitas tried to ask them what it was, they quickly changed the topic, going on to talk about the people they had met on various new worlds instead.

It was really frustrating that he was being left in the dark.

Twilight blinked through the windows when Ventus finally stirred. The three fell into a hush, watching him as his eyes blinked open. Then, he sat bolt upright, turning his head left and right to catch his bearings. Vanitas twisted onto his knees, taking Ventus's face wordlessly into his hands. Ventus's slowly building panic subsided with Vanitas's touch. Ventus whined, throwing himself into Vanitas's arms. Vanitas wrapped him up tightly against him, trying to push all of the feelings he found himself unable to voice into Ventus in lieu of speaking them out loud.

_You're here._

_You're safe._

_I'm happy._

_Don't do that again._

_You goddamn idiot._

_You scared the shit out of me._

_I thought I lost you._

_(I love you.)_

Aqua's hand was on Ventus's back and suddenly she was also pressing up against Vanitas. It was impossible for any of them to find words with the emotions that filled the room. Kairi was laughing as she pulled the positive Unversed away from the bed. It seemed they, too, wanted to get in on the group hug that strangled both Vanitas and Aqua. Vanitas didn't blame them. Anyone would be happy to be in Ventus's arms. Vanitas vaguely wondered why _Kairi_ wasn't trying to get in on this. The entire _universe_ should be jealous that Vanitas and Aqua were regularly wrapped up in Ventus.

It seemed like years before Ventus reluctantly relinquished his hold on them. His eyes roved between Vanitas and Aqua, watering when he refused to blink. Vanitas snickered, pressing his forehead against Ventus's, his gaze locking with Ventus's. He pushed all of his calm and all of his relief into Ventus, willing him to relax. Words between them were rarely necessary anymore, especially when it was more than obvious that they would do little to ease the anxiety that wracked through Ventus right now.

Slowly, Ventus's breathing evened. A shaking smile cracked his face when he finally allowed himself to blink. Vanitas huffed when Ventus wrapped himself around him once again. "Okay," he grunted. "Time to get up."

Vanitas pulled Ventus with him off the bed, setting him on his feet. Still, Ventus held on. It seemed like it was still too soon for him to let Vanitas go. "Come on," Vanitas sighed. "Aren't you hungry? I'll go make dinner."

"Don't worry about that," Aqua said as she slid to her feet. "I'll make dinner. What do you want, Ventus?"

Without missing a beat, he spoke, his voice muffled by Vanitas's shoulder. "Chicken katsu."

"Anything else?"

"… Nope. Just chicken katsu."

"Chicken katsu it is, then."

"Want help?" Kairi offered as Aqua moved to get started.

Aqua declined, waving her off as she departed. The three of them were left in silence. It was never uncomfortable with them. Kairi was so easy to be around, even when stuck as a third wheel.

Vanitas still had his arms wrapped around Ventus who steadily became heavier and heavier as his arms grew tighter and tighter around Vanitas's chest. His weight slipped from under his feet, leaving Vanitas to catch him and hold him upright. Vanitas rolled his eyes. He was _so_ dramatic.

"If you want me to carry you, just say so."

"My legs aren't working."

"Sure."

Vanitas's heart raced with panic. What happened? Did he not properly heal Ventus's legs? Vanitas dragged Ventus over to the couch Kairi had taken occupancy on during the day, sitting them down. The Unversed that crowded the room pawed at Ventus's knees, concerned. Vanitas hissed at them, urging them to back down and back off. They weren't being cute right now. They were being a nuisance when there was still something wrong with Ventus. The creatures skittered away, disappearing into wherever their portals would lead them.

Kairi knelt at Ventus's feet, pulling out his legs. Her fingers ran over his skin, pressing into muscle. As they waited for a diagnosis, Vanitas held Ventus's hand tightly, pulling his head closer to place a firm kiss on his temple. Ventus didn't seem worried in the slightest. He watched Kairi, his usually cheerful emotions being somewhat subdued.

"You'll be fine," Kairi assured with a bright smile. "Just looks like your circulation is slow from disuse. You should be good within a day or so. Just try and move as much as possible."

"Thanks," Ventus nodded with a soft smile. It was the first one Vanitas had seen since he'd woken up and while it wasn't quite forced, it wasn't genuine either. Rather, a reflex. A knee-jerk reaction to good news.

"Of course." Kairi got to her feet, stretching her back out. "You know… I might actually take a shower. It might do you good if you clean up, too, Ven."

"Yeah… Thanks." Again, he offered that smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Vanitas chewed his cheek. He understood the need to recover. He understood being disoriented. He understood everything that was wrong with Ventus, but still, he yearned for _his_ Ventus's return. He wanted to ask what was wrong and demand that the other start acting normal. Vanitas _knew_ that wouldn't help and that it wasn't quite possible yet. Trauma was not easy to get over, especially when subjected to it for so long.

As Vanitas carried Ventus to the showers, he contemplated what Ventus would need. Clean clothes. Clean body. Food. Proper drink. A good night's sleep—

"I don't need sleep," Ventus mumbled into his ear as they reached the shower room. "I slept all day."

"Okay," Vanitas conceded. He hadn't been aware Ventus was prodding at the edges of his mind.

"I just…" Ventus's arms wrapped tightly around Vanitas's shoulders. "I don't want you out of my sight."

"Noted." Vanitas was all too happy to agree. He hadn't been planning on letting Ventus get too far away from him anyway.

Vanitas set Ventus on a bench before turning his attentions to the large, in-ground tub. He turned the taps on full blast, the heated, sweet-smelling water swirling furiously as the tub quickly began to fill. Vanitas peeled his own clothing off before stripping Ventus. By the time he finished, the water was already touching the brim, gentle curls of steam rising from the pool. Ventus grabbed Vanitas's arm to steady himself as Vanitas helped him into the tub.

With every move he made, he told Ventus what he was about to do. When he went to grab towels, he let him know. When he flitted around, looking for Ventus's favorite soap and shampoo, he alerted him. Still, Ventus watched him, his sullen gaze following his every step until Vanitas sank into the water beside him.

Vanitas took a washcloth, poured a generous amount of soap into the gentle fabric, and meticulously began washing down Ventus's body.

"I'm sorry," Ventus mumbled, leaning into Vanitas's touch. "I'm just…."

"You were scared." Vanitas interrupted him as he brought the cloth across Ventus's chest. "And lonely. It's okay."

"I missed you," Ventus confessed, his eyes glittering.

Vanitas lifted himself on the bench seat to steady himself as he leaned in to kiss Ventus's cheek. "You know exactly what it felt like for me, then," he replied in a low voice. He pressed his lips into the corner of Ventus's mouth. "Every second was another hole in me. I'm incomplete without you."

Ventus's hand tentatively reached up to touch Vanitas's chest as his hollow eyes met with his. Vanitas could feel Ventus's chilled hand shaking. He was remembering again. His fear was building as the memories came back to him. Vanitas slid back into the water, onto the bench to properly pull Ventus into his arms. Ventus's fingers slipped as they tried to curl into Vanitas's wet, water slick skin.

"He took you from me!" Ventus gasped, his voice wavering. "He took you and used you and you were… _you were_ …"

"You don't have to worry about that," Vanitas assured him, pulling him onto his lap to hold onto him tighter. "You'll never have to worry about anyone or anything taking me. I'll sooner die than let that happen, Ventus. Do you understand me? I won't leave you. I won't let them use me for _anything_. What happened before will never happen again. I'll protect you and that stupid smile of yours until the day I die and there's nothing anyone can do to change my mind."

Ventus's fingers on one hand found purchase in Vanitas's hair. Vanitas buried himself into Ventus's neck, kissing him until he understood. There was no way he'd ever let _anyone_ use him again, _especially_ if it meant he was being used against Ventus.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Vanitas huffed defiantly as he proceeded to kiss up Ventus's neck.

"Die for me." Ventus allowed Vanitas's indulgence, giving permission when he tilted his head for easier access. Both understood there was nothing sensual about the gesture this time. There was no mood for it. Vanitas only wanted to kiss Ventus because he hadn't been able to for so long and Ventus never turned away from attention. "I'll fight for you. I'll always fight for you and find a way to get you back. No matter what."

"Then we've come to an understanding," Vanitas concluded looking back at Ventus's face. "Your fears are invalid. I'll never willingly be taken from you and you're more than capable of getting me back, even if there was a slim chance of it ever happening. You can do anything, Ventus. You could own the stars if you wanted to. You know what? That sounds like a good idea. Let's go and claim the stars together."

Ventus finally smiled. He snickered as he pressed his face into Vanitas's, his tired smile widening. "You're an idiot. Fears are never invalid."

"You're making it hard for me to tell you how stupid you're being."

"Because my fears aren't stupid." Ventus sighed, settling more comfortably on Vanitas's lap. "It's okay to be afraid. It's okay to understand what it is you're afraid of. It's okay to be afraid of something that'll _never_ happen in a _million_ years."

"If you say so." Vanitas didn't get it. Why be afraid of the impossible? "Why prepare yourself for an inevitable that might never happen? Why live on the edge when it's unnecessary? Fear clouds your mind. Heightens your senses and makes your paranoid. It's not healthy to dwell on something like that."

"I know," Ventus breathed, laying his head on Vanitas's shoulder. "And I don't. That doesn't mean I'm still not scared."

Vanitas felt Ventus prodding his mind, a silent plea to stop. Ventus didn't have the energy to argue. He didn't have the capacity to form a proper explanation for what he experienced and why he was unbothered by harboring this needless fear. Especially when he knew that Vanitas would _never_ betray him. Vanitas relented. He wrapped his arms around Ventus's middle, sinking a little further into the water.

The warmth was relaxing. The two never minded the need to finish washing before Aqua finished dinner, both in favor of simply basking in each other instead. It felt like eternity since Vanitas was able to hold Ventus like this and he needed to recharge. They sat in comfortable silence, Ventus's fingers tracing idle shapes into Vanitas's back. Vanitas pressed a lingering kiss into his wet hair. He needed this more than anything else he had needed since Ventus's absence.

His presence had always been more than enough.

It was only when Kairi called into the bathroom that dinner was finished that the two quickly finished their wash. The water helped with Ventus's legs a little, but not enough for him to hold himself up. Vanitas had no issues with carrying him. Sure, his muscles made him a lot heavier than he looked, but he was still fairly light.

Feeling fresh, Vanitas was in good spirits when they entered the dining room. Vanitas set Ventus carefully in his seat before taking his own seat beside him. Before them was a spread. Somehow, Aqua had the energy to make more than what Ventus had asked for. Kairi was already scarfing down whatever she could get her hands on. Vanitas teased her as he sat down, reaching across the table to pluck some of the food off of her plate.

As Kairi began to protest, Aqua interrupted, a frown of concern marring her features. "Ventus, are you alright?"

"Hm?" Ventus lifted his eyes from the food before him to meet Aqua's gaze. He didn't seem to understand what it was she was asking.

"Oh," Kairi said through a mouthful of food. "His legs just need a few days to get their strength back. Until then, his trusty steed, Vanitas, is more than happy to help him out."

Vanitas promptly reached over and took her plate from her in retaliation. Crying out in indignation, she practically leapt towards him for her food. With a flat look, he kept her plate just out of reach, where she wouldn't be able to get it without knocking over something in the process. At his feet, a Caninergetic yipped, over-excited by the noise at the table. Kairi leapt to her feet and stood on her chair in an attempt to reach her food, but Vanitas just tipped the entire plate straight into the Unversed's wide mouth. It's tail wagging happily, the Caninergetic gulped it all down in one swallow.

Avoiding Kairi's eyes, Vanitas calmly reached over to set her plate back down in front of her. Kairi just stared at him, gob-struck. Her jaw fell wide, her eyes even wider.

"How could you?" she asked in a tiny, heartbroken voice. "I thought you loved me."

"Not sure where you got that idea," Vanitas huffed, brushing his hands together, washing himself clean of any sin. "Besides, I was feeding your—" He glanced down at the Unversed at his feet, noticing the significant lack of ribbon around its neck. "Hey, where's Ichigo?"

"With Sora," Aqua replied. She continued eating as if none of this behavior was any concern for her. She used to protest any sort of teasing at the table, but with Vanitas around, it was always difficult. It didn't matter who it was, whether he was on the receiving end or the one dishing it out, there was always _some_ sort of incident when there wasn't training to distract them. "Kairi thought he could use the extra protection."

"She's not wrong," Vanitas agreed, using his foot to push the strange creature away. He regretted giving it anything, knowing others were now sure to seek him out for similar attention.

As he started piling food onto his own plate, he noticed Ventus's was still clean. With a heavy sigh, he began placing lighter foods onto Ventus's plate as well, ones that would be easier for him to stomach. Ventus frowned at him, his chin still buried in his palm as he watched.

_**Not hungry.** _

_Too bad_.

"Just a little something, okay?" Vanitas insisted. "You haven't eaten in, like, a week."

 _Don't make Aqua worry_.

Besides, Vanitas was sure a little food would go a long way. Perhaps Ventus would feel better—good enough to _really_ smile. God, Vanitas missed his smile.

Ventus just frowned at his food. Vanitas sighed, trying to probe his way through Ventus's haze of exhaustion. Nausea. Headache. Sore throat. So many things were ailing him from his time sleeping that it was no wonder he couldn't find the energy to even eat.

"Was it like this last time?" Vanitas asked, chewing on a dinner roll. Ventus furrowed his brows in confusion. "You know. When you woke up from being in Sora's heart."

"Not really," Ventus replied, pushing his food with his fork. "Then, it was like waking up from a long nap. It was… refreshing."

Vanitas gave a noncommittal grunt in response. He watched Ventus fork at his food without making an effort to actually eat it. Silently, he urged him. Ventus scowled, not happy with the intrusion. Usually, neither minded when the other probed, especially since neither had anything to hide. They were content with letting the other rummage or press their own thoughts and feelings into the other, allowing the two to share _everything_.

Tonight was different. Ventus needed time. He needed to recover and break through this haze that filtered everything he was until nothing positive was left. He didn't feel like himself. He knew he would, given time, but he didn't want to be pushed into it. He didn't want to be left alone and he didn't want to worry anyone, but he didn't want to feel pressured into putting aside what had happened just to make everyone else feel better.

Ventus sighed. "Okay," he conceded, leaning back. "I get it."

"Thanks," Ventus murmured.

"But just… a little, okay?"

Ventus gave a heavy, reluctant sigh as he set down his fork. With his fingers, he pulled at some of the food at his plate, taking only the smallest amount he could, before popping it into his mouth.

"Thank you." Vanitas gave him a gentle smile. He really did appreciate Ventus's attempts to take care of himself, even if he had to force it.

They fell into silence. It didn't take long for Vanitas to notice there were eyes on him, watching, perplexed. When he finally turned away from Ventus to look at Kairi and Aqua, the two were exchanging looks of confusion. They didn't understand something. Was there something they _needed_ to understand?

"What?" Vanitas snapped.

"What… exactly happened?" Aqua asked slowly.

"I feel like I missed an entire conversation." Kairi added.

"You did," Ventus and Vanitas replied in unison.

The two only stared, expectant, as they waited for an explanation. Vanitas stabbed at his chicken katsu. He and Ventus had a silent back and forth, deciding if they should tell them. This was for them. This was theirs and no one could take it from them. While Vanitas knew that no one would be able to, he still felt a little protective over this development. He wondered if Aqua would approve. He wondered if Terra would think it was strange. He knew Kairi didn't care, no matter what, but this was even something he was reluctant to share with _her_.

Ventus thought it would be fine if they knew. It was technically part of their training, wasn't it? It would be updating Aqua on their status.

"We can sort of almost read each other's minds," Ventus explained when the two came to an agreement.

"It's what we call 'Not Really Telepathy,'" Vanitas continued. "We can feel and reach each other's emotions. Thoughts aren't tangible words, not really. But we can sense what the other is trying to say."

"It's a link only we have," Ventus added, as if to assuage any fears that the two of them might try and probe the thoughts of others. Not that it wasn't totally an out of character thing that Vanitas might do. He very well made every attempt to read into the emotions of others every chance he got. It was as close to mind-reading as he could get.

"Because of what we are and because we decided to try and work on strengthening it," Vanitas went on, shoveling more food into his mouth. "We practiced trying to interpret each other. We've got it pretty down pat. We can send our thoughts back and forth as well as read into what the other is thinking. We haven't really tried to see if there's a limit on distance. We know we can link anywhere in the castle, but haven't been able to try off-world."

"How long have you two been able to do this?" Aqua asked. She was curious, thoughtful. She wasn't concerned with what they could do with this. There wasn't any need to be.

"We discovered it a little after I started living here," Vanitas said, grabbing the last of the chicken katsu from the serving dish. "It sort of made itself known when emotions ran high. Like, if we were fighting or something. Or if one of us was scared or really happy or whatever. We didn't really think about trying to improve upon it until recently, when we noticed it was getting easier and easier to do."

"We read each other without even thinking about it." Vanitas's cheeks warmed at the small smile that Ventus allowed himself. "It was already second nature without us having to do anything. All we had to do was learn the language."

"That's amazing!" Kairi twittered, clapping her hands together with glee. "I wish I could do that! It would be so cool if Naminé and I could keep in touch with nothing but a simple _thought!_ "

"I think Roxas is glad he and Sora can't," Vanitas snorted. He could imagine Sora trying to talk to him at all hours of the day, only for Roxas to get annoyed and blow up at him. Roxas liked Sora, he really did, but everyone understood that Sora could be a little much sometimes. Spending too long with him could be tiring when you didn't have the energy. And, while some of their friends _got_ energy just by being around him, Vanitas understood why Roxas was exhausted by him. Vanitas was, too.

"I'm surprised that's even something the two of you would want," Aqua confessed. "I always thought that you hated being able to feel what Ven felt. I mean, you used to complain about it all the time."

"Yeah," Vanitas nodded. "I used to."

He didn't give any more than that. With his cheeks warming, he thought about how much he had come to depend on Ventus's emotions to match his. He couldn't be without him, and if there was any chance for them to grow closer, he was going to take it. He was lucky, honestly. Not many could share their thoughts and feelings with someone so important to them in the same way.

"Were you able to do this before?" Aqua asked, chewing thoughtfully. "You know… when you were the bad guy?"

"Nah." He shook his head. In her hesitancy to remind him, he found he didn't mind much that she had brought up what he used to be. It was fine. He knew what he was and what he did and he had no shame in it. "It's a relatively new thing. I think it's because Ventus funneled more of himself into whatever was left of me when we were in Sora's heart."

"Wait," Kairi stopped, fork halfway to her mouth as she blinked at him. "What?"

Vanitas looked from Kairi to Aqua, both women's faces written with confusion.

"Well, I was practically gone because of him," Vanitas elbowed Ventus playfully. "I wouldn't have survived leaving Sora's heart if it wasn't for Ventus helping to complete me. I think I'm more Ventus now than _he_ is."

"Weren't you guys, you know… uh… enemies?" Kairi looked between them, a little in disbelief.

"Yeah," Ventus nodded. "But… if you spend so much time with someone, you can grow to love 'em."

"Weirdly enough, my brash charm worked." Vanitas snickered.

"It was your eyes I fell for," Ventus quipped with a completely straight face.

"Every time I said, 'I hate you, leave me alone,' you just couldn't get enough." Vanitas snorted.

Ventus shrugged; he couldn't deny it. "A glutton for punishment."

"That certainly explains why Ven asked you to come live with us," Aqua mused with a little smile. "Even if you two didn't remember it at the time, it's hard for feelings of friendship to simply _vanish_."

Vanitas hummed a response. There was so much more than just _friendship_ between them, right from the very start. The two had always been in a constant dance, trying to find exactly where they belonged when the answer was so simple. Of course Vanitas had always been constantly drawn to Ventus—Ventus would lead to his completion. But when Ventus learned of him, knew of his existence and what he was, he exhausted himself with his search efforts. When the two finally came together, everything fell into place and suddenly they had somewhere to belong.

When dinner finished up, Vanitas instructed some of the calmer Unversed to take care of the dishes. Of course, Aqua was awed that he was now able to have total control over them. Commanding his feelings grew easier the more time he spent analyzing them. It had been far easier now that Aqua and Terra's constant judgmental scrutiny was turned elsewhere.

Vanitas helped Ventus to the sitting room, letting him lean on him heavily as he practically carried him down the halls. There, Ventus was able to catch up with Aqua and Kairi about what was happening outside of their world. Still, even with some poking and prodding, the women weren't giving up the identity of _what_ it was they were fighting. Despite the frustration of being kept in the dark, Ventus basked in his pampering when he ended up laying across Vanitas and Aqua, which allowed Aqua to stroke his hair and Vanitas to massage his legs. The movie that had been playing was mostly ignored until someone made a comment about it, usually just to complain about the plot or make fun of a horrible line.

 _This is really nice_ , Vanitas thought, grateful for some kind of normalcy. He watched Kairi laugh at something Aqua said, her cheeks tinged pink with the glow of contentment. Ventus was smiling up at them, still not as bright as usual, but genuine just the same. Aqua said something more and giggled at her own words, but Vanitas just missed them, still caught up in his thoughts. It didn't matter, though. _This_ was what mattered. Just being with these people that helped shape him, enjoying what little time they could spend together, and filling a usually cold castle with warmth was more than anything he could ever want.

Realizing this ability to love had made him into a goddamn _sap_.

When it was getting late, Aqua stifled a yawn. "I think it's time for bed."

"Let's have a sleepover," Ventus declared.

Aqua snickered, combing her fingers through his hair one last time. "Sorry, Ven. I'm _dying_ to sleep in my own bed."

Ventus could only pout at her as he allowed himself to sit up to let her off the couch. He flopped back down, disappointed.

"Aqua deserves it," Kairi said as she stood up, seemingly ready to get to a bed herself. "She was up for three days driving that Gummi ship to get here. She _refused_ to let me drive."

"Sounds like Aqua," Ventus sighed.

"Excuse me for worrying about you," Aqua snorted.

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm just glad you're safe now," she murmured as she bent down to kiss his forehead. Rising, she reached over to kiss Vanitas's, which only made his eyebrows shoot up and brought his fingers to touch the spot. What even? "You did great, Vanitas. I'm proud of you."

"… Sure."

Before anything else could be said, she swept out of the room, taking some of the warmth with her. Vanitas ran his fingers over his forehead as he turned to Kairi. She stretched her arms above her head, fatigue clear in her posture and voice and eyes. It seemed everyone was ready for sleep. Vanitas couldn't blame them. He really needed a proper night of rest as well, having barely slept at all this past week. When he had, it was with Ventus, cramped on the single infirmary bed. A few times, he even fell asleep in the chair beside him, only leading to aches and regret when he woke up stiff and uncomfortable.

"Sleepover?" Vanitas offered Kairi. A quick glance and a check with Ventus was all he needed. He was totally fine squeezing the three of them onto their pushed-together mattresses.

"Nah," Kairi waved off the offer. "You two need time alone. I'm sure you're craving it after being apart for almost a _whole week_."

"You know us so well," Vanitas grinned.

"Unfortunately," Kairi said through a yawn. She left the room with a wave. "Anyway, good night!"

With Kairi off to find a room to stay in, Vanitas hoisted Ventus up to carry him to their own. With food in his belly and good company, Ventus was in higher spirits than he had been just a few hours prior. His good mood easily spread throughout them both, filling Vanitas, too. In their room, they changed, and finally crawled into their own beds. Curling into each other, they tangled their fingers together as they allowed silence to consume them. There weren't any words to say between them. Ventus didn't have the energy for talking, didn't have the motivation for his beautiful, starlit smiles, either. He couldn't bring himself to do anything but watch Vanitas.

Vanitas held his gaze, lightly tracing his fingertips along Ventus's ribs. He left butterfly kisses on Ventus's knuckles, trying to push into him exactly how happy he was that Ventus was back with him, that life could continue as it should. His relief was palpable, allowing him to breathe in more easily than he had in days. He couldn't stop looking at Ventus. He was almost afraid that if he did, he would be gone.

Ventus brought his free hand to Vanitas's face, tracing his thumb along his lips, chin, cheekbone. Carefully, he stroked his hair, combing his fingers into the strands at the nape of his neck. "You can sleep, you know," he whispered, his breath ghosting over Vanitas's lips.

"Don't want to," Vanitas replied almost petulantly.

"I'll be here when you wake up," Ventus promised, pressing their foreheads together. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, but…" Vanitas trailed off. He didn't want to take any chances.

Ventus pressed a soft, gentle kiss into Vanitas's lips. His eyes falling closed, slowly, he reciprocated, treating Ventus with the utmost care. Their lips melded together in an almost reverent way, kissing as if they both expected the other might break. Both were fragile, in their own ways. It was what they needed—how they needed each other in that moment. They kissed until they were both out of breath, quiet puffs of air being shared between them.

Ventus pulled Vanitas into his chest, leaving just enough room for him to be able to breathe comfortably. Vanitas still felt slightly reluctant, but the rise and fall of Ventus's chest and the beat of his heart created the perfect lullaby. With Ventus's warmth so close and both of their minds humming peacefully, it made it hard not to relax into sleep. With sleep, there was warmth and comfort. With sleep, there was peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!
> 
> Sorry this took forever to put out! Apie (my beautiful beta) and I have lives to lead and the holidays are always super hectic.
> 
> You'll probably have to wait a little longer for the next chapter, since I'm taking a break to write a Final Fantasy XV oneshot. But don't worry! The next chapter will have the smut you guys came here to see! I swear! We'll be wrapping this story up in a little bit. The rest is going to have so much smut, your eyes will fall out from the heat your screen will emit. So so hot.
> 
> Or, well, I'll try. I'm not very experienced with smut, but the bit I have written for the next chapter made me pretty happy.
> 
> Anyway, I love you guys for being so patient! Thanks so much for being amazing!


	16. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMg It’s CHAPTeR SIX-FUCKinG-TEEN
> 
> I'm sorry it took well over a year to post this, but I think I definitely made worth it in both content and word count. Holy shit, 11.5k.
> 
> Life got away from me and you sometimes lose that spark of inspiration and I've ALWAYS wanted to keep writing this one (unlike other works I've abandoned), so I'm blessed to have encouraging fans like you.
> 
> I'm especially blessed to have Apie, who is the best most patient beta anyone could ever ask for. <3

Mornings were becoming more and more difficult. When he kicked the blankets off in a fog, his skin shivered from the chill of their room. Sweat would slick his skin and dry before he awoke, another body pressed against him warmed him yet, he couldn’t bring himself to push him away. In fact, when the chill touched him, he pulled the boy closer, pressing his face into golden hair, pushing up against him to close any space that might have been possible. He breathed in the scent that comforted him unlike any other. He pressed his lips to the other, holding tight as he begged for sleep to take him once more.

The boy beside him inhaled deeply, burrowing into his chest. Fingers dug into his back as kisses trailed across his neck and collar, marks left from the previous night already lighter than before. Vanitas sighed, closing his eyes tightly to force his dreams to return. He just wanted sleep. Ventus persistently pressed kisses into his skin, his mouth slowly, gently working into flesh. He moved upward, a nip at his ear causing a groan to rise in his throat.

He wanted nothing more than to sleep, but his pants were now growing tight in protest.

“Happy Birthday,” Ventus breathed, licking the skin beneath his ear. His lips trailed up the curve of cartilage.

“Fuck,” Vanitas groaned under his breath.

It technically wasn’t even his birthday. The two of them celebrated his birthday the day before and, somehow, that wasn’t enough for Ventus. This was the day they celebrated both of their birthdays (especially since Vanitas didn’t even care to celebrate it in the first place), so, really, Vanitas should be celebrating _him_ . With Ventus lapping at his throat, his fingers roaming dangerously low, Vanitas knew sleep was going to be forgone in place of _this_ gift.

Their shirts had been discarded the night before, deemed unnecessary when they slept. It was warm enough without them, between the two of them and the comforter. It grew ever hotter when Ventus’s fingertips traced the outline of his boxers and his tongue, mixed with the coolness of his breath, left a trail along his collarbone.

“Are you going to wake up?” Ventus murmured, chuckling quietly.

“ _Fuck,”_ Vanitas gasped sharply when Ventus’s hand finally plunged beneath fabric, wrapping his fingers around Vanitas’s growing erection. He was slow and meticulous as he brought his hand upward, sliding a thumb across the head. This teasing was so _agonizing_. It honestly didn’t take much to bring Vanitas to full attention.

It _really_ didn’t help that Ventus was so goddamn _horny_.

A dull ache resonated through him as he came further and further into consciousness. Being pulled from sleep this way left him more in tune; the feeling Ventus was currently experiencing and what he was carefully being brought to, came into sharper focus. As Ventus’s thumb traced Vanitas’s head, a hitch caught in Ventus as he was hit with the same sensation. This was one thing they realized was completely unique to them and they took full advantage of it.

Growling, Vanitas swiftly flipped Ventus, pulling him under him. Ventus hit the bed with a yelp of pleasant surprise. Well, he was certainly awake now, and Ventus was going to pay for it.

Settling between Ventus’s legs, he ran his hands up and down Ventus’s sides, squeezing his thighs appreciatively. Touching Ventus was so _good_ . His skin was so smooth, his muscles so _tight_ , his little moans so _addicting_. He never wanted to stop touching him. As Vanitas threw himself forward to press his lips along Ventus’s throat, his hands explored downward, running over the outline of his hips. Inhaling sharply, he tightly squeezed Ventus’s ass, loving how the shape of it seemed to fit perfectly in his hands.

Vanitas pulled away just enough to peel away Ventus’s boxer-briefs. Ventus followed suit, desperately tugging down Vanitas’s with one hand as his other hand reached between them to touch Vanitas’s erection. Vanitas gasped, almost ready to let himself go right then and there. So what if he still had clothing on? Grunting, he hurriedly pulled his briefs down the rest of the way, leaving them clinging to one of his ankles in his rush to get back to touching Ventus.

Fuck it.

Vanitas swiftly reached over to the side table to pump some lotion onto his fingers. The two of them had learned the hard way that they both could get a little rough when desperate, and calloused hands and sensitive body parts did not always mix.

His hand now slick with the lotion, Vanitas wasted no time in curling his fingers around Ventus’s erection, his other arm propping him up just enough to give him room to move. With just a little touch, the other bucked into him, needy with abandon. Ventus was never a patient one, but that was something Vanitas was very well aware of by now. Vanitas resituated himself, pressing his hardness against Ventus’s to wrap a hand around both of them.

The lotion provided a perfectly smooth and slick sensation, which had Vanitas groaning with the pleasure of it. As he pumped them both slowly, Ventus clung to his arms tightly, his fingernails digging deep into Vanitas’s skin. Panting, Vanitas met Ventus’s gaze. Those blue eyes were glazed so perfectly, his lips parted just so with his neck arched invitingly. God. Sheer perfection lay just beneath him.

Giving in, Vanitas kissed him eagerly. Their lips mashed, their tongues sloppily sliding against one another just as he pushed forwards with a jerk of his hips. Ventus gasped and squeezed his eyes shut, and Vanitas couldn't help the spike of desire that rushed through him. With a particular twist in his grip, both of them shuddered with the added sensation, Vanitas immediately repeating it as he claimed Ventus’s lips again. He moaned into Ventus’s mouth as his eyes slipped closed, the heat between them building.

Ventus reached up to grip Vanitas’s hair tightly, sharply pulling his head back, and _God_ , did the pain of it feel so _good_. His tongue retraced marks left over the last few days, making what was old fresh once more. Vanitas knew he should be mad, knew they both should, what with the marks that were still littered across both of their skin. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them that the other didn’t really mind anymore. The neck was a particularly sweet spot for both of them and neither was willing to give that up in lieu of forgoing the marks.

Vanitas thought of it as staking his claim. Ventus, however, hoped to embarrass him with them in due time, once they were released from their cage, but Vanitas couldn’t say he minded, not with how enjoyable the process of getting them was. It was _definitely_ a win-win.

A sudden, teasing thought occurring to him, Vanitas ducked down to press his lips into Ventus’s right nipple. Ventus instantly went still, his breath hitching. Vanitas smirked as he darted his tongue out, letting his warm breath softly ghost over wet skin. Ventus shuddered, his wave of pleasure crashing through Vanitas with the action. Vanitas was so pleased the first time he’d discovered this weakness, he thought he might melt.

Pushing his advantage he lightly nipped Ventus’s nipple before taking it completely into his mouth and teasing with his teeth. Suckling, he pumped with that twist of his wrist, Ventus moaning and arching his chest into Vanitas’s touch. Ventus was so close now, his fingers digging painfully into Vanitas’s back as Vanitas switched nipples, repeating the same treatment. His other hand free, Vanitas slid his fingers along Ventus's chest, massaging slowly over his other nipple, keeping it well stimulated.

 _“V-Vanitas,”_ Ventus breathed, his body tightening with oncoming climax. Their breaths grew headier, quicker as heat pooled in Vanitas’s belly. His pace quickened without any conscious thought. He knew he was close, too. He couldn’t help it when he began thrusting into his own hand, Ventus following his lead. Clumsily, his lips crashed with Ventus’s again, locking them both in a furious kiss as Ventus’s hand reached between them to assist. Vanitas released his own, just as Ventus’s hand moved to replace his as they both brought each other to a finish.

Vanitas moaned into Ventus’s mouth when he finally found his release. Warmth splashed between them, onto Ventus’s belly and over Vanitas’s hand. Vanitas boneless and gasping, forced himself to continue until Ventus came.

Ventus’s fingernails raked across Vanitas’s scalp, his heaving chest signaling how close he was. The harder he gripped, the closer he was. Vanitas quickened his pace, adjusting his grip with each pump just the way Ventus liked it. Vanitas egged him on, licking up his throat to nibble on his ear. He could _feel_ how close Ventus was, how much he wanted it, how much he _loved_ this. With a low cry, Ventus’s hips bucked, his body trembling with the force of his release. Smiling languidly, he slumped back down into the mattress, completely spent.

Panting, Vanitas couldn’t help smiling too as he finally allowed himself to collapse onto Ventus, ignoring the discomfort of the fluid that was slick between them. The aftershock of pleasure coursed through him, bringing with it little tremors of heat that hit every nerve in his body. Vanitas peppered Ventus’s throat with little kisses through his panting, unable to hold back the wave of affection he felt in the wake of climax.

They took a few moments to calm down, the haze of pleasure slowly clearing by the second. Vanitas closed his eyes, content to just let sleep take him over again. It was nice every once in awhile to wake up, fool around, and go back to sleep. It was a rare day when Vanitas felt the need to be lazy and today was starting to look like one.

He jumped when Ventus pat his back, groaning.

“Okay, we gotta get up.”

He sounded just as reluctant as Vanitas felt.

He grunted, “Do we _have_ to?” But Ventus was already attempting to roll out from under him.

“We gotta make sure everything’s set when they get here.”

Vanitas allowed his weight to fall heavily on Ventus, refusing to let up. Ventus gasped a laugh, his lungs unable to expand to full, as he took Vanitas’s shoulders to shake playfully.

“Cooooome ooooooon,” he drawled, prodding Vanitas to move.

Grumbling, Vanitas rolled off of their beds. The two still hadn’t found a decent enough size bed for them to share in this enormous castle and it was rather frustrating. It seemed Aqua didn’t deem it fit for a school to have a dorm with a double bed or something. Sure, Aqua’s room had a larger bed. Terra’s was bigger, too, to fit his larger size (god, he was a monster of a man). It appeared that only the teachers of this school were allowed the larger beds, which didn’t seem fair. Vanitas had grown taller, too, and he still had the same bed he was given four years ago.

He grabbed a dirty shirt to wipe his chest and stomach down before pulling his boxers back on. Ventus didn’t even bother. With either. He climbed off the mattress, snatched a tissue from the nightstand, only to catch the glop of semen dribbling from his navel, and strode into the hall bare-ass naked to make his way to the bathroom. The barest minimum of clean-up complete, he tossed the used tissue in a bin on his way. Vanitas couldn’t help the low hum that reached his throat at the sight. Ventus always knew how to get a rise out of him. There was something about Ventus’s carelessness and confidence that brought heat to the pit of his belly.

Following Ventus into the hall, Vanitas’s eyes roved over the arches and valleys of Ventus’s body. His lean build pulled in at his waist, muscle pulled skin taut and smooth, fine hair glimmered in all the right places. And _that ass_. Somewhere along the line, Vanitas found his gaze constantly falling to Ventus’s bottom, unable to understand why he was so drawn to it. Ventus’s narrow hips, the dimples, and his perfectly smooth skin all had Vanitas experiencing a different kind of need altogether.

Vanitas growled through a bitten lip as he rushed forward to smack Ventus’s enticing glutes, his fingers tightening for a cheeky squeeze. Ventus yelped, snickering, when Vanitas nuzzled his nose under his chin.

“God, you’re sexy,” Vanitas purred.

Ventus responded with a fiery kiss before he ducked into the bathroom and into his regular shower stall.

Vanitas stripped, discarding his boxers into a hamper near the stalls. Music began to play as he started the water, making the experience even more relaxing than usual. Ventus had made a habit of listening to music as they did mundane tasks such as cooking or cleaning or even bathing, which always helped to make things seem less… boring. Quiet. Without Terra and Aqua around, it had begun to feel a little lonelier than it used to and music helped to create noise, giving the illusion of more people living in this castle that was far too big for just two.

Vanitas hummed along to the familiar tune that echoed off the tiles, falling into routine. In the stall beside him, he heard Ventus belting the lyrics enthusiastically, water splashing along the drain and walls as he danced. Vanitas almost wished he could break their truce and probe through his head. It would be nice to feel a little of what Ventus was thinking and join in on the fun.

He gave a little laugh, running his fingers through his drenched locks, reminding himself that it was a bad idea. If he made the connection he wanted, he would make an effort not to seek out the gift Ventus was planning on giving him. Unfortunately, touching through Ventus’s mind left his own open and ran the risk of Ventus finding out about his own birthday gifts.

So, he settled for murmuring the words softly, allowing the mood to infect him naturally.

Closing his eyes against the stream, he tilted his head back to wash out his shampoo when fingers snaked across his hips and arms wrapped around him. Vanitas turned his head to raise an eyebrow at Ventus who nipped playfully at his neck.

There was _definitely_ something hard pressing into his thigh.

“How the hell are you still horny?” Vanitas laughed, spitting water out of his mouth, away from Ventus.

“Easy,” Ventus mouthed, his tongue dancing across _that spot_ that always made Vanitas moan. “All I have to do is look at you and I get all _tingly_ inside.”

As fingertips danced over his hipbones, Vanitas thought he could understand exactly what Ventus was talking about. His breathing quickened in pace as he turned in Ventus’s arms to capture his lips in a bruising kiss, thrusting his growing hardness against Ventus’s.

Ventus pulled away, nipping at Vanitas’s ear just the way he liked it. Ventus’s fingers played with one of Vanitas’s nipples as he slowly dragged his lips down, his tongue lapping at the shower water, sending a very different kind of heat over Vanitas’s skin.

Then, he was on his knees, his hand gripping the base of Vanitas’s cock firmly, stroking it to full hardness. Vanitas fell back against the wall, surprise jolting through him. What the _fuck_ ? Ventus nipped at Vanitas’s hip, causing his dick to twitch pleasantly. Yep. He _really_ liked that. Okay, one more thing to add to the ever growing list of things that could turn Vanitas on.

Ventus’s teeth dragged slowly across the sensitive skin leading to Vanitas’s erection. There, he trailed his lower lip teasingly up the length, his hot breath ghosting over water-slicked skin. Vanitas gasped, his fingers scrambling for purchase as his knees weakened. One arm flew out to the soap shelf, grabbing desperately at the smooth marble for support. His other traced the tile wall, seeking its own form of sturdiness. Unable to find anything else, his fingers tangled into Ventus’s hair, curling into the wet locks that would hopefully be enough to stop him from falling.

He wasn’t expecting this to feel _better_ than what he’d already known.

Ventus chuckled, his lips leaving wet, worshipping kisses as they trailed back down from the tip to the base. Then, the flat of his tongue pressed against the underside of Vanitas’s length and he nearly _melted_ . Ventus had to know what this was doing to him. He had to know how _good_ this felt, being taken by a mouth instead of a hand.

They hadn’t even gotten to the best part yet.

Ventus slid the tip of his tongue over the slit as he moved to wrap his tongue around Vanitas. Lips quickly followed, wrapping him in an unfamiliar warmth. The hand at the base of Vanitas’s cock moved up carefully to meet the delicious mouth that had slipped over his head. Together, they moved away from each other, pulling in opposite directions. As they moved back together, Ventus took even more of Vanitas into his mouth. Each pump and bob met deeper, wet warmth.

Vanitas glanced down, sensing an insecurity. It was common whenever they were trying new things. As Ventus tried to show Vanitas a new technique, he’d become overwhelmed with worry that it wasn’t going to feel good. That he wasn’t doing it right. That what he had learned was just some jackass’s fantasy; that it wasn’t really a possible thing when it came to enjoyable sex. Vanitas, for his part, worried constantly he was doing something wrong. That he was reacting incorrectly or touching the wrong way, or not making Ventus feel as good as he had made him feel.

They learned to be pretty honest with each other very early on when they first began experimenting. When something didn’t feel good, they spoke up. When something felt fucking _amazing_ , they were quick to let the other know. It was an unspoken agreement that if the other was left speechless, they were _definitely_ doing something right.

And right now, Ventus was doing _everything_ right.

Until his moved his hand with his mouth.

“Like that!” Vanitas gasped.

The tightness and the warmth chased each other perfectly, Ventus’s cheeks learning to hollow for a tighter sensation. Ventus’s tongue pressed upward against the underside of Vanitas’s length, pressure being placed in all the right places.

Ventus hummed in relief as his mouth reached the deepest he would be able to take Vanitas. Vanitas’s fingers curled tighter into Ventus’s hair, his whole body on fire in a whole new way. _Fuck_ , this felt good. Why did he think this would be so gross again? Why was he so against the idea until Ventus just _went_ for it? This was so _good_.

Okay, maybe he finally understood why those guys in those awful movies asked for blowjobs so often.

When Ventus’s pace quickened, Vanitas became aware of _another_ sort of pleasure coursing through him. One that wasn’t his own. Ventus was _needy_ and Vanitas was _sure_ he’d be able to get off simply just by pleasuring him (not that it wouldn’t have been the first time for either of them—it was easy to find release when you could share the pleasure between you). Vanitas peeked his eyes open to watch Ventus take him with his mouth and himself in his hand, pumping both in tandem to match his own rhythm. The sight sent another wave of pleasure rushing through him.

God, Ventus was so _fucking sexy_ . He barely understood what that meant before they started touching each other, but now he _really_ knew. Ventus could turn him on now just by his presence. His smell. The shape of his body. The taste of his lips.

This boy _had_ to know just what he did to Vanitas now.

Vanitas groaned, feeling the build in his belly. He couldn’t stop the jerk of his hips that pushed himself deeper into Ventus’s mouth, nearly choking him. Ventus took a moment to slip away, cough a bit, wipe at his wet lips, and get back to work. The hand that was helping his mouth along pressed at the base of Vanitas’s cock, holding back his pelvis to prevent another uncontrollable thrust. It covered less surface area, but it definitely helped Vanitas control his hips. Sure, he still pushed forward, but only with Ventus’s permission was he able to follow through with the movements.

The more comfortable he grew with Vanitas in his mouth, the faster he went. Vanitas cried out, the sensation nearing unbearable. He was so goddamn close. Ventus wasn’t helping with his own orgasm nearing, brought on with nothing more than his own hand and the pleasure rolling from Vanitas.

Vanitas grunted as he took Ventus’s head in both of his hands, roughly pulling him away as he came. Ventus laughed when Vanitas went boneless, sliding onto the tile floor in front of him, his hands still framing Ventus’s face.

Ventus’s sunshine smile was filled with a heat that should never look so sweet. The water still showering over them was quickly washing away the fluid that streaked across his nose and over his left cheek. Vanitas could only offer an apologetic smile. He lazily took his wash cloth to wipe at Ventus’s face, not quite able to do a proper job with the wave of pleasure still pumping through his veins.Throwing it into the corner of the stall, he pulled Ventus into a kiss. He always felt such a surge of affection whenever he felt grateful for an amazing orgasm.

Then he helped Ventus finish himself off.

Kissing him in that slow, sensual way he liked, he dragged Ventus closer to properly reach between them. Still seated against the tiled wall and with Ventus now comfortably settled against him, he took his balls into his hand, rolling them just right, fingers teasing the skin behind them. Ventus shivered under Vanitas’s touch. Vanitas could feel him nearing. His other hand raised to join Ventus’s as he continued to stroke himself. Vanitas’s hand that was playing with Ventus’s balls traced backwards between Ventus’s legs, the pad of his middle finger circling the rim of his entrance, eliciting a surprised gasp from Ventus..

Vanitas pulled himself up to his knees, his golden eyes finding Ventus’s. He said it was supposed to feel good, right? That was how they were supposed to have sex (when they were ready for that step). So it must feel good.

Ventus gave a little nod. Vanitas took a moment to fully appreciate the flush of Ventus’s skin, the rapid rise and fall of his chest, the pupils that were blown wide with pure _lust_ . It nearly made Vanitas hard again. Nope, actually, he already _was_ hard again. It was more than obvious Ventus wanted this so badly—wanted _Vanitas_.

Vanitas’s finger pushed its way past tight muscle. The feeling was strange. So fucking tight. And so _warm_. Warmer than Ventus’s mouth. Slowly, Vanitas pushed his finger deep—deep as it could go. Ventus released himself to grab into Vanitas’s shoulders. His fingers dug in painfully, and Vanitas wasn’t sure if that was good or not.

“Does it hurt?” he asked softly.

Ventus shook his head. “No. Just. Weird.”

There was some discomfort. No pain.

“Keep going.”

Vanitas pulled his finger out, almost completely, and _shoved_ it back upward. Ventus keened, lowering his forehead to press against Vanitas. As Vanitas worked Ventus’s cock with one hand, his finger pulled in and out with varying degrees of speed and strength. Ventus’s breathing came in quick gasps, oxygen not getting to his lungs fast enough. Vanitas could see his skin growing more red with every passing moment. The pleasure he felt touched Vanitas, just enough that he knew he was doing something right.

 _“Ah!”_ Ventus moaned, his arms flinging tightly around Vanitas’s shoulders as he came onto his chest.

When Vanitas finally released him, pulling his finger out, Ventus slipped into Vanitas’s lap. Vanitas peppered the boy with kisses, humming with satisfaction at a job well done for both of them. It was an interesting and successful experiment on both of their parts and _definitely_ felt good.

Together, they caught their breath in a tangle of limbs, fingers tracing over wet skin as the water continued to shower on them. It washed away any trace of their activities, cleaning their skin of the sticky fluids that pressed between them. It wasn’t often that they fooled around more than once within a few hours. Sure, they might touch each other in the mornings to “help” wake up (it normally led to more dozing than anything else) and again before bed (which actually _did_ help them fall asleep), but not quite like this and it left Vanitas feeling even more languid than usual.

He’d honestly be fine if they just did _this_ all day. Who needs friends anyway?

Instead, they struggled to stand up and properly shower. There was a lot of fumbling on the slippery, wet surface of the stall and some giggling between them and a _lot_ of shit-eating grins from Vanitas at Ventus’s expense. They did try to shower together in Vanitas’s stall, until Ventus complained he wasn’t getting enough of the warmth and left to return to his own stall.

When they were done, they rushed to dress and get something of a lunch started. It was only when the food was actually placed in the oven that they were alerted of their guests’ arrival. There was a tinkling chime that resounded into the kitchen, the castle _knowing_ where its inhabitants were and knowing they were not where they would be able to greet their guests. Vanitas flicked his wrist to an Unversed, suggesting it go to find their friends and lead them down to the kitchens. The Plucked Luck would definitely get to them faster than either Vanitas or Ventus. Their form of travel was just more convenient.

Vanitas was sitting on the island counter watching Ventus stir a pot on the stove when their three friends entered. Vanitas huffed, their arrival a reminder that they were still on house arrest. Their world was a home with a bolted door, preventing intruders from entering and the occupants from leaving. Only those with a spare key were allowed in and out—a key given to each of their friends by Aqua in the form of a magicked charm. Without that charm, they were locked out of the world just like everything else. It would take some _powerful_ magic to break down the door.

“Happy Birthday!” Xion exclaimed happily. Before Vanitas could register what was happening, there was a _pop!_ and the two were showered with goddamn fucking _glitter_ . Vanitas blinked at the plastic popper in her hand, her grin broadening as his face slowly morphed from shock to absolute _rage_.

“We brought booze!” Lea amended quickly, which most likely saved Xion from a horrible fate.

Vanitas slipped off the counter to approach Xion. She only smirked, appearing so very _pleased_ with herself. It was so easy to tower over her. She was so freaking short, shorter than both Naminé and Kairi. He wondered vaguely if it had anything to do with her origin.

Didn’t matter. He was able to shake enough glitter out of his hair to give her a decent coating. She shrieked in delight, trying to protect herself from the offending particles. _Nobody_ was safe from glitter.

Roxas was already putting some of the alcohol into the fridge. He didn’t seem to even mind that Vanitas was trying to intimidate his girlfriend (Murder by Glitter—could that possibly be a thing? Can he _make_ it a thing? He sure as hell was gonna try) and chatted happily with a non-affected Ventus. The floor already had a decent coating of the stuff which would probably never-ever go away ever. Unless Vanitas could get one of the Unversed to somehow _eat_ it all.

Xion cackled, ducking away and pulling out yet _another_ fucking popper. Vanitas didn’t even have time to react before it exploded all over him.

“How many more of those do you have?!” Vanitas growled, trying to shake it off.

“Wouldn’t _you_ like to know?”

“Thirty-eight,” Roxas answered for her. “Nineteen for each of you.”

“You’re _shitting_ me.”

 _“Roxas,”_ Xion groaned. “You’re ruining the fun!”

“Don’t worry,” Roxas smirked, moving over to Vanitas, placing a bag into his hands. “I got you guys nineteen each so Xion can get thirty-eight in return.”

“You’re my new best friend,” Vanitas replied, rummaging through the plastic bag from a party store. There were other goodies, too. Mostly cheap, plastic toys that looked like they might break from one use and some gag gifts. Regardless, Vanitas was sure he could work with the offered contraband.

 _“Hey!”_ Ventus cried indignantly from the stove.

“Sorry, Ventus,” Vanitas snorted, not sounding very sorry at all. “Doppelganger rules. In the event a look-alike does something awesome, you’re allowed to switch them out. You can have Sora.”

It had been years since their release. Since their struggle to find a place. Since their turmoil over not being… well, _real_. Over time, this group of Nobodies, Puppets, and Darknesses had gotten over their griefs and learned to live as they should. They weren’t treated any differently. Only few understood their positions, so it made it much harder to come to terms, but, eventually, it became easy to joke about.

Yes, Roxas was Sora’s Nobody. He wasn’t even his own person when he worked for the Organization because he was born with Ventus’s heart. Sure, Xion was a puppet. Whomever looked at her saw someone _else_ under the hood. The only person that ever saw her for who she truly was was Roxas. Vanitas was Ventus’s darkness, born to cause destruction. With Sora’s help, he was given form.

It was hard to be affected by being called a doppelganger when another doppelganger was calling you just that. The gloves came off a long time ago.

“I’ll do my best, but I think the role of your best friend requires a lot of work,” Roxas snorted, sliding onto the stood by the island. “I don’t know how Ven and Kairi do it. You’re a lot to handle.”

“Pfft,” Vanitas chuckled, pulling out a plastic whistle. What could he do with this? Why was it so freaking tiny? “I’m easy.”

“ _Yeah,_ you are,” Ventus countered.

There was a joke there that went right over Vanitas’s head. Xion was giggling as she sat on the counter beside Roxas. Her boyfriend turned red, burying his face into her thigh as he snickered. Lea, who was the only person actually helping Ventus cook, barked out an appreciative laugh.

Whatever. He’d learned long ago that some things he’d probably never understand. Social norms were just… _beyond_ him.

“Well, in that case,” Roxas slapped a hand against her thigh, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, Xion.”

“If I can watch, you’ll be forgiven,” she replied smugly.

“Deal,” Roxas nodded, turning back to Vanitas. “Guess I can be your best friend after all.”

“Good,” Vanitas huffed, drawing a chair from the table up. He literally had no idea what was going on. And beyond that, Xion took his freaking _seat_. “Because I may need some assistance getting back at your girlfriend.”

“Understandable.”

Xion, who used to be rather shy and quiet, quickly became ridiculously notorious for this sort of thing. She would be harmlessly annoying with pranks that would make herself and others laugh and she got a rise when the target got _mad_ . Something Ventus figured out really early on (hence, the lack of a reaction to being coated in _glitter_ ), while Vanitas did not possess that amount of patience. He had always been quick to anger and, while he knew how not to keep the pranks going, he couldn’t help but fume over it.

“So,” Lea clapped, turning back to the group. “What’s the plan for today?”

Vanitas shrugged. “Literally whatever. No plans except for me to get _drunk_.”

“So, drinking all day?” Lea reiterated.

“Sounds about right,” Ventus chirped.

“Then this is _definitely_ my kind of party.”

Obviously, there were other ideas for what they might do today. After lunch, a cooler of drinks and water bottles (Ventus’s idea that Xion strongly supported) followed them wherever they went. When drinks or ice were running low, one of them would volunteer to act as gopher to retrieve more from the kitchens.

The day was actually pretty relaxing and _fun_ . For a while, they played a videogame where they would beat each other up, or some card game that left some of them fairly clueless, looking at the words on the card with absolute confusion (not everyone was as worldly as Lea, and literally had no idea what a _Steampunk Strap-on_ was). Needless to say, the card game, while entertaining and vulgar, was left unfinished.

When they moved outside, they pulled out the training gear and went at it with each other. Somehow, _actually_ beating each other up was still quite fun. It was only when Lea, the oldest and somehow the most responsible of them, called it quits that they were forced to stop. He had come to the conclusion that sparring while tipsy was a bad idea when Roxas stumbled, giggling, when he tried to execute one of his trademark combos. He nearly rammed head-first into one of the training machines and barely seemed bothered by it.

Of course, whenever either Ventus or Vanitas were least expecting it, Xion popped glitter all over them and the two of them would chase her to return the favor. She had gotten her hands on one of the tiny plastic whistles, _somehow_ , (Vanitas made every effort to hide them from her) and she would blow into it, pulling the slide up and down into an obnoxious tune. Once, when Ventus got up to go to the bathroom, he came back fairly disheveled, giving Xion a very pointed look.

“When did you fill the bathroom with _balloons?_ ”

Mild annoyances.

When the sun began to set, the five of them settled around the cooler with pizza propped around them. They had forgone the kitchen table, instead choosing to move their dinner outside on the steps of the castle. It was such a beautiful day, and being inside didn’t seem like that fun of a prospect. Most of them were fairly tipsy, doing well to drink just enough to keep them happy. Lea seemed the most sober of them, his tolerance far beyond the rest of them.

Their friends had decided now was the time for their gifts. Vanitas wasn’t going to complain. He liked receiving presents, strangely enough. Before living here, he had never been given anything in his life except for misery. Now, he felt spoiled when someone handed him a freaking _tissue_ . He was absolutely certain he positively _preened_ when handed a gift—something someone _wanted_ to give him.

It said a lot about how far he had come with these people.

“Me, first!” Xion claimed, jumping to her feet.

She stumbled to the Gummi ship they borrowed from Cid that was parked in the courtyard and opened the hatch. Roxas heaved a long-suffering sigh as he got to his feet, mumbling about helping her get the stuff. When they both returned, Ventus and Vanitas simply blinked at the green that shrouded their friends.

Plants. Each carried two plants, and that didn’t even seem to be the end of it. Xion hummed happily when she set what she had down, brushed her hands together, and disappeared back into the ship. Roxas rolled his eyes, but still wore that fond crooked smile he always wore when he thought Xion was being adorable, and followed her back into the ship.

It took a few more trips before Xion stopped, spreading her arms wide to show off a miniature forest decorating the bottom of the staircase.

“House plants?” Ventus asked.

“Everyone needs at least a _fern_ ,” Xion said matter-of-factly.

Vanitas was beginning to think she was pretty much constantly _drunk_ . She had to be. Who thought _plants_ would be a good thing to get the two of them? Those were living things and Vanitas didn’t know the first thing about taking care of them. Water? Yes. But he knew they also needed to be fertilized and pruned— _whatever_ that even meant.

Ventus’s smile only spread wider. “Oh, man!” he exclaimed, jumping up to look at all the plants. “You’ve even got a window box of succulents!”

“So you can’t kill them!” she explained, her tone bright.

“Where are we going to put a _window box_?” Vanitas asked, still in disbelief. Their windows weren’t exactly made to hold a window box. Their ledges were far too wide for the hooks and the higher you climbed up the castle from the outside, the lighter the atmosphere got. A side-effect of the world being so small. Gravity works in strange ways.  

Xion picked it up, crossing over to the low wall that surrounded the courtyard, and hooked it over the wall. “Simple!” she beamed.

Vanitas snorted, bringing the drink to his lips. So proud of herself.

“Thank you!” Ventus exclaimed, throwing his arms around her. “I love them! I used to have plants in my room all the time, but now we don’t really have the space for them. I’ll _definitely_ find a place for all of them and take good care of them.”

“You better,” Xion giggled, leaning into his embrace fondly.

When her eyes turned on Vanitas expectantly, he gave her a shrug with a crooked smile. “I don’t know anything about plants. But they’re nice to look at. Thanks.”

That seemed to be enough for her. Vanitas wasn’t _ungrateful_ , just… uncertain. He never had to take care of anything living before and he was sure if he had to, it would shrivel up and die. But if Ventus knew how to take care of them, then they made a wonderful gift. It would be nice to bring some color to some of the living spaces they shared. Maybe even in the training hall.

Maybe a Mandrake would be able to take care of them if Ventus got too busy. That was a plant-kind of Unversed, right? Maybe it would know what to do.

“My turn,” Lea declared, tossing each of them something without any warning. “Use it well. Took me forever to hunt down two of them.”

Vanitas caught what was thrown at him effortlessly. It helped that he was closer, only seated two steps below Lea. Ventus nearly dropped his in an effort to catch the small item. Instant recognition dawned on his features as he held up the sea-green gem, watching it catch the light.

“What is it?” Vanitas asked, turning it over in his hand. Vanitas looked down at his matching ore, his brows furrowing in confusion. He wasn’t sure what this was. Honestly, he’d never seen a crystal like this before. It seemed… _pure_. The magic it withheld thrummed beneath his fingertips, just begging for a release. He knew whatever this was, it would make some powerful synthesis item.

“Orichalcum,” Ventus replied, his voice shaking with excitement. “This is _amazing_ ! I’ve been looking for one of these for _ages_! Thanks, Lea!”

“Sure thing, kid,” Lea grinned, leaning back on the stairs to take a swig of his drink. “Whatcha gonna make with it?”

“I was thinking of making some upgrades to Wayward Wind,” he said, turning the stone over. “But I needed one more Orichalcum to finish. So this is perfect!”

“And what about you, Moody?”

Vanitas considered it for a moment. He wasn’t sure what he could build with it. He didn’t often use synthesis items, and even when he did, it wasn’t really for himself. He tended to help Ventus with his own upgrades and his own projects. Mulling it over, he made a decision. It probably wasn’t a smart one, but it would be useful nonetheless.

“There’s a project I just finished. I guess I can use it on that,” Vanitas shrugged. As low-level as he was in synthesis, he was certain he could find a way to use it for this project. He’d just have to find a way to do it in secret before the item could be used.

Roxas heaved a sigh as he took his place back beside the cooler, a step above Xion, allowing her to rest her head on his thigh once they were both settled. Ventus took his place across from Roxas, his eyes bright with excitement as he continued to watch the gleam of his ore.

“Man, these are so hard to find!” Ventus laughed, taking Vanitas’s Orichalcum to place in a spare cup and set in the cooler. Neither of them wanted to lose the precious stones. It was probably the safest place for them at the moment. “That _had_ to suck trying to get them.”

“The absolute worst,” Lea agreed, shaking his head. “You better make some awesome shit with them.”

“We will,” Vanitas nodded. “We’ll let you know what we do with them.”

Roxas hummed, digging in his pockets. “Sorry, guys, my gifts aren’t as cool, but they’re pretty useful,” he admitted as he threw each of them a box that was very clearly wrapped by Xion.

The small, light boxes in their pristine wrapping were sloppily unwrapped by two less-than-sober, very eager boys. Underneath the paper was two black boxes that opened to reveal items. Vanitas grinned as he lifted the Dying of the Light charm out to admire it more closely. He’d seen Roxas with it and had thought then it might be useful to have one himself, against the element he was weakest with. .

“No way,” Vanitas assured Roxas as he thumbed over the trinket. “I _definitely_ need this.”

“Yeah!” Ventus agreed, already fastening the Master Earring into his ear. “I can’t _wait_ to try this out.”

“Might take a while, from the way things are going,” Xion mumbled through a bite of pizza. “I heard things aren’t exactly going well for our heroes.”

Ventus groaned, slumping back on his seat. It wasn’t exactly a secret that Ventus wanted to be out there helping their friends. The only reason these three weren’t was because Sora had insisted the problem was under control. Most likely because they all knew Roxas just wanted a simple, normal life. Lea and Naminé went out to help when they could or were needed, which was why Naminé wasn’t here at the moment. She was needed in a particular world for her particular skill set.

“Sora says they’re doing fine,” Roxas sighed, unconvinced himself. “But… we’re probably going to go and make sure everything’s okay anyway. So, don’t worry about it, guys.”

“Yeah,” Lea agreed through a mouth full of pizza. “And when you guys are able to get out of here, how’s about I show you a _real_ party, hm?” He swallowed hard, grinning cheekily at them. “Maybe we can get you guys some girlfriends.”

Vanitas couldn’t help it. He _burst_ into laughter, quickly followed by Ventus and, for some reason, Roxas and Xion. Girlfriend? Vanitas? Was Lea fucking _joking_ ? It took him long enough to tolerate _these_ people, why in the _world_ did Lea think he’d be able to snag himself some strange girl? And, beyond that, he had _Ventus_. What more could he want?

Through his laughter, he peered up at Roxas and Xion. The girl buried her giggles into Roxas’s shoulder. The boy threw his head back, running a hand down his face in disbelief. Sure, he knew why he and Ventus were laughing (girlfriends? Really? They were fine with just them), but why were Roxas and Xion laughing?

As the laughter died down, his gaze lingered on the two of them, pressed close and watching Lea for a reaction. Above the four of them, Lea furrowed his brow in confusion, clearly not understanding what was so _funny_.

“Oh,” Xion gasped, pressing a hand to her mouth. “He doesn’t know.”

“Doesn’t know what?” Lea asked, looking between them all.

“There’s a problem with that ‘girlfriend’ plan of yours,” Roxas explained, his smile turning uneasy.

“Two, actually,” Ventus chirped, holding up two fingers, his smile only growing broader. “One: I don’t like girls.” Silence. Vanitas wasn’t really aware of this, to be honest. He just assumed Ventus would be interested in… _whoever_ , regardless of gender.

“Oh,” Lea nodded in understanding. Then, paused as what Ventus was telling him finally processed. “Wait, _what_?!”

“Yeah,” Ventus laughed brightly. “My first crush was Terra. The problem with that was he was too old and only saw me as a little brother. And, well, he’s obviously into girls.”

“Holy shit, I had no idea,” Lea breathed, his eyes widening.

Ventus swiveled his head, pointing an accusing finger at each of them. “None of you better tell him! This is between us, got it?”

Vanitas smirked, patting himself down. “Oh, I’m telling him.”

“What? _No_!”

“I’m gonna call him right now. Where’s my Wayfinder?”

“Noooo!!!” Ventus grabbed his wrists. “Vanitas, you _can’t_!”

“Terra!” Vanitas yelled into the courtyard, as if the man could actually hear him. “Ventus used to have a _massive_ crush on you!” His voice lowered, his eyes gleaming maliciously. “Damn, that explains _so much_.”

“So,” Lea interrupted, turning to Vanitas, “I guess problem number two is that _you_ don’t like girls either?”

“Hm?” Vanitas blinked up at him, surprised to have been addressed. “Nah, that’s not it. I don’t like _anybody_.”

“You like Ven,” Roxas pointed out.

“And Kairi,” Xion added with a lilt in her tone.

“Exceptions,” Vanitas waved them off. Of course those two were different. They never particularly cared who he was. Kairi gave him the space he needed when no one else would and Ventus gave him _zero_ space, which only served to bring them together in the first place.

“So, what?” Lea asked Ventus with a crooked smile. “You got a boyfriend?”

“Oh. My God.” Xion’s eyes blew wide as she turned to Roxas. “He really doesn’t know.”

“I thought _I_ was the dense one.” Roxas shook his head in disbelief, reaching for another slice of pizza.

“Well… yeah,” Ventus rubbed the back of his head, giving Vanitas a sideways glance. Vanitas couldn’t even help but snicker. This was _hilarious_. Only because Vanitas wasn’t the one being grilled over it. The two had never openly discussed their relationship, but it seemed a few of their friends had understood it (even if Vanitas was trying to hide it for so long).

Their older friend brightened, leaning towards Ventus with a wide grin. “Really? And you never told me? Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Well,” Ventus shifted uncomfortably, feeling the pressure of Lea’s scrutinizing gaze. His eyes darted to meet Vanitas’s, who only offered an encouraging smile in reply. “We, uh…” Ventus turned back up to Lea, giving him a tentative smile. “We’ve never really said it in so many words.”

“No,” Vanitas agreed, taking a swig of his drink. “Not really.”

“What?” Lea continued, clearly begging for _all_ of the details. The mystery was obviously killing him. Lea always _had_ been that person that knew all the information. “Did you just start dating?”

“Nah,” Ventus shook his head. “We’ve been at it for a few years now. Just… we’ve always felt more like… two halves of a whole. Not _just_ boyfriends. It’s more than that.”

Lea gave a low whistle. “That’s intense.”

“Well,” Vanitas shrugged, “When you are literally two halves there’s no other way to be.”

Vanitas watched with amusement as Lea’s expression fell, the implications of what everyone was referring to finally dawning on him. Xion, who was probably the most tipsy of them, fell into Roxas’s lap in a fit of giggles. Ventus was too busy trying to prevent his cheese from slipping off of his pizza to pay attention as their friend’s eyes quickly darted from Ventus to Vanitas, connecting all the dots.

“Wait, you two?” he asked, his finger waving between them.

“Yep,” Ventus said through a mouthful of dribbling cheese.

Lea rounded on Roxas and Xion. “And you guys knew?”

“Found out by accident,” Roxas confessed, pulling out another drink to crack open. “It’s been a couple years, but I went to go meet them somewhere. Saw them kiss or something. Wasn’t really surprised, to be honest.” He tilted his head back, gulping down the drink to chase the salty grease of the pizza.

“And you told Xion but not me?” Lea almost sounded hurt. More wary, if Vanitas was hearing him correctly. The tone wasn’t right. Something in his posture was stiff. His usual easy cheer was gone. Was he… forcing himself?

“No!” Roxas sputtered. “ _No._ No, no.” He turned to Ventus and Vanitas, holding out a hand defensively. “I swear I didn’t.”

“Nah,” Xion continued through her giggles. “I just have _eyes_.”

“It’s not really our business until they make it our business,” Roxas explained. “They never outright told us what was going on. I honestly thought you guys were hiding it for some reason. So, I didn’t tell anyone. I swear.”

“No,” Vanitas shook his head. “It’s not… really that.” He rubbed the back of his neck, his lips pressing together uncertainly. “I just…”

“Vanitas is _shy_ ,” Ventus amended, playfully bumping his shoulder. “It’s okay, though. We’re working on it, right?”

“Yeah,” Vanitas agreed. They would get to a point, eventually, when Vanitas would be as comfortable as maybe Roxas and Xion were. Sora and Kairi were ridiculously sweet, perhaps too comfortable with their expressions. Roxas and Xion were quite a bit more subdued, just happy to express their comfort with one another.

“I can’t believe you had no idea,” Roxas hummed thoughtfully, focusing on his drink. He was giving it an inquisitive look, clearly undecided if he liked the flavor or not.

“Yeah!” Xion agreed, taking the drink out of Roxas’s hands to take an experimental sip. _“Bleh!”_ She gagged, handing it back. “You’re the observant one out of us.”

She was more right than she realized. Every single one of them was notoriously clueless in their own way. Xion was really the only one to seek out the answers to her questions. The only one that always seemed to know what was going on at any given time was Lea, even if he didn’t always divulge the information he knew. A fact Vanitas came to know about while working with Saïx.

“Hm,” Lea grunted, pulling a drink of his own from the cooler. Vanitas eyed him as Ventus, Roxas, and Xion fell into easy conversation about Ventus and Vanitas’s relationship. Since the topic was brought up, Xion began to ask them the questions she’d been _dying_ to ask since she realized. They were all in a good enough mood to share freely, the usual tight-lips now loosening.

Vanitas ignored the chatter for the most part, allowing Ventus to answer the questions. There was something about the mood that shifted, and it _definitely_ wasn’t in a good direction. While he absentmindedly agreed with Ventus’s answers, he watched Lea’s eyes shift almostly restlessly between his friends. Vanitas recognized that calculating gaze. It was unsettling how it reminded him of when that look was turned on _him_.

There was something about Lea’s posture that seemed awkward. His eyes turned downward when he came to his conclusion, finally taking a long sip from his drink. Vanitas frowned. Was Lea…? No… that didn’t seem right. But maybe…?

Vanitas nudged the cooler enough to catch Lea’s attention. In a swift motion, he grabbed Ventus by the lapels to drag him down for a hard kiss. Surprised, Ventus blinked for a moment, then smiled into it, chuckling against Vanitas’s lips. The blond might be thinking it was the booze making him braver and, god, did he wish that was it and not this _experiment_.

Pulling away, he glanced to Lea.

Fuck. He hated being an empath.

“This makes you uncomfortable,” Vanitas concluded.

Xion’s fit of giggles stopped abruptly and the other three turned to Lea. Yep. That was _definitely_ right. Lea tore his gaze away from his friends, deciding a crack in the stairs was much more interesting than the confrontation that was about to happen.

“W-What?”

Ventus’s voice was so small. So hurt that his friend just might _not_ accept who they were and what they were to each other. Vanitas’s own heart stuttered for him. He needed to understand why. He needed to know what it was that Lea couldn’t take from what they were.

“Wait… Lea,” Xion’s own sober voice broke the silence that followed. “I thought you didn’t have a problem with that sort of thing.”

“What sort of thing?” Lea grunted, still not looking at any of them.

Xion’s frown deepened. “You know… being gay and stuff.”

Lea’s brows scrunched together and for a moment, Vanitas was sure he was about to burst out laughing. “What? Of course I don’t.”

Vanitas wasn’t even aware that _could_ have been an issue. Was it really a problem for people of the same gender to fall in love? What did it matter? Vanitas _really_ didn’t understand societal norms.

“Then, what is it?” Vanitas asked calmly, bringing his cup to his lips. He needed something to do. He needed to keep himself busy or else he might sprout an Unversed.

Lea gave a heavy sigh, rubbing the back of his head. He still refused to look at them. “Don’t you guys think it’s… weird? Dating… yourself?”

Vanitas nearly choked. Oh no. That was _exactly_ the kind of dilemma Ventus faced for so long while the two of them were trapped in Sora’s heart. The first time the two of them were openly talking about what they had together and Ventus’s worst fear was coming to light.

“No,” Roxas replied for them. “Not really. I mean, Xion’s kind of a part of me.”

“Yeah,” Xion agreed. “I _was_ made because of the memories funneled through him.”

“That’s different,” Lea waved them off. “You’re not… literally the same person. It would be like… if I dated Axel or if you dated Sora.”

“So?” Roxas shrugged. “I don’t really see the big deal. Sora and I are still two _very_ different people. And I have my own heart now. And, honestly, if you and Axel ever existed at the same time, I think Axel would be the only one that could handle your special brand of love.”

Lea continued to squirm uncomfortably under the scrutiny. It was clear no one was going to side with him on this, yet, Vanitas couldn’t help the anger that simmered beneath his skin. It wasn’t for the betrayal of their tentative friendship. Vanitas could give less of a shit about this asshole. He wasn’t even sure why Ventus was friends with him in the first place. It was simply the fact that Lea was bringing up Ventus’s fear, the one that he tortured himself  over for far too long. Now, what if others thought the same way? Would they be disgusted by him? Would Ventus’s own friends leave him because of who he loved?

Vanitas rose to his feet, blood roaring in his ears. He needed to step away from the others before he lost control. Storming up the staircase, he threw open the doors and made his way towards the training hall. A wide space would be good for this. He needed to let out his own frustrations. He needed to maybe slay some of his own monsters before facing Lea again, or else he might just stick a Keyblade in his face.

Honestly, he hadn’t heard Ventus yelling after him. He hadn’t heard him running behind him, trying to catch up, only to stumble due to his own drunkenness. When Ventus grabbed him by the elbow, Vanitas nearly turned around and punched him. He _really_ didn’t want anyone talking to him right now.

Except for maybe Ventus.

“Hey, don’t go, okay?” Ventus pleaded, reaching for Vanitas’s hands. “We’ll talk to Lea. We’ll get him to understand.”

Vanitas surged forward, taking Ventus’s face in his hands to slam their lips together. Ventus’s lips had dried from the alcohol dehydrating them, but it didn’t make much of a difference. Vanitas still dragged his tongue over Ventus’s bottom lip, begging for entrance. Ventus only gasped in surprise, allowing Vanitas to pull him closer, the forcefulness nearly vending Ventus over backwards. Vanitas knew he was being rough, but he couldn’t stop himself. Ventus, though shocked, was more than happy to melt into the kiss and wholeheartedly gave back with just as much fervor. Ventus held Vanitas by the back of the neck for support, pushing himself upward and Vanitas back, the hair between his fingers growing painfully taut.

Growling, Vanitas turned them around to shove Ventus up against the wall, nearly lifting him off his feet with the force, his palms and fingertips digging deep into Ventus’s hips. Panting, Ventus obliged, wrapping his arms around Vanitas’s shoulders to keep himself steady as Vanitas pushed between his legs, slotting himself against Ventus in all the best ways. His fingers trailed down Ventus’s ass, squeezing the firm flesh. Ventus gasped as Vanitas dug his teeth into his throat, nipping and licking over a nearly-faded mark.

“Vanitas—” Ventus’s voice came out in quick little breaths that only further aroused Vanitas. Ventus was _his_ and it didn’t matter what Lea thought. There was nothing he could do to take Ventus from him. There was nothing he could do to convince Ventus that what they had _couldn’t_ be ethical. What the fuck were ethics, anyway, than just what a few people deemed humane and right?

Vanitas sucked another mark into Ventus’s skin as he ground their hips together.

“V-Van, not that I don’t—ah!—looooove that,” he moaned, growing pliant with each of Vanitas’s ministrations. Vanitas hefted Ventus up, wrapping his thighs tightly around him to press Ventus further into the wall. Ventus shuddered as their bodies rubbed together _just right_ . “But, oh _god_ , what’s gotten into you?”

“Don’t listen to that fucking asshole,” Vanitas growled, pressing their foreheads together to catch Ventus’s eye. “Please, don’t. I don’t care what he thinks, you’re _mine,_ got it?”

“Duh,” Ventus sighed, his pupils blown wide with lust. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“It doesn’t matter who we are—what we are to each other,” Vanitas urged, thrusting into Ventus. “It doesn’t matter. This feels right. This is us. You’re mine and I’m yours. Forever. Got it?”

For a moment, Vanitas paused. He had always promised himself if Ventus wanted to leave, he would let him, no questions asked. It wasn’t until his declaration that he realized, no, that wasn’t what would happen. Vanitas would beg, plead, and grovel for Ventus. If the boy ever decided he wanted to leave, Vanitas didn’t think he’d let him go very easily.

It almost scared him. Almost.

Ventus chuckled, his laugh coming out in erratic puffs. “Forever?” His tone wasn’t accusatory. He wasn’t mad that Vanitas had claimed their future in that instant, even if he had no right to speak for him. “Are you sure about that?”

No hesitation, “Absolutely.”

“Good,” Ventus patted Vanitas on the shoulder, as if tapping out. Vanitas pulled back enough to let him stand on his own, giving him enough space to straighten himself out. He watched Ventus’s adam’s apple rise and fall as the blond swallowed back his hunger, his eyes squeezing shut to help himself calm down. “Now I’m certain my birthday gift is perfect. I was… actually kinda scared to give it to you.”

Vanitas tilted his head, now curious. He had insisted he didn’t want a gift from anyone, especially Ventus, but of course Ventus disregarded his request. He did every year. And every year his gift was _perfect_. It was always what Vanitas needed more than what he wanted.

Ventus fished into his pocket, his cheeks beginning to tint a bright shade of pink, far different than one of arousal.

“Okay, close your eyes.”

Vanitas huffed, complying with the request. It was then that Ventus took his right hand and something smooth and cool slid onto his finger. Without thinking, his eyes snapped open to look at the sleek, obsidian ring that now adorned is middle finger. Inlaid in the dark metal was a single white gemstone. Gaping at the jewelry he frowned, confused by this sudden gesture.

“It’s… uh… a request.” Ventus said sheepishly, running a thumb over the white gem that his eyes refused to turn away from. “And a promise.”

“What do you want?” Vanitas asked, his voice shaking with an emotion he couldn’t quite place.

“That… you’ll be mine. Forever.”

“Done,” Vanitas replied quickly, looking up to catch Ventus’s eye. Those blues were swimming with tears of uncertainty, an anxiety that was unfounded because Ventus truly had nothing to fear. “What do I get in return?”

“Me,” Ventus grinned, his smile just as wobbly as his eyes. “Forever.”

“You dumbass,” Vanitas surged forward, taking Ventus by the face to press a hard kiss into his lips. “Of course. I never wanted anything else. Only you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Ventus swore, lacing his fingers over Vanitas’s. “You’ll never have to worry. It doesn’t matter what people think because I’ve made peace with what they might say.” Ventus turned to press a kiss into Vanitas’s palm. “All I care about is that you make me happy and all I ever want to do is make _you_ happy.”

Vanitas smirked. Of _course_ . How could he even think for a moment Ventus might waver because his friend frowned upon them? He had felt and shared Ventus’s love for the past several years and there was no way something so silly would even put a dent in what they had—what they _felt._

Ventus beamed at the ring, admiring his handywork. He thumbed over it once again and Vanitas could have sworn the other was thinking that the ring looked like it _belonged_ there. Vanitas’s smirk fell as he followed his gaze. It’s sleek, unobtrusive design was perfect for a man that worked with his hands. It fit snuggly, but not tight, over the knuckle, securing it so it wouldn’t fall off. The color wasn’t flashy and the stone inside was just the right size.

Ventus wasn’t wrong. The ring was perfect for Vanitas in every way and symbolized _them_ in a way Vanitas didn’t think was possible. As Ventus’s lips brushed over the metal, Vanitas realized something _very_ important.

“My gift isn’t nearly this good.”

“I’m sure it’s perfect,” Ventus assured him, his lips turning up in amusement. “I wanna see it.”

“It’s _not_.”

Vanitas grumbled, his buzz burned off in the anger over Lea and excitement of his gift. He led Ventus to the synthesis workshop, kicking aside loose material and tools as he made his way to the work bench. Without ceremony, he lifted up the pauldron, already looking away.

“Go ahead,” he thrust it at Ventus. “Try it on.”

Giddy, Ventus snatched the armor away from Vanitas to fix it to his sleeve. Of course, Ventus _had_ perfectly good armor that had been ridiculously reliable, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t due for a few upgrades. Vanitas had taken it a few weeks ago to make some adjustments to it, strengthening its resistance to all types of magic (especially dark and earth magic—ones that Ventus was particularly susceptible to) and adding a few new modules that Kairi had sent him at his request.

“Whoah!!” Ventus cried, grabbing his helmet. “Holy crap, there’s a _map_ in the visor!” He looked around, the armor making far less noise than before. Vanitas had placed some sound dampeners at the joints. “And—wait!” A Flood that had slithered past had stopped, turning to Ventus, perhaps thinking the man had called for it. “Are those… are those _stats_?”

“Yeah,” Vanitas huffed. “I thought it might be helpful to upload the bestiary.”

“How did you _do_ this?” Ventus breathed, his excitement getting the best of him.

“You remember that kid with that marshmallow of a robot?”

“Hiro and Baymax?”

“Yeah,” Vanitas nodded, pushing his hair back. “I had Sora and Kairi send me some specs from _his_ suit… thought it might be interesting to try and mix that with the armor. Wasn’t sure it was going to work, you know? Magic and technology don’t always work well together, but… I think I got it. If there’s any issues, tell me right away, okay? We’ll run some tests before taking it out in the field because I _really_ don’t want to find a failure before we get out there and—”

Vanitas was cut off when Ventus threw his helmet aside to slam their lips together. _Vibrating_ with excitement, Ventus pressed hard kisses into his lips over and over again. Vanitas supposed that Ventus liked the gift.

“This—is—perfect. Love—you—so—much—you don’t—even— _know_.” Ventus murmured between kisses.

“Think I do,” Vanitas mused, chuckling into another kiss.

“I’d totally show you how much _right now_ , but Roxas and Xion are still waiting for us,” Ventus swore, kissing down Vanitas’s throat.

“Can we make ‘em wait?” Vanitas sighed, tilting his neck to allow Ventus better access. That armor was _bulky_ and he desperately wanted to rip it off Ventus to continue where they were going in the hall. Angry kissing was _fun_ and sent a new kind of excitement through him that he _really_ wanted to explore.

“Negative,” Ventus replied, sucking a mark into Vanitas’s shoulder.

“You’re not stopping,” Vanitas reminded him. “And I got you one more thing.”

“Hm?” Ventus’s gloved fingers grabbed the loops in Vanitas’s belt, teasing at his fly.

He was making it _very_ hard to think.

“Well,” Vanitas gasped. “It’s really up to you if you want it or not, but… Kairi made me a Master.”

“I noticed,” Ventus said into the skin of Vanitas’s chest. His hand was sneaking up his shirt as the other struggled to undo Vanitas’s button with the armor still on.

Of _course_ Ventus would notice. He was trained to notice those kinds of things. There was something that changed in a person’s aura that claimed their mastery—a mark to tell the student apart from the teacher, so that a Master would not accidentally disrespect a fellow Master.

What was telling was that Ventus _hadn’t_ mentioned it. Hadn’t so much as brought it up or asked Vanitas about it. He just… acted like everything was the same.

“I—ah!—I have the power, you know,” Vanitas breathed, already knowing Ventus’s answer before he asked the question. “To make you a Keyblade Master. Do… do you want me to?”

“Hm,” Ventus pulled back, slamming his hand into his pauldron to dismiss his armor. With the gloves out of the way, he was free to continue his worship of Vanitas’s skin. Dropping to his knees, he mouthed at Vanitas’s navel, bringing Vanitas to a straining hardness. “Nah.” His breath ghosted over Vanitas’s heated skin. “Aqua’s been training me for a while. I want her to do the honors.”

Turns out they _did_ end up making Roxas and Xion wait, much to the amusement of the two when they realised the state the boys were in. It was pretty obvious what had happened in their absence by the disarray of Ventus’s hair and the swell of Vanitas’s lips and the new marks on both of their throats. They didn’t seem to mind and understood the reason when the boys showed off their gifts.

The rest of the day passed without incident. It turned out Lea left without saying much to either Roxas or Xion. It was clear neither were taking his side on things and Roxas assured Ventus and Vanitas that he would eventually come around. Roxas would talk to him and help him see it the way he and Xion did (and Kairi and Sora and probably Riku, since nothing got past him).

It didn’t matter anymore, really, if Lea never understood them. They still would have each other, no matter _who_ disagreed with their lifestyle.

That was all they needed.

BONUS:

Exhausted and drunk, the two climbed up to their bedroom, dragging their feet. Vanitas was practically _carrying_ Ventus at this point. Why was Vanitas always the one taking care of Ventus when he got drunk? Sober Vanitas didn’t care so much. He liked being able to take care of Ventus every once in awhile. Drunk Vanitas, however, just wanted sleep and taking care of Ventus was a fucking _chore_.

When they approached the door to their room, both stopped in their tracks, staring at the technicolor explosion in front of them. Over the top of the door, letters hung spelling out “Happy Birthday!” Down the sides, balloons of all colors were attached decoratively. Across the frame, streamers were taped in a zigzag pattern, blocking the entrance.

To a sober mind, this was a mild inconvenience. To Vanitas’s drunken brain, this was the worst thing Xion could have ever done.

“Fucking Xion,” Vanitas snapped, eyeing the paper streamers, hoping they’d just _burn_ if he willed them to.

“When did she even have time to do this?” Ventus mumbled, admiring her handiwork.

Vanitas growled, bringing his hand down from the top of the door to the bottom, breaking and ripping away the streamers as he did so. In the process, balloons flew off and the lettered sign rattled precariously. When it was clear enough to proceed, Vanitas wrenched the door open, only to jump back at an explosion of sound.

With the door’s usual creaking hinges, a series of _pop_ s echoed down the hall, far too loudly for Vanitas to feel comfortable with. More color sparkled as it settled in the form of glitter across their bedroom. The two boys looked to each other, sharing a perplexed frown at the mess they now had to deal with.

Together, they heaved a sigh.

“ _Fucking Xion._ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope some of you stuck with me, but I understand if you didn't. I still love and appreciate each and every one of you readers and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Hopefully the next one won't take another year to write.


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